“Absolutely.” Dr. Carter darted down the hallway, his shoes squeaking slightly as he went, and Grace had to almost run to keep up with him. Her breath came fast, and she ignored a slight stitch in her side, her only focus was seeing her son. “They have to stay outside. Let’s get your hands washed and you in some scrubs.”
Grace pointed at the four hulking men. “Stay. Sit. Good boys.”
Damien chuckled and hugged her quickly. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll be out here.”
Grace hugged him back, relishing the comfort. “I know.” Stepping through the swinging doors, she followed Dr. Carter’s instructions to wash her hands to the elbows, and pulled on scrubs over her clothing. The last thing was a cap over her hair.
“We’re ready. Remember to be quiet” he reminded her, and Grace nodded, unable to speak anyway from the lump in her throat.
They moved through another set of doors, and Grace saw her small son lying in a bed, hooked to tubes, his little eyes closed in slumber. Tears filled her own eyes and she fought to keep from crying. “Oh God,” she murmured, rushing for the edge of his bed. “Oh, sweet Cain…”
“He did great,” Dr. Carter reassured her, his voice soft and low. “We’ll just be watching him now.”
Grace nodded, reaching forward to gently smooth the blanket that was draped over him. “He’s just so small.”
“We’ve done this surgery on babies much, much smaller, and they made it through just fine. We only waited with him because it wasn’t causing him too many problems. With the medicine not working, it was time. I’ve got to go make a few rounds, your nurse will be back momentarily. If you notice anything, or have any concerns, please let her know.” Dr. Carter took his leave, and Grace longed to pick up Cain and hold him in her arms. He looked so very fragile lying in the bed, so small and innocent. Too small for such big surgery. He was a fighter, just like Christina had been.
Leaning over him, Grace pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Oh, sweet boy, I love you.
A couple of hours later, Cain was moved into the neonatal ICU, where they kept him sedated and on a ventilator. Grace couldn’t bear to leave his side. She kept watch over him just like she’d done for his mother.
“Grace, you need some rest,” Damien murmured, touching her shoulder.
“No. I need to be here with Cain.” She insisted.
“He’s not going to die, Grace. He’s going to be right here,” Damien argued.
“That’s what they thought about Christina too. They were wrong. I’m not leaving his side until I can take him home,” Grace declared.
“You have to rest sometime, honey. I know you’re scared,” Damien continued, squeezing her arm soothingly.
“I’m more than scared, Dad. I’m terrified. I can’t lose him too,” Grace whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I just can’t.”
“I’m going to go and get some rest. Grandma and Grandpa are here, do you want to see them?” Damien offered.
“Tell them tomorrow. Go rest. I’ll nap here in the chair. I love you all.”
Damien kissed the top of her head and left the room. Grace curled up in the little chair and watched her son. I hope you feel no pain, sweet baby. Her lids grew heavy, and she closed them, for just a moment. I’m right here…
Chapter Twelve
Drake had absolutely no idea that someone had taken pictures of Lavish sprawled across his lap. He didn’t even remember her being in his room. That was, until he saw them splashed across the front of a Russian tabloid. He was pretty certain nothing had happened, but the pictures were incriminating. All he knew was that he’d woken up on the floor of the hotel room with a huge goose egg on the side of his head and a massive hangover. He’d been completely dressed, not even his pants were unbuttoned.
With the way Lavish had been sprawled across him, her backside in the air, it definitely looked as though more was going on. He felt very much like a pawn in a game. Lavish had a record that was dropping, and all this buzz was sure to set her up for success. With Jacob’s Ladder ready to go back on tour, he wondered if it was all about hype for them set up by some big wig executive in an office.
It didn’t make him too happy to be a sellout. The rest of the band was pretty pissed off too. They felt as though it had been a huge set up. Toby wasn’t happy that the label was pushing for less of their trademark ballads on the next CD and more party songs with dubstep. It wasn’t who they were.
Jacob’s Ladder had always been about writing real music, telling stories with their songs, and not being the over produced crap that was the hot thing. The rest of the band had arrived in Moscow to talk about their plans. The first stop of the tour was Japan, and they’d be heading there the next day.
Toby pulled some beers out of the mini fridge in their room. “I’m telling you, that bitch used you, Drake.”
Drake shrugged and took a beer from Toby. “I don’t remember anything happening.”
“All she kept saying is that she wanted to do us both, and we were both like no way in hell. I mean, dude, I love you and all. I don’t want to see your junk. Seeing it in gym in junior high was scarring enough,” Toby quipped, passing out beers to the rest of the guys.
“Shut up, man!” Drake laughed, thinking back to the simpler time.
The band had started in Toby’s garage when they were twelve, and Toby and Drake had been the heart and soul of the band for years. Drake leaving the band to pursue a “real career” had caused a rift between them. They patched it up eventually, realizing that the music didn’t matter as much as their friendship did.
Drake would be forever grateful that Toby and the guys had immediately welcomed him back to the band with open arms. It had been coincidence that their guitarist had quit just the week before he left teaching at Yale. The guys were his best friends, and he was glad to be back with Toby, Jordan, Kyle, and Louie.
Jordan was the backup singer of the band, he’d joined them when they were sophomores in high school. He was tall, tanned, and girls swooned over his raspy vocals. Kyle was the drummer, a dorky loner who had tagged along with the group until he proved he was good enough to join. Kyle hadn’t been the most popular kid in school. In fact, he’d been a weird Goth guy. Chicks seemed to really dig his black hair and eyeliner these days. Louie was the bass player, and he had come along when they were seniors when Drake switched from bass to guitar. They’d held auditions in the gym of their school, and Louie had shown he had bass prowess.
“What the hell, man, are you here on planet Earth?” Jordan yelled, throwing a pillow at Drake and hitting him square in the face.
“What?” Drake retorted. “I was just thinking!”
“Well, dude, penny for your thoughts?” Jordan held his hands wide and smirked.
“I was thinking about the girl in Phoenix,” Drake admitted.
“Yeah, he’s in love with her.” Toby explained, grinning as he sipped his beer.
Drake slugged him in the shoulder. “Shut up.”
“Well, you are!” Toby laughed, rubbing at his arm.
“So what? She sent me away, and if she’s seen those pictures of me and Lavish, then it’s over.” Drake plopped on the edge of the bed and sighed.
“Oh shit, you’re in love with her. Dude, you can’t just…like, walk away from that,” Kyle spoke up. “You’ll regret it the rest of your life.”
“Damn, dude, waxing all poetic. Don’t tell me you’re still lusting after Mrs. Tyler,” Jordan quipped. Mrs. Tyler had been the very hot thirty-something high school English teacher they’d all had as juniors.
“Hey, I’m just telling you, when she called me into her room it wasn’t just to talk about papers. That woman was magnificent. I wish I’d kept up with her.” Kyle reminisced, a ghost of a smile touching his lips.
“Yeah, I bet you couldn’t keep up with her!” Louie snorted. “What did you last, thirty seconds?”
“Go to hell, asshole,” Kyle snapped, rolling his eyes as he drained his beer. “You’re just jealous I have
an eight inch dick and you’ve got five.”
Louie’s handsome face went stormy. “I do not!”
Drake groaned and flopped back on the bed. “Stop.” Sometimes having all the guys together in one room reminded him of being in high school all over again, and it was annoying. He’d always been the peacemaker. How the band had stayed together without them strangling each other while he’d been gone for almost ten years he wasn’t sure.
“All right, fine. So what are you gonna do about this girl?”
“I don’t know,” Drake admitted. “She doesn’t want this life.”
“You gonna leave the band again?” Toby asked, irritation clouding his voice.
“No.” Drake sat back up. “You guys feel like having a jam session?”
“Let’s do it.” Jordan offered. “What do you have in mind?”
“I need to write. It’s been a while,” Drake admitted. “I haven’t written a song since we were teenagers.”
“Get your guitar and let’s do it.” Toby suggested, and Drake slid off the bed and ambled over to his guitar case. Pulling out the glossy, navy blue acoustic guitar, he strummed it a few times.
“What are we writing about?” Louie asked, the hotel notepad and pen in hand.
“Love and messing up and losing it,” Drake replied as he strummed out a slow beat. Over the next few beers and hours, the song Saving Grace was born. It went just like this.
Saving Grace – Jacob’s Ladder
It just took one time looking in your pretty brown eyes for me to fall hard
So deep
Deeper than I ever fell before
No
I wanted you, you wanted me, and it all seemed an impossibility
Then it was us for a moment
When it all fell down, you ran away, and I left town
When it all fell apart, you stole away, and I broke your heart
You, you were my saving grace.
You shook my world up and made me face
Everything I never wanted to see
You made me whole
You made me…me
Second chance it came again
I wanted so much to be more than just your friend
Your heart can’t see
That loving me could be so easy
I could save you from yourself
If you gave us a chance
When it all fell down, you ran away, and I left town
When it all fell apart, you stole away, and I broke your heart
You, you were my saving grace.
You shook my world up and made me face
Everything I never wanted to see
You made me whole
You made me…me
So here I’m begging on my knees
I’m just asking you…please
Don’t steal away
Don’t steal away
Just stay
Grace, just stay
I can’t lose what we have
No, not again
Because you’re my saving grace
Drake put down his guitar and blew out a breath. “What do you think?” he asked, surveying his band mates’ faces.
“It’s good, man.” Jordan started. “You know the label isn’t gonna let it on the record.”
“Fuck the label,” Toby shouted. “I’m just about sick of this shit anyway.”
“They’re trying to change us,” Kyle agreed. “This dubstep and over polished lyrics ain’t us.”
“We should just…sing this song to open with tomorrow night,” Louie suggested. “It’s an amazing song. Hell, it’s better than what’s on the record. It’s real. It’s deep, and Drake’s gonna sing it to the girl he loves.”
There was a collective silence in the room, then the guys all seemed to speak at once.
“Hell yes!” Jordan pumped his fist in the air.
“I love it. A big middle finger to the label,” Kyle agreed.
“He wrote it. He feels it, he should sing it,” Toby remarked.
“What? No!” Drake shouted.
“Yes! You’re gonna do it!” Toby gripped his arm, his blue eyes fervent in their drunken intensity. “Sing to her, man. Chicks love being sung to.”
“I’m the guitarist. Not the singer,” Drake argued.
“Man, you have a great voice. Just sing what you feel, and you can’t screw that up. It’s about time we took the reins back from these stuffy ass execs,” Toby insisted.
“If you guys are sure…” Drake swallowed nervously and looked at his friends.
“We’re sure. We’re gonna stick together whatever this brings. I’m ready to get back to our roots. This fame thing is draining us all out. I see why so many people turn to drugs. It’s like everyone is an emotional vampire, wanting to drink just a little bit of your talent and taste a little of your soul. What happens when you have nothing left? I for one am not willing to find out.” Jordan sighed softly.
“We were all happier as an indie band, weren’t we?” Kyle interjected.
“I think we were.” Toby nodded, sipping on his lukewarm beer. “We were real.”
“We were broke.” Louie reminded them.
“We had our souls,” Toby retorted.
“Yeah, I can’t say I like who we are anymore. Banging groupies, singing songs that don’t mean anything…our real fans deserve better,” Louie agreed, his shoulders bowing in with the burden of their lives.
“Fame isn’t free,” Drake piped up. “Maybe Grace was right pushing me away to keep her son safe.”
“I’m trying to think of when the last time was I called my mom,” Toby groaned. “My God, I didn’t call her at Christmas, I was too busy partying.”
“We’ve kinda lost our way, I think. I know I came back into this when we were starting to really get big, so I don’t have as much say. You guys beat out the path on your own the last almost ten years. I’ll follow your lead with this. If you want me to sing the song, I will,” Drake promised, reaching out his hand for them to stack theirs on top. “We’re a team.”
“We’re family,” Toby corrected him, slapping his hand on top. “We’re going to go back to who we were. Not who they want us to be. Do we have any more songs in the binder that we can pull out? Let’s give Japan the best damn concert we can. Let’s remember why we love music.”
Jordan slapped his hand on top of Toby’s. “I’m in.”
Kyle was next. “Does this mean I can wear all black?” The record executives had toned down Kyle’s dark style, saying he came across as creepy, instead of sexy.
“Wear what you want, man,” Toby replied.
Louie was the last to put his hand on the stack. “Let’s give them who we are. We’re Jacob’s Ladder, and we’re not sell outs.”
Chapter Thirteen
“He’s coding!”
Grace jerked awake at the yell and stumbled out of the chair. A nurse was screaming “Code blue!” and her hands moved fast over Cain’s body.
“What’s happening?” Grace sobbed as she panicked.
A doctor ran into the room and muttered, “Shit!”
“What’s happening?” she repeated, her breath coming fast. “What’s wrong with Cain?”
“His oxygen levels are down. There is a chance something is wrong with his lung, or maybe we nicked the phrenic nerve during surgery. We have to get him back to the operating room now, or we’re going to lose him.” The doctor unlocked the bed and before Grace could speak, he was racing down the hallway with him.
She collapsed, her knees thudding on the floor and she wept, great body wracking sobs of terror. Oh my God, Cain! No no no! I only slept for a moment, you can’t die too! No, you can’t! A nurse in bright pink scrubs gripped her elbow and pulled her standing.
“Miss Evans, you have to calm down. The doctors are taking care of him. Let’s go to the chapel, I understand your panic and fear. We have to let the other babies rest.”
Grace blindly followed the nurse, completely unable to see through the
tears she cried. They moved through the waiting room outside the NICU. “Miss Evans! Grace! What’s wrong? Have you heard from Drake?”
She swiped at her eyes and panicked at the flash of a camera. The great, hulking bodyguard gripped the middle-aged woman wielding the pocket-sized camera by the collar. “You said you were her mom! Miss Grace, I’m so sorry! She said you called her! I told her she had to wait until visiting hours.”
“I lied! Grace! What’s wrong with Drake’s baby? Is he dead?” The paparazzo ignored the bodyguard pulling her down the hallway, she was only after her story.
The nurse gripped her elbow and dragged her along to the quiet of the chapel. “Sit down and breathe!” Grace felt herself being pushed onto a bench, and she gripped at her chest, forcing herself to calm down.
“Cain!” Grace gasped out, needing to know if her son was all right.
“I will let them know you are here. No one will come in here and bother you, okay? Can I get you anything?”
Grace shook her head and wrapped her arms tight around her middle. “Can you call my dad for me?”
“Absolutely.” The nurse hurried away, and Grace stood from the little bench she sat on. Kneeling before the little altar in the room, she prayed. Praying hadn’t helped Christina, but she needed to try anyway for Cain.
A short while later, her father’s voice reached her ears. “Baby. Grace. Come here.” He knelt beside her, and Grace turned and launched herself into his arms. Damien rocked her back and forth, running his hand up and down her back to soothe her. “Shh, the doctors are taking care of him.”
“I can’t lose him!” Grace wailed. “I just can’t. There was a paparazzi lady here and the bodyguard thought it was my mom!”
“He’s been relieved from duty. I told them not to trust anyone, so the paps sent some sweet looking old lady. Bastards! Damn leeches are always after a story. Baby, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. No one should be hounded by jerks like that while they’re trying to deal with a medically fragile child.”
The nurse entered the chapel. “They have him out of surgery.”
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