Always had moved to the room door to go get things, to prepare things. “I don’t have to do nothin but die, Miz Loretta.” She smiled. “I hear tell the war is bout over. Colored folks say the North is winnin. White folks say the South is winnin. I don’t know right what to blive, but I do know things is changin. They right in front of my eyes. Folks is changin. White folks runnin. Grab-bin their things and slaves and runnin. Don’t sound like no winnin things to me. So … I don’t have to do nothin no more but die.” She left the room.
Loretta sat up and screamed, “Always!”
Always stood outside the door and looked up to the same God I was askin mercy for her from … and thanked Him. She thanked Him. God must get mighty tired of us.
Well, the baby was a girl A tiny, tired, wrinkled, little girl. Tiny cause of all those corsets her mama had worn to keep from showin her. Tiny cause her mama tried to starve her. Yellow from her daddy, Sephus. She fell into Always’s arms like she was glad to get there. Always named her Apple, from the Bible, she thought. The apple that Eve had bitten from. Loretta said she didn’t want that name. Always said she had to name the child somethin she wanted cause it was hers. Little Apple moved on out to the chicken house that was Always’s home, and became Always’s daughter-child and Always knew she now had a baby wasn’t nobody gonna sell from her. Over time, Apple grew plump and pretty, full of easy laughter. Everybody seem to love her. Even Poon didn’t worry too much bout how and where she came from. She was a smart, quick child. Taught to work, early, she was weedin the garden and other small chores with Always. Sometimes Loretta had her in the main house, lovin her from a distance, I reckon, wantin her close. The two women didn’t never fall out bout the child, cause Always knew what it was like to lose your child, and she was easier with Loretta. Course now, she practicly ran what was left of that plantation, with Jason in the lead, of course.
So the time passed. Many things happened. But who, not I, can tell them all? It was a long time, a hard time, a confusing time, and it was a lotta kind of time, but seldom a good time, except for hearing bout the freedom comin closer, for slaves.
One warm day, Loretta sittin on the porch of the main house, Always settin on the steps, peeling peaches and potatoes brought out from the cache. Apple playin round the steps. Everyone, includin Mistress worked now, so many slaves had run. Such a hollerin came from the road, which suddenly seemed full of strangers and stragglers, slaves, white men, young and old, poor and usta be wealthy, all moving in sort of frenzied actions. A white man on a horse galloped up to the porch and tole Miz Loretta the war was over! Was won! By the North! Said, “Watch everything you got! They’ll steal it all now, for sure! Keep your gun by you! These nigras is aiming to have a white woman! But war won or not, we’ll still kill em ifn they don’t do right! We still white, and they still nigras!”
Loretta just looked at Always and turned red. The man had galloped off before she could even answer. When the man had rode off, Loretta’s hands was still on the pot of peaches. Her eyes were fastened hard on Always. Her face held a regretful, serious look, and somethin else, like hate that Always had got freedom, and a fear of what Always would do … and when.
Always rose slowly. Trying to feel the feelin of freedom. Her mind screamed “I’m FREE! I’m free! I’m free!” She looked at little Apple. “We is all free!” She put the potatoes aside and started down the steps, slowly, thoughts whirling so fast in her head. She wanted to go tell everybody! Just everybody in the world. Then, she sat down again, slowly, hands stilled, lookin into the air behind the rider. There was no smile, no more free laughter from her. On the inside tho, was the explosion. Comin slow and huge, the size of the world that was bein blown apart, it felt like. Realization crept slowly, and silently into every piece of her body that had been a slave for all its life. She thought of her money, and the money she would take from the pot blongin to the Butlers, her rapist, her children’s father. Not all of it, just some of what she thought she had comin, had earned. She thought of her son, Doak Jr. He had always been free, but now he really was free, of all but her. She looked at Apple, she looked at the road that went everywhere in the free world, then she turned slowly and looked at Loretta.
Loretta spoke first, “Well, them’s the words you been waiting for all your life, tho we been good to you, all of us, from the day you was born.”
Always answered, “Them’s the words.”
Loretta spit the words, “I reckon you be flyin off now, to find your brother, Sun, or your sister, Peach.”
Always answered softly, “Maybe they come find me. Ain’t goin off nowhere notime soon.” Her eyes looked in the direction of the colored church shack.
Loretta narrowed her eyes, “You mean … you gonna stay here … to work? There ain’t gonna be no pay. You know I could tell Soon where you gonna be if you go. I’ll … I’ll keep Apple so you don’t have to worry none bout her.”
Always thought, “So Loretta did, had known, bout the war bein lost and had thought all this out.” She was fairly jumpin for joy inside her soul, but her body did not move, she still held the pot in her lap. She looked down at it, as if it were somethin with feelins, gently moved it from her lap to the step. She said out loud, softly, because this freedom thing was movin out like water, through her mind and body, “You don have to worry none bout me, Miz Loretta, I’ll find out what to do.”
Loretta watched her move the pot from her lap, her eyes glinted lightly, “Well, if you gon stay on here, you will work, and I can’t pay you.”
Always slowly stood up, again, shook her skirt. “You ain’t been payin me.”
“Things’r different now. You won’t blong to us … for us to take care you no more.”
Loretta finally got through Always’s full, free mind. She looked at Loretta. “You never did take care a me. All us slaves took care you’ll. And we never did blong to you, you just kep us, by whippin and killins.”
Loretta spoke right back. “I knew no matter what we did for you, you would hate me.”
Always waved her hand. “Miz Loretta, I don’t think nough of you to hate you. I’s too tired.”
Loretta pushed on. “And Apple stays with me til she grown and decide for herself.”
Always sighed. “We already decided for Apple. She mine. Don’t everbody know it? And all my babies, but one, went to buy most all this land. That bout make this land mine, and Apple mine. She my real grandchile … so she mine, Miz Loretta.”
Loretta gasped. “My daughter! A grandchile of yours?!”
Always looked up and smiled shortly. “Yes’m. And your niece too. Wouldn’t your daddy be proud? Won’t Doak Jr. be proud? When I tell em …”
Loretta spoke with hate. “You a conivin, low bred, lyin bitch.”
Always looked away. “I sho didn’t carry you into your bed with Sephus. I didn’t carry your daddy to bed with my mama. I didn’t make these things … you’ll did.”
Loretta spoke softly now. “You waited for somethin like this.”
Always spoke softly too. “That’s all you’ll let slaves do. Work, wait and maybe hope.” She started down the steps slowly, old and tired for all her young years.
Again sharply, Loretta spoke. “Where you going, Missy? Ifn you gonna stay, you best finish preparin that food! Let’s get them potatoes peeled fore you go off. We got to have dinner even so!”
Always stopped on the last step. “I don’t have to peel those potatoes … no more.”
Loretta twisted her lips. “You got to peel them, do you want to eat!”
Always smiled a hard smile, “I ain’t got to do nothin, Loretta, but die.”
Loretta stood, peaches goin everywhere, quietly she said, “You still call me Miz Loretta, I don’t care what has come. You sit down there and finish peeling those potatoes, then you will cook them, then you will clean up after we eat.”
Always jumped down the last step. “No mam, I’m through today. I through this week. Through til I’m rested. I’m goin over to the c
olored church you never lowed me to go to. I’m goin to see is we really free. Then I’m goin to tell the others bout this freedom.” She looked at the road fillin with people, slaves and all. She listened to the air, which was a lite with the buzzin sound of freedom spoken, over and over.
Loretta answered, “Then you will not eat. Come here, Apple.”
Always answered, “I will eat, Loretta.” She moved back up the step, held out her hand to Loretta. “You see this here hand? This hand helped the ground to grow the food that you goin to eat. With these hands, I have fed you. Yes, I will eat. And Apple will come with me, cause she is colored and she need to know if she free too!”
Loretta bristled like them ladies did in the South, and tried again. “Then you will get off my land … and stay off my land. This is no longer your home! And you will leave … that child for me to raise. She is no longer yours. She was born on this land. She belongs to us … the owners of this land.”
Always laughed. “This land isn’t not all yours. This land is mine, Miz Loretta. My sold babies bought most all this land. You ain’t bought nothin!” She put her hand on Apple’s head. “This child’s daddy bought all that part of the left acres and part of the bottom land. It’s more hers than yours.”
Loretta screamed, “I will have Jason put you off!”
Always stepped back down the last step. “This is my land. I ain’t goin nowhere, no time, no how. She started off, stopped, said, “You want them potatoes peeled, you peel em, eat your own dinner. I’ll eat at my own house.” She grabbed Apple’s hand and walked calmly to the corner of the house; once around it and out of Loretta’s sight, she broke into a run and ran all over the plantation screaming, “We free! We free! We free!”
My heart, or whatever it is, was shouting for joy too. Oh, if I just coulda been there with my babies. I thought of how my other children would be takin this and fore I knew it I was gone where Peach was.
Peach was just poring over one of many newspapers what hadn’t got this final news yet. Her white maid was tryin to help her dress for some ball or nother. When I was leavin, she was askin her husband for any news from America. He just held her tightly, then Peach forgot America and went on to the ball.
I flew to Sun. He was alone, by hisself, lookin off toward the southland. A newspaper laying at his feet. He was a man, but he was cryin. He was wealthy now, and loved, no need for me watchin him. I fled back to Always.
All this was quick as a cinch, so I found Always at the church. Ohhhh, but all the singin and shouting them people was doin! Glad! Happy! Out of their minds! Then, some of them still didn’t blive it! Just couldn’t hold such a big thought in their minds! It was unblivable! They all was huggin and kissin each other and strangers too! They had all them white folks’ food there, for the homeless that been goin on a long time. Wasn’t no real church buildin, just a shack, but God didn’t get no greater praise from the biggest cathedral buildin in the world! Not that night! That’s right!
People was runnin round in the roads, grabbin strangers, askin them where they came from, where they been, who they were, who they mama was. Folks was lookin for their kin, their blood. Some just sat cryin. Some couldn’t stop laughin. Some just held themself and rocked to the songs as tears run down their faces, nary a sound comin from their lips. Scarred hands shook, scarred backs bent to give thanks in prayer. Scarred souls wept in prayers of gratefulness. Even in all this, there was dis-blivin in this freedom. Is it true? … Can it be true? Freedom? Freedom? Blong to yourself?
The scissor-sharpner man was there, sharin the joy cause now, he knew, he could stay free. He hadn’t never been always sure just what would happen. Always looked at him differently and hard. She also noticed another man, quiet, off in a corner, tired, sore and underfed, new here at this place. He wasn’t sayin nothin, but you could see he was feelin great big feelins.
Always, and Apple, had never been lowed to go to church before. They just hugged everybody, laughed or cried with them, strangers and all, askin where they come from and did they know a Peach or a Sun, or her little children grown big now. Nobody, not one person, knew nothin!
Finally, returnin to her shack, she lay down and cried, thinkin of her family, her blood, as gone. All spread out and gone, all but that blood of hers in the main house, Loretta, and her son, Sephus, therefore, her blood in Apple. She hugged the child tight to hurtin, fell asleep and dreamed of me, sweet Jesus. Me and Doak Jr. and the land got all mixed up in it. She woke to the sound of big, heavy, fat raindrops on her tin roof, down on the land. She lay there thinkin, wonderin bout freedom.
She looked for Poon to come, to talk. But Poon stayed in that little house with Masr Jason, doin all the things she ever had, no change at all. You see? She loved Masr Jason. He was hers, place of all her children gone. Yet … yet, her mind kept pricklin up, to go to see could she find her sold children. Mayhap they was lookin for her. They was free now. Freedom, freedom. The word would ring round in her head, then her heart would like to start bustin for joy, then her fear, or somethin, would come to make her fraid. Freedom, the word rang in her head. She did not know just what to do with this freedom. But, one thing she did know, she was glad, was happy, to have it come at last, before she had died and gone. But how to mix freedom and Masr Jason? Would he leave cause she was free? Should she leave cause she was free? But, where to go? She didn’t know what to do bout this freedom.
Always layed round and dreamed and thought big thoughts for bout a week, then her garden called to her and she went back to carin for things, outside of freedom, but part of freedom. Loretta looked, from the house she had done locked herself in, through the windows at Always workin, and decided she had won. However, somethin in her mind said, “Watch careful now. Watch careful.”
NOW, AT LAST, the inevitable war was over. Doak Jr. came home, and not long after, Soon came. They had fought different wars. Both were stronger, larger, but different in every other way.
Doak Jr. had a good tan that seemed to just linger on him. Didn’t go away. Soon was now free, again.
Doak Jr., a young, weary, thin, bitter man. He did not like Soon at all now. But it really wasn’t Soon, it was just Black. Black against white. His mind didn’t clear it that it wasn’t Soon that had won, it was Black, North, and justice that had prevailed.
The day he returned, it was a dark, thunderous lightnin day. Doak Jr. came stragglin in by foot down the road towards the main house. He knew he was Master now of this land, but the large, gray-white house looked wary in the drenching rain, and alone. Just the way he felt. Things looked kinda bleak, but he knew, at least he hoped, there was money there to put him back on his feet, put the land back on its feet. He wanted to be rich again. Well, that’s natural.
He thought of the slaves on the land, howsomever many might still be there. Soon came into his mind, he pictured him as tryin to be uppity now that he was free. He knew Soon would be back cause his mother, Always, was there. But was she there? Probly gone runnin off with all the rest of them no-count niggas who probly flew the coop soon as they heard bout freedom. No more work outta them lessen they paid now.
Doak stamped his muddy boots on the front steps fore he realized wasn’t nobody there to clean up the mess. He walked to the side entrance to the house. Loretta had heard him at the front and run there to see why the commotion. No one there, she ran to the side door to see Doak comin in. She stopped in her tracks as he looked up. They just looked at each other, these two white people whose lives was in such upheaval. At the same time, for the first time, they knew they was allies. They wasn’t sure who was sposed to be boss of the money, if there was any. Doak knew he would be the one tho. After all, he was the man.
Then Loretta ran to him, hugged him, cried, took his wet things off, made him sit by the fire with a big drink. He dried off as they talked. He brought her up to date. Then she brought him up to date.
He learned Always was still there. His uncle still workin the farm, such as it was, but it was doin alright.
The money. The money was gone, moved. She didn’t tell him bout the sum she had put by over the years. Half the slaves gone, half stayed. No tellin who took the money. There was other money in the bank, but heard tell it wasn’t no good no more. Only gold was good. Course, Always had been one of them that knew where most the gold had been.
He ate a hot meal, the first in a long time. Then he went to sleep, sleep. Restless, but restful.
Loretta stood at the different windows lookin out over the land, thinkin, thinkin, bout how she was gonna make it. She didn’t want to be birthed, live, and die all in this poor southern country. Mainly on her mind was where was the money? Her mind sped to Always. Always to Always. But, she smiled, Doak would take care of her. He was a man now, a strong man, and what he had seen in the war would make him a hard man to deal with. And he was hungry. Hungry for everything, she could see that. She might have to look out for herself sometimes, tho, gainst Doak.
Doak woke barely refreshed, but eager to get on bout the farm business. He inspected the farm, talked at long length with Jason. Checked the measly livestock. Noted with pleasure Always’s garden.
THE RAIN HAD STOPPED SOME, but was still drizzlin when he went into Always’s chicken house shack, knockin as he went. She looked up and lit up, then her lights went down low, cause she could see he had somethin on his mind sides tellin her he was home safe.
She pointed to her only stool and he sat down in the dim lamp-lit room and watched her closely as they talked. She was still the dear woman who had helped raise him, but she was also a negress, the enemy.
Always was so proud and glad to have her son back, well, alive.
He spoke softly. “Ah … Always, if I members correctly, you the one person knew everything there was to know bout my father’s plantation, his land and some of his business.”
“Yes suh.”
He shifted on the stool. “It is just right likely you know what happened to the money was buried round here, made and kept by my daddy for the care taken of this here land. For his heirs.”
Family Page 10