by H. J. Bellus
A horse masseuse visits him every other day while I keep up on his antibiotic and other meds. He still loves his cookies, having his mane braided, and my company. My arm throbs, but is never enough to keep me from his side.
Merek paid Saint a visit with the same results as the previous time. He beat the shit out of him and landed himself in jail.
“Drinking already?” I ask as Merek enters the barn.
“What are doing here, Challis?”
“I’m trying to survive and coming to grips with the fact I’ll never rodeo again. Apparently, it’s all a big fucking party to you, Merek.” I point at the beer bottle in his hand.
“I’ll buy you a new fucking horse. We’ll go back on the road again.”
“It’s all about money with you, Slatter.”
He smirks and throws his beer bottle against the wall, sending glass in every direction. “Yep, all about money, Challis. I’d fucking do anything for you. My heart is yours. Fuck, I bought your daddy’s ranch back for you…again, all about money.”
“I can’t just get on another horse, Merek. I’m sorry to disappoint. I’m a little more loyal than you.”
“I’m just asking for my wife back.”
I watch as he storms from the barn and then hear his truck peel out in the driveway. And just chalk this up to one more of our conversations we have on a daily basis.
I love the man and need him in my life, but I just don’t know how to get over my anger to find my way back to him. It’s a nasty thought that haunts me at night. What if I never find my way back?
Chapter 23
Merek
I’m over her and this fucking train wreck we both are in. It’s fight after fight and everything is my fault. If my dad walked into this bar, I’d fucking strangle the bastard until he breathed his last breath. There’s no proof Saint’s crew did this, but it’s the only damn possibility in my mind.
His gloat and smirk on his face haunts my sleep every night. The day I went to officially kick his ass for the second time he said, “I told you that you’d regret the day you came to my house.”
That was all the fucking proof I needed. Challis acts as if my life is such a dream right now, but in fact it’s a fucking living nightmare. I slam three more shots down without thought. Drinking has become my only saving grace. I try to order two more shots, but my tongue is thick and fat in my mouth and I’m unable to produce a single word. I wave down the waitress and feel my ass slip from the barstool and hit the wood floor. A muted wave of pain runs up my spine and then I hear my shirt rip as I’m pulled to my feet.
“His tab, please.” I look over to see Maverik’s boots and then up to his face to see he’s fuming with fucking anger, and I can’t help but laugh and know it’s the wrong move. Jake tries to lick my face and it causes me to laugh even harder at the scene.
I’m dragged out of the bar as a set of knuckles connect with my jaw. The pain is dulled from the amount of alcohol flowing through my bloodstream. He throws me in his truck and I pass the fuck out.
Moments later, or who knows, it could’ve been hours, I feel my ass hit the gravel and then a kick to the ribs. I look up again to a pissed off Maverik.
“Challis, come take care of your husband. I’m done with this shit.”
My head flops over to the side to see Verde walking out of the barn and I just laugh. There’s no way in hell she fucking cares.
“What happened?” she asks as she nears me.
“The bar called again. He’s trashed.” Maverik pulls me to my feet as I sway back and forth. “Make a decision now, Sissy, this is getting fucking old and my brother deserves way better than this.”
Maverik lets go of me and I fall back on the truck as I watch him walk away.
“It’s okay, Challis, go tend to your horse and let your fucking hate brew for me.” I try to stand and know I’m weaving from side to side. “Hope the barn is luxurious enough for your ass.”
She reaches her hand out to me and I actually recoil from her, not wanting to ever feel her touch knowing it will only bring me more pain.
“I would’ve given up everything for you, Challis.”
I take a step and eat shit and know I’ve hit rock bottom, but my selfish pride doesn’t stop me from trying to get up.
“Thank you, Merek.”
I look back at her and scowl.
“Thank you for loving me and being my Champ. I can’t say sorry for what I’m going through because I can’t even process it. Just imagine everything being ripped out from underneath you and yet you’re expected to act as nothing ever happened.”
“I never said that, Verde, and if you lost everything guess you’re counting me in on that. I’m leaving in the morning to rodeo.” I stand this time and feel the effects of the booze rapidly wearing off. “Clearly, you don’t need or want me.”
“You are putting words into my mouth, Merek.”
I stop, turn, and see for the first time in a very long time the feisty cowgirl who, deep down, is vulnerable as hell and doesn’t have the first clue about asking for help.
“Then shoot it straight to me, Challis.”
“You have rodeo still and two good legs under you. I fucking lost it all.”
I walk straight up to her and see and feel her flinch. “You’re my fucking everything and have left me.”
I don’t say another word as I walk straight into my house. It’s dark and quiet and once again I’m left all alone. It shouldn’t be anything fucking new but still hurts nonetheless. Stumbling around, I make my way to the shower and turn on ice cold water in the hopes of sobering up and not being fucking hung over when the sun rises.
I’m heading out to Fort Worth in the morning and clearly Challis could give two fucks. The ice cold water pricks at my skin and feels like a dozen needles attacking me all at once. The pain is a welcoming feeling. Feeling anything nowadays is something. I lean my head back and soap up my hair, closing my eyes and trying to forget.
A gust of air hits my back. I turn to look, and taking my breath away, see Challis on the outside of the shower with tears rolling down her bare skin. She’s stripped naked.
“I’m lost and hurt. I love you, Merek, I really do, but I’m fucking going crazy.” She lifts a shaking hand to me. She can punish me the rest of her life with her stubborn ways, but there’s one thing I’ll never be able to do and that’s turn away my girl.
I clutch on to her wrist and pull her under the assaulting water. Challis falls into my chest and lets out her racking sobs. My hands run all over her delicate skin, rejoicing in the touch and memorizing parts of her body. I know she’s hurting and feels like she’s lost it all, but I just don’t know when the day comes that she’ll walk away from me and never come back.
I’ve watched a shell of Challis the last couple of weeks and it’s been painful, like a dagger to my heart, but nothing compares to this. The moment she finally opens up and crumbles under my touch. I reach back and turn on the warm water and then begin lathering her up. I’m not sure the last time she showered.
Her hair is matted, so I use extra conditioner to try to comb through the knots with my fingers. I use her razor and lather up her legs, taking my time. Once I have her clean, I turn off the water and lift her to my chest. Challis is an exhausted mess.
“I’ve never stopped loving you, Champ.”
“It’s okay. I’m not giving up.”
She’s dead silent as I dry her off on the countertop. I feel her fingers run over my shoulders and along my back, and it’s as if she’s doing the same thing of memorizing my parts.
“Want me to take you out to Teebaby?”
I’ll sacrifice a broken heart before I ever make her choose between her horse and the future.
“Take me home.”
I go out on a limb and lay her in our bed, tucking her deep under our blankets, and then cuddling up next to her. I lie still next to her. Her heartbeat is the rhythm and song of my life—the sweetest song to my ears.
Challis rolls on top of me, pinning my arms back, I feel her settle down on me. It takes everything inside me not to groan out loud expressing the most thrilling sensation ever.
“Merek,” she moans out as her rhythm and speed picks up. “Go on the road. Let me stay here and heal. I want to be better when you get back. I want to be okay.”
It’s like the most beautiful torture and I finally let a moan escape as I push up into her. I know I won’t last long, so I clutch onto the sheets and focus on anything but Challis Jones.
“Bring home another gold buckle, Champ.”
With the last of her words, I let go inside of her, and then yell her name in the most passionate mix of pain and pleasure I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Chapter 24
Challis
I roll over from the most blissful dream I’ve had in weeks and realize it wasn’t a dream when my forearm hits the ice cold sheets. I sit up in a groggy state searching the room for Merek. Last night’s events play in slow motion over and over in my head. I let him go, gave him the ticket to walk away and he did.
Racing around the house I holler out his name, and each time I realize that I lost him. The natural anger I’ve grown accustomed to controls me as I begin throwing shit around the house. I throw on his button up cowboy shirt and pull on my jeans as I race down the sidewalk looking for him or his truck or anything that might resemble Merek is still here and I find nothing.
“What’s wrong, Sis?”
I look over to Granddad’s porch where Maverik, Marvel, and Granddad sit sipping their morning cup of joe.
“He’s gone.” The tone of my voice is helpless and desperate, mirroring the same exact emotions I’ve been living on repeat.
Granddad nods his head. “He headed out this morning for a three month run on the road. Promised us all another gold buckle.”
I sink into the misty grass, pissed beyond belief that I let the greatest thing ever happen to me slip away. He stayed by my side through fits and rages of temper. I even caught him in the stable talking to Teebaby and nursing his wounds even when I was at my worst. I lost him forever.
Steadying my weakening legs, I stand and walk to the barn. I hear Granddad’s voice.
“You okay, Sissy?”
“I’m good. Just going to do chores.”
I feed Teebaby and then clean up the rest of the barn and find the hidden bottle of Crown. I take one sip and then three more before I finally collapse next to my horse and let him capture my tears. Teebaby lies there soaking up every ounce of my pain until my eyes drift shut.
***
My muscles are sore and stiff as I lift my head from Teebaby. His slow movements wake me and as soon as I sit up, he jumps up from the ground and heads to the feeder.
“Looks like someone is feeling better.” I rub my aching head and notice the dusk settling in outside. I feed the barn and then head for the house with a rumbling belly. Granddad is in his rocking chair smoking on his pipe and Marvel is out in the pasture counting cattle. The quiet roar of the ranch settles my nerves and gives me the slightest hope of a future.
My career is over, but my life just started. I race into the house searching for my cellphone so I can call Merek. Haven’t seen or touched the damn thing for weeks. After scouring every surface of the house and coming up empty, I reside to the porch with a longneck in my hand. The darkness settles in and I let the liquid calm my nerves.
A far-off set of headlights light up the long driveway to Silver Star. I steady my legs to go get Maverik. I just know it’s the sons of bitches back again to torment us. As the lights get nearer so does the roar of the engine, and it’s a familiar one. One I’ve heard in the past.
It’s Merek. He skids in front of the house sending gravel flying in every direction. He jumps out as I stand to my feet. Before I can get a word out, he’s next to me and lifting me in the air.
“I can’t leave you. Rodeo is nothing without you. The buckles and fame are nothing compared to having you by my side, Verde.”
“I’m sorry.”
My face is lifted up to his. “You have to let me help and be a part of this too. I love Teebaby and you. If you keep shutting me out it won’t work.”
“I know.” I bury my face in his neck, inhale his scent, and remember all the good times we’ve had together and how he stood by me through everything—good and bad.
“I’m laying down the rules, Challis.”
His hands land on my face and he pulls me up to look at him.
“Merek, I’m so sorry. I just don’t know how to react or let out all the anger. You still get rodeo and the sport you love.”
“Shut up and listen to me, Challis.” He places a quick kiss on my lips and I lurch forward, savoring the sensation of his lips on mine. Deepening the kiss and soaking up everything of the man who owns my heart.
He pulls back from me and tightens his grip on my face.
“Shit is going to change around here. You’ll sleep in my goddamn bed every fucking night with me. No matter how damn hard of a day you’ve had.”
I nod and whisper, “I want that.”
“Two, you’ll rodeo again. I’ll give you the time you need to heal and we’ll always keep Teebaby. He’s ours. He’s like our first child, but you’ll rodeo again, and one day you’ll be teaching our daughter to run barrels.”
He waits for my response, but I can’t find one, and realize it’s because I don’t even have the courage to try to look for one. It’s scary to even think about loading up a trailer and heading down the road to a rodeo with Teebaby left in the stable. But what’s even a more spine-chilling thought is losing Merek forever. Guilt, regret, and self-pity have to all come second to me loving my husband and myself again.
I slowly begin to nod my head up and down. “I don’t want to lose you. I’ll do anything for you, Merek, just don’t give up on us.”
“Third.” His stern voice causes my knees to go weak. “We will fight and we will love. We are both passionate people, there’s no doubt about that, but we can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what?” I whisper.
“Destroying each other.”
“I’ll do anything to be with you, Merek, anything. I need you in my life.” I step back leaning on the white railing of the porch. “Last night your touch reminded me of us and everything I love about life. When I woke up and you weren’t there it reminded me of everything I hate about life. I choose you.”
“What are you trying to tell me, Verde?”
I know he’s pushing me to talk out my emotions and feelings. It’s something I just don’t do until I’m pushed all the way.
“I’m saying that I’m fucking scared, have lost hope, but know without a doubt I need you in my life. There’s no other option. I love you.”
He nods his head, pushes back his cowboy hat, and leans into me. “I love you too.”
Chapter 25
Merek
“You kids hungry?”
Granddad’s voice breaks into my thoughts as I lean into Challis. My lips brush hers. My plan of attacking her lips and hauling her off to bed is put on hold. Challis accepts Granddad’s invitation and it doesn’t shock me, as I know eating dinners with him is her favorite part of the day when her head was screwed on straight.
She bounds from our porch, dragging me across the grass to his porch. It’s like I’m her newfound trophy and she’s ready to show it off. The simple action makes me feel more at home than anything ever has. The smell of the ranch, the smile on Challis’s face, and Granddad’s voice reassures me I made the right decision turning around on highway twenty-one. Rodeo and riding fuel me, the gold buckles are sweet, but living without Challis and leaving our story wide open is something I couldn’t face.
Maverik told me not to leave and then called me once I did. He told me he wouldn’t be by my side in the hospital when the wreck came that would end my career and possible life. He told me to go home and take care of my wife. I’ll never tell the man how damn wis
e he is and how much more of a father figure he is to me than our own dad.
“Mmmmm…Granddad’s famous chili.” I watch as my girl digs into the large silver pot on the stove and don’t miss the smile that covers my granddad’s face.
She scoops us all out a bowl and even sets plates for Marvel and Maverik. When she settles into her normal seat next to me, I realize that I haven’t been able to take my eyes off her.
“I’m sorry.” She pauses, covering her mouth.
“For?” Granddad asks.
“For not making cornbread like I always do when you make this.”
“Challis, I’ll only forgive you if you can forgive yourself.” He covers her hand and I see a single tear roll down his cheek. “I never quit loving my Maggie and let me tell you we fought worse than you two, but in the end we loved harder.”
The front door opens and slams shut, and when I look up I see my two brothers hanging up their hats on the coat rack by the door. Jake runs over to Challis, who fills his water bowl and food dish and then kneels down to pat his head and love on him. I need to buy the damn girl a pup.
Marvel unbuttons his long sleeve shirt, tossing it to the floor, and then heads off to the bathroom to wash up. Maverik is dressed in his town clothes and I don’t miss the wink he sends my way with pride covering his face.
He settles next to Granddad in the same chair he’s claimed since we were little. Challis rises from the table, dishes out two servings of food, and places them on the table. Maverik catches her hand before she steps back from the table.
“This is the Slatters. Us five. We will bring the ranch back to life ridding all of the debts and scandal clouding us.” Marvel nods from the end as he exits the bathroom and grabs the jug of milk from the fridge. “We’ll never give up on each other. We are a family.”
Marvel settles into his chair and pours his extra large glass of milk. “What about Mom?”
“She had to leave. Her nerves couldn’t handle any more stress. It’s us. We’re the Slatters and nothing will hold us back. We each will each experience our difficulties and time of darkness.” I don’t miss the extra squeeze he puts on Challis’s hand. “But we are all here, no matter what.”