by Vivian Ward
What a fucking asshole. I was pretty drunk so he doubts if I’d remember what happened? That’s a nice way to cover his ass. I’ve drunk plenty of alcohol in my time and I know I can hold my liquor.
That dick head drugged me and was trying to act like I was a willing participant in his sex game. I wasn’t sure what to do.
I thought about going to the police but I doubted they would do anything. Kade is in with a lot of high-ranking officials who would be able to get any case involving him swept under the rug. All I knew was that I had to tell someone or it was going to make me crazy.
I had to go outside to figure out where in the hell I was so I could call to have a driver pick me up. I was horrified to discover that I was in Hunt’s Point, one of the shadiest areas of New York City. Even if I didn’t know all about the area, a quick look outside the hotel room door would have told me all I needed to know.
A few doors down, there was a drug deal taking place right out in the open, and neither party even attempting to hide what they were doing.
Across the street, a heavyset black woman wearing clothes that were way too small for her was arguing with a man, presumably her pimp, about whether or not she had more money to give him. Thugs and lowlifes were walking around everywhere. I thought it would be better to sit in my room and wait for my ride.
About ten minutes later, someone started banging on the door. I knew it wasn’t my ride because they would have called instead of coming to the door. Besides, this sounded like it was straight out of an episode of Cops.
I stayed in the room, gathering all the photos and hoping that whoever it was would go away instead of breaking the door down. I didn’t think they were ever going to stop slamming their knuckles into the door but eventually they gave up and moved along. Shortly after, my cell phone rang alerting me that my ride was outside waiting to pick me up.
I looked out the window to see where the car was parked, grabbed my purse and ran out the door as fast as I could. Since I wasn’t paying attention, I almost tripped over a homeless man sleeping on the sidewalk.
“You got any change bitch?” the bum questioned. I shook my head no and continued to the waiting car.
“Get out of here as fast as you can,” I begged, glad to see that Joey—my favorite drive—was the one to pick me up.
“Sure thing. What in the world are you doing all the way out here?” he asked.
“It’s a long story and I’m not even going into it right now.”
I let out a sigh of relief when the car pulled into the front gates of my house. I felt like I had forgotten to breathe for the duration of the trip.
I tipped Joey, grabbed my purse out of the seat and went into the house, tears beginning to stream down my cheeks before I even got into the house.
Climbing the stairs two at a time, I yelled out to my sister, hoping she would be there. The sound of her voice telling me she was in her room was the most welcoming sound there was.
Sitting down next to her on the bed, I told her the story of what had happened with Kade. She listened intently and didn’t judge, which was exactly what I was needing. She remained calm through my entire story until I told her what he wanted in exchange for the photos.
She didn’t do much to hide her thoughts or feelings about what he demanded. Her eyes bulged as her mouth popped open and her back became completely stiff.
Liam 4
It had been weeks since I’d seen Sarabelle, and Lexi had been ignoring me ever since the night of the gala. I’d called her multiple times, left a number of voicemails and sent too many text messages to count. Every form of contact I’d tried to use had failed.
The last time I’d seen her was at the gala and the way the night ended left far more questions than answers in my mind. Specifically, why did she kiss me the way she did? It had to mean something, didn’t it?
If I kiss a girl, it’s typically because I like her. Unfortunately, Lexi has always been a bit on the wild side so those rules don’t necessarily apply to her.
Honestly, I wasn’t surprised that Lexi was avoiding me. She is a professional at avoiding situations until she is ready to deal with them. Sarabelle, on the other hand, left me scratching my head. She and I rarely went a full day without a call or a text message. It’s just who we are and we’d been doing it for a long time.
All of a sudden, all I heard from her was radio silence. Admittedly, I hadn’t been calling or texting her like I normally had because my mind had been on Lexi. Still, even when I didn’t call or text her, she’d usually send me a message before she went to bed.
As more time went on without me hearing from either sister, I started to worry about them. I figured the best thing for me to do was to take a drive over to their house to check on them. Pulling into the driveway, everything seemed to be in order which made me feel somewhat better.
I rang the doorbell and waited. Nothing happened. I was starting to get worried all over again. I had almost hoped that I’d come over to find a broken window, a busted door jam, or something. I continued to knock and ring the doorbell, hoping that maybe they just couldn’t hear me. Just as I was about to leave, the door opened.
Lexi was standing in front of me, looking disheveled. Her usually kempt blond hair was disarrayed in clumpy knots and her skin looked pale and lifeless. Any time I’ve ever seen her, she has always had her eyes all done and lipstick, but not this day. She appeared ashen and her sparkling blue eyes had lost their twinkle. Lexi looked sad.
“Oh, hey Liam,” she said looking at the floor, holding the door open so I could come in. “Sarabelle’s not here right now.”
“That’s okay. I was actually coming by to check on the two of you. I haven’t heard from her in a while and, well, you haven’t responded to any of my calls or messages.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” she said nonchalantly. “Sarabelle’s got a new boyfriend and I’ve had quite a bit on my mind.”
As she turned toward the kitchen, the light hit her face just right and I could tell she’d been crying. Her red, puffy eyes were so swollen that they were almost little slits, and she was sniffling.
“Lexi, are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I'm all right. Just been making bad decisions as always. They just caught up with me this time.”
“What do you mean? Did something happen?”
“Yeah, but it doesn't matter.”
“It sounds pretty important,” I insisted. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Listen, Liam, it’s really sweet that you want to help but it’s my situation to deal with and I really don’t want to talk about it. Drop it. Okay?”
“I guess so. I just worry about you and your sister sometimes. If there’s ever anything you need, just let me know.”
“I will and I’ll also tell Sarabelle you stopped by.”
I turned and started to walk towards the door when Lexi sat down on the couch and started talking to me again.
“You know, I’ve been self-destructive for as long as I can remember,” she said, holding back tears. I closed the tall, heavy-wood door and walked back over to the couch, sitting down beside her as I sunk down into the oversized leather couch.
“Yeah, you’ve definitely made some questionable choices over the years but that’s always been part of who you were. Why are you saying that you’re self-destructive? What’s going on?”
“Oh, it’s not that I think I’ve been self-destructive, it’s that I know I have. Everything I’ve done has been intentional. This whole bad girl persona is one that I’ve created.”
“But why? Why would you want to create a persona that isn’t you?”
“Oh, it’s me. It’s all me. I was always the sweet, quiet kid. When my parents died, I had to do something different. It was time to let the wild side of me come alive.”
“Did you feel like your parents were holding you back or something? Were they not letting you do what you wanted to do when they were alive? I don’t understand what you’re say
ing.”
“No Liam, everything I did was to rebel against my parents. I know it doesn’t make any sense but they raised me to be the opposite of what I’ve become. I did this to get back at my mom and dad for leaving me. It’s some kind of sick and twisted revenge that doesn’t even matter. It’s not like either one of them are here to see me acting like this.”
“So what’s stopping you from going back to the girl you were before?”
“Don’t you see? That Lexi doesn’t exist anymore. She died right alongside my parents. “
It hurt me to see her in this much pain. She started bawling as she buried her face into my chest. Until the night of the gala, I’d never seen her show the slightest inkling of emotion.
Now, she was crying so hard, I thought she was going to hyperventilate. I did the only thing I could think of and wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close to me. Much to my surprise, she didn’t try to back away. That was fine with me.
The longer she cried, the more I got the feeling that there was something else going on. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened that she wasn’t willing to share with me.
I was glad that she was allowing me to see this vulnerable side of her but I’d known Lexi for years and I knew that this was not the real her. She’s always so confident and proud. The way she was acting was strange. I made it a point to get to the bottom of it.
I let her cry until she got it out of her system. She seemed embarrassed that I’d seen her in such a vulnerable state but she didn’t need to be. I was honored that she felt comfortable enough with me to open up about why she’s the way she is.
Not wanting to leave her alone while she was so upset, I hung out with her and we decided to watch a movie. I continued to hold her and caress her hair as I stroked her shoulder. I could feel us bonding and getting closer.
For the first time, I could feel our relationship beginning to blossom into something solid instead of the superficial relationship we’d always had.
Lexi 5
I couldn’t believe I’d fallen asleep in the middle of the movie I was watching with Liam. I had no idea how long he stayed with me or what time he left my house but when I woke up, the sun was shining and I was covered in a blanket.
I was a little ashamed of myself that I let him see me act the way I was acting but I was grateful that he was such a gentleman. It was nice, especially in comparison to what I’d been through with Kade.
As scary as it was, I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was developing feeling for Liam Bane. Even though I could no longer write them off, I was determined to fight those feelings with all I had. I don’t know why I was being so stubborn.
What girl wouldn’t want a guy who was treating her so right? She’d have to be stupid, right? Well, call me Miss Stupid because I still couldn’t get past the fact that he wasn’t a bad boy, which was all I’ve ever wanted in a man.
The next day, he called me to find out how I was doing. He seemed surprised that I answered the phone but I didn’t see the need to blow him off anymore. He asked if he could come by because he wanted to ask me something very important.
“Liam, I don’t have time for games. Tell me what you want,” my words came out harsher than I had meant them to.
“I’m sorry, Lexi, but I would really like to ask you this in person. Mind if I come over?”
“Whatever, Liam,” I sighed. I didn’t want to sound like a complete bitch even though I already did.
“I’ll be over tonight. Will you be home or did you have plans?”
“No, I should be here,” I said, sorting through my desk drawer as I searched for an emery board.
The time on the clock seemed to tick by so slowly. With nothing to do, I figured the best thing I could do was take a shower and get myself cleaned up. Lying around the house was not a good look for me.
A bath sounded even better so I ran a tub full of hot water and soaked my cares away. I felt like a new person when I got out and could almost feel my confidence coming back into me.
Liam showed up right at seven, just like I knew he would. I let him in and offered him something to drink, which he declined.
“So what did you want to ask me?” I asked.
A smile crept over his face as he extended his arm out to me. I was horrified when he pulled a single rose from behind his back and held it out to me.
“Lexi, I wanted to ask if you would be my date and accompany me to Cotillion Ball.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Liam. Somebody else has already asked me and I’m going with them. If I didn’t already have a date, I would have loved to have gone with you.”
I was lying to him. I didn’t have a date to the cotillion. In fact, nobody had even asked me to go. I just panicked when he asked me and didn’t know what else to say. The look on Liam’s face spoke more words than he ever could have.
He looked genuinely hurt by my response. I don’t know if it was because I turned him down or that I told him I already had a date. I suspected it was some combination of the two. I felt like a big piece of shit for hurting him. More surprisingly, I was feeling some of his pain.
Typically, I could lie with the best of the best and never have a second thought about it. This was different. I was feeling hurt because I was dishonest to Liam. These feelings were new territory for me and I wasn’t sure how to handle them. The best thing I could do was try to spare some of his feelings.
“I’m not going with someone whom I’m dating or anything like that. Just a friend that asked me a few days ago. Maybe I’ll see you there and we can hang out.”
“Yeah, maybe. I guess I’ll see you around.”
Without saying another word, he turned around, walked to his car and drove away, leaving me feeling like the biggest asshole that ever lived.
I had an internal battle going on with myself in the days leading up to the ball. On several occasions, I was tempted to swallow my pride, call Liam and tell him that I lied about having a date to the ball.
I wanted to call and tell him that I would go with him but was afraid that it would give him the wrong signals about what I wanted from him.
Other than the unexpected guilt I was feeling, there was one other downside to the lie that I told him. I was obviously going to show up to the ball without a date. How was I going to explain that away? Tell him that my date stood me up so I was all his? What guy wants to be the second choice?
I know I wouldn’t want to be the second choice for some guy I was crushing on. How was I going to get out of that mess? It didn’t take long to figure it out. I simply wasn’t going to go.
The problem was, I didn’t particularly want to stay at home either. It had been a while since I’d gone out and had a good time but I was so scared of running into Kade and having to deal with his bullshit, especially since my sister didn’t sleep with him.
Instead, she agreed to meet with him and on a whim, had an opportunity to steal the memory card from his phone, which contained all of the photos he had taken of me. I hadn’t heard a word from him but I was sure he’d be pissed off.
Right on cue, my phone started to ring. It was Sarabelle.
“What’s up, sis?” I answered.
“You won’t believe what happened!”
“Spill it.” She always knows exactly how to annoy me.
“Christian beat the shit out of Kade! They got into it, and he took matters into his own hands. We won’t have to worry about him anymore.”
“Seriously? When did this happen? And did he know about Kade and the pictures? Are there any more polaroids?”
“Last night, and no, he doesn’t know anything about the pictures. He would kill Kade if he ever found out about that whole blackmail scheme, but I guess you could say he got what was coming to him,” she chuckled.
“Awesome! You know, I think this calls for a celebration. I’m gonna call some of my friends and make a night out of it.”
When my friends insisted on going to this one club in particular,
I should have known something was up, but I was still swooning over Kade getting his ass kicked by Christian Wilde. I was glad that I didn’t feel the need to look over my shoulder and I would be able to let loose and have fun.
I did feel guilty for not going to the ball, especially if Liam may have been looking for me but that didn’t stop me. I needed this. I needed to clear my mind.
Melody and the rest of our group of friends picked me up around 9:00. I couldn’t wait to get out and have some fun, but I started to become annoyed shortly after I got in the car.
“Where are we going again?” I asked as my friends laughed and whispered to one another.
“We’ll show you when we get there,” Melody said, looking back at me in the rear view mirror.
“What the hell is so funny?” I snapped at our group of friends.
“Nothing,” Kristin laughed. “Nothing at all.”
I looked on as Jaycee, Kristin and Nikki continued to laugh and whisper. I was about ready to call a cab to take me somewhere else, but I noticed that Melody was getting closer as the car started to slow.
Finally, the car pulled up in front of a dark, dingy building. The only identifying information was a wooden sign that said Paddles. My girlfriends were all looking at me, trying to gauge my reaction. When all they saw was confusion, they started laughing again.
“What’s so funny?” I asked. “What the hell is this place?”
“Just come on with us,” Melody said. “We’re going to have a blast.”
Against my better judgment, I got out of the car, showed the doorman my ID and followed them into the building. The music was loud and strobe lights were flashing so fast that it was making me dizzy. It took a bit for my eyes to adjust so that I didn’t feel like I was going to fall over with every step I took.