by M. S. Parker
“Wait a minute,” Nate cut in as my laughter finally escaped. “How old do you think I am?”
She shrugged. “Like fifty?”
I clapped a hand over my mouth as Nate glared at me, but I could do nothing to stop the laughter from coming up. I could only muffle it.
“I’m thirty-five,” he said. “And I’m younger than your dad.”
She shrugged again. “Dad’s ancient.”
Nate’s mouth opened, then closed again, and it sent more laughs bubbling up inside me.
“You just wait.” He pointed his finger at me. “Someday, a kid’s going to think you’re a lot older than you are, and I’m going to be the one laughing.”
“How old are you?” Catherine asked, her head swiveling to me.
I could see Nate preparing to tell her that most women didn’t like that question, so I shook my head at him. I didn’t mind. “I’m twenty-three.”
She looked at Nate and then back to me. I could almost see the wheels turning. “He’s a lot older than you.”
Nate slumped back in his seat. “I get the kid a signed poster and a signed t-shirt from one of the biggest bands in the country, and how does she repay me? She calls me old.”
Now Catherine and I were both laughing, and I could feel the muscles in my stomach already protesting. As we calmed down, she turned her attention to me.
“Do you have any nieces and nephews?”
I shook my head. “I don’t have any brothers or sisters. But I do have some cousins, and one of them is just a few years older than you.”
“You have cousins?” Nate asked. “I thought it was just you and your mom.”
“It is. I mean, it was, but then something crazy happened yesterday while I was at my mom’s for brunch. Her parents and her sister showed up. No warning, no clue that they were even considering it. I’d never met anyone from her family, and they’d completely cut off all contact with her when they disowned her.”
“Why’d they do that?” Catherine asked.
Shit. Was this something David and Julia would be okay with me talking about in front of her? I was practically a stranger to this child.
Nate took the decision out of my hands. “Ashlee’s mom is a lesbian.”
I shot him a grateful look. The last thing I wanted to do when trying to make a good impression on his family was step on anyone’s toes.
“Oh, okay.” Catherine frowned, confusion on her face.
I really hoped we weren’t going to have to explain what that meant. I should’ve just told Nate I’d tell him later and avoided this altogether.
“Why would someone stop talking to their family because of that?” she asked. “Miss Barry, my teacher last year, is a lesbian. She brought her girlfriend to the school play. They’re both really nice.”
If I’d known her better, I would’ve hugged her. “Some people get scared or angry when it comes to people who are different.”
“Well, that’s just stupid,” Catherine said, shaking her head. “What fun is it if everyone’s the same all the time?”
“I completely agree,” I said with a grin. At least it looked like I didn’t need to worry about Nate’s family freaking out when they met my mom. If, I amended, my smile fading as I remembered that he and I still had things to work out if we had a future together.
“But they’re okay with her now?” Nate asked, bringing my attention back to the story I was telling.
“It seems that way,” I said. “It didn’t really come up in conversation. I think it took us until an hour after they left to process the fact that they’d actually been there in the first place.”
“They’re not from around here, are they?”
“No, they’re from Tennessee. They flew in Saturday and are spending some time in the city. They said they happened to see a picture of me online, and it made them realize that they wanted to get to know me.”
“That’s great.” Nate’s tone was sincere, but I caught a flicker of concern.
I completely understood it. As much as I hoped their intentions were good, I couldn’t quite shake all of my doubts. I knew Mom had them too, but I got the impression that she didn’t want to bring anything up that could hurt my chances of having a relationship with my extended family.
Once I better understood how things would go with Nate, maybe I’d talk to him about all the new things I had to be worried about. And maybe he could distract me for a little while.
“Do you have a dad?” Catherine asked suddenly.
Nate started coughing, which made me laugh, and Catherine just looked back and forth between the two of us, a bewildered expression on her face. Nate recovered first, but the pleading look he gave me prompted me to rescue him from having to figure out how to explain that to his twelve-year-old niece.
I kept it simple. “I do. His name’s Finley, but I didn’t grow up with him. In fact, I just met him recently.”
“Did your mom do the thing where a doctor helped her get pregnant? I can’t remember what it’s called.”
Her sex ed class in school must’ve been a hell of a lot more thorough than mine had been. I’d gotten myself into a bit of an embarrassing situation when, during my class, I’d asked the teacher if we were going to learn about ways to get pregnant without having sex. Her reply had been so flustered that it’d taken her a minute to realize that my question hadn’t come from naivety but from my mom being very honest about how I’d come to be.
“IVF,” I answered. “Yes, that’s what she did.”
“I thought so. If she doesn’t like boys, that makes sense.”
I wished everyone who talked to me about my family was this accepting. I smiled at her. “Actually, my mom and my dad are going to meet for the first time this coming Friday.”
“They are?” Nate asked.
I nodded. “My mom’s making dinner for Finley and me on Friday evening.” I wanted to invite him, but I held back, reminding myself that he and I still needed to have a talk about where things stood with us. Hopefully, we’d be able to have it before the night was over, and we could put all this stuff behind us and move on with our lives.
Forty-One
Nate
When David and Julia had first gotten married, the whole family had helped them move into an apartment close to the family hardware store. Even though Julia had given me a different address, I’d still half-expected to be pulling up in front of the same building when I dropped Catherine off. Instead, I found myself in front of a brick two-story with a porch.
I’d barely made it around the car before the front door opened and both David and Julia hurried down the front steps. I caught a glimpse of Jacob in the window and waved at him. He waved back but didn’t come out. I wondered if his parents had told him to stay or he’d decided it’d be safer for him to stay inside while his sister got in trouble.
Julia gave Catherine a quick hug, relief written all over her face. I could only imagine what my sister-in-law had felt when she’d realized what her daughter had done. I’d practically had a panic attack after the fact when I’d thought of all the things that could’ve happened to a young girl traveling across the city alone, and she wasn’t even my kid.
To my surprise, though, it was Julia who, after stepping back from the embrace, said, “We’re glad you’re okay. You’re grounded.”
Catherine turned to David, whose face had settled into a stern expression that resembled the way Dad had looked at me most of my childhood. The words, however, were quite different, both in substance and tone.
“You heard your mother. It’s two weeks for this stunt, but if you argue, it’ll be more. And you’re lucky we don’t take that stuff your uncle got for you as an extra punishment. Now, go get cleaned up for dinner.”
Shoulders slumped in defeat, Catherine headed for the stairs. Just before she went inside, she glanced over her shoulder and shot me a smile I recognized all too well.
Shit.
I felt the sudden need to apologize to David for his
daughter inheriting some of my personality. I only hoped it wasn’t too much. The fact that she applied herself to her schoolwork was a good sign at least.
“Yeah, the first time she smiled that way after she got in trouble for doing something she shouldn’t have done, I was tempted to show up at your office with a paternity test.”
I stared at David as Julia smacked his arm. I hadn’t heard my brother make a joke in…honestly, I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard him make a joke. Or maybe I just hadn’t been paying attention. I was only now realizing just how selfish I’d been over the years. Even things I’d done with what I’d told myself had been the best of intentions had been rooted in selfishness. How much of what I’d thought had been my family shutting me out had actually been me pushing them away?
“Thanks for bringing her home,” Julia said, surprising me with a hug. “I’m sorry she interrupted you at work.”
As she stepped back to David’s side, I ran my hand over my hair. “It was nothing. I was just glad she was safe. I still have no idea how she got past the lobby to an elevator.”
“Um,” Ashlee cleared her throat, “I might’ve gotten an apology text from our new receptionist saying that he had no idea she wasn’t supposed to be there. She told him you were expecting her.”
I sighed. “I can’t even be mad at him for it. If he hadn’t let her through, who knows where she might’ve ended up.”
“I don’t even want to think about that,” Julia said, her face pale. “She knows better too. It’s not like we haven’t warned her about how dangerous it is to be out by herself at her age.”
“She’s a smart kid, and that’s the problem,” David said. “Thinks she knows better than all the adults in her life.”
Yet another way she was like me, but he didn’t point it out this time. Still, his gaze met mine for a second, and I knew he was thinking it.
“I’m grateful you were there for her,” Julia said. “And then bringing her all the way out here, that was just above and beyond. We could’ve come to get her.”
I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect opening. “Actually, I do have some ulterior motive for bringing her home.” I regretted my word choice as I saw David’s face harden. “Well, not exactly. I was on my way to the car, and Ashlee pointed out that this would be a good way for me to find out where Joshua’s staying.”
“Why do you want to know that?” David asked, folding his arms. “I know we all got along at dinner, but are you sure visiting him is the best idea?”
“I want to apologize to him,” I said. It was true, to an extent, since I intended to apologize for not telling him the truth from the start. I didn’t want to get into all of it, though, not before I talked to Joshua. He deserved to hear it before anyone else. Even Ashlee.
I saw a hint of suspicion in David’s eyes, but I really couldn’t blame him. I probably wouldn’t have believed me either if the situation was reversed.
“Joshua’s staying with Trissa and her roommate until they decide what their living arrangements are going to be,” Julia offered. “They haven’t been together long, and they’re not sure if they want to get a place together or if she’ll keep living with her friend and he’ll get a place of his own.”
That was far more information than I’d asked for, and I was beyond surprised that Julia had offered it.
“Do you happen to have the address?” I was pushing my luck asking, but my only other option was to call Joshua and ask him directly if I could come over. I wasn’t confident enough in how well things had gone at dinner to think he’d want to see me again.
Before David could weigh in on whether or not I should have the address, Julia rattled it off. I couldn’t mask my surprise.
“Tribeca?” If I had listed off the wealthiest places around the city, that was in the top three. “How did he manage that? I mean, I know he was doing well for himself in L.A., but that’s…pricey.”
“It’s not his,” Julia said. “Trissa’s roommate, Bevyan, comes from money. I guess when her parents talked her into moving back here, Bevyan asked Trissa to come too. And Trissa asked Joshua…”
“Julia.” David touched his wife’s arm. “Dinner’s going to get cold if we stand out here too much longer.”
“That’s our cue,” I said to Ashlee. “Thank you for the information.”
Julia smiled. “Thank you for taking care of our daughter.”
As Ashlee and I turned back toward the car, I realized that Julia had talked to me more now than she ever had in all the years I’d known her. It seemed I had an ally I hadn’t had before today.
I gave Angus the address, not realizing until then that David hadn’t made a snide remark about the fact that I hadn’t been the one driving. Between that and the joke he’d made, I wondered if he was softening toward me too.
Ashlee took my hand and pulled my arm around her shoulders. Leaning in, she wrapped her arms around my torso and rested her head on my chest. This could have felt sexual, and it would’ve been easy to slide into that role, but I didn’t take it there. I wanted her, but I wanted what we had to be real more. I now understood that real meant waiting until I fixed things with Joshua and until Ashlee knew the truth too. Then I’d make sure she knew that I was all in.
Still, I let myself enjoy the touch, even as platonic as it was.
“Are you sure you want me to go with you?” Ashlee said. “I don’t want to infringe on…family business.”
I kissed her forehead. “I need you there.”
I didn’t offer an explanation because I wasn’t entirely sure if I had one. Or, rather, I didn’t have one I wanted to share at the moment. I still had too much twisted up about her for me to be able to verbalize exactly what was going on with me and her.
She must’ve been thinking along the same lines as me because she didn’t ask me to explain. Though I supposed it also could’ve been her not trusting what the answer would be. That thought made me uncomfortable, but it would have to wait. At least I knew Ashlee well enough to know that she understood why I wanted to talk to Joshua first.
We didn’t talk as we inched through New York, moving from the Bronx to Tribeca, and I was grateful for the silence, but only because I had her next to me. She grounded me, kept my thoughts from spiraling into all the ways this could go wrong. For the first time in days, my mind was blissfully blank.
When Angus pulled up in front of the building where my brother was currently staying, I let out a low whistle. His girlfriend had a friend with serious money. Probably old money.
I told Angus to find a place to park and that I’d call him when I was ready to go. Ashlee took my hand as I helped her from the back of the car. As we walked over to the doorman, I pulled her tight to my side but didn’t release her hand. I gave our names to the middle-aged gentleman at the door and wondered if Joshua would hear my name and tell me to go away.
I didn’t have the chance to find out since the doorman recognized my name for some reason or another and let us inside. As Ashlee and I made our way to the elevator, I wondered if he knew me because of who I was, or because Joshua had guessed I’d stop by. Guessed…or maybe hoped?
Whatever the reason, Joshua hadn’t known I was coming right now because, when I knocked on the door, I didn’t recognize the woman who answered. A little taller than Ashlee, with short dark blonde hair and pewter gray eyes, this woman had the look of someone who was accustomed to people listening to her.
The roommate, I assumed.
“Who are you?” The question was curious, not snotty.
“Nate Lexington,” I said, holding out my free hand. “I was hoping to speak to my brother.”
“Right.” She shook my hand, then stepped aside, motioning for Ashlee and me to come inside. “I’m Bevyan, Trissa’s roommate.” She pointed at me. “You own Manhattan Records, right? I’ve been trying to convince my dad that we need a couple Golden Words songs for a new project he’s working on. I love the man, but he can sometimes need help with what’s current i
n pop culture.”
Something clicked into place, and I realized who her parents were. TV producer Dennis Kelly and socialite Francie Kelly. Damn. That was some serious clout right there.
“Call my office and set it up,” I said.
She grinned at me. “This way.”
The short corridor opened up into a large main room that I was sure was spectacularly designed, but Joshua was sitting on the couch next to Trissa and seeing him made me realize that I was actually going to do this.
“Hey, I’m going out for a bit,” Bevyan said to Trissa. “Meeting that guy I told you about.”
“Check in when you get home,” Trissa said. “Be safe.”
“Nice to meet you.” Bevyan smiled at Ashlee and me, then headed back the way we’d come.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” Joshua said slowly. He stood and put his hands in his pockets, making me wonder if he was reminding himself not to hit me. Had he held back at dinner only because our family had been there? I reminded myself that he’d reached out first.
“I need to talk to you about what happened with Calah.”
He tensed, and I could see him getting ready to tell me to leave, but Trissa reached out and put a hand on his arm.
“Listen to him,” she said gently. “Hear him out.”
He nodded mutely and gestured to the loveseat next to the couch. Ashlee sat next to me, her hand solid in mine, anchoring me. When Joshua sat, Trissa put her arms around his, and I realized she was doing the same thing for him. Neither of us was comfortable with the prospect of the conversation we were about to have, but the women in our lives would keep us steady while we did it.
“I’m not a saint,” I began, “and I won’t say that I haven’t done some pretty shitty stuff, but what happened with Calah…it wasn’t quite as cut-and-dry as it seemed.”
He didn’t curse at me or demand I leave, so I was going to count that as proof I should continue.
“While you were at Julliard, learning how to be a kickass musician, I was wading through all of the shit that comes with the business side of the music industry.” What had happened with Calah had been one damn stupid decision, but my reason for doing it came from something other than sex. “I saw all the ways the industry chewed people up and spit them out. I didn’t want that to happen to you.”