by Lynn, Stacey
Chapter Two
“Pete!” I exclaim with excitement at seeing my absolute favorite bartender, bar owner and former boss. Why he named his bar Jack’s Bar instead of Pete’s is a mystery he has never explained. My mouth opens into a wide grin and all nervousness about hitting on the hot guys next to me fades instantly. Pete is more than a boss. He’s a friend – and one I’ve ignored for a long time – but it truly is so good to see him.
His mouth drops open when he turns. His eyes widen and I smile even bigger, as he blinks his eyes once, then twice, slowly, as if wondering I’m real or not.
I nod, answering his silent questions.
“Nicole! Long time no see baby girl!” Before I know it, his thick arms are on my hands, pulling me up and almost halfway over the bar and he’s got me wrapped up in the largest, and most uncomfortable bear hug of my life. The edge of the bar digs into my hips and all I want to do is make sure my skirt hasn’t ridden up any higher on my legs.
He hugs and rocks me back and forth and I realize I have tears in my eyes by the time he’s done with me. I’ve missed him.
His gaze lowers and his eyes flicker around us, as if he’s checking to see if anyone is paying attention – or needs him. He puts a hand on mine and holds it firmly, his eyes not letting me look away. “How have you been?”
I wipe away the one tear that escapes with a sad smile on my face. “I’m okay….it’s been tough. But, I think I’m getting better.” I wave my hand in the air, gesturing to the bar. “It feels really good to be back here.”
He nods solemnly. “It should. It’s your home, Nic.” A customer down at the end of the bar calls his name and he starts to walk away, but doesn’t look away from me. “And don’t you ever forget it. You hear me?”
“So I take it you come here often?” I turn to my left to see the tall blonde guy smiling at me in a disarmingly friendly way. It doesn’t feel like he’s hitting on me, but how would I know? I don’t think I’ve ever actually been hit on in a bar before. I always had Mark.
I smile politely, knowing that Mia is watching every second of this interaction and I resist the urge to look back at her.
“I used to work here in college. A long time ago.” I say and take in the stranger more closely. He’s tall, really tall, and thin – but muscular at the same time. His hair though, makes him seem a bit out of place. His long blond hair makes him look like he’d be more at home on a surfboard on the Californian coast; certainly not in a grungy bar in the Midwest.
He nods like it’s an acceptable answer. And I stand there, awkwardly because I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to say.
I offer my hand to him and he shakes it, “I’m Nicole.”
“Jake. And this is my friend, Zack.”
I turn my eyes and bite back a gasp at the guy with the baseball cap, now named Zack. He has the lightest green I’ve ever seen. They’re so light, they look almost completely clear. It’s mesmerizing and I’m so shocked I can be affected by just the color of his eyes, it takes me a second to remember why I’m standing here in front of him.
Zack smiles lazily and gives me a small nod. “Nice to meet you.”
I want to take my eyes off of him, but I can’t. It doesn’t sound like it’s nice to meet me at all. He sounds a little bit wary that I’m talking to them and I watch his eyes roam slowly around the bar, like he doesn’t want to be caught talking to me at all. I frown as I remember that these are the guys in the corner and probably want to be left alone.
Jake chuckles softly next to me and it breaks my wanderings. I have to start flirting with these guys or I’ll never get my new shoes. Screw, that. I can’t flirt to save my life right now I’m so nervous, but maybe a bit of honesty will work. Pathetic as it may sound.
I smile and brush my hair over my shoulder as I look to Jake. He still looks amused as he glances back and forth between me and Zack.
“I was wondering if you guys could help me out with a favor.”
Jake’s eyes light up and Zack tenses.
“What is it?” Zack asks warily.
He is clearly not going to help me, so I take a deep breath and turn towards the happy Jake guy. “My friend dared me to flirt with someone tonight, and if I can get someone to buy me a beer, she’ll buy me a new pair of shoes. And I sort of suck at the whole flirting thing….” I know I’m rambling and I get more nervous every second as both of their faces look completely serious. “But…if you just wave Pete over and order a drink for me, he probably won’t even charge you, so it won’t cost you anything.”
I bite my tongue and smile, nervously. Mostly I just want to smack my head against the bar because I have to sound incredibly stupid and lame. This will never work.
For a second, both of them are quiet but then Jake bursts out laughing. Zack leans backward and I watch his eyes roam down my legs and stop at my red high-heeled shoes. The sudden warmth I feel just knowing his eyes are on me makes my knees shake a little bit. It’s been almost a year and a half since someone has looked at me like this and it completely unnerves me. I try to pull my eyes away and back to Jake, because he feels much safer, but Zack returns to me and his lips turn up a bit and then slowly into a full smile.
He’s hot. And I can’t believe I even realize it, but totally sexy. I have a feeling this guy gets hit on all the time with a smile like that, and I’m standing in front of him rambling on about sucking at flirting and needing new shoes. Awesome.
“You don’t look like you need new shoes.” He says to me in a slow drawl that sends shivers down my spine. What in the hell is wrong with me?
I look down at the bar because I have to stop looking at him. But then I realize his statement is really more of a question and he’s waiting for me to answer.
“I’m a girl. We always need more shoes.”
Jake looks at me like he’s trying to choke back a laugh and I instantly wonder if this guy is always so happy. “So, let me get this straight. You flirt with us, we buy you a drink – which won’t cost us anything - and you get new shoes. And you don’t want anything else from us – from Zack?”
I cock my head to the right and look between the both of them, confused. “Is there something else I should want?”
Jake doubles over in laughter and smacks Zack on the back. A furious heat fills my cheeks as I realize how that could possibly sound and I really don’t want to look at Zack, but I can’t help it.
He smiles and shakes his head back and forth like he can’t believe I just said that, and I can’t either, but I have a feeling he’s thinking something completely different than I am.
“Not at all,” he finally says. “I’ll get your drink, if you’ll answer one question.” I raise my eyebrows and wait until he continues. “Why did your friend pick us? And why is she daring you to flirt with someone?”
His grin makes me feel things I haven’t felt in years. It confuses me more than his question.
“That’s two questions.” I say and run my hands through my hair hoping he won’t see them trembling ever so slightly.
He arches one eyebrow and takes a pull from his beer. I catch myself watching his grey button down shirt flex across his chest and his Adam’s apple bob slowly. I swallow, suddenly feeling all sorts of things that can’t actually mean anything, and I blink my eyes quickly to snap myself back to reality. There must be something seriously wrong with me because I cannot take my eyes off him, and tonight is supposed to be about having fun, not drooling over the first hot guy I meet.
“So it is.” He shrugs nonchalantly and leans one elbow against the bar, and just…watches me.
I lick my lips and peek a glance to Pete, wondering if he’ll see me with an empty drink and I can just get it from him, screw the shoes. I can go buy my own pair, because something about Zack makes me feel all sorts of funny things and it might just be safer to get away from him completely.
But I can’t, because I haven’t finished Mia’s dare and my pride won’t allow me to slink back to our table wi
thout a drink in hand.
“Because Mia hates me,” I mutter, and hope it’s enough. I look back to Zack slowly and he nods, like this answers everything. Except it really answers nothing at all, but it doesn’t really seem like he minds.
Whatever the case, he looks to Jake and winks. They understand whatever just wasn’t said and I feel all sorts of confused.
“Your friend is Mia?” Jake asks and I nod. “Why don’t you have her join us for a drink?” My eyes widen in relief and I turn to Mia with a completely fake victorious smile.
I catch Mia’s eye across the bar and wave her over. Her smile widens, obviously proud of me. Except really, I didn’t actually flirt so I wonder if she’ll still buy me the shoes. Oh well. If anything, I’m proud of myself for talking to a couple of guys, and I’m having fun – which is all I want for tonight anyway. I feel more like the me I used to be than I have in the last fifteen months, and somehow I know that girl I saw in the mirror earlier tonight is slowly disappearing. It feels good and scary all at the same time.
“Here’s your drink,” Zack says and slides the beer over to me. I grab both of them and turn to hand one to Mia.
She’s about five feet away from us when she smiles at me, and then her eyes move to Zack and Jake. Suddenly, her eyes widen and she stumbles over her shoes. Her arms flail to catch herself right before she crashes into me, spilling a bit of her drink down the front of my shirt.
“What the hell?” I shriek as she turns to Zack. His genuine smile has disappeared behind a clenched jaw and Jake looks around the bar. A few people turn their heads at the spectacle but slowly go back to whatever they were doing before and Jake relaxes.
“Oh my holy hell!” Mia exclaims and then covers her mouth and steadies herself against the bar. He eyes sparkle like the fourth of July and she’s practically bouncing up and down. “You’re Zack Walters!”
I watch Zack’s jaw unclench and his smile turns into something more…I don’t know exactly, but it looks arrogant and fake and all sorts of cocky.
“You know him?” I ask dumbfounded and look back and forth between the two of them. This brings another round of soft laughter from Jake and I can’t figure out what in the world is so funny or why Zack suddenly seems unhappy, or why on earth my cool and always collected friend looks like she’s about three seconds away from peeing her pants with excitement.
Mia’s jaw drops and she turns to me. She shakes her head like I’ve asked the dumbest question in the entire world.
“Zack Wal-ters.” She speaks slowly, enunciating every single syllable as if speaking to me like I’m a toddler will help me understand.
Strangely enough, it totally works.
Zack Walters. Mia’s totally famous fantasy rock star boyfriend. I am a total fool.
I want to focus on Mia right now because my friend, who works with supermodels and sees famous people all the time is totally freaking out and I love it. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her so unhinged.
But yet, I can’t stop from noticing that Zack seems uncomfortable with the attention. I look at him slowly, and I realize Mia is right. However, since I don’t stalk the gossip blogs like she does, even without the baseball cap on, I probably never would have recognized him.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Zack says and extends a hand slowly across the bar. He says it in the same way he spoke to me earlier, like it’s really not nice at all. But now I get it. He’s probably here just to grab a drink and didn’t want to be recognized.
I watch Jake smile politely at Mia and then I introduce the two of them.
Zack looks at me and cocks his head to the left. “You really didn’t know?”
I shake my head in answer to his question, but also to clear it from all the funny things that his voice does to me.
“I had no idea,” I say and feel a blush rise on my cheeks. I must be the only girl in America who wouldn’t recognize a super star like Zack Walters. According to one of Mia’s magazines he’s been rated America’s Hottest Bachelor, and I know his music rocks. I just haven’t listened to much since the accident and I’ve avoided his completely. “I’m sorry.”
Zack laughs and shakes his head again. “Don’t be. That was all…flattering.”
“Why?” It sounds more rude than I intended and I hear Mia snort next to me.
He shrugs and I can see Jake’s shoulders shaking from laughter. He must be the happiest guy on the planet. “It’s just…I don’t think anyone has ever tried to get a drink from me for the sake of getting shoes.”
Mia gasps. “You told them?! That so doesn’t count!”
I bite my lip and look at her apologetically. “Sorry,” I say, but then I wonder. “Did you know it was him when you sent me over here?”
Mia blushes. She actually blushes and I choke down my laughter. She shakes her head and smiles sheepishly at Zack, clearly still dumbfounded in his presence. “I couldn’t tell from so far away with the hat and everything.”
I point to Mia with my thumb and look back to Zack, wanting to break the earlier tension. Why? I have no clue. “She has a full size poster of you on her ceiling above her bed.”
Jake laughs and Mia glares at me as she mutters, “Shut up. It’s an eight by ten on my dresser.” Zack blushes, but Jake leans forward a little closer, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“So you’ve seen it, then?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not on my back on her bed very often.” I feel heat instantly on my cheeks as I realize what I just implied. I hope they let it go.
He doesn’t.
“So you like the top.”
I choke on my drink.
Zack hits him upside the head and it makes me laugh. “Don’t be a douche.”
“God no…I……” I stop myself from continuing. I’m stuttering and it’s embarrassing and everyone around me are laughing their asses off. But I admit, this is the most fun I’ve had since I can remember. It almost feels like old times and the thought makes me happy that I can actually do this again…and sad, suddenly, because in a sense I feel like I’m betraying Mark.
I sigh and look away to the stage. Whatever band is going to play later has started setting up. Tonight is a really big step, and admittedly, I’m having fun, but I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be able to go back and enjoy the things I used to without my biggest supporters and encouragers. I feel like Mark would want this for me. But I don’t know if I can do it without him, or if I even want to. I feel like I’m stuck in some human pinball arcade game being tossed back and forth between wanting to have my old life back, wanting to move on, wanting to be happy again, and wanting to hold on to everything I used to have, even though it’s not possible.
“Nic?” I jump when Mia’s arm nudges my side and I snap my head to her.
“Where’d you go?” She asks, but I just shake my head. I went to another life, but I feel too silly to say it in front of everyone. I look at Zack and Jake who are both watching me curiously.
“Nowhere,” I say and shake my head to clear the thoughts. “What’d I miss?”
“Mia was telling us about her job at Callie’s…I asked where you worked?”
“I’m a photographer.” Zack’s easy smiles turns to a frown instantly.
A photographer who just so happens to be randomly at the restaurant where he’s hanging out and slyly introduces herself? I’m sure it’s not the first time it’s happened to him. But I wave my hand dismissively wanting to ease the tension I feel rolling off of him in waves.
“I’m not that kind of photographer.” I feel the need to clarify my job, although why I suddenly feel like making Zack feel more comfortable is something I don’t want to think about. “I take family photographs.”
“How did you get involved in photography?” His tone is cautious, and I can’t figure out why I want to ease it and make him trust me.
I shrug, tying to be nonchalant, but know I fail miserably when I can’t look him in the eye. “I know the importance of capturing family
memories.” It doesn’t specifically answer his question and I know based on the questioning look he gives, he knows I’m hiding more than I’m sharing.
“I feel like there’s a story there.” He says it with a more lighthearted tone. I relax knowing he isn’t thinking I’m going to be spreading his photograph across the blogosphere before morning.
“Are you a journalist, too?” I smirk at him teasingly and then take a sip of my drink thinking of the correct way to explain.
“There’s a look a parent gives their child, and vice versa, that when caught in exactly the right moment tells the other ‘you hold my entire heart and are my entire world.’ I can spend hours with a client looking for that look or glance. Sometimes it comes while they roll in leaves, walk across a bridge looking at the fish in a pond below. Sometimes it happens when the child is thrown high into the air, or has a temper tantrum because their shoes are too tight, or too pink, or too whatever. I never end a session until I’ve got that look captured from everyone in the session. I want them to be able to hold onto it forever.”
“That sounds incredibly fulfilling.”
“It is.” I smile meekly.
He doesn’t press me for more, and I’m thankful because he doesn’t need to know all my baggage, and I certainly don’t want to bring it up. I learned shortly after Mark and Andrew's death that people won’t look me in eye after hearing I am a twenty-six year old widow and the parent of a dead child.
“So why are you guys in town?” I ask in hopes of changing the subject. The question is met with a round of laughter again, and I wonder what I said that’s so funny.
Mia shakes her head. “You’re hilarious, Nic. Seriously.” She waves her hand out to the guys. “They have a concert tomorrow.”
Oh. That would explain it. At the risk of looking even more stupid I look at Jake. “So I take it you play with Zack too?”