by Mia Hoddell
* * *
“What did you want again?” I asked, pushing the trolley into the supermarket and starting down the first aisle.
“Does it matter? You’re doing your own shopping.” She waved at me. “‘Bye now.”
“Come on, Taz. Did you really think I meant it, and how are you planning on getting around with a trolley and crutches?”
She folded her arms and glowered. Though, having to balance on one leg to perform the action lessened its severity to make it more comical. “I’ll manage, and yeah I did, so you’re going to stick to it.”
“If I take my shirt off again will it make you change your mind?” I chuckled. When I had thrown on the shirt I kept in my gym bag back in the car park I swear Tazia’s eyes fell in disappointment.
“Are you trying to be an ass?” she murmured.
“What was that?”
“I thought we were meant to be starting over? You’re not exactly making a good first impression.”
“I must have made a better impression than Perry considering you’re here with me. What’s the deal with you and him?”
“Nothing. He helped me move in after some jerk knocked me over.”
Tazia wasn’t kidding about her bluntness. I kind of liked it…maybe.
“I apologised for that.”
“So? It doesn’t mean I’m going to let you live it down. I’m only biding my time for the perfect comeback.”
I scoffed, not worried in the slightest.
“Why can’t I give you a pet name?” It had been gnawing at me since I witnessed her reaction. Instinct told me there had to be something bigger there.
She paused in front of the refrigerated section, eying the selection of whipped cream. “You don’t know me. I’m not looking for more than a friend and pet names signal more. I’m not anyone’s baby, I don’t care if someone thinks I’m beautiful, I’m not a princess, and my heart is broken not sweet.”
Tazia refused to meet my eyes, pretending to read the ingredients on the back of the canister. She shrugged, the action appearing defeated.
“I want to be known as myself, as Taz, because it’s the only version that’s true.”
Dumbfounded, I struggled to find any words to create a response. I’d never met a girl who didn’t like endearing names, let alone had such an adverse reaction to them. Raine always got emotional when I called her sweet girl, although that might have been down to the fact I only used it when trying to calm her. Elora, on the other hand, loved any name I used to use for her—baby, sweetheart, babe. It was funny how none of those suited Elora nowadays.
When I dragged myself from my thoughts, Tazia was a few metres away from me. She no longer appeared like the strong, confident woman who marched out of our flats and dished out orders. Even her unwavering smile began to falter.
Unease swelled within me at her expression. I wanted the fiery Taz back.
I sidled up behind her, dipping my head over her shoulder. “Okay, new game. I say a word and you tell me the first thing to come to your mind, then me, then you.”
She regarded me with confusion. “Why?”
“Because I want to know more about you.”
“And this will help how?”
“It will tell me how your mind works.” And I wanted to distract her from whatever thoughts were eating at her.
She grumbled and placed two canisters of whipped cream in the trolley. I took the sound as an agreement and started. “Cream.”
“Milk.”
I grinned and couldn’t stop my gaze wandering to her chest. “Boobs.”
Tazia placed a hand on her hip, her lips parted. “Really, Dustin?”
“What?” I asked innocently. Although boobs hadn’t been the first word I thought of it was the one I knew would garner the biggest reaction.
“So when you hear the word milk you think of boobs?”
I jerked a thumb at my chest. “Guy.”
“Jerk,” she replied immediately, the life returning to her features.
“That wasn’t part of the game.”
She shrugged, heading down another aisle. “Your go.”
I caught up to her quickly, stooping to lower my lips to her ear with a chuckle. “Jerk off.”
She snapped her head around the aisle, I assumed to make sure no one was within hearing distance. “Are you serious?” she hissed, though she couldn’t fight the laughter bubbling in her throat or the rueful shake of her head.
“Deadly. Your turn.”
Her cheeks flushed and she marched off in the opposite direction. “Oh look, icing sugar. Just what I need.”
She regarded the rows of white and pink boxes, still refusing to make eye contact as she dumped two boxes into the trolley. What I wouldn’t have given to know where her mind went at my answer.
She didn’t look at me until we reached the next aisle. Her enormous grin made me suspicious instantly. Since Raine and I had been best friends for over ten years it gave me an advantage when picking up whether or not a woman was up to something.
Taz’s expression appeared undeniably shifty. “I want to play a new game.”
I hunched over the trolley, steering it with my forearms. “Oh yeah? What?”
“I’m going to attempt to set you up with someone and see if being ‘cute’ really doesn’t get you friend-zoned. There’s a woman over there who keeps glancing your way and I now have the perfect payback.” She rolled her ‘r’, purring with joy.
Tazia headed over in the direction of the supposed woman and in doing so allowed me to catch a glimpse of her.
I inhaled in sharply.
My heart skipped a beat, then tripled in speed.
Icy daggers of anxiety raced through my veins and I couldn’t look away from the aquamarine eyes boring into me.
Movement to my right caught my attention again.
“Tazia, no!” I shouted, sounding like a dog owner barking an order at their pet. For good measure I reached out and gripped her forearm, tugging on it with more force than necessary to pull her back against my side. “Do not go over there.”
She cocked her head to the side, the grin still lighting up her face. “Why not? Is someone worried about getting a date?”
“Taz, please,” I hissed, aware Elora was listening to every word. Her eyes kept darting to us with intrigue while she pretended to read the label on the can she held.
“Oh come on. I thought you said you were going to prove me wrong when we left.” She jabbed me in the side and I let out a grunt as her fingers connected with one of the more recent bruises that hadn’t completely healed.
Over Tazia’s shoulder I saw Elora sashaying towards us. As soon as she took the first step in our direction I snapped.
I was doing well until she’d shown up, but even Tazia’s presence couldn’t prevent the thoughts I’d locked away in my mind from escaping.
There is no baby, Dustin.
I couldn’t do it.
There is no baby.
I slammed my palm down on the handle of the trolley. The stab of pain slicing through my bones silenced the thoughts for a second. It was enough for me to realise I had to leave. If I didn’t things were going to get ugly.
Tazia may have been like a soothing balm, yet my wounds were too big and too raw for her to have any effect. Seeing Elora tore me open even further so it was like trying to use a plaster to fix an amputated limb.
“Fuck it, I’m out of here. I’ll wait in the car.”
I caught a brief glimpse of shock and hurt flittering through Tazia’s eyes, which I ignored. My sneakers squeaked against the tiles as I fled.
I needed my cards.
In the car park I broke out into a run. I threw the passenger’s door open and dove into the seat. I ripped the glove box open and desperately grasped for the deck I kept there. Tipping the pile out into my hand I allowed the box to fall to the floor and shuffled the cards.
With a deep breath, I stared at the shiny surfaces and began organising them.
<
br /> Ace of diamond, ace of clubs, ace of hearts, ace of spades.
Next the kings, queens, jacks.
Working my way through the pile I attempted to dispel the anger infecting me.
I hated the bitch. I couldn’t even catch a glimpse of her without wanting to punch something.
And I’d left Tazia alone with her.
I groaned and tipped my head back against the headrest. Hell, I needed to go back in.
I couldn’t have Elora fucking with Tazia or revealing too much. Tazia didn’t need to know what had screwed me up because I didn’t want her pity or sympathy. And I certainly didn’t want Elora warping her view of me.
I waited until I’d organised the deck then slipped it back into the box. I slid out of the car reluctantly and slammed the door a little harder than necessary.
God help Elora if she fucked with either of us.
Chapter Nine
Tazia
I stared after Dustin, wondering what I’d said to send him into such a fit of rage. I’d only been teasing. However, his reaction brought home the message I knew nothing about him. With his joking and playful banter I’d forgotten there were some underlying issues, and his reaction only proved Dustin was far from okay.
The striking woman who’d obviously been checking him out had poker straight, flame-coloured hair and deep black eyeliner rimming her piercing blue eyes. I had no idea why she kept heading in my direction when Dustin had left.
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve ever met. Are you one of Dustin’s relatives?”
I pursed my lips, studying her. I had no intention of giving answers to a complete stranger. Knowing vaguely about Dustin’s career she could have been anyone and I didn’t want to jeopardise anything for him. “Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name.”
The woman held a hand over her heart and feigned bashfulness. “I’m Elora, Dustin’s fiancée.”
I struggled to prevent my jaw falling slack. Out of all the things I expected her to say, the word ‘fiancée’ wasn’t one of them. I’d have thought Dustin would have mentioned something as big as being engaged. He’d mentioned Raine after all, and a fiancée was much more significant.
I glanced down at Elora’s hand in suspicion to find her ring finger bare.
She must have caught me looking because she folded her hands in front of her. “We’re getting the ring designed. He wanted it to be unique.”
“Right. Well, congratulations.” I conjured a tight smile. “I’d better finish up shopping. It was good meeting you.”
Elora blocked my path, her expression as false as my words. “Hold on a second, you never said who you are.”
“And I’m not going to.”
“I think I have the right to know why my fiancé is shopping with another woman, don’t you?”
A wall of muscle pushed in between the two of us, blocking my view of Elora, and halting my insulting retort.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Elora?” Dustin spat, keeping his voice barely above a whisper. Anger flowed off him in palpable waves, his muscles coiled tightly in an attempt to contain it. When I stepped to peer around him I expected to see him right in her personal space. It surprised me to find he’d left a sizable gap between them.
“I’m introducing myself to your friend here.” Elora, reached up to place her hand on the slowly fading red scratches on his cheek. The way she glowered at me sent a shiver down my spine and her voice held no warmth.
Dustin raised his hand to encircle her wrist when Elora started to curl her fingers against his skin.
“Why would you need to introduce yourself?” He lowered her hand. I could see the restrained power in his grip as he consciously controlled himself. The only clue as to how close he was to breaking were the trembles shooting through his free hand. “You’re nothing to me anymore.”
Elora’s next movement came so quickly had I blinked I would have missed it. A loud clap rang out in the aisle and Dustin’s head snapped to the side. His hand flew to cover his cheek and I gasped, not believing she’d hit him in the middle of a supermarket where everyone could see. By the looks of the startled glances thrown our way, neither could the other customers along the same aisle.
“You bastard.” She raised her hand again, only Dustin intercepted it and swiftly composed himself.
It started to become clear where the scratches had come from in the first place.
“I’m not discussing this, Elora. And I now have three witnesses to your violence. Either walk away or I will be phoning the police.”
“Dustin, please. I miss you.” Her words were barely a whisper. Tears brimmed in her eyes and her posture hunched as she tried to play the vulnerable woman card.
Dustin took a step back. Whether it was to make sure he kept out of striking distance I couldn’t be sure.
“Do us all a favour and walk away, Elora. This is your last warning.”
Dustin angled his body so he could focus on me and still see Elora. “Do you have everything you need?”
I nodded, too alarmed to form a sentence.
“Go and wait in the car. I’ll pay for all of this and meet you back there, okay?”
A part of me didn’t want to leave him alone for fear of what would happen, but it wasn’t my business. The only reassurance I had was I knew Dustin could physically restrain her if need be.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
With hesitant steps I headed in the direction of the exit. I peered over my shoulder one final time to see Dustin standing toe-to-toe with Elora, their bodies locked in a standoff.
* * *
I managed to refrain from speaking throughout the whole drive home until we were parked outside our block of flats. I told myself it wasn’t my business and I nearly convinced myself. However, I wanted it to be my business and I wanted to heal the man beside me by showing him not every woman was a bitch.
Because Elora couldn’t be described as anything else.
In fact, she was probably infinitely worse, and what I’d seen only scratched the surface of the fucked up relationship they must have had.
If Dustin had been battling that crazy person day in, day out, I wasn’t surprised by his drunken stupor. I didn’t condone it, though I could understand it slightly more.
“Do you want to talk about what happened back there?” I asked gently, casting Dustin a sidelong glance, still hesitant about his reaction. I knew hardly anything about him and the fury radiated from him to fill the car. Though the thought he could hurt me never entered my mind, I knew his anger would have to come out at some point and I couldn’t predict what form it would take.
“No.” He forced out the curt reply through a clenched jaw. His hands circled the steering wheel, tightening until his knuckles whitened.
“Has she done that before?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Tazia.”
“But—”
“I said no!” He smashed a hand down on the steering wheel. “It’s none of your business.”
I bit down on my lip, debating whether to say more. I wanted him to know he could talk to me and I’d be there for him. However, he’d reached his limit. I slipped from the car without a word. While I fiddled with my crutches, I saw Dustin’s shoulders heave with an exhale as he hung his head. He rested it against the steering wheel, his eyes screwed shut.
To give him a modicum of privacy I walked to the back of the car and opened the boot. I struggled with the three bags, fighting them when a door slammed shut. A second later Dustin appeared by my side.
“Let me take those.” He held out a hand.
“No I’m good. Thanks for all of the help.” I could see his desire to be shot of me and helping me with my shopping would only prolong the experience.
“Come on, Taz. Let me take them. We’re heading the same way after all.”
With a humph I handed over the bags. “Thank you.”
Together we waited for the lift to ascend. When the doors op
ened, Dustin allowed me to exit first and he trailed behind me with heavy footsteps. He paused by my door and waited for me to open it.
“You can leave them there.” I pointed at the floor. “I’ve got it from here.”
Dustin hesitated for a second, then finally decided to listen to me. Placing the bags down, he pulled out his own keys and retreated to his door.
“Dustin,” I called and he glanced over his shoulder. “I’m here if you want to talk. I don’t know what you’re going through, but remember; I’m fucked up too. I won’t judge you.” It was hard to joke about my past, even to make someone else feel better. Unfortunately, Dustin didn’t take it that way. Without acknowledging my comment he closed the distance between him and his door, unlocking it swiftly.
“I’ll see you around, Tazia.” He shut the door, leaving me staring at the forest green paint. It took me a moment to engage my brain and get moving again since a part of me hoped he would come back out. When I realised he wasn’t I grabbed my shopping one bag at a time and struggled in to my kitchen.
Flicking on the radio I emptied the bags and put away the baking supplies I wasn’t going to need. Thanks to Elora’s impromptu public display I hadn’t managed to get all of the shopping I needed. At least I had the ingredients for macarons, though.
With a sigh I ordered all the items on top of the counter. I knew the recipe by heart, having made them so many times my limbs moved automatically as I stirred, whisked, and piped.
It took me hardly any time to have the orange coloured passion fruit circles in the oven. Then I got to work on the chocolate filling. I couldn’t resist dipping my finger in the mixture, licking off the rich, chocolaty goodness with a satisfied hum.
Chocolate always made everything better. I was banking on it because I couldn’t get Dustin out of my mind. I didn’t want him going out and getting pissed again. And although I wasn’t expecting him to pour his heart out to me, I didn’t think he should be alone. I’d been in similar positions and being alone made everything worse, especially with no comfort food. By the state of his flat when I’d been there, I didn’t think he’d been shopping for a while.