Suddenly, he looks up past me and jumps to his feet. He races over towards the hallway. I turn around to see where he’s going. “Mama,” he squeals as he runs towards her. Lydia stands in the hallway, frozen in place with her eyes on me. I slowly rise to my feet, my gaze meeting hers. She bends over, scooping Trent into her arms. She hugs him tightly and tickles his side. He giggles loudly and starts to squirm in her arms.
Her eyes never leave mine.
She slowly sets him back down on his feet.
“Why don’t you go back to playing with your cars?” She walks into the room. “Mommy needs to talk to Ryder, okay?”
“Okay!” he exclaims and runs back over to the carpet.
She walks past me and disappears into the kitchen. I watch her as she walks out of the room. A light purple dress hugs her body, landing just above her knees. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, revealing her shoulders and the top of her back. Thick pink scars peak out of her dress, but she wears them without embarrassment. I go to follow her into the kitchen when Griffin comes back into the house. I glance over to him, silently asking him what to do.
“Go,” he nods towards the kitchen. “I’ll take him to the park.”
I follow after her, finding her standing at the counter. She lays the keys and her phone on the counter and hangs her purse on one of the chairs. She turns and faces me. There’s an uneasy silence that hangs in the air. A few moments pass before either of us speak. Griffin pokes his head in the room, breaking up the silence.
“I’m going to take Trent to the park and to get ice cream, if that’s okay?” he asks Lydia. There’s more to the question than he is letting on.
“I’m sure he’ll like that,” she says, smiling at him.
“Trent,” Griffin calls, “come say bye to Mommy. We’re gonna go somewhere special.”
Trent comes running in, and Lydia bends down to give him a hug. She plants a kiss on his cheek. “You be good for Uncle Griffin, okay? I love you so much,” she whispers, hugging him tighter. She lets him go, and he walks over to Griffin. He turns around and looks at me.
“You come too?”
I give him a smile. “Maybe next time, little man.”
“Okay!” he exclaims. He waves bye to us, and Griffin leads him out the front door. We both stare after them, watching them leave. The room grows silent again.
“So,” her soft voice trails off. She turns her head and looks at me expectantly.
I turn my head to look at her. “Take a walk with me?” I ask.
Her eyes rake over me before meeting my gaze. Her expression is unreadable. She gives me a simple nod and makes her way to the front door. Exiting the house, she leaves it open as I follow behind her. We walk to the beach in silence. As we reach the sand, she kicks off her shoes, scooping them up in her hand. The white tips of the waves fold over themselves, crashing against the shore. Without touching me, she pulls me towards the water. A magnetic force draws me to her. She stops when her toes touch the water. I linger behind her, watching her staring out into the sea. She lets down her hair and it flutters across her shoulders from the soft breeze floating across the ocean.
“Lydia,” I start, slowly walking to stand beside her. “I’m sorry for the other night. I didn’t mean to startle you like I did.”
She lightly shakes her head, her gaze remaining on the ocean. “You don’t owe me an apology for that,” she assures, her voice soft.
She’s isn’t right, but yet, she isn’t wrong. I owe her an apology for so much more than that. “That’s not all that I am sorry for.” I pause, taking a deep breath. “Two years ago…”
She cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.
“Stop,” she demands, directing her attention at me. She turns her body to face me. Her hazel eyes burn into mine. Soft tendrils of hair blow around her head, floating across her face. I resist the urge to brush them away. She hastily grabs them and tucks them behind her ears. “I have things I need to tell you,” she confesses. “And I need you to listen. That’s all I’m asking. For you to just listen.” Her eyes are pleading, her expression worried.
“Okay,” I nod slowly, “I can do that.” I brace myself, unsure of what she will say.
Closing her eyes, her shoulders rise and fall as she takes a deep breath. When she opens them, they are clear, yet full of remorse.
“Two years ago, I think I made a mistake. A selfish decision that changed everything and caused nothing but pain.”
chapter fifteen
LYDIA
I DIDN’T THINK I COULD DO THIS.
Yet, here we are.
And it’s time to tell him my story.
He watches me with his clear blue eyes, waiting for me to continue. His body is tense. I can feel it without even touching him.
“What I went through was something I never imagined that I would get through alive. Or with my sanity intact.” I stop for a moment, gauging his reaction. A hint of sadness flashes through his eyes, yet he remains silent. “Griffin told me everything. He told me why you were there; how it was against your will. He told me his involvement and why Jared couldn’t be stopped. How he would kill us all if anyone tried to stop him. Griffin knew that Jared wouldn’t kill me if everyone went along with it.” I pause to take a deep breath. “At first, I was angry. I was angry with everyone for letting it happen…” My voice grows quieter. “Especially you.”
He’s visibly uncomfortable, wringing his hands together with his jaw clenched tightly. His expression is pained, and I can tell he wants to say something. So I continue, not giving him the chance.
“I lived through it all. When I woke up in the hospital, seeing you made everything feel okay…until my memories set in. And then, just the thought of you hurt me. The pain was so deep and fresh. I felt so betrayed. My mind couldn’t comprehend everything that had happened. Which is why I left.”
My hair whips across my face, the strands stinging my skin. Ryder takes a step towards me, reaching out hesitantly. His hand is soft as he brushes the hair from my face. And just like that, he withdraws from me, bringing me back to my story.
“At the hospital,” I clear my throat, “I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know how to handle the news. After something so horrific, how could that happen to me too? The doctor told me that I would most likely have a miscarriage, due to all the trauma my body went through. As much as it pains me to admit,” I pause, “I wished that I would. But I didn’t have a miscarriage. Instead, I had a strong willed baby growing inside me. He endured so much, yet he fought along with me to survive. And I couldn’t give that up. He was a miracle.”
I smile at him, letting my thoughts drift to Trent and how lucky I was to have him in my life. But slowly, my smile fades as reality sets in.
“There were men that were there.” I tilt my head towards the sky, closing my eyes. I take a few deep breaths, drawing the salty air in through my nose. I straighten my head, my eyes meeting his full on. “And they raped me.”
Ryder’s eyes give everything away. They blaze with a fire I’ve never seen before. One that could burn down a village. His hands are rough as he runs them through his hair and clutches the sides of his head.
“No!” he says loudly, his voice harsh. He starts to pace, no longer paying attention to me. He clenches and unclenches his fists, mumbling to himself.
“Ryder,” I raise my voice for him to hear me over the waves. “Stop.”
He comes to a halt and stares at me.
“I’m not done,” I tell him, staring back at him. His head drops into his hands and he rubs them over his eyes. He lifts up his head, his body even more tense than before.
“Okay,” he nods.
“I never meant to hurt you, but I needed to leave. It hurt too much to stay. I was filled with so much anger and rage, and I couldn’t have that for my baby. I’m so sorry that I left you. I couldn’t bear to tell you, and that wasn’t fair to you at all. I knew if I did, I would never leave. After everything, I could never
hate you. Although, I tried to convince myself that I did. It made it easier to bear. And I couldn’t tell you I was pregnant. The last thing I wanted was for you to be ashamed of me and to hate me for that. Especially because I decided to keep him.”
“I would never be ashamed,” he cuts in. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know it wasn’t my fault. But it wasn’t yours either, and I couldn’t put that on you. So, I left. Cara has family in Georgia. She made the arrangements and set both of us up to move there. Getting away from here truly helped me. That and the intensive therapy that I went through. It saved me and made me realize so many different things. Which is why I came here. You deserve to know this all, and I should have told you sooner. And for that, I am sorry as well.”
He opens his mouth, but I shake my head to stop him.
“As much as it helped me, I can’t help but feel like I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have left you behind. I needed to heal on my own, and I thought you would be okay; that you would get over it. I never thought I would destroy you. The last thing I wanted was for you to hate me.” I pause, my gaze drifting to the ocean. The sun has slowly faded, hidden by the rain clouds looming over the water.
“Lydia,” Ryder reaches out, touching my arm. “You did what you needed to do for yourself. I would never, could never hate you.” He pulls me to face him. “You’re everywhere. The past two years have been hell. I’d be lying if I said they weren’t. Everything I do, everything that surrounds me, reminds me of you. Every time I close my eyes, you’re all I see. You embedded yourself so deep in my soul, I could never be rid of you. No matter how hard I tried to escape your memory, it was impossible.”
I place my hand on top of his, feeling the warmth in my palm. After all this time, I consumed his mind like he did my own. “Ryder,” I tell him, my voice is barely audible over the sound of the ocean. “That’s not everything.”
He slides his hand down my arm until it reaches mine. Taking my hand in his, he lightly squeezes it and gives me his full attention. Droplets of rain start to fall from the darkened sky, but I don’t let them stop me.
“When I found out I was pregnant, they weren’t sure of the dates with everything that had happened. After I moved and he began to grow, they were able to give me a date, but the timeline didn’t match up with when I was raped. I was already pregnant.”
His body becomes completely still and his eyes grow wide. My vision begins to blur. I slowly blink and tears cling to my eyelashes. As one falls onto my cheek, he catches it with his thumb, brushing it from my face. I look up into his eyes, watching them become glossy. My lips curl upwards into a small smile.
“From the moment I saw him, I knew he was yours.”
He drops my hand and takes a quick step back. A glimpse of pain flashes across his face. His eyes are filled with pain. He angrily wipes the tears from his face as they begin to fall.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is but a whisper, but I hear his words as clear as day. They’re laced with anger and with pain.
“I didn’t know what to do!” I raise my voice, throwing my hands in the air. “What was I supposed to do? Call you? Show up with a baby? ‘Oh, hey, Ryder. I know I left you and all, but here I am with a kid that might be yours’.”
“Fuck,” he mutters, running his hands through his hair. “Fuck!” he says even louder. “You should have fucking told me. Whether he was mine or not.” He wipes his hands over his face. “I should have been with you, goddammit.”
Tears begin to fall rapidly, streaming down my face. They mix with the rain falling from the sky. I let out a soft sob. I tried so hard to prepare myself for this. Telling him wasn’t easy. But seeing him hurt was even harder.
He spins around in a circle staring down at the ground. When he turns around to face me, his eyes focus in on mine. The anger is gone, but the pain is still there. Not just pain, but also happiness, sadness, and remorse. A mix of emotions fill his eyes. He rushes towards me, grabbing the sides of my face and crushing his lips against mine. He kisses me hard, taking everything he can get. Without hesitation, I open up, letting him in. I kiss him back, our lips molding together. I wrap my arms around him, and he pulls me closer until I’m flush against his body. He slides his hands down my body, stopping at my bottom. Without breaking the kiss, he hoists me upwards, lifting my feet from the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist and take his face in my hands. He holds me tightly as he carries me through the wet sand and the heavy rain back to the house.
LEAVING A TRAIL OF WATER behind us, Ryder carries me through the house and up to my bedroom. He lips never leave mine as he lays me down on the bed. He climbs onto the bed, his body hovering over mine. I bring my hands from his face, running them up the sides of his torso. He moans into my mouth, deepening the kiss. When my hands reach his chest, I gently push him away, lifting his shirt up higher. He reaches behind his back, grabbing his shirt with one hand, and pulls it over his head. I take a moment to admire his body. It’s covered in more tattoos with his muscles more defined than I remember. He pulls me upwards with him, dragging my dress up and over my head. His gaze roams over my body until his eyes meet mine. They’re filled with an intense heat, burning into mine.
Running his hands over my body, he reaches behind me, unclasping my bra. As it gently falls away, it’s replaced with his hands. He cups my breasts and brushes my nipples with the pads of his thumbs. A moan escapes my lips and my entire body tingles.
“God, I’ve fucking missed this,” he growls, bringing his mouth down to my breast. He slowly lays me on my back, sucking my nipple into his mouth. He swirls his tongue around it and kneads the other in his hand. My back arches off the bed as I moan louder. He pulls my nipple in between his teeth, gently biting it as he releases it. He moves to my other breast and gives it the same attention. Breaking away, he slowly trails his mouth down my body until he reaches my panties. Hooking his fingers in them, he looks up at me, looking for my approval.
“Don’t stop,” I whisper, bringing my hands to his head. He drags my panties down over my knees and slips them off my legs. He slowly makes his way back up my legs, his mouth hovering over my center. He runs his tongue through my folds before landing on my clit. He flicks it, making my hips buck off the bed. He grabs my hips and holds them against the bed.
“The way you taste,” he licks me again, “I could never get enough of this.” He flicks my clit again. I run my hands through his hair, grabbing ahold of it. “Fucking amazing,” he murmurs against me and latches his mouth onto me. He runs his tongue back and forth, working against me, swirling around my clit. He flicks it and nips at it. A warmth builds deep inside me as my body takes over. My hands are knotted in his hair and my body fights against him, lifting off the bed. My moaning fills the room as he drives me further and further over the edge. Waves of pleasure hit me in a rush. I come hard with his name on my lips.
He slowly makes his way back up my body, kissing every inch while I come back down from my high. My body quivers at his touch; the tingling between my legs shows no sign of stopping. He finds my lips with his and kisses me softly. He holds my face in his hands, stroking my cheeks. He starts out slow, gently drawing my lips between his teeth. He pulls away from me, staring into my soul with his clear blue eyes.
“I love you so much, Lydia.” His voice is hoarse. “I never stopped loving you, and I never will. You made your mark on me—one I could never replace—from the very first moment I saw you.” His eyes search mine, the vulnerability and honesty showing through his.
I pull him down towards me, kissing his lips softly. “You were made for me,” I tell him. “There is no one else in this world for me.” I pause, feeling a rush of emotions. It all hits me at once. This man was made to love me, as I was made to love him. And there was nothing that could ever get in the way of that. “I love you, Ryder. So much that it hurts. But being away from you…that is what hurt the most. I don’t want that anymore. I can’t have that anymore.”
“Baby,” his voice cracks, “I’m here. You’re here. We found our way back to each other, and I’ll be damned if anything gets in the way of that.” He pauses, his eyes turning glossy. “We’re both finally home.”
I grab the back of his head, pulling him towards me. His lips attack mine, fusing them together. We move in a frenzy, unable to get close enough to each other. I slide my hands down his body, unbuttoning his pants as fast as my hands allow.
“I need you,” my voice sounds far away. “Now.”
He moves his hands from my body for a fraction of a second, long enough to shove his pants down his firm legs. He kicks them off and positions himself in between my legs. He pauses for a second.
“I’m on the pill,” I reassure him, wrapping my legs around his waist.
He slowly eases himself inside me, letting out a deep groan. “Holy fuck,” he mutters, as he fills me to the brim. A moan slips from my lips and my hips rise, meeting his. His mouth seizes mine as he begins a steady rhythm, sliding in and out of me. With every thrust, my body moves with his, letting him in deeper and deeper. We move together, against each other. He picks up the pace, and my movements match his. We climb higher and higher, our bodies slick with sweat and the room filled with our moans. I feel it coming, and I know he does too. My legs wrap tighter around him, the warmth in my body slowly building. I feel myself starting to clench around him.
“Come for me, baby,” his husky voice growls in my ear. He lets out a groan as his thrusts grow harder.
“Don’t stop,” I let out in between breaths.
“Fuck,” he moans loudly. “Let go, baby. Come with me.”
The words barely leave his mouth when I feel everything come crashing down around me. Everything around us fades away. The warmth spreads throughout my body, the feeling reaching every nerve inside me. I scream his name as an earthquake rips through me, completely shattering me. I hear my name coming from his mouth as I feel his warmth filling me. In a rush, he collapses on top of me as we both slowly come down, struggling to catch our breath.
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