Behind the Beginning (Becoming the Wolf Book 1)

by T. S. Joyce

  He pulled Morgan’s chair forward until her knees brushed between his thighs, touched the side of her face. Her pretty green eyes were bottomless and her skin was silk beneath his touch. Slowly, he leaned forward and kissed her.

  He’d had a tiny plan. Ease her into affection, kiss her gently.

  Disagree always, Wolf said.

  Fuckin’. Asshole.

  Grey let out a soft growl, pulled back slightly, and then kissed her deep, pulled her toward him until she was warm against his chest. Her heart beat so fast against him and his head swam with her intoxicating scent as he plunged his tongue past her soft lips and tasted her. This kiss…fuck…this kiss. It was like more wasn’t enough. Would never be enough.

  He angled his face and pulled her in even tighter, lips crashing against hers. It wasn’t enough. He slid his hand up her shirt to her hips and gripped her, pulled her hand to his lap and pressed her palm against his hard cock so she could feel exactly what she did to him.

  She moaned softly, and he froze.

  He was pushing too hard, too fast, and hurting her.

  He eased back, ready with an apology, but she was flushed and bright-eyed. “That was so sexy,” she uttered on a breath.

  Grey couldn’t help it. He grinned like an idiot and rolled his hips once, pushing her palm against him one more time before he stood and put some space between them.

  After everything he’d admitted, she still wanted to be with him, to connect with him. Her giggle was elegant and tinkling and infectious. She looked like the cat that had caught the canary, and knowing he’d caused such an expression on her face had Wolf elated.

  “I’m gonna try to take this slow,” he said in a hoarse voice.

  “Why?” she whispered, and he could see it there—the sting of rejection swimming in those pretty eyes of hers.

  “Because you feel important, and important things should be coveted, not rushed.”

  Her smile took over her entire face, and she nodded once. “Okay then, Grey. We will try for slow.”

  Chapter Ten

  The next two weeks passed in a breath. How could time go so fast after it had stalled for so long? Grey couldn’t get enough of Morgan. She was an all-consuming addiction he had no intention of curing. They spent almost every evening together, sometimes at his apartment, sometimes at her house. Grey wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone in an unsafe neighborhood all day, so it was just easier on his instincts if he was around, and thank everything holy, she didn’t seem to mind.

  Dean had spoken the truth about Wolf’s overprotective tendencies. Instincts flooded him in a constant loop when he worried over Morgan and Lana. If he wanted to keep them, he would have to find a balance.

  During the day, Morgan worked on her website filling orders, but Grey would come over to hang out with Lana, just to have an excuse to be around them. The first time the little girl grew comfortable enough to crawl into his lap and snuggle while she watched cartoons shook his entire foundation and made Wolf devoted to her. This tiny, fragile human trusted him. She felt safe with him. Safe. He could make her feel safe. The realization thawed the scar tissue of Wolf’s cold heart.

  Sunday morning, the weather was going to shit. He showered in a rush and got ready to go to Morgan’s before the hailstorms hit. As he brushed his teeth, a weatherman buzzed on the small television he had at the lowest volume. He could hear the warning just fine.

  A light knock sounded at the apartment door, and he stilled, listening. Lana quietly asked a question on the other side of the thin, wooden barrier. He spat the minty toothpaste into the sink and rinsed fast. With a ready smile, he opened the door. Morgan’s worried, apologetic look fueled an instant rage in him.

  He picked Lana up. “What’s wrong?” he asked automatically, as Morgan closed the door behind them.

  “There’re police cars all down my street. I don’t know what’s going on, but I didn’t want to be there for any of that. Sorry for just coming over like this,” she said.

  He relaxed, huffed a breath of relief and waved the apology off. “It’s a good surprise. You guys want hot chocolate? I got the kind with rainbow marshmallows for the cretin.” He directed the last statement toward Lana, who’d turned out to be quite the marshmallow connoisseur. She liked when he called her cretin. It always made her smile proudly.

  “Yeah!” Lana yelled as he tossed her up and caught her.

  He tickled her and set her on the couch then strode to Morgan and pressed his forehead against hers. Wolf needed him to do that sometimes so his instincts would settle down. She was okay. Leaning forward, he tasted her lips, drank in the rightness of her body against his, warm, soft, and inviting. She pulled her winter gloves off and hugged him tightly around the neck. A piece of him, which had been strung so tight in her absence, relaxed. His arms wrapped easily all the way around her waist. Her warm curves only made him more protective.

  “I feel safe with you, Grey,” she said quietly.

  He would explode into a thousand tiny pieces if she kept saying things like that. A half growl of contentment came from deep in his chest, and he pulled her closer. “You are.” It was a promise he knew he could make now. They both had the protection of his body.

  Lana bounced across the Murphy bed while he set to work making the hot chocolate in a pan on the stove. Morgan had showed him how to make it from scratch and now it was his preference. Knock, knock, knock sounded against the door. Probably the lady from downstairs, there to remind him she could hear the squeaking bed and to pipe down. Apparently, the old bat heard everything. “Must be a werewolf,” Grey grumbled as he opened the door.

  Alexis stood there holding an enormous, gaudy, silver and green wrapped present, wearing an expectant smile. Sheeeeeyit.

  “What are you doing here?” he demanded.

  She lifted her chin primly. “Can I come in?”

  “No,” he said flatly as she shoved her way inside.

  Throw her out the door and punt her present down the stairs, Wolf suggested.

  He couldn’t do that in front of Morgan and Lana. Violence was bad.

  Alexis froze at the scene in his living room. Lana still jumped wildly on the bed, and Morgan, who’d been trying to wrestle the child out of her pink kitty mittens, looked questioningly from Alexis to him.

  The intruder set the present on the coffee table slowly, and her eyes flashed a lighter color “Wow, Grey, you have quite the happy little family in here. This must be your new bitch,” she said glaring at Morgan, then held out a hand and said, “Nice to meet you. I’m his old bitch, Alexis.”

  A snarl ripped through him. “You don’t get to talk to her like that. Get out.” His voice sounded more wolf than man. As he placed himself between Alexis and Morgan, Lana jumped off the bed and ran, hid behind his leg. She peeked around him with wide, gray eyes at the unwelcome newcomer.

  Alexis shrugged and made her way out. “I would feel more threatened by her, but you are hiding her.”

  “He’s not hiding me,” Morgan ground out.

  “Yeah?” Alexis asked, turning at the door. “Then why hasn’t he brought you to meet the pack? I’ll spell it out for you. You don’t matter. He’s ashamed of you.” Alexis offered her one last smirk. “None of his friends even know you exist.”

  The slamming of the door made Lana jump.

  Damn, Alexis was amazing at mentally fucking people. How awful to have a talent like that. To create sentences to hurt people and smile about it. He hated people like her.

  After he’d meticulously locked the door behind her, Grey leaned his forehead against its cold, chipped paint. Nothing in him wanted to see the hurt in Morgan’s face.

  When he turned, pain swam in the green pools of her eyes. Lana was perfectly still, big gray eyes glistening. Her bottom lip poked out as if she would burst into tears at any second. Had he scared the child?

  “Hey, it’s okay,” he crooned, pulling the little girl gently into his arms and rocking her. “I would never hurt you. Don’t
be scared.” Lana put her little arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder, sniffling and whimpering. “I don’t like her.”

  Stupid Alexis. She’d accomplished exactly what she’d come to do. She’d hurt them. Hurt the people who meant the most to him. “Morgan,” he said, looking up at her. “She isn’t my old girlfriend. I can’t stand her. I told you that when you first met me. Alexis is a conniving she-wolf bent on getting under my skin. She hurt you to get to me.”

  “Is what she said true? Are you ashamed of us?” she asked, a tremor in her voice. “Is that why you won’t let us meet the pack?”

  Slow fury burned through him and the blood pounded in his ears. How could she even think such a thing? How could she listen to a word Alexis said? He was so proud of them. Morgan had seen his face when he walked down the street with them, how proud he was when women would stop him and tell him how beautiful his family was. The only things going right in his life were her and Lana. He was happier than he’d ever been in his entire existence, and he was a freaking squirrel-eating werewolf!

  He set Lana down just as his legs gave out. What the hell? He tried to get up but his body seized and the tingling of Change seared through him. The floor was hard and unforgiving against his body. Oh no. No, no, no. Please, not here!

  The tingling reached his arms. Black fur appeared and disappeared, and appeared again as he fought the Change. “Morgan, get Lana out of here. Please.” He groaned. Fighting it like this hurt so badly.

  “Oh my gosh,” she whispered. In a rush, Morgan put Lana on the bed and rushed back to him. The force of her body weight slamming into him made him grunt. Her trail of kisses burned like hellfire against his elongating face.

  “Grey, not here. Not here. Listen to me. Everything’s okay. We’ll talk about all of this and work it out. I’m not going anywhere. Look at me.”

  He turned his head, but the bones in his neck were already snapping and reshaping. Tears of agony streamed from the corners of his eyes and sweat broke across his brow as he tried to stop the Change. He couldn’t even speak to warn of the danger she was in. He looked into her eyes, pleading. Run.

  She bent closer and whispered in his ear, “Grey. Grey, I love you. Come back to me.”

  Those words soothed the fire in his soul. Soothed the fear of losing her. Eyes closed, he fought like he’d never fought the Change before. Agony ripped through him as he tried to imagine his stretched and broken pieces going back together again. Finally, finally his growling turned into the groans of a man, half-delirious with pain.

  Morgan’s warmth left him for a moment, but she came back with a blanket and lay close beside him, hands hovering over his oversensitive skin. Everything hurt and he couldn’t catch his breath. Curling in on himself, he slammed the side of his face against the floor and grunted a painted sound.

  Hours passed. That’s what it felt like. Hours. It was probably minutes but every second of pain dragged on and on. When he was able to move again, he dragged his creaking body to the bed, where Lana sat, frozen. She should never have witnessed the breaking of someone she cared about. She was just a child, and already she’d witnessed the death of her mother at the claws of a creature like him. He hadn’t meant for her to ever meet Wolf. That part of him, he’d wanted to hide. Not them. He would never hide them. He was proud of them. Proud of them, not Wolf.

  “I’m alright, baby,” he told Lana. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  The smell of burnt milk hit his nose. Morgan rushed into the kitchen and yanked the pot from the red coils on the stove. No hot chocolate tonight.

  “Morgan,” he croaked out in a raspy voice. Fuck, it wasn’t the time to say he loved her back. Wasn’t the time, wasn’t the time. He could barely move his trembling arms. “Do you want to come with me to meet the Dallas pack?”

  Wide-eyed, she nodded slowly.

  “I was never ashamed of you. I just…” His throat was so raw his voice had faded to nothing at the end.

  “Wanted to protect us?” she finished for him, and he nodded. “When?”

  “Tonight. Alexis will spread it through the entire pack as soon as she gets there. I want you to go in with me, head held high. Fuck Alexis. You’re important. You matter.” He swallowed hard again, trying to get rid of his cotton mouth. “I have to Change tonight and it’s best if I do it near the woods.”

  He changed from of his sweat soaked clothes to clean ones to go to Dean’s. At least he hadn’t transitioned enough to rip them this time.

  The sound of crinkling wrapping paper filled the room, and Lana said, “Look Morgan, a bunny!”

  Horror filled his chest. He raced over and yanked Alexis’ present off the coffee table before Lana fully comprehended the puddle of blood pooled beneath the small creature. Morgan peeked into the unwrapped box and gasped out a small, shocked sound. She picked up the card taped to the wrapping paper and ripped it open. “Grey,” she read aloud, “here is a gift from me that she’ll never be able to give you. Alexis.

  So, Alexis had known about Morgan.

  “What does this mean?” Morgan asked loudly. “What does it mean?”

  Dammit, could anything else go wrong? “Well,” he said with an explosive sigh. Nothing in him wanted to have this conversation. Not even one tiny cell thought this was a good idea. He just wanted Morgan to be okay and not hurt by Alexis’s conniving stupidity. “She’s giving me prey she caught while she was a wolf. She convinced herself as a wolf to save it for me instead of eating it. It’s a token. A declaration of intent.”

  Morgan’s delicate, dark eyebrows arched up. Whoo, she looked pissed and dangerous as she crossed her arms over her chest. “What kind of declaration of intent?”

  Yep, he wished the werewolf had killed him in the woods last year. He let off a rumbling growl. Lying was useless. Morgan was smart as hell and noticed everything. She would figure things out eventually.

  “She wants me to be her mate.” He’d muttered it low but Morgan heard it just fine, judging by the pissed off sound she made in her throat.

  “And the letter—she’s saying I can’t give this kind of gift to you. Why?” she asked.

  Why couldn’t he catch a freaking break? He was exhausted, sore, and riled up by the idea of putting her and Lana in front of the pack. He didn’t want to have this conversation now. Or ever, really. Alexis was the one who didn’t matter. “Because you’re human, and Alexis is saying you wouldn’t understand that giving me this kind of gift would be meaningful. She is pointing out a human-wolf relationship can never be the same as a wolf’s relationship with another wolf. She is saying that, let’s make this clear. I’m not saying that.”

  “Hmm,” Morgan said quietly as she returned to putting Lana’s mittens on. “So, if I want you as my mate, I need to figure out how to kill bunnies for you?”

  Grey rested his hands on his hips and shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know. You could just make me a homecooked meal and I would be your mate. Or like…make me a glass of ice water. I’m not hard to rope in, Woman. You already have me.”

  She was quiet though as she busied herself with putting Lana’s jacket on, so he pulled out his phone and took care of something he could control. He called Dean. “Hey,” the alpha answered.

  “I need to set up a pack meeting tonight.” His voice sounded strained, even to him. Be cool and don’t let that alpha hear your weakness, Wolf demanded. Pussy. With an eyeroll, Grey tried again, and said firmer, “It’s time everyone meets Morgan.”

  “Okay,” Dean drawled. “I agree its past time, but you don’t sound too happy about it. Is everything alright?”

  “Alexis paid us a visit.”

  Silence, then, “Oh. I’ll put out the call if you want to come on over.”

  “Plan to stay for dinner,” Rachel sang in the background.

  Morgan was already in so much deeper than she knew.

  Chapter Eleven

  Morgan wiped condensation from the window of the truck with her coat sleeve a
nd squinted into the night. The alpha’s house was not the dark wolf den she’d expected. In fact, quite the opposite. It reminded her of a blue dollhouse her absentee father had built for another missed birthday when she was a kid. That dollhouse had given her years of play and was still her favorite memory of him. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

  Grey looked like death warmed over. He kept shaking, and the hot-natured man had the heat blowing on him the entire drive. He never got cold, and Morgan was worried. He put the truck in park and leaned back with an exhausted sigh.

  “Are you okay?” she asked low, trying not to wake Lana who slept soundly in her car seat.

  In the dim light, he looked as pale as a ghost. Even those gold flecked eyes that made him look so dangerous, so beautiful, were dimmer. His muscles spasmed and he slouched weakly into the cushion of the driver’s seat. She’d never seen him like this. He was always the epitome of power.

  He reached over and squeezed her hand. Weak though he may be, his grip was steady and warm. She marveled at his large his hand, compared to hers. How lucky that she was the human and he, the beast. Hands like his were made to protect hands like hers.

  “I’ll live. Just need to Change, is all. I’ve never stopped Wolf from taking over my skin like that. It doesn’t feel so good.”

  Maybe it wasn’t the time, but she needed to know before she paraded Lana in front of a pack of werewolves. “The wolves won’t hurt Lana, will they?”

  His eyes shone gold and steady, almost glowing in the darkness of the night. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you or Lana. But I don’t think we have to worry about them. Female werewolves are sterile. Babies in a pack don’t exist, but that doesn’t mean the instinct to mother isn’t there. I’ve seen how Rachel treats Marissa. Children are revered.”

  He brushed the pad of his thumb across her cheek and she repressed a shiver at his touch. Did he even know his effect on her? She couldn’t even look at him without wanting him.