I have no idea what he's talking about, but it sounds hard.
"Is that something you use in business? Those models?"
"Yeah. To test different variables. Predict outcomes. I'll use them someday when I take—I mean, when I get a job." He always does that thing where he says something, then stops and corrects himself. "Do you have homework you need to do?"
"No. I didn't get any assignments yet."
"Then let's go do something." He steps closer and puts his arms around my waist. "We could go to a movie. Take a walk along the beach." He kisses me. "Or we could stay right here." He pulls me over to the bed to sit down, then kisses me again, his hand going behind my neck. The kiss is better than before. No fireworks, but I'm getting more into it than I did the last time we kissed.
His lips don't leave mine as he leans me back on the bed. He lies beside me and turns me toward him, forcing me to bring my legs up next to his so that we're lying down facing each other.
"God, you feel good," he whispers in between kisses. His hand moves to my breast. I tense up, but then relax. We're just making out. Nothing more.
After a few minutes, he undoes his belt and then his shorts.
"Lilly," he whispers. "Touch me."
This is moving faster than it should, given our agreement to take things slow.
I hesitate, not sure what to do. It's not like I haven't touched a guy down there before, but I've never done it this soon. I'm not ready to do this with Preston. We just met.
"Come on, baby," he says as he kisses my neck.
Baby? I don't like being called that. I know some girls think it's sexy, but I'm not one of those girls.
His hand slips down my shorts and my heart takes off. And not in a good way. In a nervous, uncomfortable way.
"Stop," I say.
He looks at me. "Why? Do you want me to do something different?" He goes back to kissing my neck. "Because I'm open to whatever you want, baby. Just tell me how to please you."
I scoot back and sit up. "For one, don't call me 'baby'. I don't like it."
He nods. "Okay. What else?"
"I thought we agreed to take things slow."
"We are. We're just making out. We're not having sex."
"It seemed like we were heading that way."
"Lilly, we're not in junior high. We can do more than kiss."
"I know, but we just met and to me this seems kind of fast."
His jaw tenses, but he forces out a smile. "Then we'll do something else." He gets off the bed and zips up his shorts and fixes his belt.
Is he mad at me? If so, I don't care. I'm not doing things I'm not comfortable doing just to please a guy. It's not right. My mother would disagree. She never gave me a sex talk, but she did say that men expect certain things and if I don't do those things, they'll leave me. Of course, she only wants me doing those things with a guy she approves of.
Jade gave me the opposite advice. She told me to never have sex, or do anything else I'm not comfortable doing, just to please a guy, or make him stay with me, or make him forgive me for something I did. She's told me this so many times it's now ingrained in my head. She's trying to make sure I don't listen to my mom's bad advice. And I never have. I've always told guys no before they take things too far, and I'll do the same with Preston, no matter how much I like him.
"There's a party tomorrow night," he says. "You want to go with me?"
Tomorrow's Friday so everyone will be at a party. I might as well go with him and check it out.
"Sure, I'll go," I say, adjusting my shirt back in place.
"Really?" He looks surprised. "I thought you didn't like parties."
"Who told you that?"
He quickly shakes his head. "No one. You just don't seem like you'd like them. Didn't you say you don't drink?"
"I never said that. I drink. Just not very often. And I don't get drunk." At least I haven't yet. I couldn't. If I'd come home drunk back in high school, my dad would've never let me leave the house again. It's just another example of him being too overprotective. At least now he won't be able to watch my every move. I can get drunk and he'll never know.
"Then we'll go to the party." Preston smiles but it seems forced. Does he not want me to go? If so, then why did he ask?
"Let's go to a movie." He holds my hand and kisses my cheek. "You can pick which one."
As we leave my room, he no longer seems angry. He walks me to his car, opens the door for me, lets me pick which film we see, buys me popcorn, and sticks to just holding my hand during the movie.
Later, we go out for dinner and I have the burger I've been craving for days. We get back to my room at nine, but he doesn't go inside. He stands outside the door and gives me a quick kiss, then says goodnight.
So he's capable of taking it slow. We just had to communicate what that meant, because we definitely had different definitions. Now that we've cleared that up, I feel more relaxed around him.
The next morning I have Painting class. The professor is an award-winning painter and I can already tell I'm going to learn a lot in his class. I've taken painting classes before but I didn't learn very much.
"We still on for tomorrow?" Reed asks as class ends. I sat next to him again because he's the only person I know.
"Yeah. What time are we leaving?" I pick up my backpack and follow him outside.
"Ten, and we'll get back around three."
"I thought you wanted to be gone the whole day."
"Plans came up so I have to cut it a little short. I'll see you later." He starts walking down the path to his dorm, which is the opposite direction of mine.
I catch up to him. "What plans?"
He smiles. "You're kind of nosy, you know that?"
"I'm not nosy. I was just curious."
He stops and adjusts his messenger bag on his shoulder. "So does ten work? If so, I'll come to your room and we'll walk to the parking lot together."
"You didn't answer my question."
"Which one?" He's holding back a laugh. Why does he do this to me? Why does he make me ask what he already knows I want to know?
"What are you doing after our outing tomorrow?"
"Why do you care?" I see his lips creep up. He has good lips; full, and they look really soft.
"I...I don't." I'm stammering, flustered by thoughts of what it would be like to kiss him. "Never mind."
"I'm going to a movie." He starts walking again and I find myself walking beside him.
"With who?" As soon as I ask, I realize how pathetic I sound. Like a jealous girlfriend, when I have no right to be that way.
Before I can take back the question, he says, "Erika. If you must know, Erika and I are going to a movie, then out for dinner."
"Oh. Okay. Well, that sounds fun."
We're almost at his dorm and he asks, "You want to eat lunch with me? I know it's only eleven but I skipped breakfast so I was going to eat now."
"I can't. I told Preston I'd eat lunch with him."
"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Ten o'clock. And remember to bring your drawing supplies." He goes into his dorm.
He's dating someone. That was fast. Then again, I'm dating someone too. As I look out at the open quad I see other people paired up, holding hands as they walk along the paved paths to and from class. So I guess a lot of people already found someone to date.
"Lilly." I turn and see Preston walking toward me. "You here for lunch already? It's only eleven."
I meet up with him outside his dorm. "I was done with class so I came over early."
"Why were you over there?" He motions to Reed's dorm.
"I wasn't paying attention. These dorms all look the same." Why did I lie just now? Preston wouldn't care that I was talking with Reed, would he? Reed and I are just friends. He's dating someone else.
Preston puts his arm around me and leans down to kiss me. "So I was thinking this weekend we could take a drive. There's an art fair going on about twenty minutes from here, and since you like
art, I thought I'd take you there."
I smile, knowing he's only doing this for me. From the things he's said, I can tell he doesn't like art. "I'd love to go."
"Then we'll leave in the morning. It opens at ten."
"Oh. Wait. I can't. I have plans."
"What plans? Are you going home for the weekend?"
"No, I made plans with someone from my drawing class. We're going to spend the day drawing." At least I think that's what we're doing. Reed never did say.
"Here on campus?"
"No, we're going somewhere."
"Where?"
"I don't know yet. We're just going to drive around and find a place to stop." It's kind of a lie, but I don't know where Reed's taking me so I can't really give Preston an answer.
He looks at me funny. "And you're going to be gone all day?"
"Just until three. Sorry about the art fair. Maybe we could go some other time."
"They have it on Sunday too, so we'll just go then. But I'm taking you out tomorrow night."
Preston and I have spent so much time together this week that I'd kind of like to spend an evening alone, but I agree to go out with him since it's the only time I'll see him on Saturday. I'm not used to spending so much time with a guy. When I dated in high school, we'd go out on the weekends but that's it.
Preston and I have lunch, then I go to English class. When I'm back in my room, Garret calls.
"Hey," he says in a cheery tone. "What's going on?"
"I just got back from class."
"What class was it?"
"Freshman English."
I must be on speaker because I hear Jade talking in the background. "Do you have to keep a journal?"
"No." I laugh. "I can't believe you guys still have those."
Back in college, Jade and Garret were in the same freshman English class and had to keep a journal and share them with each other. They were falling in love at the time so they wrote all this lovey-dovey stuff to each other. I've never seen these journals but Jade says they still have them, tucked away in storage.
"Garret, we should get our journals out and read them," Jade says. "You were so romantic back then."
"What are you saying?" he asks. "I'm not romantic? I'm more romantic now than I was then."
She doesn't answer, which means she disagrees.
"Jade, what the hell?" Garret sounds hurt. "You don't think I'm romantic?"
"I never said that," she says.
"Yeah, but it's what you were thinking." His voice drifts from the phone as he talks to her. "I can't believe you don't think I'm romantic."
"Garret, we've been married for over ten years. It's normal for the romance to fade after all that time."
"It's not normal. Not for us." I hear noise, like maybe he's walking toward her. "I'm planning a trip for us and it's going to be the most romantic weekend we've ever had."
"Garret, we don't have time for a trip. The kids have—"
"We'll leave the kids at my parents' house. We're going. This isn't up for debate."
"Okay." She laughs. "You do know I was playing you that whole time, right?"
"Yeah, I knew you wanted me all to yourself." I hear him kiss her. Those two are way too in love, and yet it makes me a little jealous.
"Um...guys? I'm still here."
"Yeah, sorry," Garret says. "Anyway, what are you doing this weekend? I wanted to come up there to see you but Jade said the first weekend at college should be spent getting to know people. I think she's wrong but—"
"I'm not wrong!" she yells in the distance. "She needs to be with her friends, not her brother and his family."
"So do you have plans?" he asks.
"I'm going to a party tonight and then I'm going to spend tomorrow drawing. I'm going to an art fair on Sunday." I told him too much. Now he'll ask questions, but I always tell Garret more than I should.
"Sounds like you'll be busy. You must've made some friends."
"Yeah. The people here have been really friendly."
"So who are you going to the party with?"
"Garret, you don't have to know everything."
"It's a guy. What's his name so I can kill him?"
This is why I can't tell him about Preston or anyone else I date.
"Yeah, you're funny."
"I at least need to threaten him to keep him in line. It's my job as your big brother."
"I'll be fine. I need to go. I have stuff to do before dinner."
"Okay, but you need to let us know when we can come up there and visit. The girls really miss you. They're constantly asking me when they come see their Aunt Lilly."
I smile. "Tell them I miss them too. I'll check my schedule and let you know."
"Sounds good. Talk to you later."
Someday I want the kind of love Jade and Garret have. They're best friends and respect each other and support each other and still flirt with each other after being married for years. My dad and Rachel are the same way. After seeing that type of love, I don't want to settle for anything less than that. Life's too short to settle.
My phone rings again. It's the home number.
"Hey, Dad," I answer.
"It's Rachel. I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing."
"I'm good. I just talked to Garret."
"We're having dinner with them tonight. Your dad and I are leaving soon to drive up there. So do you have plans for the weekend?"
I repeat what I told Garret, but unlike him, she doesn't quiz me about who I'm hanging out with.
"Honey, your dad wants to say hi."
He takes the phone from her. "Lilly, I wanted to ask if you'd heard anything from your mother."
"Not since she was here. Why?"
"I had a talk with her yesterday and she was acting strange."
"Strange, how?"
"She was being cordial. She wasn't her usual argumentative self."
"That's not good."
"Exactly. So if you hear from her, let me know what she says."
"Okay, I will."
"Rachel and I are heading up to Garret's house so we'll talk to you later. Love you."
"Love you too. Bye, Dad."
When my mom is being nice, it means we can't trust her. It means she's hiding something or up to something. She's never nice just for the sake of being nice.
CHAPTER NINE
"Lilly? Are you in there?" Willow's at my door.
"It's open. Come in."
She walks in my room, holding a bunch of bracelets. "This is the jewelry I was telling you about. The stuff Silas' mom makes and sells at the farmers' market."
I pick up a bracelet made of blue and black beads strung on a black leather cord. "Oh my God, I love these!"
"I know. Aren't they cool? She also makes necklaces and earrings."
When it comes to jewelry, I don't like anything too fancy. I prefer colorful beads, metal charms—that type of stuff.
"I have to buy some of these," I tell Willow. "Does she sell them around here?"
"No, but I could tell my mom that you want one and she could pick one up and send it."
"That would be awesome. Oh, I love this one too!" I hold up a bracelet with green and blue beads. "Would you care if I wear this tonight?"
"Not at all. Go ahead." She takes it from me and ties it around my wrist. "That's one of my favorites."
"Oh, then maybe I shouldn't wear it."
"Don't be silly. I'm all about sharing. I may have been an only child, but my hippie parents taught me to share." She holds out her wrist. "Besides, I'm already wearing one."
Her bracelet is a thin black cord with a charm on it. The charm is a thin piece of metal with a design stamped on it.
"That's cool. Does she make the charms or buy them?"
"Silas makes them, or he used to before he began his hike across Europe. He gave me this before he left."
"What's the design?"
She shows it to me. "It's the infinity symbol. It was supposed to mean we'd b
e together forever." She says it quietly, her eyes on the bracelet. Then she looks up and smiles. "It's not about the meaning. I just like the design."
I wonder what happened with her and Silas. She says they broke up because he left for Europe, but I get the feeling there's more to the story.
"Are you still going tonight?" She's asking about the party. She's going to the same one I'm going to with Preston.
"Yeah, Preston's coming over at eight."
"If you see that Reed guy at the party, come find me and introduce me to him."
"I think he might already have a girlfriend."
"Really? Damn. I knew a guy that hot wouldn't be single for long. Everyone's been pairing up this week. There aren't going to be any single guys left."
"Hey." Taylor walks in. "Where'd you get these?" She picks up a bracelet.
"Silas' mom makes them," Willow answers.
"I love these! Where can I buy one?"
Willow laughs. "Maybe I should get her to sell them on campus. It seems like everyone wants one. Kalea saw them and wanted one too. I should show you the other stuff she made."
Willow goes to her room and comes back with more jewelry; some necklaces and earrings and more bracelets. We try everything on, then get ready to go out.
At eight, Preston comes to my room. He wants to drive to the party instead of walk, but I insist we walk. I could smell alcohol on his breath. When I told him that, he said he'd just had a sip of his friend's beer, but I wasn't going to take any chances.
The party is at a house a few blocks from campus. All the furniture has been cleared out of the living room and people are standing around drinking, music blaring from speakers in the corner.
"Want a beer?" Preston asks.
"I don't really like beer. I don't like the taste. Do they have anything else?"
"I don't know. Let's go check."
He takes my hand and we go back to where the keg is sitting. "Looks like they only have beer." He takes a red plastic cup and fills it with beer for himself. "You sure you don't want any?"
"No, thanks."
"Preston." A guy comes up to him and they fist bump. "Fucking awesome job on the course today."
"Thanks, man. I think the vodka helped my swing." Preston swigs his beer, downing half the cup, and it's a big cup.
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