by Neal, Xavier
“I already know,” I state strongly. “No matter what is says inside. I'm a Lord.”
“I know.” She smiles proudly. “Me too.”
Nervously I twirl the envelope around in my grip. On a low sigh, I tear it open, and pull out the paperwork, DNA test results being the first thing I see. After letting my eyes scan the paper, I read each word carefully wanting the words to be forever imprinted in my mind.
When I look up, Jazz's grin is stretched from ear to ear. She already knew. She's always known. Just like Pa. He didn't have to wait for blood to be matched against blood to know that I was a Lord. He knew it in his gut. He felt it in his soul, the same way my child will someday, because family isn't all about the chromosomes that match. It's about the choices you make in the way you treat one another. The bond that's formed. The unity that comes from willingness to sacrifice anything for them. The love that's created and spread down generation after generation. And I'll do right by the next line of family. To be good to nieces and nephews that come from all of my brothers. To be good to my own children. I'll make Pa proud that I not only share the blood of a Lord, but the heart of one. too.
Thank Yous:
Crazy Lady: Hahaha think of Lordy every time you eat a peach!
Her Husband: This is how I pay for Father's Day presents, lol
The Law Student: You better catch up before I turn 30...
The Lumberjack: For once....just a thank you. Thank you!
Katniss: Hope you enjoy reading these men again and again.
The Real Life Erin: Haha, we should go to Vegas now.
Sissy B: Can't wait to know which series you love more.
The PAs: You two loves...you know how this works. Thanks for holding Lordy's hand.
Boss Lady: This was our first series together with the company. I am proud to be a part of it. I am proud and so happy that my Marines found a home with you. Thank you for giving me a place to shout, scream, and fall in love while the world watches.
The Army: You ladies are wonderful! We are making progress!
Editor 4 Life: Pretty much...lol Glad Lordy had your love and tears. Look forward to more projects.
When I Grow UP Team: Jaime Reese, Selena Laurence, Tess Oliver, Kristine Cayne, and Harper Sloan, you ladies are amazing and watching you and following your path has changed my life and I am forever grateful.
Bloggers: You make it possible for Indie Authors to have a home and for readers to find new books. Thank you for all you do for me and others.
X Dream Team: You ladies are wonderful! I love you! I love having you around! Stay fab and thanks for holding it down for me. A special little shout out to Amanda W and Cassie W. You two little peaches and your Georgia love helped this project have a little extra heart beat it needed.
Readers: Thank you! Thank you for reading this and being a part of this journey! Thank you making my dreams come true!
While the Havoc men are done, just know they'll make cameos.....maybe a novella some day!
If you like family secrets try Never Say Goodbye by Angie Merriam
Chapter One
I woke to a thunderous pounding in my head. Pound, pound, pound, over and over. What the fuck? The pounding was replaced by a female's voice, “Elijah, get your fucking ass out here. Now.” Shit, I thought. I rolled over in an attempt to get out of my bed. I tried to stand and felt my head swim. Nope, not standing yet. I sat on the edge of my bed, willing the spinning to go away. I felt a stir behind me and looked to see Bridgette, or was it Brittany? I couldn't remember and really didn't care. She was a lay, a good fucking lay, but that's all she was. Big tits, big ass, tiny waist, and blond hair ratted to the ceiling.
I looked back at her and shuddered a little. Her pounds of makeup were smeared around her face and her big hair from the night before was a rat’s nest. She was way hotter when I was fucked up on booze and drugs. She was just another groupie. “Good morning, handsome,” she said sleepily. I hated it when they tried to talk to me the next day, like I was suddenly their boyfriend. A few thought they could tame me, but I showed them, rather quickly, that I was not worth taming.
“Get the fuck up and out,” I ordered her as I lit my smoke and tried to adjust my eyes to the sunshine that threatened to fuck up my hangover. I didn't even turn to look at her. I felt her get off the bed and assumed she was putting her clothes back on. She came to stand in front of me, forcing me to look up at her. She looked pathetic and if I wasn't such a broken fucker I might have felt bad, but I was broken and I didn't give a shit.
“Bye, Brittany. It was fun right?” I tried but seconds later her hand skid across my cheek. “Fuck you, Elijah Briston,” she said before she turned away and took off toward the door, which was still pounding and shrieking.
“By the way, it's Candy, you fuckhead,” she spat before she flung the door open to face the person that had been assaulting my door. Candy, I thought. I was way fucking off. I laughed to myself and put my smoke out just as I heard Candy and my sister. “Good luck to you, lady, he's a fucking dickhead.” I heard my sister break into laughter. “Yeah, he is a dickhead but you're a whore now get the fuck out of here before I kick your sorry trollop ass.” I never understood why Elsie was so bitchy to my many women. Protective I guess. I really didn't care. I was only good for one night. Elsie was good for getting them the fuck out when they decided they wanted more.
“Jesus all to hell, El,” she said in greeting as she welcomed herself into my hotel room. She flung the curtains open, letting in the damned sun that was fucking with my hangover by just peeking through the curtains. Now it was full on attacking me. Shit, why did my sister have to be my alarm clock and conscience?
“Well, good morning to you too, sister.”
“Morning? Are you fucking kidding me, El? It's 3:00 P.M! Get your sorry ass out of bed. We have a show tonight, or did you completely fucking give up on the band too?” She was walking around my room picking up empty liquor bottles and tossing them in the garbage. This was our ritual. She knew I wasn't giving up on the band. They were all I had in the world. She also knew I was a train wreck, and she tried her hardest to get me to straighten up. I just didn't have it in me, so I let her think she was helping by disposing of my bad habits and screaming at me.
“No, Elsie, I know we have a show tonight. I'll be ready.” I reached for the bottle of Ibuprofen on my nightstand and washed four down with the Gatorade I had put on there the night before, anticipating this moment. See, I like to party and get fucked up. It makes me feel numb. It makes me forget. The only other thing that makes me feel like that is my music and performing it for people as often as possible.
I'd been one step away from the grave when I was offered a recording contract just days short of my twentieth birthday. The record company didn't know it at the time, but that contract saved my life. I still partied of course, but I laid off the hard drugs, and I mellowed out enough to perform and record. Music and booze became my life. There were a few times that the booze almost took importance over music, but I got a handle on it, and well, Elsie wouldn't allow me to fuck it up.
After the prom accident when my car was hit by a drunk driver killing Chinda, I all but gave up on life. Losing her was like losing an extension of me. Her parents blamed me and forbid me from attending her funeral, so I began drowning myself in liquor and drugs. Music saved me but just a little. My band was called Briston. We were your typical band with the long hair and leather pants. The difference between us and other bands was Elsie. She was our bass player and the only female bass player in an otherwise all male band in the music industry.
She was an amazing bass player though. She rocked harder than most dudes I knew. The rest of the band loved her like a sister and protected the hell out of her. She had a slew of male groupies hoping to hop in her bed every night but while she could play a mean bass, she wasn't a whore or into fucking and leaving. Besides, I kept her busy enough keeping my ass in line.
“Come on, El. You need to shower an
d eat, and then we need to meet the guys and go over the play list,” she said and sounded tired. I felt bad for what I did to her. I thought she'd probably have a normal life with a husband and kids and white picket fence but she loved me. She followed me on this crazy journey called music and babysat me. I never felt guilt for anything, except when I really disappointed Elsie.
“Sorry, Elsie. I'll be ready. I know. I went too far last night but that hasn't happened in a while. I've been better.” I tried, and she held up her hand for me to stop. She squatted down in front of me, her amber eyes looked up at me, with sadness etched into them.
“I know, El. I know being here is hard for you and you have been a little better the last few months, but partying like this is going to kill you, bro, and I don't want to lose you. Now get your shit together. We have a show to do, and then we are getting the fuck out of this state.”
“Thanks, sis,” I said before I got up and headed to the shower. Yeah, I had to get the fuck out of Oregon. That’s where we lived when the accident happened. My parents thought that moving me away from all the memories of Chinda would help, so soon after the accident we moved to California. I'd heard that her family moved to the East coast shortly after as well. I had avoided Oregon like the plague but the company insisted I play there. We had tons of fans, and they were demanding a Briston show. We sold out the show within two hours and I had groupies waiting for me when I stepped off my plane. That's where I picked up Candy and drank and fucked away Chinda's memory. Tonight I play the show and fly the hell out of that state.
An hour later, I met Elsie and the rest of the band in the hotel restaurant. My bandmates were my only friends, and though they didn't know all the details of my past, they knew the gist of it. They looked at me in unison. Pity etched in their eyes. I hated pity but given my previous night's escapade, how could I expect anything different. We all partied, yes, but I went overboard last night and they all understood why.
“Stop looking at me like that, douche bags,” I said and tried to smile. I attempted to show them that I was okay when inside I was dying.
“Are you sure you want to do this, El? We can cancel the show and get the hell out of Oregon. I mean, who the fuck cares about Oregon anyway?” Christian asked, and I knew he meant it. He'd pack his shit and hop on that plane with me, to hell with the record company. He was our lead guitarist and with his curly Auburn hair and what chicks called 'piercing green eyes', he was never in short supply of beautiful females. However, he was the only one of the guys in the band that didn't dip into the groupie pool. He was sentimental and shit and said he wanted love, not cheap thrills. We teased him without mercy, but I admired him for it.
The other guys nodded in agreement as did Elsie. Neil and Nathan were twin brothers and real lady killers. Their long black hair was pulled back but I saw redness in their matching dark eyes and knew they'd partied the night before too. Regardless, I knew their willingness to leave was for me not their hangover. That didn't stop me from fucking with them. “Hey, you two look like I feel. You sure you're not trying to get out of this to nurse your own hangovers?”
“Fuck you, Elijah,” Neil said, half assed. “Yeah, fuck you,” Nathan tried. Their food arrived, big greasy burgers with French fries. Yes, hangover food. The waitress put a plate down in front of me and walked away. I looked knowingly at my sister who shrugged and motioned for me to eat.
“I appreciate you all willing to get the fuck out of this place but I have to face it eventually. I can't run away from her memory forever. Thanks anyway, but we are going to tear up this town then we can get the hell out.” There was a collective agreement around the table so we ate our food and discussed the show.
Twenty minutes to show time, and we were ready to go. We could hear the screaming fans from our dressing rooms, and the noise made my heart pound with excitement. We gathered together near the opening of the stage and gave words of encouragement for the show. I kissed Elsie on the cheek and gave her a wink to prove that I was okay. Nerves of fucking steel. A few minutes later, silence fell upon us, and we knew it was time. We were lifted quietly onto the stage into the darkened arena. The crowd quiet with anticipation.
Seconds later the set lights flicked on and the music began. I felt the music run through my veins as I sang the opening lyrics to Tomorrow. The show was kicking ass. We played through five of our most popular songs when the lights went down again and I took my place on a stool. When the lights came back it was just me and my guitar. “How's everyone doing tonight?” I asked and absorbed the screaming that followed. “Well, it's nice to be back in Oregon. I lived here for a short time when I was younger and had some of my best times here. I'm gonna play you all a new song about my time here in Oregon. Would you all like that?” Again, the excitement was heard in my ears but felt it from my toes to the top of my head. I shook my head and waited for them to quiet down.
I was nervous to play this one. I wrote it just for this show but planned to put it on our next album. Elsie was reluctant for me to perform it at all, let alone by myself, but it felt like something I had to do, so I began strumming my guitar and found my voice.
There you were
An angel in red
I thought you would always be mine
But heaven had other plans
I promised to love you forever
We danced to our song
But you were never mine to keep
So quickly you were gone
So quickly you were gone
The tender age of seventeen
With your hand in mine
I knew there was nothing we couldn't do
We just didn't have enough time
I promised to love you forever
We danced to our favorite song
But you were never mine to keep
So quickly you were gone
So quickly you were gone
You gave a part of yourself to me
And I gave all of myself to you
The innocence of the love we shared
Wasn't enough to pull you through
I think about you every day
I'll love you my whole life
But you’re where you need to be
In heaven, someday, you'll be my wife
I promised to love you forever
We danced to our favorite song
But you were never mine to keep
So quickly you were gone
So quickly you were gone
So quickly you were gone
I finished the song, my voice slightly unstable but strong. The applause thundered and the screaming began. I looked at over the crowd, in awe. I wasn't sure how they would take a song like that. It wasn't our usual type of music but the response was overwhelming. I bowed to them in thanks and that's when I saw her.
She stood in the front row, her hand over her heart as if the words I'd just sang were for her.
They were.