by LK Collins
If only I could turn back time in my life, I would do it now…without a doubt. Because I’m not sure how I’m going to live knowing the weight of his disappearance is because of me.
“Ever,” my dad shouts, running out of the house, and I look back at him as he is winded, but says the words I have been praying for, “They found him.” My heart rate jumps to Mach speed, my body reawakens, and I run to him.
“They did?” I ask so hopeful, but so scared. My face contorts, terrified, and I have to know. “Is he…” I swallow and put my hand over my mouth, holding back the bitterness that is resting at the back of my throat.
“All we know is he’s alive.”
I fly past him, running down the lawn and up the stairs of the house like a circus freak. Galinda is on the phone and I grab his keys, knowing his car will get us to him fastest. Turning towards her, she hangs up and I ask, “Where is he?” needing to be with him, so badly.
“St. Mary’s.” I unlock his car, we all pile in, and take off. Pulling out of the gate, the news reporters spot us, cameras flash, and video recorders roll. But I focus on driving as adrenaline fills me and I race to the hospital as fast as I can.
“What happened?” I ask and my dad answers as Galinda is quietly sniffing in the back seat.
“A fishing boat found him; he was hanging on to a piece of drift wood.”
Checking the clock, I’m so grateful and so worried. I could only imagine how fucking scary this has been for him.
Pulling up to the hospital, we’ve beat the news crews here, and I park by the ER. As I run inside, I try and calm myself before speaking, but it’s useless. “We’re here to see Kingsley Lennox,” I blurt out at the woman behind the counter. Every keystroke she makes is agonizing as she types on her keyboard, then asks me, “Was he recently brought in?”
“Yeah.”
“Have a seat and I’ll let you know when he can have visitors.”
I sob, bracing my weight on the counter. “Please, can’t you do anything now?” I beg her.
“No, ma’am, I’m sorry. Have a seat.” My dad pulls me back, and the three of us sit down. My eyes stare at the doors leading into the ER, and the moment someone exits, I get up, holding it open with my foot. I’m not going to just sit here, I don’t give a shit what she says. My dad shakes his head, and I wait to rush in and look for King, looking at either of them to do something to distract the woman I have to walk past.
Thankfully, Galinda takes the attention of the woman at the desk by saying, “Excuse me, ma’am.” Then I hear the two begin to engage and take the opportunity to slip through the doors.
Straight ahead of me is a dry erase board. Scanning it, I spot King’s name on the bottom, room eleven. Looking at the numbers surreptitiously, I keep my eyes to myself as I swiftly make my way towards him.
Then the second I spot the room, everything inside me blurs and I barge in. King is shivering underneath a mound of blankets. His face is white and I gasp at the sight, so worried for what he went through, but so grateful that he’s alive.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, no visitors yet,” a nurse says.
King lifts his head with all his strength and I ignore the woman. The second our eyes connect, everything from our argument washes away. He’s alive, thank God, he’s alive. Going straight towards him, I shroud my arms around his head. We both sob uncontrollably. His hair still wet, his lips cracked, and his face has a horrible chill to it. “Why won’t he stop shaking?” I ask the nurse.
She’s reluctant to answer, but she can see the bond between the two of us. “Shock, hypothermia.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his voice cracks and it pains me to see him like this. Kissing him tenderly, I tell him, “It’s okay. I’m so sorry too.”
As I’m hugging him again, the nurse says, “I’ll be right back. I need to check with the doctor on something.”
Both King and I ignore her. His uncontrollable shaking is heartbreaking, and I ask him, “Are you cold?”
“I don’t know.” His teeth chatter and I need to help him, to stop this. Climbing on top of the bed, I lie completely over him. The pressure of my body and the blankets should help. With my head on his chest, I can hear his muffled heart beat, and it is so calming. Closing my eyes, I thank God for bringing him back to me.
“I love you,” I whisper, needing him to know it, to feel it, and to be reassured that we are going to be okay.
“Love you,” he responds shakily and I leave it at that.
Chapter 29
Observing King sleep has got to be the greatest feeling in the entire world. He’s been out of it since he was found, but he’s alive and that’s all that matters. The doctors said that with the approval of his psychologist, he might be able to go home today. And even though he doesn’t know I found out about his condition, I’m glad they won’t release him without her approval.
Not able to leave him alone, I stroke the top of his hair and relish in having him back. His body has finally settled, no more shaking and chattering. My touch wakes him, and he looks over at me with his sleepy eyes. The sun is barely up and I’ve never been happier to be awake so early in all of my life. “I’m sorry about the letters,” he says, his voice is trembling, and I lift my head, covering his lips with my fingers.
“Don’t be, it’s okay. I overreacted. Please let it all go.” We haven’t talked about much, he’s been sleeping and I’m okay with that. Coming as close as I did to losing him puts what’s really important into perspective. The shit we were fighting over is nothing compared to the magnitude of never having him in my life.
“No. I want you to know, I’m sorry.” He’s hurting, that I can see, and I want to put this all behind us.
“You were only trying to help.” Inside I’m reminded of his disease. Had I known…I would’ve handled things, a lot of things, so differently. He’s yet to talk to me about it, and I’m not sure how to bring it up either…but I need to.
“You were right, I had no right to do it. I only want to make you happy in life at all costs.”
“And I appreciate that, and you, so much, King. If I’ve learned anything when you were missing…it’s how much I fucking love you.”
He squeezes my hand tighter and says, “God, I love you, probably a little too much, and it makes me do stupid shit. I shouldn’t have ever betrayed your trust. I’m sorry again.”
As hard as it is to broach, I force myself to – we have to talk about this in order to move on. “King, Galinda told me about your diagnosis.”
“She did?” His eyes are wide as he looks at me.
“Yes, why wouldn’t you have told me?”
“Baby, it’s not something you bring up over dinner.”
“I get that, but at that stage of our relationship, didn’t it cross your mind to talk to me about it?”
“I’ve always felt like I had it under control.”
“But do you?” I hate to ask him, but neither of us can hide from the fact of what he did.
“I do. I take my medicine religiously.”
“Then what made you jump into the fucking ocean and swim away?”
He blinks a few times, thinking hard about my question, and then says, “I can’t drink. Alcohol is my demise. One drink for me is the same as ten for someone like you. I gave in to it after our fight. I thought the alcohol would numb the pain of being without you, even though I knew better. It always makes things worse every time. Then when I woke up and you were gone, I walked outside, in a daze, spiraling further.”
“That scares me, King,” I tell him.
“It scares me too. I’ve lived like this forever, under a dark fucking shadow, keeping myself busy with work, using the buzz of my natural highs to do amazing things, ignoring the lurking lows, and when you came into my life, you were a light I never experienced before, and all that really mattered was you. And when you were gone…all the strength and control I’ve worked years at mastering seemed to be gone.”
His answer kills me.
And what hurts even more was I had no idea this was something that he was battling each day. I try and make sense of it all, to process it, to understand it, to help him now. But at the end of the day…I worry what happens the next time we have a fight. “Do you understand what you dying would’ve done to me?”
“It would’ve crushed you; that’s why I couldn’t let go. I held on for as long as I could…for you.”
“Baby, you have to fight and hold on and come to me, when anything bizarre is going through your mind.”
He pulls me down to kiss him and smiles saying, “You don’t want to know what some of the fucked up shit is that goes through my mind.”
“But I do…I always do.”
“Well, right now…my mind is screaming at me to fuck your mouth so we don’t have to talk about this.” He tries to distract me and I smile, loving that I can see the layers of pain peeling away and the old King is coming back. As hard as it is to face this demon, we did it, and I’m so grateful that everything is out in the open now. Going forward, I’m going to make it my mission to protect him and make sure he is happy, the same way he has done for me.
I lay my head on his stomach. He runs his fingers over my hair and I close my eyes, so grateful that somehow and someway he has been brought back to me.
_____
Thankfully King’s psychologist believes in him as much as I do. They talked for almost two hours and she gave him the go ahead to be released, contingent upon him adding Anabuce to his regimen of medications and that he meet with her on a weekly basis. All of which I think are great things and will only benefit him in the long term. Finally having him home and away from the noise of the hospital is so nice. Lying on his bed as I wait for him to finish showering, I begin to think about the future and what it looks like for us, and before I can process everything, he’s standing in the doorway dripping wet, barely holding his towel around his waist.
He’s got that look in his eyes and I worry it’s too soon to mess around. But the second he drops his towel, all of those uncertainties wash away.
Licking my lips, I need his cock, and as slow as humanly possible, he struts towards me, his hard shaft bobbing with each step. Once he is close enough to me, I take him all the way in my mouth, loving how he rubs the back of my throat, gently moving in and out. “Oh fuck,” he grumbles and holds on to my neck, his long fingers spanning up towards my ears as he guides my head and lets me suck him, putting everything I have into it, waiting for his cum…needing it. Then as barbarically as possible, he grunts loudly, letting go, and I can see in his face he’s enjoying it on a new level.
Licking him more, I smirk at his hard dick, panting and so wet. Then all of a sudden, I am lying beneath him under his control, letting him do with me as he pleases. Urging my hips upwards, he rubs his cock against my leg and kisses my neck. I close my eyes, enjoying this moment as he pushes my dress up and moves my panties to the side, spreading open my pussy, teasing my clit with his talented tongue. I arch up, pushing towards him and savor in the attention that he’s giving to me. My body floats on a cloud of bliss. My breathing is ragged, my insides are on fire, and my toes are already curling. Reaching up, I stretch my body, as he suddenly pulls my orgasm right out of me, taking it as if it was his own. I gasp for air and grip my tits, squeezing both of them, giving over to my greatest desire.
My body is rattled, quivering violently from the torture of his tongue, and once he pulls back, he keeps kissing my sex, it’s like he can’t stop. Running my fingers through his hair, I pull him towards me. His wet hair falls in his face and he climbs on top of my body. The pressure of being beneath him is so beautiful. Reaching between us, he moves my underwear out of the way again and doesn’t waste a second before he slams into me, the jolt of fullness is so invigorating, but he doesn’t move. I hold on to him, waiting for him to fuck me, but he doesn’t. He stays nestled inside me deeply.
Digging my heels into the mattress, I grip his ass and move my hips, needing to be fucked. It’s been so long, too long. He pumps me like a porn star, grinding our bodies together, and I let him ride me and fuck me, moaning with each thrust.
He nibbles on my neck; my hands are all over him. When he finally pulls back, I gaze up at him. His eyes are closed – he’s in his zone – and I close mine too, getting lost. But my underwear bunch up and start to get in the way. “Take them off,” I tell him.
Quickly he pulls out of me and shreds them, tearing each side like a machine and leaves them on the bed. I blink a few times, not sure what my panties ever did to him, and he flips me over, gripping my ass and pulling it towards his dick. Without hesitation, he slides back into me. I arch my back and push my butt towards him as we both kneel, fucking like animals.
“Fuck,” I whimper, this angle is unbelievably intense, matched by the pressure of his hands on my body. His balls slap my clit, and I prepare to let go, but he beats me to it, releasing inside me.
I let him work his come out. Then as he picks up speed and fucks me harder than ever, I uncontrollably convulse. “Fuck yeah, baby, come on my cock,” he grunts.
Panting from going at it so hard, I heave for air. But King doesn’t seem to notice as he pulls me up so I’m on my knees like he is. My back is to his front and his arms are secured around me as he begins another round. You’d think the vertigo would get the best of him…but I guess not.
“I love you,” he murmurs into my ear. And in this moment, with this man, as wild as our story is, I don’t think I could feel it more.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 30
We’ve only been home for a day and already King is ready to get out. “Are you sure you’re up for this?” I ask him as he takes his pills in front of me, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, of course, baby.”
“If anything gets to be too much, you’ll tell me, right?”
“With you by my side, how could that happen?”
“I mean it,” I tell him and he stands to hug me, swaying a little, the vertigo hitting him.
Leaving his house, I lock up and we get into his car. Bringing the loud fucking engine to life as he buckles up next to me, he is so sexy, dressed casually today. He stares out the window as I drive off, seeming to be in a daze, and I ask him, “What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me, King.”
“I’m not, I’m thinking, that’s all.”
“What about?”
“How I’m going to apologize to your dad for what I did. I wasn’t thinking at the time what the repercussions of my actions were. I was out of my mind thinking that it would somehow help you both move on.”
“My dad is the most understanding person I’ve ever known. Just talk to him.”
I enfold my hand around his, ignoring my phone as it rings in my pocket.
“You gonna get that?”
“Nah, I’m with the only person that matters.”
King reaches over and brushes his thumb over my lips, then drags his hand down my body and cups my sex. “Can I finger you?”
I can’t help but smirk. “Do you have to ask?” Nudging his way into my shorts, he spreads open my pussy, tickling my clit, and then forcing two fingers into me. “Uhhhhh,” I moan. He’s so good with his hands. Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I focus on the road as he slowly moves in and out of me.
“You have the tightest pussy,” he says, lathering my neck with kisses.
“I wish you were inside it right now.”
“Mmmmm, I bet you do.” He kisses me more, fingering me slowly. I clench around his hand, hating that we are in the car right now.
“Pull over.”
“Why?”
“So you can come, I can see it in your eyes and feel in on my fingertips. Give over to what your body wants, baby.” Glancing in the mirrors as I turn down a side street, the car comes to a stop, but King does not. His hand rubs the side of my thigh as he strokes me, and I spread my legs, leaning further back.
“That’s it, baby, let go. Give in to the pleasure.”
He unbuckles his seatbelt and takes a handful of my breasts with his other hand. Reaching over, his cock is hard, and I hold on to it through his shorts as I push against the seat. My body on a roller coaster of bliss and his hand is the track guiding me. He rocks his hips, looking at me so fucking sexily as I get lost in his eyes.
“Are you going to come for me?”
“Mmmhhhh,” I moan, struggling to breathe. My body convulses and without warning, he pulls the most amazing orgasm out of me. I can’t control my body as I scream, being fingered and coming from it like never before.
Swallowing as I search for reality, King looks at me through hooded lids so satisfied as he slowly pulls his fingers out of me and licks them clean. “God, you taste like a fucking dream.”
I chuckle at his description, still holding on to his dick as he sits back, buckling his seatbelt over my hand. Blinking a few times perplexed, I ask him, “What about you?”
“That was for me. Thank you, baby.”
Looking over my reflection in the mirror before I drive away, I am red and flushed. King says, “You look fine.”
“I look like I just came.”
“Yeah…you kinda do.” He raises his eyebrows at me, and I slap him across his arm. He grabs my hand and holds it tightly. “We’ve gotta long drive, you’ll look normal by the time we get there.”
Finally, pulling up to my dad’s, King hasn’t said much the entire drive and I’ve let him be. “Ready?” I ask.
“Yes, beautiful.” And he gets out of the car walking around and helping me out.
“Dad?” I call out as we walk inside his cozy home. Every time I come here, it’s the same. It smells like it did when I was a kid, taking me back to my childhood. “I’m in here,” he says, and King and I follow his voice to his little office.