Scene: Hot dogs get out of bed, take a catsup bath and put on their mustard aftershave, pet their dog-pickle, go their closet, put on their buns like winter coats, and zip them up.
And when Billy ordered a hot dog from his favorite hot dog stand in the middle of San Francisco, he didn’t suspect a thing.
-Fin
Chapter 13
“Like a woodpecker? I mean that woodpecker? The hahaha one?” I asked super loud. Mr. Pink nodded his head. With a flick of his wrist, he simultaneously unzipped his belt and unfastened his zipper, and while that doesn’t sound possible I just want to reiterate that a lot of crazy fucking shit goes down when Mr. Pink flicks his manly wrists.
Mr. Pink’s fully erect penis nodded as well.
Oh Lordie, pudding and pie! It was huge, like an erect unicorn horn! Fuck! He could joust with that shit!
He grabbed a bottle of Nutego and unscrewed the lid with a flick of his wrist. The lid flew across the room like a Frisbee because it had been karate-chopped off by the back of his wrist. Tae Kwon Brownie!
“Let’s break you in,” he said as he pulled out yet another tub of Nutego. Because his dick is so huge it takes two full tubs to coat it with chocolaty goodness. “If I remember correctly, this wasn’t one of your hard limits, and it certainly isn’t one of mine.”
“But what is it for?” I asked.
He unscrewed the lid and stuck his dick in it.
“Whoa!” I cried.
“Now, its time for you to lick it off,” he said. The scent of milk chocolate with a hint of nuts filled my nostrils, and no, that smell wasn’t just from the nuts that were all over his cock. I got on my knees.
“Mmmm…That’s right Mistress Sterling. After tonight, Nutego is never gonna taste the same again.”
I got on my knees and crawled towards him like an inch worm. I stuck out my tongue and clamped my eyes shut, not with eye clamps but with the force of my own will. Ha! Girl Power is stronger than the metal bonds of genital and optic slavery!
Mr. Pink chuckled.
I craned my neck out more, until the very tip of my tongue hit something…
Chocolaty!
I started to moan. Fuck! I loved chocolate! And it was hella close to my period too, which just made it taste even richer!
“Like that, do you?” I noticed his voice was a little strained.
Could I make it even strained-ier? I wiggled my tongue like the worm on the end of a fishing hook. Time to catch me some chocolate covered cock!
Chocolate smeared over my lips like edible lipstick. I nibbled, and then went back for more, diving into the chocolate sea of taste bud sensations. Chocolate flowed down my throat like a river, punctuated by whitecaps of frothy, salty, creamy seamen. I suckled his essential nectar as my blood sugar skyrocketed from too much high fructose corn syrup.
Oh God! The artificial natural flavors! The creamy sea of sugar and salt! Well shit on a double crap stick!
I put my mouth over the mushroom-headed hose poking out of his nut sack and began sucking and moving my head back and forth. It was kind of like a sea-saw, but I didn’t actually leave the ground, and I did all the work. I couldn’t get his pogo-stick into my mouth very far, because damn, it’s hard to get something that big all the way in your mouth! So I just kind of played with the tip, but I didn’t leave one, because it’s awkward to tip you boyfriend for letting you suck his dick.
He fisted my hair. Tendrils fell around my face. It would have looked sweet if my mascara wasn’t running into my eyes, making them red and black, and chocolate wasn’t smeared all over my face as if I’d just been buried alive.
“Alright. That’s enough, Mistress…fuck, what was your name again? Oh yes it was…fuck…uh…Sterling! Like silver. Mmmmm.” He pulled my head off. “Now, it’s time to rid yourself of that pesky hymen by plopping my anchor in your virginal canal.”
“Don’t plop it in so far that it will create waves!” I warned.
“Your cunt isn’t as big as my ass. Not yet, anyway.” Mr. Pink wiggled his eyebrows. “If you want, you can fist my ass tonight, after I fuck the shit out of you.”
Oh golly gee. Goodness me. Maggie’s first cherry popping. Should we put it on top of an ice cream Sunday?
“Carry me to the bed,” I told him. I was ready to give it up for the cause—the cause being getting rid of my offensive virginity for reasons I didn’t understand and didn’t feel like asking about because it sounded like a long, traumatic story and I kind of wanted to keep things moving because Antique Freak Show reruns were on at 10.
He lay me down on the bed and I felt like it was a bed of roses the thing was so fucking romantic. Thornless roses of course! Because otherwise, ouchies! “I want to set free your Interior Goddess, Maggie.”
“Interior Goddess? What the hell is that?”
He ran his fingers over my stomach. “I think you know.”
“Well, I think she wants to be called something else.”
“I’m sorry if those words upset you,” he murmured.
“They don’t upset me. They’re just lame.”
He grinned. “I only say them because you are my goddess. Because I want to worship you. Because I know you have a goddess inside you, and she has thoroughly captivated me. I want to draw her out.” He moved down my leg, rubbing it, expertly. My muscles tightened and relaxed under his deft touch. “I want to touch her,” he whispered reverently. “I want to kiss her feet.” His mouth moved over my ankle, so hot on my cool skin. I’m melting, I thought. I have to be. How could he feel so good otherwise?
He moved up over me, his hands on my thighs, drawing up my skirt. Slowly, he spread my legs and his shoulders between them. “I want to hear her moan when I do this.” He pressed his mouth over my silk panties.
I did moan. My legs reflexively tightened around his head. I felt his tongue, through the silk, dart out and touch my clit. It was wet. Hot. The fabric pushed against the folds of my skin.
“Do you think this devotion is lame, Maggie?”
I could answer. Even his words had a physicality that my body reacted to. His breath moved over my thighs, heating the areas where his lips once were, like a heat wave rolling across the great planes, killing all the air conditioners, and making them gasp out with dusty last gasps as they perish, forcing everyone to head out to the swimming hole because that was the only place left that was cool.
And his massive, hot cock was steering straight towards my swimming hole.
All hands on deck! It’s gonna be a BIG ONE!
His lips were replaced by his dick.
***
Suddenly, a cat jumps on Faythe’s keyboard.
“Fuck! It was just about to get super hot!” Faythe cries, but before she can stop anything, the cat has already written Maggie’s next line of dialogue:
zzzasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasasn n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n
“Well, thanks for that, cat,” Faythe says, then pushes Sir Fuzzybottom onto the floor and returns to her masterpiece.
***
Then, Mr. Pink took me.
He took me because that’s all that he can do.
Because that’s all he knew how to do.
Because he never learned how to love, but just how to give and take, but not with love.
He was like that kid that makes his mother choose out his friend’s birthday present before going to his party because he can’t be bothered to think about what his friend might want. And his friend really likes it because his mother is a filthy rich slut, but the gift itself is meaningless because it came from the bowels of his hollow heart.
Bummer fuck!
His cock slipped into me, and my wetness slouched around us, like a sea of passion with no sand, because sand up your crotch itches like whoa!
Oh wait.
Never mind. His cock slid into the saltwater bin right beside me. His hips thrusted up and down, and I could see dimples smiling at me in his ass as he humped the shit out of that water basin, causing so much water sprayed around us that I thought for sure he was gonna yell: Cannon Ball!
“I have to wash off all the remnants of Nutego before I take you, Mistress Sterling,” Mr. Pink rasped. I guess that salt water was pretty freaking hot! And it was so hard for him to hump that hard that the vein in the middle of his forehead was humping too! “I don’t want you to get a yeast infection,” he explained.
Oh dearest me! He’s so incredibly sensitive, thinking about my yeast infection before he fucks me! I smiled and playfully flicked some of the chocolaty salt water in his face.
Mr. Pink shoots back, bellowing: “Ahhh! AHHH!!! It’s IN MY EYE!!! It BURNS!!!!”
“Oh! Double shit fest!”
He blinked a bit. Eyes red. Super red. Fuck!
“I just want to let you know before we start,” he murmured, red eyes gleaming from salt water, voice low as a limbo bar, “I’m not into necrophilia.”
“What?”
“I don’t dig up corpses and fuck them,” he told me.
“Huh?”
“I just want to let you know I’m clean,” he said, planting his fists into the bed on either side of my hips as if he were planting trees. “I’m not gonna give you dick rot, or anything. So when I fuck you my dick isn’t going to break off and burrow into your insides, muching on your organs as if they were beef jerky, and it won’t turn you into a zombie, or impregnate you with pink hot dogs that will burst out of your stomach fully grown in six months and destroy the human race.”
Judas kiss my ass! Someone pour some freaking holy water over these hot dogs! “I’m glad that’s not gonna happen, but that description is oddly specific. Wait, do I still have chocolate on my face?”
“Oh yes, you do,” Mr. Pink whimpered. “Mistress, do you want your little kitten to lick it off?”
Like hell I did! Which actually means yes!
He started licking my face. Then Mr. Pink flicked his wrists, and his dick started licking my cunt! Holy shit!
“I’m going to penetrate you with my penis now, and fuck away that repulsive virginity,” he cooed.
“Yes.” Why was my virginity so disgusting again? I glanced at the clock. Fuck! I couldn’t think about something nasty like that at a time like this! Antique Freak Show was on in fifteen minutes! How long did it take to fuck? Double fuck!
Well, turns out it takes only ten minutes to fuck.
But holy fucking mother in Jesus yes she’s inside him now and her son is birthing her out and FUCK that is a freaking miracle!
The entire earth shook. The bed was flying around the room like that children’s movie that features a bed and also features broomsticks in some fashion I think. And he was twisting my nipples like the bedknobs that make the bed fly. Holy fuck! We heard crashes outside as half the city crumbled from the strength of our loin joining. Super crap! I whimpered against his chest, could feel his heart beating against my lips like the bass from music that is played way too loud (but seriously, someone should tell those damn kids to shut the fuck up and get off my lawn! So it doesn’t “belong” to me because it’s a “park” and so it’s “public property”. You know what I say to that? FUCK! I have to look and listen to those little shits so get a fucking bulldozer and turn that park into a parking lot. See, you little shits? You ruin the fun for EVERYONE because you have to be so damn annoying! Now the value of my apartment just went down because it’s located next to an industrial park instead of a woodland park!)
His cock slid in and out of me, in and out, in and out. Fuck! It was going in so far and then it came all the way out. Double fuck! It went in further, until it was scrambling my ovaries, and then it came out, until it was tickling my pussy hairs. He grinned, calling them little pussy whiskers, and I was like, FUCK! Women who shave don’t get to experience really touching moments like this!
His hips grinded my pelvis, like a meat grinder, and my pelvis was pink and raw. Double Triple shit! My virgin blood squirted out two minutes after we started, because my hymen was like a piece of rubber, and he had to pierce it with the retractable spike hidden in his dick to get it to pop. POP! It was so loud, like a balloon skewered by an evil clown at the birthday party of a little boy he didn’t like because he told the clown his rainbow costume was shabby and the clown was like: FUCK! I have to freaking wash this suit three times a day because little shit nosed fucks like you keep puking on it when I tell hilariously relevant political jokes!
“That’s it, Mistress. That’s the sound of freedom! Now, ready yourself for some hard ass love!” Mr. Pink bellowed as the disco ball jiggly jangled above us.
God, that love was so hard on my ass, because I was on the bottom and my bottom was sore from the friction of the sheets on my sweaty ass. I don’t think they were made of 100% cotton! My body shuddered around his pole of destruction as a wildfire spread through my veins. Then, the muscles deep inside my cunt, and deep inside other places, started to contract like a sea anemone that some nasty kid stuck their chubby finger into.
“That’s your orgasm, Mistress Sterling! I’m gonna ride it!”
I started bucking against him like a fucking bucking bronco. In fact, we were bucking so fucking hard that the rainbow ponies on the ground started bucking too! My orgasm spilled out over all of us like nuclear fallout. I wiped my eyes with a glowing green hand that had just sprouted from my anal cavity.
“Fuck! Fuck!” The poet above me groaned.
“Rhyming fuck with fuck is just lazy, dude,” I told him, because even though he was the poet, I thought he should be aware of such things.
“I’m ejaculating!” He cried, and hot cum shot out of his dick hole deep inside me, warming my insides like hot Nutego, and soothing the raging fires of the nuclear explosion. My green arm fell out of my anus and disintegrated, like so much dust because like whoa! There was a lot.
He collapsed on top of me, and my lungs collapsed. I started hitting his back and finally he rolled off of me, his dick rolling to the side of his leg like a limp tongue that had licked a banana slug and was now numb.
“I love you,” I croaked, as the sweat cooled on my body, because really, what could you say after such an event?
“No. No, don’t say that,” he whispered, turning his face to the ceiling and scrunching it up in agony like a scrunchie a little girl throws away after her ex-best friend shows up to school the next day WEARING THE EXACT SAME ONE! You’re freaking lucky I forgave you for doing that to me, you nasty, backstabbing, cum depository Faythe!
“Why not?” I asked, choking on how much emotion was bursting out of me. Fuck!
“You don’t understand, Maggie. I’m incapable of love. I’m too dark, too mysterious, too tortured. There’s no way a heart as pure and good as your own could heal my inner demons.”
My eyes started to tear up. “But aren’t you lonely?”
“Yes. But it is my lot to stand against fate with nothing but my own talents and determination.” He nuzzled my shoulder. “Now, let’s cuddle.”
We settled down on his pink, heart-shaped bed, cuddling Pocahontas and Cinderella pillows. Freaking yeah man!
Mr. Pink flicked on the TV with a flick of his wrist. Then he flicked his wrist 500 more times to get to the Antique Freak Show channel, because he had like a million channels on that thing! I was like, hey, let’s go get the remote control but Mr. Pink wanted to show off his super special skill. It was so hot the way his bones cracked as he flicked the shit out of that thing! Fuck!
Oh yeah, some lady had like a jar full of Abraham Lincoln’s toenails that was worth freaking twenty thousand dollars! And some other person had a bundle of fart love letters that old freaking Irish dude who wrote Ulysses wrote to his wife or girlfriend or something that were worth like millions!
“Double crap,” I whispered before falling asleep in my rugged, untouchabl
e, lover’s arms. Suddenly, those words had taken on an entirely new meaning.
Chapter 14
The next morning I rolled onto the other side of the bed. Mr. Pink wasn’t there, but there was a gigantic pink elephant lounging in the corner!
What the fuck! Is it safari time? Get my bazooka hard-hat, Billy, because the lions are circling!
Mr. Pink grinned at me. He was covered in a pink, mountainous, pink, amorphic, pink, gigantic cloth. Well what’s fit for the goose is fit for the gander! No giblets in the basket, please!
Mr. Pink spread his legs wide. “Have you ever fucked a man in a snuggy, before?”
“Oh God. Nightmare fuel.”
I could see his boner in the snuggy right between his legs. “I’m not wearing anything underneath this.”
Sweet mother of Joseph! Can’t. Un. See.
“That’s right, you haven’t fucked a man in a snuggy before.” Mr. Pink chuckled. “This will be yet another first.”
The snuggy was hot pink. Bibi doll pink. “I used to have a hot pink Bibi car this color,” I said.
“Oh? Did you play with it often?”
I blushed. “Yes.”
“Did it go fast?”
My blush deepened. “Yes.”
“I bet you liked going fast,” he whispered on my neck. “I bet you liked watching your hot pink Bibi doll catapult down the hill, her hair flowing behind her, wild and free.”
“Yes.” His hands were on my naked thighs, spreading them apart. I felt him, pressing up into my heat.
“Show me how fast you liked watching it go,” he whispered at my neck, biting it softly. His snuggy-fied wrists wrapped around my back, fuzz sticking to the sweat on my naked body. “You don’t have to hold back with me, little girl. Let loose!”
There was a little pink fuzz stuck to his cock.
I started to ride. He was right. As a little girl, I wanted to be like Bibi in her nice, new, shiny plastic car. I’d rolled her down the big hill next to my house, watching her yellow hair flow, watching Skippy, her little sister, bounce out of the back seat at the first turn and Tanya, her token African American friend, bounce out when she hit the pot hole. I wanted nothing more than to be like Bibi, flying so fast, so hard, so reckless and free…or I wanted to be like her until my dad ran over her car.
Fitty of Pink: A Parody Page 6