by Alex Barclay
‘Congratulations?’ said Clare. ‘And so, off the top of my head – the spin on those facts. “Mystery Death at Luxury Inn. Body of fifty-something-year-old male discovered late last night on grounds of luxury inn, luxury, luxury, eye-watering room rates, drunken revellers, former convent, sacrilege, sacrilege, delay in reporting, blunt-force trauma, possible motive, unnamed sources, fractious relationship with owner. Ha, ha, “for all their money”, ha, ha, – misery, misery, entitled, entitled.’
‘But we’re … us,’ said Laura. ‘Everyone around here knows us.’
Clare looked at her. ‘Not any more, they don’t.’
29
Patrick reached down and threw a log on to the fire. He tapped on the bar. ‘Clare’s right about how this could look to the rest of the world—’
‘Do you think the “rest of the world” gives a shite about us?’ said Laura. ‘And if they did, I sure as fuck wouldn’t give a shite what they thought about me. I know who I am. And I’m happy out with it. I know I’m someone who does the right thing. And another thing I am is a guard’s daughter. Look at my entire family. My father and his father and his father before him—’
‘All loved the taste of Kerrygold,’ said Murph.
‘It’s not funny!’ said Laura. ‘I’m not buying your dark funny bullshit—’
‘I’m not selling it,’ said Murph. He spread out his arms. ‘Joke like nobody’s laughing.’
‘Shut up,’ said Laura. ‘I’m serious – all of them, respected guards. Sergeants! But I suppose ye all think the guards are thick shits!’
‘This isn’t about your dad,’ said Clare. ‘If he was still the Sergeant, I might feel differently—’
‘Jesus, if Colm was still Sergeant, I’d definitely be fucked,’ said Johnny.
‘He’s not wrong,’ said Murph.
‘I’m not sitting here listening to everyone talk shit about my dad,’ said Laura. ‘You couldn’t meet a more decent, hardworking, honest man. He never left a stone unturned—’
Murph raised his eyebrows.
‘What was that in aid of?’ said Laura.
‘Nothing,’ said Murph. ‘Sorry. Low blow.’
‘What do you mean low blow?’ said Laura.
‘Just,’ he shrugged. ‘This has nothing to do with Jessie.’
The room went very still.
‘Jessie?’ said Laura.
Murph’s face started to redden.
‘Is that what you all think?’ said Laura. ‘That my dad fucked up there? My dad worked his—’
‘No,’ said Clare, ‘we do not think that.’
‘Lads,’ said Murph. ‘We’re getting off the point. We’re talking about thirty-odd years ago, and a sergeant who’s retired.’
‘Yes,’ said Clare. ‘Can we all agree that this has nothing to do with Laura’s father?’
‘Well, it does if it’s affecting how she’s voting,’ said Johnny.
‘My morals are affecting how I’m voting,’ said Laura.
Johnny’s eyes widened.
‘Go fuck yourself,’ said Laura.
‘Jesus, do we like each other at all, lads?’ said Murph.
‘All I’m saying,’ said Laura, ‘is I’m not going to ruin my family’s name—’
‘Too late!’ said Murph.
Laura slammed her hand on the table. ‘Stop!’
‘This isn’t about your dad,’ said Clare. ‘Don’t personalize this.’
‘Are you fucking joking me?’ said Laura. ‘So “don’t personalize” this, but then I’m supposed to think about Johnny’s personal life before I go around having the cheek to do what’s right?’ Laura looked around the room. ‘Whatever you thought of him personally, there’s a man out there whose life has been taken, who – if you had your way, by the sound of it – would be robbed of the right to a decent burial, whose family might never know what happened to him. What is wrong with ye? Have ye a conscience at all between you?’
‘But,’ said Clare, ‘you’re talking about—’
‘Breaking the law!’ said Laura, throwing up her hands. ‘Breaking the fucking law! Surely, I don’t need to explain that to you, Your Honour.’
Clare stared at her. ‘Will you be at that for the night: “Your Honour”?’
‘Not at the rate you’re going,’ said Laura.
‘God, you are one angry woman,’ said Clare.
Laura’s mouth opened.
‘Lads, can we keep this a bit civilized?’ said Murph.
Johnny laughed. ‘You know you’re fucked when Murph’s the one calling for civil …’
‘Civility,’ said Clare.
‘God – you’re one arrogant woman,’ said Laura.
Clare’s eyes sparked with anger.
‘Can we scrap all the talking?’ said Laura. ‘I’m not going along with this. There is literally nothing any of you can say that’s going to make me change my mind.’
‘How can you possibly know that?’ said Clare.
‘For exactly the reasons I just mentioned,’ said Laura. So we can go back and forth the whole night, you can vote whatever way you like, but I’m not going to go along with it. You’re still going to get the same answer from me: we do the honourable thing. We call the guards. End of.’
Clare sprung to her feet, startling her, startling everyone. She slapped two fists down on the table and leaned across to Laura. ‘You know something?’
Laura drew her head back. Clare leaned in closer and stabbed a finger at her. ‘FUCK honour. Fuck it.’
30
Clare’s eyes bored into Laura’s. ‘Sorry, but I can’t. I can’t listen to one more word about your father and honour.’
Laura’s eyes widened.
‘Hold on a second now,’ said Murph.
‘No!’ said Clare, batting him back without looking at him, her gaze steady on Laura. ‘I can have this conversation with you here in front of everyone or we can take it somewhere private.’
Laura laughed. ‘Oh, get it all out, girl,’ she said, spreading her arms wide. ‘Get it all out.’
‘Are you sure?’ said Clare.
‘We don’t have to hear any of this, Laura,’ said Murph. ‘Why don’t you and Clare—’
‘No,’ said Laura. ‘No. We’ve no secrets here – isn’t that right?’
Clare paused. A nervousness flickered in her eyes.
‘What?’ said Laura. ‘Is it that bad?’ She tried to laugh.
Clare let out a breath.
‘I just think you might feel differently when I tell you what it is.’
‘I won’t,’ said Laura. ‘Just fucking tell me.’
Clare shrugged. ‘Jessie’s dad – Kevin. Do you remember he used to work for my dad?’
Laura frowned. ‘Vaguely. Why?’
‘You know Kevin had a terrible time after the rape – people thinking he did it, looking at him sideways, telling their kids not to set foot inside their door? Well, Mam and Dad used to have him over for dinner. Quite a lot. Things weren’t going well between him and Teresa, so it was him on his own, maybe after work or on the odd Sunday evening. If you think about it – there were three young girls in our house, but my parents still invited him up all the time. They didn’t seem to have any issue with him, didn’t tell us not to be alone with him, nothing.’
Laura shrugged. ‘So they believed him – so what? Loads of people did.’
Clare shook her head. ‘No – it wasn’t just that. Mam told me – years later – that it was because they knew, categorically, that Kevin did not rape Jessie.’
‘How could your parents know “categorically” when Dad didn’t? And he was the Sergeant,’ said Laura.
‘That’s my point,’ said Clare. ‘Your father did know.’
Laura stared at her. Clare didn’t drop eye contact. There wasn’t a sound in the room.
‘Are you sure that you want to hear the rest of this in front of everyone?’ said Clare.
‘Yes!’ said Laura. ‘I do’
‘Did yo
u know,’ said Clare, ‘that at the time of the rape, your mother was having an affair with Kevin?’
Laura looked at her like she had lost her mind. ‘Kevin. And my mam. What – in between baking? Jesus – Mam’d get up and turn off Dallas if there was a sex scene. We used to say she only had sex three times – to have us.’
No one spoke.
‘Sure, she’d push Dad away if he came up behind her when she was making the dinner,’ said Laura.
Clare waited.
‘Ah, get lost,’ said Laura. ‘Everyone’s mam was like that. That doesn’t mean anything.’
‘I can tell you the rest,’ said Clare, ‘but I don’t want to upset you.’
Laura laughed. ‘You couldn’t give a shit. Obviously.’
‘In fairness to Clare,’ said Murph, ‘you’re the one who told her she could say it in front of all of us.’
‘That’s not what I’m talking about,’ said Laura. ‘I’m saying … in general.’
‘Ah, come on,’ said Murph.
Laura looked at Clare. ‘Go on, so.’
‘Your mam and Kevin … that was going on when we were in sixth class,’ said Clare. ‘The night Jessie was raped, Kevin had left her on her own to go meet your mother—’
‘Whoa – what?’ said Murph.
‘Laura – your dad was on duty the night of the rape,’ said Clare, ‘but he had his suspicions about your mam, so he kept an eye on your place, and when she came out, he followed her to the graveyard. Kevin was picking her up in the van.’
‘And where’s all this coming from?’ said Laura. ‘How come you “know” all this?’
‘I do know,’ said Clare. ‘Kevin told my parents. They were the only people he told, apparently. But, basically what happened on the night was that your dad stayed following them, and when they went their separate ways, he followed Kevin home.’
Everyone exchanged glances.
‘And …?’ said Laura, looking at Clare.
Clare waited.
‘What?’ said Laura. ‘What am I supposed to be getting here?’
‘Fuck’s sake,’ said Murph. ‘It obviously means—’
‘Shut up,’ said Laura. ‘I’m not asking you.’
‘It means,’ said Clare, ‘that your dad knew exactly what time Kevin got home. And if Kevin called the guards as soon as he found Jessie, which he did, then your dad would have known for a fact that Kevin wasn’t the rapist – he wouldn’t have had the time.’
‘Jesus Christ,’ said Murph. ‘Literally, Kevin could have had a sergeant as his fucking alibi—’
Clare nodded. ‘And how would your dad have been able to explain that?’
‘That poor prick – Kevin,’ said Murph. ‘And there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.’
‘No one wanted the affair to get out – it wasn’t in anyone’s interest,’ said Clare. ‘Colm would have looked like a fool in front of his colleagues, Teresa was away at a pilgrimage in Knock and had left Kevin in charge of Jessie, and if she found out that he left her alone to go off and meet his …’
‘Fancy woman?’ said Laura.
‘That wasn’t what I was going to say,’ said Clare. ‘But – out he goes and we know what happened next. He said he locked the door, though, he thought she was safe.’
‘Well, of course he was going to say that,’ said Laura.
‘So,’ said Clare, ‘he and your parents agreed that they would all go with the story that he had the television up loud, and he didn’t hear anyone come in.’
‘Didn’t I tell you?’ said Murph. ‘I knew that was weird.’
Laura stared into space. ‘But Dad could still have stopped the rumour about Kevin before it started. He could have made it very clear “there’s no way that that man would ever lay a finger on that child” or whatever and everyone would have believed him. Everyone trusts Dad.’
No one spoke.
‘Dad wasn’t …’ said Laura. ‘He wouldn’t have … he’s not a spiteful man. He wouldn’t have let that to happen … deliberately …’ She looked around at everyone. ‘Would he?’
‘Maybe not deliberately,’ said Clare.
‘But … he didn’t really go out of his way, did he?’ said Laura. ‘Dad. To find out who did it.’ She looked at Murph. ‘That’s what you were getting at earlier.’
‘No, it wasn’t,’ said Murph. ‘That was a general … I don’t know what it was. A dig at the guards, maybe.’
Clare looked at Laura. ‘You said yourself, earlier, that your dad left no stone unturned.’
‘Yeah, well it’s looking a little different now, isn’t it?’ said Laura. ‘I mean, Kevin’s whole life went to shit. If Dad had caught the bastard who raped her, then none of that might have happened.’ She paused. ‘I mean – the fire would have, but …’ She glanced at Murph.
‘Laura,’ said Clare, ‘there’s no way your dad would have done something as awful as not tracking down the rapist, just to spite Kevin. Don’t forget – you were eleven too. We all were. Miriam was – what? Same age as Johnny – sixteen?’
Johnny nodded.
‘Do you really think your dad wouldn’t have done everything he could to find the guy?’ said Clare. ‘He mightn’t have gone out of his way to clear Kevin’s name, but he wasn’t arresting him either.’
Laura let out a breath.
‘And it was Regatta,’ said Murph. ‘Town was crazy. Especially back then. There was no way they could have tracked down everyone. Plus all the boats that were in, the crews, the people working the merries.’
‘And it wasn’t like they have the technology they have today,’ said Patrick.
‘Thanks, lads,’ said Laura, ‘but he still sat back and let a man’s life be destroyed.’ She paused. ‘I know he’s my dad and I love him … but …’
Clare looked at Laura. ‘I’m so sorry I had to tell you all that.’
‘No, you aren’t,’ said Laura. ‘And, no you didn’t, did you?’ She gave Clare a slow tight smile. ‘But the message is – I’m being very loyal to a man who doesn’t deserve it.’
‘I wouldn’t have put it quite like that,’ said Clare. ‘And you don’t have to defend a daughter’s loyalty to anyone here.’
Laura sat back and folded her arms. ‘Well, if what you’re saying is true, surely, if there’s anything to be learned from it, it’s that lying – or lying by omission or covering shit up – can ruin people’s lives.’
‘There are lots of ways to ruin people’s lives,’ said Clare, glancing at Johnny.
‘But if people told the truth from the get-go,’ said Laura. ‘Then—’
‘Oh, good God,’ said Clare. ‘Coming from the prison officer?’ She laughed.
‘What?’ said Laura. ‘I’m now supposed to believe the inmates that say they’re innocent? They told the truth, and look what happened to them?’ She laughed back at Clare.
‘There are five people in this room,’ said Clare, ‘who are part of five families, and who all have multiple responsibilities. This is not just about you, and your world. You said it yourself – your world is tiny: prison for work, prison at home, and inmate in a maximum security Micra in between.’
‘I was being funny,’ said Laura.
‘I know,’ said Clare. ‘Because you are funny, and you have a way of summing things up that none of the rest of us have.’
Murph nodded. ‘Yeah – you don’t give a fuck.’
‘Well, I give a fuck now!’ said Laura. ‘And ye can’t handle it. Or do I have to not give a fuck about a human life to be friends with ye all now?’
Everyone went quiet.
Laura folded her arms. ‘I’m disgusted with ye, lads.’
‘Give it a rest, Laura, for fuck’s sake!’ said Murph. ‘We came here tonight because it was Helen’s birthday, we’d be happy to fucking see each other, and we wanted to have the craic. And we did! Until … this—’
‘“THIS”,’ said Laura, ‘is a fucking murder, Murph. Can you say it? Or is it too much for your sensitive
soul?’
‘You’re acting like we’re all savages,’ said Murph. ‘What do you think happened? We all fucked off over the years, going about our business, turning into monsters? Meanwhile, you’re in the slums of Limerick, turning into Mother Teresa? Are you telling me you were sitting here earlier, thinking: Jesus, I’m getting a funny fucking vibe off Murph? Or: Christ, Clare’s turned into an awful heartless bitch?’ He took a breath. ‘We were handed a shit sandwich … and all we can do at this stage is scrape off the shit, and stomach the rest.’
‘Well,’ said Laura. ‘I hope you all fucking choke on it.’
As she turned away, she caught Clare staring at her, shaking her head.
‘What?’ said Laura. ‘What’s wrong with you now?’
Clare’s eyes were lit with anger. ‘Is everything an absolute with you? The black and white, the “surely” this, the “I’m on the moral high ground, you’re all a disgrace”.’
‘I didn’t say anything about the moral high ground,’ said Laura. ‘But sorry if you’re all so fucking offended by the fact I thought you’d do the right thing. That’s actually a compliment, if you think about it.’
‘Yes,’ said Clare, ‘if your definition of “the right thing” is the only one anyone can have.’
Laura looked away.
‘OK,’ said Clare. ‘Let’s be very clear about what this “truth” is that you’re so determined to get off your chest to the guards.’
Laura turned back to her.
‘The truth is,’ said Clare, ‘that before we did get around to calling them, we all sat back and had a brandy by the fire while we discussed whether or not we actually would.’
‘That wasn’t my fault!’ said Laura, pointing at Johnny. ‘He locked—’
‘We even had a vote!’ said Clare.
‘He locked us fucking in!’ said Laura.
‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ said Clare. ‘If you really wanted to get out … what did you think he was going to do?’
‘Then why are you still sitting here if you think you could have left?’ said Laura.
‘Because we are friends,’ said Clare. She looked around the room. ‘And if our friends are in trouble—’
‘We cover up for them and shit ourselves for the rest of our lives that we’ll get found out?’ said Laura. ‘Hear on the news a body’s been found off the coast of wherever the fuck and wonder if it’s Terry Hyland’s?’ She stood up. ‘If I’m free to go, then I’m not sitting around listening to this shit.’