by Claire Raye
I pull her close, kissing the top of her head, grateful that she’s being so understanding. When I look up, I see Josh watching us, a curious look on his face.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothin’” he says, shaking his head as he looks around. “Alright, what’s a guy gotta do to get a beer around here?”
We head over to Mila’s apartment and as they walk into the living room, I head into the kitchen to grab us all a drink. For once, I don’t have to work tonight, having taken it off because my brother was arriving. When I walk back into the living room, I see Josh, standing at the window beside Mila, the two of them clearly talking about something.
I clear my throat a little and they both turn, Josh with a smile on his face, Mila with an unreadable expression on hers. I narrow my brows a little, wondering exactly what it was they were just talking about, but I don’t push it.
“Here,” I say, shoving a beer in his direction.
“Thanks,” he says, holding it out toward us. “And here’s to finally seeing you again, bro,” he adds, clicking his bottle against mine. “And to meeting you,” he adds, turning to Mila.
She smiles up at him, tapping her bottle against his just as the front door opens and Charlie walks in.
I watch my brother swallow the mouthful of beer he just took, his eyes practically bugging out of his head as they track Charlie, walking down the hall and into the kitchen, not having noticed we’re home.
“Shit, hello,” he mutters, almost to himself. “What have we got here?”
I clap a hand over the back of his head as I murmur, “Behave.”
I hear Mila giggle and turning, I see her grinning up at me before she glances back at the kitchen and says, “Hey, Charlie, come here. There’s someone you need to meet.”
Charlie walks out of the kitchen, her eyes on her phone as she comes into the living room, clearly only half listening. “What is—”
The rest of her sentence is cut off as she looks up and takes in the three of us standing in the middle of the living room. I watch as her eyes move from Mila to me to Josh, her gaze stalling out when it lands on my brother.
Turning, I glance at him, see he’s got the biggest, cheesiest grin on his face as he takes another sip of his beer, before stepping forward and saying, “Hey, I’m Josh, so you must be Charlie?”
Oh fuck me, this just got a whole lot more interesting.
Chapter Seventeen
Mila
I’m trying to control the laugh I feel bubbling up as I watch Charlie take in Adam’s brother, Josh. I knew this was going to happen the moment I found out he was coming to visit and even more so when Adam and I video chatted with him a while back. He’s slightly taller than Adam, a little thinner but equally as muscular and while he might be minus all the tattoos, that has never really been Charlie’s thing anyway.
He’s probably the perfect guy for her, because he’s definitely no strings attached with living on the other side of the world. She’s all about no strings, letting her hook up and move on without having to ever share too much. As soon as she does, it always felt like people viewed her differently. Don’t get too close because she might break. I never did. If anything, we got as close as we did so quickly because I worried about losing her. I don’t worry about it anymore. Now I just want her to be happy. Josh will make her very happy.
“So, what are we doing tonight?” I ask, beaming at the three of them and shrugging my shoulders. We need to do something to celebrate Josh’s arrival and honestly, I need something to distract me from this shit show that is currently happening in my life.
I’m still struggling with all the lies I’ve told myself and everyone around me, including Charlie. I have no idea how she’s going to respond when she finds out I didn’t just end up pregnant out of carelessness. I hid it all from her, too. There’s so much to unpack here; it’s like a suitcase full of bricks.
“Mila,” Adam says, and the way he says my name makes me cringe a little. It’s laced with sympathy and confusion. It’s weighed down by all our secrets and what I’m still keeping from him. He thinks I should be…actually I have no idea what he thinks I should be doing. Resting at home? Sharing everything with him? Crying alone in my bedroom? We’re stuck in this strange limbo where I put on a brave face and act like it’s all fine and good. I’ve been doing it for so long now that it almost feels normal. I’ve forgotten what normal even feels like.
“What? Don’t even tell me I need to rest or that I have these stupid casts on. Obviously, I know that, but how often is it that your brother will be here in Hawthorn? We have to show him around,” I say, trying to sound confident and hoping no one can see right through this crumbling façade.
I look over and catch Adam’s face out of the corner of my eye. It’s not just me who’s struggling. Every time I look at him, I realize he’s still trying to cope with the aftermath of the accident, an accident that wasn’t just a one-time thing for him. He’s like me, carrying around a suitcase full of bricks and eventually something’s going to give. We’re both slowly starting to weaken.
He shakes his head, throwing an arm around my shoulders and then drops a kiss on the top of my head. I love the way I fit so perfectly against him, the way everything still feels effortless even when there’s this awkwardness between us.
“Okay, fine. What do you want to do?” Adam asks the room, with Charlie, Josh and I all wondering if Adam has some grand plan, but clearly, he doesn’t.
“So, let me get this straight, you knew I was coming, yet you thought I was just going to want to hang out in a sparsely furnished apartment the whole time?” Josh jabs at Adam, making both Charlie and I laugh.
It’s easy to understand why Josh thinks this. He’s so removed from what happened with the accident and how closely it mimicked Adam’s past. Josh sees this as a vacation, a trip away from Oz to see his brother who he hasn’t seen in over a year, but to Adam, it’s a lot of planning and effort that he just doesn’t have the capacity for right now.
Charlie jumps in, saving the day with her sweet smile and thoughtfulness. “How about we take him on a quick tour of the campus and then we can have dinner at The Last Drop?” She stops, glancing out the window. “It’ll be dark soon so we should get moving. Mila, you okay to walk?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I lament, letting out a slow exhale. “Yes, I’m fine. Doctor said I’d be good to walk on the boot after three weeks on crutches. My armpit and I are done with crutches forever.”
“Do you really want to see where I work?” Adam asks, his eyebrows knitted together in question, as if he’s saying his job isn’t worth the acknowledgment.
“Adam is helping my sister’s boyfriend run the bar. He likes to act like he’s just in there serving drinks, but he does a lot more than that,” I defend, not that Josh ever questioned it to begin with.
Adam rolls his eyes, chuckling a little. “She likes me, so you can’t trust what she says.”
I swat a hand over his chest. “Listen, I know you’re not saving lives or anything like you once were…” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. He winces, just slightly, enough for only me to notice, for my words to sting and remind him of everything we’re dealing with. “You work really hard,” I quickly add, but my words are quieter this time.
“All sounds good to me,” Josh chimes in and I swear I see the smallest twinkle in Charlie’s eyes. She’s already smitten and that’s either a good thing or a bad thing.
“I’m sure you want to take a shower before we go,” Adam says to Josh. “You sure you aren’t too tired?”
“Nope. All good. I’ll grab a shower and then we can go.”
The boys leave and Charlie and I are left standing there, her smiling at the door like a complete fool and there’s something about it that’s so refreshingly normal that it makes my heart ache. I long for things to just be the way they once were.
“Hey.” I snap my finger
s in front of her face and she quickly looks over at me. “He’s pretty hot, huh?”
“Well, I mean, I kinda expected it, but I guess I didn’t think I’d be interested straightaway. He’s easy though, because I don’t have to tell him anything and he’ll leave in a couple of weeks.” She winks at me, making it seem like this is how she really wants it. I know she doesn’t, but this has become her new normal. She can’t trust anyone to stay, so she doesn’t even bother at this point.
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” I tell her, and she narrows her eyes at me.
“You don’t have to keep secrets either, but we’re still there, aren’t we?” she hits back, and I feel it in my soul.
I chew on my lip, wanting to say something, but like always, it feels easier to move forward, always moving forward. She knows something else happened; she knew it that day and she still knows it now, but for some reason we keep acting like we’re fine.
“I bought you a new lace bodysuit,” I announce, changing the subject instantly and while it hasn’t completely moved away from all the drama, it’s at least a bit of a distraction. “The paramedics had to cut yours off of me in the ambulance.”
“Mila,” she says, and her voice holds that same pitiful tone that everyone does when I mention the accident. “You didn’t have to do that. You know it wasn’t expensive or anything.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t even ask you if I could borrow it. Lesson learned, man, if you borrow someone’s clothes, make sure you don’t leave the house.”
“Seriously, Mila, we don’t have to joke about this. You could’ve died and losing my bodysuit would’ve been the least of my concerns.”
“But I didn’t die, and I don’t want you to be worrying about that.” I hobble into my room and grab the bag, handing it to her. “Wear it tonight. You’ll look hot.”
“It’s not the same one, is it?” she asks, clenching her teeth in question. “Because I kinda feel like that might be bad luck.”
“You should know me better than that. No bad luck here,” I say, as she opens the bag and finds a different one altogether.
“Phew, we definitely need to start ridding our lives of bad luck, and so far, this will be our first attempt.” She holds up the bodysuit, smiling at me as she walks into her bedroom.
I disappear into my room, her words playing out in my head, because she’s so right. We don’t need any more bad luck. I’m not even sure that’s the right words for it. Has it been bad luck? It feels like a hell of a lot more and it’s probably self-induced.
I look over at my bag lying on my dresser. The card I got from the hospital is in there. The card I got from Ruby is right next to it in my wallet, and for some reason, today feels like the right day to take a step forward. And not just a step to move forward and ignore the past, but a step to actually putting the past behind me.
I take the therapist’s card from my wallet and look at her name and number embossed on the front. I laugh a little, wondering why a card like this held such fear for me. It’s unassuming and plain and there’s nothing on it that even indicates what this woman actually does. She fixes the broken.
I look down at the time on my watch. It’s not late, just a little after four on a Thursday, but a part of me hopes that she doesn’t answer and all I have to do is leave a message.
I type the number into my phone and let it ring; once, twice and on the third time a voice answers, saying hello and giving her name.
I don’t say something right away and it’s almost like this has happened to her before because she doesn’t grow annoyed when she repeats herself. If anything, her voice grows softer and kinder, encouraging me on.
“Hi, I need to schedule an appointment,” I say, the simple words far harder to get out than I expect. It’s no different than ordering a pizza or calling for a cab.
“Of course. When are you looking to come in?”
“Whatever your first available is would be great,” I reply, not wanting to sound desperate, but I really am. I’ve held on to this for far too long.
“I have tomorrow at eight a.m. or Monday at four p.m.” She pauses waiting for me to respond and when I do, I instantly regret it.
“I can do four on Monday,” I say, realizing that’s still a full weekend away and there’s no reason I can’t go tomorrow. “Wait, can I have the appointment tomorrow instead. I have class at eight, but I’m going to skip it because right now this is more important.”
It’s a decision I realize I need to make. It’s a decision that will affect the rest of my life and there’s no more waiting for the next day or dealing with it later. It’s been put off long enough.
“School and classes are important,” she says, but I can tell she’s going to preface it with something else. “But mental health is equally important. It’s hard to focus on classes when you aren’t focusing on yourself.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow at eight,” I say, not wanting to get into my issues over the phone. I hang up, letting out a sigh of relief that is short-lived. I instantly realize I’m going to have to be completely honest with my parents really soon. A therapist is expensive and while the school has the counseling center for free, I’m either going to have to find a way to pay for this myself or submit it to my parents’ insurance. I’m still on their plan, and they’re definitely going to want to know why I’m seeing a therapist when the paperwork from the insurance company starts coming in.
This fucking baggage gets heavier by the day.
“Mila!” Charlie calls, her voice startling me a bit and pulling me away from everything I have waiting for me. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” I yell back, looking in the mirror and realizing I didn’t even attempt to make myself look any better than I did ten minutes ago. “Hang on. Give me five minutes!” I now tell her, and I know she’s rolling her eyes at my inability to manage my time and get my ass ready quickly.
“I knew that was coming!” she shouts back and I’m laughing at her.
A second later, my door opens and Adam steps in, closing the door behind him.
“You good?” he asks, looking me over.
“Yeah, I’m totally fine. I just need to put on a little makeup and change my clothes.”
“You look beautiful right now,” he says, making my heart melt. I step over toward him, leaning against his chest as his arms wrap around me.
“I love you,” I whisper, knowing I should tell him about my appointment, but I don’t want to ruin our night with Josh, and I know Adam will be worrying about it if I do.
“I love you more than you’ll ever know, Mila.”
Chapter Eighteen
Adam
We spend about an hour wandering around the campus, taking it slow because Mila is still getting used to walking with the boot on and I’m trying to get her to take it easy without making it look like I am. I can tell she’s trying to ignore the fact that she’s slowing us all down, even if I also know she’s pissed about it.
Josh provides a good distraction though, chatting away and asking a million questions while he blatantly flirts with Charlie as she points out random departments and faculties. He’s about as subtle as a punch in the face, but she seems to be enjoying it.
“So, got an engineering department?” he asks, glancing down at her.
She smiles up at him and when he winks at her, it takes everything in me not to burst out laughing at just how obvious he is. He’s trying it on, big time and it’s like he doesn’t even care who notices.
“Yeah, over here,” she says with a smile as she leads him over to a huge stone building. Josh looks up, taking in the impressive structure. “Do you study engineering?” she asks, watching him intently.
He looks down at her, that same goofy grin on his face as he says, “Well, I just finished my degree actually. So technically, I am an engineer.”
“Huh,” Charlie mutters and Mila immediately bursts out laughing.
“What’s that
about?” I whisper, wrapping my arms around her from behind.
Mila leans back, looking up at me as she says, “She’s hoping for a guy who owns a pizza place.” Charlie whacks her on the arm when she hears her comment, making Mila laugh even harder. “What, you know it’s true, Char,” she says teasingly. “You love pizza, so you know…”
“Oh my god, Mila, seriously!” she says, clearly embarrassed. “Obviously he doesn’t own a pizza place.”
Josh turns to face us. “What? Pizza? What about it? We going to eat?”
“Jesus,” I say, rolling my eyes at the bizarre conversation. “Yeah, come on, let’s go eat.”
We walk over to The Last Drop, heading in the front door and making our way over to the reserved table Caleb always keeps for us. The place is busy, but Caleb throws us a quick wave as he holds up two fingers to indicate he’ll be over shortly.
“So this is where you work?” Josh says, looking around the bar.
“Yep,” I reply, holding Mila’s hand as she hops onto the stool at the high table.
“Seems like a cool place,” he replies, just as Caleb wanders over.
“Hey,” he says, reaching over to squeeze Mila’s shoulder as if checking in without actually asking her.
She gives him a tight-lipped smile and I can tell she has to force herself not to give her signature eye roll. I get that people are just asking to see if she’s doing okay, hell I’m constantly doing it too, but I also know Mila is getting sick of it, regardless of who it’s coming from.
“Caleb, this is my brother, Josh. Josh, this is Caleb.”
Josh offers a grin and his hand. “So, you’re like his boss and you date his girlfriend’s sister, right?”
Caleb laughs, glancing at me and Mila as he says, “Something like that, but I’m also his friend. What can I get you guys?”