Lorena was unperturbed by the challenge. “No. You’ll be driven to the edge of your strength sometimes, don’t imagine you won’t, but you can resist. A mother does what she has to in order to keep her family safe and whole.”
Alex opened her mouth to respond, but just then the dogs started barking like crazy. Glory jumped up and charged outside barefoot, gripping the shotgun she had laid aside.
Then I heard the sound of an engine, and Bigot Brad immediately leaped to mind. I was only seconds behind Glory, shouting to Alex, “Stay with Lorena.” I was wishing Glory would open up the safe and get me a gun instead of my sword, but whatever was required to defend Lorena and Alex and the baby, I was ready.
But as I raced outside, what I saw was not what I expected.
Ray, on his lawn tractor, steaming up the road, bellowing, “Lorena Beth Cashwell, I want to talk to you.”
“You leave her alone.” Glory tried to block him, but he simply steered the tractor around her. “Ray Cashwell, you stop now!” She lifted her weapon.
“No!” I screamed and took off running, shoving myself between her and Ray’s unprotected back. “Glory, put it down.” I forced my voice softer. “He loves her, can’t you see that?”
“She’s not ready.” Her face was fierce. Desperate. “I won’t have him dragging her off.”
Then it dawned on me that Glory might be afraid if Lorena left, she would lose her again. “Glory, it’ll be okay. She’ll come back.”
She shook her head. Shoved me aside and raced up the path.
I took off after her. “Ray!”
Then Lorena appeared in the doorway, and the look on her face froze Glory in her tracks and me, too.
Love, rich and glorious. The shine of tears in her eyes. “What are you doing here, old man?”
Ray shut off his engine and cleared his throat. “I’d think that was obvious, old woman. I’m here to take you home.”
For a second, I could see everything in Lorena just melt, and I wanted to cry, watching it.
But then she drew herself up the way only Lorena could. Despite the hair that was tumbling over her shoulders, she was the woman with the scraped-back coronet. “How did you find me?”
I glanced at Alex in the doorway behind her, wondering if she’d betrayed us.
“I’ve known for a couple of days. Followed Eudora.”
Ouch.
“Got tired of waiting for you to come to your senses.”
“Well, you’ve wasted a trip, then.” She turned to walk back inside.
“Lorena.” He dismounted unsteadily from his tractor, took a step, then halted as she vanished through the doorway. I had never seen a sadder expression in my life.
Glory let her shotgun hang limply at her side. “Ray,” she said softly. Reached out for him. “Give her some time.”
He recoiled. “You don’t touch me,” he growled. Shook her off and started for the door—
BOOM! Behind us, the night suddenly shattered. The sky erupted into flames.
In the first shocked seconds, I froze. Ray whipped around to stare down the hill toward the road.
“The shop!” Glory shouted.
Bigot Brad, it had to be.
“I’ll kill him!” She raced for her jeep.
Already back on his tractor, Ray charged down the road as fast as the tractor would move.
I ran, too, and jumped into the passenger side of Glory's jeep. Right behind me, Alex grabbed at my door handle. “Stay with Lorena,” I ordered.
“No. I’m going with you.”
I spotted Lorena heading toward us.
“Go back,” Glory yelled at her. “Stay and call the sheriff.”
Lorena only shook her head and kept coming. I didn’t doubt one bit that she’d walk all the way if Glory refused to take her.
“Alex,” I pleaded, very conscious of her condition. “You go inside and call.”
But Alex yanked the door open.
“Alex—”
“You can catch up faster, big girl. We don’t have time to argue.”
“But—”
“Please.” For Glory to want to call the authorities, much less to say please . . .
“All right.” I raced inside, hearing her engine rev behind me. I made the call, but refused the dispatcher’s request that I remain by the phone. As far out as we were, I had no idea how long it would take them to reach us, and anything could happen by then. I had to be with Lorena and Alex.
Charging down the hill through the skittering shadows cast by the trees, backlit by flames leaping higher and higher, I didn’t know what to expect ahead. This was surely Bigot Brad’s doing, but would he and his buddies be armed to the teeth? I gripped my sword harder as I ran, wishing yet again for a weapon with range, never mind that I had no training.
As I rounded the last clump of oaks, I saw the gun shop in flames. Ray hobbled around the building, chasing two figures who were easily outrunning him.
“Ray!” Lorena went after him. Glory and Alex were right behind her.
Abruptly, Ray staggered. Doubled over.
“Ray—” Lorena cried.
He turned and saw her. “Get back!” Abruptly, he swiveled toward the gun shop, listening intently. First tiny pops, then loud reports, more and more rapid.
“The ammo—” Glory voice was strangled. “Propane tank—explode—” was all I could make out over the crackling of the flames.
I raced to help Ray and Lorena, shouting to Alex to run for the road.
Then . . . one instant of utter stillness. As though the universe held its breath.
The hairs on my whole body rose.
Whoosh—The roar of the damned, the voice of hell. Heat and light and deafening thunder. Shouts and screams and all I could think was I had to save Lorena and Alex both, that Sister could die again and I’d never find her—
The ground shook and I yelled—
Lorena—
Alex—
Sister!
I was knocked flat, with no room for breath.
Nancy Parker Cabin
Home of “Grandma” (Mrs. John) Parker, local herb doctor. Here she brewed medicinal tea in a huge pot over an open fire; walked miles in Indian-infested country to visit the sick. Lived here over a decade. Sold cabin after eyesight failed, 1888.
SCAR TISSUE
I’m frying okra, but it keeps burning, every single batch. I’m crawling through a smoke-filled kitchen, calling for Sister.
Then I’m in a green meadow, surrounded by people laughing and playing, but I don’t know any of them.
At last I see Mama and Sister smiling, both beautiful and whole. There’s a man beside Mama, very tall with auburn hair. Beneath the nearest tree is a baby whose mother has blond hair cascading past her shoulders. She turns, and it’s Alex, and I cannot bear it. Around the tree trunk strolls a smiling Ray, his arm tucked into Lorena’s. Glory steps into my field of vision, shaking her head at me. Alex joins in, then Lorena and Ray. Mama and Sister and the man who must be Casper, everyone pointing behind me, telling me I have to go back, that I can’t stay, that I have to be alone again, and I start crying.
Please, I beg them. Please let me stay. I don’t want to be alone anymore. Please . . . please . . . please—
“Big girl, that’s enough. Wake up.” Glory’s voice wasn’t sweet and cheerful, it was impatient and crusty and . . . real. Oh, lordy, real.
I opened my eyes to searing light. “Glory?” Whimpered and shut them fast. “Hurts. What—”
The roar of flames. The hot slap of hell. I struggled to sit up. “Lorena. Where is she? Where’s Alex? Ray?” Oh, God. Oh, God. My dream. Were they all dead? But Glory was here and she was in it . . .
“Shh,” she murmured and awkwardly patted my arm. “You lie back, Eudora. You rest now.”
It was bad. It had to be bad or she’d tell me. “Are they all . . . gone?” Tears welled from my eyes.
“Good Lord, no.” But her expression was solemn. “Lorena’s bruised
real bad, and her hair’s all singed. Alex—” She looked away.
I gripped her hand. “Tell me.”
“They’re checking the baby. The blast knocked her about ten feet, and she showed some signs of early labor. They say sometimes stress can cause it, especially since she’s underweight.”
“I need to see her.” I shoved aside my covers. I just couldn’t stand the thought of how scared she must be.
“Hold your horses. You got shaken up pretty good. You calm down, and I’ll go get the nurse.”
I glanced around. “Where are we?”
“Emergency room in Abilene.”
Then I noticed what I should have earlier, that one arm was bandaged. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Her tone made it clear that hovering would not be appreciated.
“What about Ray?”
“Damn fool.” She blinked hard. “Acting like some hero, trying to carry Lorena out of harm’s way.”
“Glory, tell me.”
“He—after, he—” I’d never seen her so shaken. “He stopped breathing, turned a bad color. Thought my arms would fall off, doing CPR.”
“Is he—” I bit my lip. “Is he dead?”
She scowled. “Of course not. I managed until Tommy got there, then I showed him how to help until the paramedics—” Her face crumpled then.
“You saved him, Glory. You saved Ray’s life.”
A terse shake of her head as her shoulders stiffened once more.
“Everyone will thank you. They’ll understand that you’re not a—” I pressed my lips together.
“A what? A murderer?” She stared at me defiantly. “Well, you’re wrong, Eudora. I am exactly that. I killed my best friend.”
“But . . . she asked you to. That’s not murder, it’s an act of mercy.”
“Is it?” I’d never seen this fierce woman look so uncertain. “If it was so damn noble, then why does it eat at me still? How come I can’t have some peace?” She paced to the end of my bed. “She begged me, goddammit.” She jerked to a halt and wheeled around, her face a ruin, her shoulders bowed. “I didn’t want to,” she whispered. “I wanted her to live.”
“I know.” I clasped her forearm.
“Don’t you patronize me.” She wrenched away. “You can’t possibly understand.”
“Glory—” This was the moment. To help her, I had to give up my darkest secret. Tell her how it was to make the other choice. That she’d done the right thing.
If only I were strong enough. Brave enough. “Glory—”
“Leave me alone,” she cried. “Just mind your own damn business.” She yanked open the curtain that surrounded my bed.
“No!” I stood and took a step, but my head got dizzy, and I had to grasp the sheet. “Glory, wait. Please—I do know. I do.”
She hesitated, and I knew I had to speak up now.
But I searched for the words and came up empty. When she shook her head in disgust and started to go, a sob broke out of me, snapping the stranglehold of my fear. “My—my sister, she was dying. She—she asked me—”
I was going to throw up. I clapped a hand over my mouth, but somehow the words clawed their way out. “She begged me, too, just like your friend. She wept from the pain, and she pleaded with me to help her. To end it. She—she’d skipped doses to save up enough, but she’d gotten too weak to reach the pills she’d stuck in the back of the drawer. All I had to do—all I—”
I broke then, just . . . broke.
Arms came around me, gentle ones. Glory, of all people. “It’s okay,” she soothed.
But it wasn’t. It would never be. Rage uncoiled from deep in my gut, and I shook her off. “You don’t get it. She gave up everything—everything—to take care of me,” I yelled. I wanted my sword then, so bad. I could feel it in my fist, picture how I would slash at that damned striped curtain, knock everything off the table beside me. Charge through the world and dare them all to come close to me. “Get away from me!” I screamed. I heard a commotion outside, but I didn’t care what anyone did to me.
Glory stood her ground. When a nurse peered through the curtain and a security guard stepped forward, she waved them off, and such was the force of her that they obeyed.
“Listen here,” she began, but I kept shaking my head.
“Leave me be, Glory, just—”
“Hush up now.” Her tone that could not be refused. She grabbed hold and started rocking me awkwardly even as I struggled. I was big, but I was no match for her then.
She kept on rocking until the screaming drained out of me. Then she spoke again. “I can’t say what I did was right, Eudora.” She pulled back, and her eyes gripped mine so I could see the truth in her. “I hurt real bad, too. Every damn day.”
My throat was raw with tears I had no right to shed. “The only important thing she ever asked me to do, and I—” I couldn’t look at Glory anymore or those people staring at me like I was nuts, but I had to tell her the worst so she’d see that I was beyond redemption and give up on me. Give me what I deserved.
“I got mad at her, Glory. Her hurting so bad and those pills so close, and I—I—” I hunched over, filled up with hate for myself. “I just want to tell her,” I sobbed. “That I’m sorry. That I was scared to lose her, that’s all, scared of being alone. That I’d do it right if I could.”
“Right or wrong isn’t that simple. I still don’t know.”
“But you didn’t leave Molly sobbing from agony. You weren’t a coward, you acted. You didn’t—” I had to force out the words. “You didn’t miss her dying.” I buried my head in my hands. “She was alone at the end, Glory—alone when she made sure I never had to be. I know exactly what wrong is. I just don’t know how to live with it.”
A long pause. Then one hand came to rest on my head. “You go on, Eudora, one day at a time. All you can do.”
“I’m too tired.” And I was. So weary I thought even one step was beyond me.
In a surprisingly tender gesture, she brushed my sweat-soaked hair back from my face. “A hurt like that makes a scar on the inside of you that never goes away. Scar tissue’s strong, though, tougher than the flesh around it. You use that scar, and you build on it.” Then she smoothed her hand over me again and again, and each stroke seemed to ease out some of the misery. “And maybe how you live with it is you use that foundation to help someone else. You can’t go back—what’s done is done. You got to go on, that’s all, but you can, big girl. You are stronger than you know.”
I couldn’t see it. I sure couldn’t feel it. All I could do was shake my head hopelessly.
“Sit up now, hear? Wipe your eyes,” she said gruffly. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
Oh, my mad stirred up then. Got on its hind legs and hissed at her.
“That’s better.” A satisfied nod. “Now get yourself squared away while I go see if I can spring you. Alex needs you, and so does Lorena. We don’t have time for a pity party.” She didn’t give me a chance to say anything, just pushed through the curtain and disappeared past the throng of people who suddenly found other things to get busy doing.
I glared at where she’d disappeared, then I sank back on the bed, weary to my toenails. I stayed like that, real still, and tried to figure out how I felt. Bone-tired, yes, but . . . lighter somehow. I probed around the hurt real gingerly like your tongue tiptoes around a sore tooth, and I was surprised to find that the poison lake inside of me had receded a little.
I would always carry that scar, though, the one that bore Sister’s name.
Which was only fair, I guess, since Sister was the best part of whatever strong there was in me.
Alex was undergoing tests, so the nurses wouldn’t let me see her yet, no matter how much of a hissy I was willing to pitch. Fortunately, Glory dragged me off before I got myself arrested. Security was already following me after my earlier outburst.
“I’ll take you to Lorena, but you are not going in there acting like some madwoman,” she growled. “
She will only worry more about you, and neither she nor Ray needs that now. You settle down, or I swear I will restrain you myself.”
Truth was, I could barely put one foot in front of the other, so I didn’t actually mind her bossing me around. Especially when my brain cleared enough to see what I was missing, the devastation in her eyes. “Poor Glory,” I murmured. “You love them both.” She didn’t flinch when I slid my hand around to clasp hers, a sure sign of just how upset she was.
We shambled down the hall, an odd couple, hard to tell exactly who was leaning on whom. When we got to Ray’s room, I pressed my palm to the nearly-closed door and pushed gently, digging for the strength to be all cheerful and bright.
Until I saw them. And stopped in my tracks.
Lorena was perched on Ray’s bed, her head on his shoulder, holding onto his arm as he slept. His cheek rested on her hair, the way they must have fit thousands of times before.
There it was, captured in one snapshot glimpse. Love, the forever kind, the sort that might stumble and get off track but somewhere down deep, where you can’t screw it up forever, is solid rock. Lives and families can be built on that foundation for anyone lucky enough to get a ticket to enter that world.
The rest of us just stand outside and wish.
I was about to back from the room when Ray opened his eyes, his brows lifting, a question in his gaze.
It wasn’t hard to figure what he was asking. Would I run now? Or would I stay and help her through all of this? He didn’t know about my search for Sister, but it probably wouldn’t matter to him anyway. Lorena meant everything to him.
Just as he knew she meant a whole lot to me.
But what about my journey? Sister’s year would be up real soon, yet how could I leave these people when they had been so kind to me?
I couldn’t. I nodded to Ray. He nodded back, then settled against Lorena and fell asleep.
When I finally got to see Alex, Jeremy stood protectively by her side. I couldn’t blame him; she looked tiny in that bed, wired up to all kinds of monitors and IVs. When she saw me, her eyes widened.
The Goddess of Fried Okra Page 24