by Amy Cross
"I'm coming over."
"No," I say firmly. "Don't even think about it. I won't let you into the building. I just..." I take a deep breath. This call was a mistake, but now I need to disentangle myself from Ellen's concerns without raising too much suspicion. "I just want to be alone tonight," I tell her. "We'll talk tomorrow, or the next day. Just... tonight I want to be selfish. I just want to think about myself."
I wait for her to reply.
"You're scaring me," she says eventually, followed by more sniffs.
"We've been scaring each other all our lives," I tell her. "The house hasn't been haunting us, Ellen. We've been haunting it. We've been like these ghouls, projecting our own fears and neuroses onto that place until we made it so we can't go back there. We tied ourselves in knots, and now look at us. I don't know if we can ever get untied."
"I've seen things," she continues, her voice tense with the strain of holding back tears. "When I was in Hong Kong -"
"You've already told me," I reply, hoping to avoid the same rehashed conversation that always develops when we talk about these things.
"I saw something in the window of the apartment opposite," she continues. "There was -"
"I know!" I shout, finally losing my temper. "We've told these stories over and over again, but they're just part of the problem! We're reinforcing each other's madness!" I pause as I realize that I should never have shouted. "I need to take a break," I add eventually. "I need to just be by myself and work out what I really think. I need to understand the house."
"It's the house that's making you think like this," she replies.
I shake my head, and I almost cut the call before deciding to at least let her have the comfort of saying whatever bullshit she's got running through her mind.
"The house reaches out to us wherever we are," she continues. "It tracks us, Kate. It messes with our minds, and it won't let us go. Even when I was walking along the train tracks a few years ago, I knew that there was no way I'd actually die. Deep down, I understood that the house would arrange things so that I'd survive." She pauses. "I really wanted to do it, you know," she adds. "It wasn't some kind of cry for help. I really wanted to just stop existing. The house made it so I survived."
"No," I whisper, "you're wrong."
"What was that?" she asks. "This is a bad line, I couldn't hear you properly."
"You're wrong," I say again as the wind almost blows me off my feet.
"You need to speak up," she continues. "Kate, I've been doing some research into the house's past. I wasn't going to tell you until it was done, but I guess I should fill you in on my progress so far. Even if you think it's dumb, I want to show you what I've discovered. Will you at least let me do that? I can come over right now -"
"Not tonight," I tell her firmly. "I'm too tired and I feel like I've been talking so much lately. Maybe tomorrow."
"I think I know who she is," she says suddenly.
I pause, daring myself to ask the obvious question.
"Did you hear me?" she continues.
"Yeah," I reply.
"I think I know who she is," she says. "The woman we both... I went through the history of the house and the history of our family, and I think I know who the ghost is. It took a while, but I found a story that matches all the crazy stuff that's being going on."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I reply.
"Yes," she continues, "you do. The woman with the gray skin. I've worked out who she is. Her name was -"
"Stop," I say firmly.
"Her name was Alice -"
"Stop!" I shout, taking the phone away from my ear and almost throwing it into the river. Finally, I manage to calm down. I can hear Ellen's voice shouting at me from the speaker, but I wait until she stops before I put the phone back to my ear.
"Are you still there?" she asks after a moment.
"I'm tired," I tell her. "I want to hear what you've found out, but not right now."
"Okay," she replies, desperately trying to lure me back into the madness. "We can meet tomorrow. What time?"
"I'm not sure," I reply. "I have... things... Maybe the day after?"
"I can't wait that long," she insists.
"I can," I tell her, wiping more tears from my eyes. "Tomorrow's not good for me, but I can meet you the day after. That should be fine; I mean, it's not like there's any great hurry. You can show me everything you've learned about the house. Okay?"
No reply.
"Ellen?" I continue. "Okay?"
"Fine," she replies, clearly unhappy. "I did this research for us, Kate. I think I finally worked out what we can do to stop the house haunting us like this. When I went back through a load of old newspapers and archives, I found out so much about the history of the house and the town. Things are really starting to make sense now."
"That's nice," I tell her. "You can tell me when we meet. I'm glad you're keeping busy."
"I know I said the house won't let us go," she continues, "and that's true, but I'm convinced there's one thing we can do that'll end all of this. It's kind of extreme, but if you'll just hear me out, I think you might understand. I can't do it by myself, Kate. I need you to help me."
"Yeah," I reply. "We'll meet in a couple of days. Just send me a text when you're ready. It'll be good to see you again."
"Are you going to be okay tonight?" she asks.
"I'll be fine," I tell her, before realizing that my voice has started to sound vague and tired. "Honestly," I add, trying to inject some enthusiasm into my tone. "You know me. I'll just go to bed and sleep until noon. I might even have a bath first."
"You hate baths," she replies.
I pause for a moment, thinking back to the gray-skinned woman I saw earlier tonight. I'm convinced she's still in that apartment, waiting for me, but finally I realize that I have no choice but to go and face her.
"I'll be fine," I continue. "Ellen, I really have to go, but we'll talk soon, okay?"
"I love you," she replies.
Despite the tears, I can't help but smile. "I love you too," I tell her.
Disconnecting the call, I slip the phone into my pocket before turning and making my way back toward the city. I don't know why I came out tonight, but now I know that I have to go back to the apartment. I'm convinced that the woman will be waiting for me, but part of me thinks that this is something I have to face. I've spent my whole life running, but now I'm tired. Whatever she is and wherever she came from, she obviously wants me, and the only way I can hope to get rid of her is to meet her eye to eye.
No more running.
Chapter Four
Kate
I push the door shut and the apartment falls silent.
I wait.
Nothing.
Alice. Is that really her name?
It's a little after 3am, and although I'm exhausted, my mind is racing as I stare over at the door that leads into the bathroom. I keep telling myself not to worry, but deep down I'm certain that the gray-skinned woman will still be in there, curled up in the bath, waiting for me. I swear, I can almost feel her eyes staring at me through the wall, and I have no doubt that she heard me coming back.
I could turn and run.
I could go back to Luke, or to Ellen's. It's so tempting to think about slipping into bed next to Luke and telling him that we'll work things out, or knocking on Ellen's door and talking to her. I'd still be running, though, if I did either of those things.
So instead, I stand still and listen.
After a few minutes, realizing that there's no point delaying the moment any longer, I take a deep breath and walk over to the bathroom door. Every step is forced, and I can't help but imagine what Ellen would say if she knew what I was doing right now. She'd probably grab my arm and pull me out of the apartment, and then she'd weave this whole mess into the ongoing narrative of ghosts that she's been developing. In a way, that kind of blind panic would be comforting, but I've had enough of running. Whatever's in the bathroom, it's not
going to leave me alone just because I walk away. It'll come after me.
In a way, it's a part of me.
I'm alive, but I'm haunting this apartment, just as Ellen and I haunted the house in our own ways. It's as if the ghosts of our lost childhood are trying to force their way through.
Placing my hand on the door handle, I pause for a moment. I keep expecting to hear the woman's teeth chattering, but to my surprise there's no sound. A part of me wants to believe that the woman won't be there, that somehow this whole nightmare will be over, but I know there's no way I'll be so lucky. Besides, being 'lucky' wouldn't help much. I need to know what's really happening here, and I need to face it one way or another. I can't live like this.
Slowly, with my heart pounding, I open the door.
She's still there.
I stare at her, and she stares back at me. She's in the bath, just as before, but this time she isn't shivering and her teeth aren't chattering. I step forward, unable to take my eyes off her pale gray skin, and after a moment I become aware of a rotten, salty smell in the air. The razor blades are still on the edge of the bath, and the water has become a kind of light brown color, as if the woman's rotten body has begun to leak. She has her eyes fixed on me, as if she's been sitting here patiently for hours, knowing that I'd return.
"Who are you?" I ask.
No reply.
"Is your name -" I pause, and after a moment I realize that I can't say the name. After all these years, I stare at her dead, unflinching eyes and I realize that whatever she might be now, she was probably a real person once. She was a woman, with hopes and fears and dreams, and now she's just a ghost. Either that, or she's just a figment of my imagination.
"I'm not coming in there with you," I tell her. "You have to actually talk to me. I can't read your mind."
Silence.
Against my better judgment, I take a step closer. My whole body is trembling, and I'm starting to worry that pure fear might make me collapse, but I'm determined to face this thing now rather than run away.
"Please," I continue. "I don't know what you want..."
Setting my phone down next to the bath, I force myself to stay where I am. There's a voice in the back of my mind that's screaming at me, telling me to run, and I know that no normal person would ever have returned like this. Still, I'm filled with the desire to face this situation and deal with whatever the woman wants, so after a moment I start to undress. It's a slow, delicate process, and the woman keeps her eyes fixed on me the whole time. Finally, once I'm naked, I step closer to the bath.
"Do you know who I am?" I ask.
No reply. She simply stares up at me.
"My name is Kate Maynard," I continue, trying not to let her hear the fear in my voice. "I'm here because... I'm here because you obviously want something from me, and because I know that if I run, you'll just catch up to me some other day. I've tried running, and I can always feel you with me. It's the same for Ellen, so why don't you just come out with it and talk to us?"
Still, she doesn't say anything. Her unblinking eyes remain fixed on me, as if she's waiting for something.
"Were you the one with the bells?" I ask.
Silence.
"There was someone in the house where I used to live," I continue, my voice faltering a little as I try to fight the urge to run. "I heard bells, but I never saw who was ringing them. I heard footsteps, right up to the door, but then..." I pause. "I never really saw you," I add. "Not properly, anyway. My sister saw you, but I mostly just felt you. There was this kind of presence in the house, and I can feel it right now."
She continues to stare at me.
"I just want to know the truth," I tell her. "I want to know who you are, and what you want. Are you just something from my mind? Right now, I don't even know if I'm cracking up."
I wait, but she clearly isn't going to reply.
Taking a deep breath, I move closer to the bath and finally, almost without thinking, I lift my right leg and step into the freezing cold water. I gasp as I force my foot all the way to the bottom, and then I lean down, grip the sides of the bath and climb all the way in. Keeping my eyes on the gray-skinned woman, I slowly lower my body into the water, forcing myself not to flinch despite the temperature, until finally I draw my knees up and sit faces the woman.
I'm freezing.
Shivering.
My teeth are chattering.
"Is this what you wanted?" I ask, feeling as if the cold is starting to penetrate all the way to my bones.
She stares at me.
"Alice," I say after a moment.
There's a flicker of recognition in her eyes.
"That's your name, isn't it?" I continue. "Or maybe I'm still just imagining the whole thing."
She doesn't respond.
"Please," I whisper, "just talk to me. I've been running from you my whole life. My sister has too. We're both terrified, but we just want to know what you want."
She continues to stare at me, before slowly her gaze shifts to something next to my arm.
Looking down, I see the razor blades.
"No," I whisper, turning back to her. "I don't want to."
She stares at me again.
"Why?" I ask, with tears rolling down my cheeks. "What could you possibly gain from this? I'm nothing to you! I'm just... I'm just me. Please, why can't you leave me alone? I never did anything to hurt you. I always tried to stay out of your way..."
I wait, desperately hoping that she might answer.
After a moment, I look back down at the blades.
"Will you leave Ellen alone?" I ask finally. "If I do what you want, will you at least stop doing this to my sister?"
She doesn't reply, but I'm suddenly overcome by the realization that this must be how it works. I'm being offered a deal, and if I agree to do what the woman wants, at least Ellen will be set free. The alternative would be to carry on living like this, or to wait until either Ellen or I surrender.
"Is this what you did to her?" I whisper. "When she was on the train tracks, did you offer her the same deal? And she couldn't go through with it?"
I wait for her to say something, but of course she doesn't.
"She was scared," I continue. "She couldn't do it, but..." Slowly, I reach out and pick up one of the blades. The metal is cold in my hands, but in a strange way it feels comfortingly solid and real. In fact, it might be the first real, substantial thing I've felt for years. For the first time since I was much younger, I'm in control of what happens.
I move the blade closer to my bare arms.
"I don't have to know," I whisper, before turning to look at the woman. "I want to know, but I guess..." I take a deep breath and keep my eyes fixed on her face as I press the blade against my wrist. "Please just leave her alone," I whimper, as tears flow down my cheeks. "If I do this for you, if I give you what you want, you have to leave my sister alone. And my brother. And everyone, just leave that house completely. No more pain, no more suffering. I get it now, you want one of us to do this, but you don't care who. As long as..."
I flinch as I feel the blade slipping beneath my skin. Although I want to look down as the blood flows from my arm, I force myself to keep staring at the woman's face. She's looking at my arm, and after a moment she tilts her head slightly, and finally she leans forward.
I push the blade deeper.
Chapter Five
Kate
The sun is already rising by the time I get back to the house.
Standing in the kitchen, I'm overcome by a sense of peace. For as long as I can remember, this house has terrified me, yet now everything has changed. I can't explain what, exactly, has prompted the shift; it might be something in me, or something in the house, or more likely a little of both. Either way, I feel compelled for a few minutes to just stand here and drink it all in, allowing the sense of calm to wash through me. I never thought I could experience anything like this, especially not here, but it's undeniable.
For the first t
ime in my life, I feel as if everything is okay.
Heading upstairs, I pause on the landing and listen out for any sign of movement. It's still early, so I guess Luke is still asleep, and as I push the bedroom door open I can't help but smile as I see his sleeping form. The strange thing is, I don't think I've ever seen him sleeping before; in all the time we were together, he'd always stay up after I went to bed and get up early, so as I approach the bed I can't help but stare at his sleeping face. He looks so calm and peaceful, and I feel a hint of sorrow in my heart as I think about the hell he's going to endure shortly. When he finds out what I've done, his heart's going to break and his world will never be the same.
When we got together all those years ago, I warned him that I was unstable. I guess he didn't really believe me at the time, but he's about to learn that I was telling the truth.
Hearing something nearby, I turn and see that Wilbur is sitting up and staring at me. I reach out and ruffle the back of his neck, and he rolls onto his side, clearly enjoying being shown some attention. When we first got Wilbur a few years ago, I played with him all the time, but gradually I lost interest and he became more Luke's dog than mine. Sometimes, I even think that Luke cares more about Wilbur than he cares about me, but I guess that in the circumstances, that's a good thing. He's going to need someone around while he deals with the fallout, and a dog's better than nothing.
As Wilbur wriggles across the bed on his back, the tag on his collar lets out a faint ringing sound that causes Luke to stir a little. I guess he'll be awake soon, and then it's only a matter of time. Figuring that this is probably my last chance for a while, I step closer to him before leaning down and planting a very gentle kiss on the side of his face.
"I love you," I whisper.
He mumbles something incomprehensible, and then suddenly he opens his eyes. He seems momentarily dazzled by the morning light as it streams through the window, and then he turns and looks over at Wilbur. For a moment, I'm almost tempted to believe that maybe he felt my kiss.
"What is it?" he asks with a frown.