by KL Donn
“Christ, Ari. Get a damn grip, girl.” I left the room to get away from him, and now, I’m thinking about him? “No. Stop it.”
“Everything okay in there?” I hear him call.
Rushing to the door frame, I see he’s getting up to come to me. “No, no, everything’s fine.” I rush to ease his worry as he continues towards my room. Shit. There’s a bed in here. He can’t come in here. “Uh, dinner, we should eat. I can cook? Or we could go out? Whatever.” I recognize the amusement in his eyes, and I know he sees through my bluster.
Standing in front of me, Arsen sneaks a peek into my room. His eyes stop on my small bed with a frown. He doesn’t say anything as he looks back down at me. “Whatever you want to do.”
I’m struck dumb by the heat and lust in his whiskey eyes, shining brightly with what he wants. Me.
Swallowing hard, I try and step forward. It’s harder than it looks when you have to pass through his brick wall body. “Out, we should go out.” I’m not ready for anything more yet. I want to be. I just can’t. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. Maybe if I knew he would stick around after I told him my secret, but not now. Which means we need to leave. Immediately.
Without warning, Arsen’s lips capture mine. They’re smooth, soft, not controlling. More like relishing in the act. He doesn’t push for more. Again, he just caresses. I like it. Too much. I can feel my body warming to his. Lighting up in ways I don’t quite want to explore at this moment.
“Soon, Marina. Real soon,” he says as he pulls my hand and drags my lustful body behind his. I’m on fire for this man, and he knows, somewhere deep in his gut, that I’m not ready. More shocking is that he respects that.
I can feel my heart slowly cracking open for him. I don’t want it to. I want to remain cold and aloof, but he won’t let me. With him feeding my desire to be his “good girl” and respecting my space and needs, how am I supposed to ward him off when he’s so damn sweet?
Arsen
I don’t know what’s up with Marina, she’s got some serious fucking demons hiding away inside of her beautiful mind, but I’m bound and determined to batter down her walls. Giving her space seems to be the way to do it. Relief colors her eyes every time things get heated, and she needs me to back off.
Watching her all afternoon as she cleaned and stumbled around her apartment was amusing. She tried, unsuccessfully, to avoid any contact with me. I know the way I kept an eye on her made her nervous, but I couldn’t stop it if I tried.
Marina is the breath of fresh air that I’ve been desperate for, for far too long. She needs me every bit as much as I’ve come to need her.
I had to distract myself from wanting her, so I’d began texting my brother Kol, filling him in on my new-found interest. Like me, he’s also a detective but three hours away in Knoxville. Police work is in our blood; we come from a long line of law enforcement in some way. Whether it was the army, cops, or some sort of court officer, every man in our family is tied to it.
Kol and I fell into it naturally. Our younger sister, Ember, is still in college, studying to become a social worker. She loves kids and wants to help them any way she can. This avenue gives her some authority.
Ember was an oops baby as our parents used to say. Kol is only three years younger than me at thirty-two, while Ember is turning twenty in the spring. She was the light of our parent’s eye until they died in a car crash together five years ago.
It was a freak accident that no one was to blame for. Could have happened to anyone. A deer jumped in front of them on the highway, and they wound up hitting a power pole on the side of the road. They both died on impact.
We took solace in the fact that they were together, at least. Paramedics found them holding hands, so they likely knew what was coming. Ember was hit the hardest. She was just about to start her freshman year in high school, and she and Mom had an epic trip to Europe planned. Kol and I took her instead. Spreading their ashes off a cliff in Greece, letting them rest in a place they both loved so much. In turn, it granted us the acceptance we were looking for.
Ember stayed in Knoxville with Kol so she could finish high school and start college without having to worry about expenses. Our parents left us all a good chunk of change from their life insurance policy, but Ember only gets an allowance until she’s twenty-three. Living with Kol gives he and I a small sense of relief. Knowing she’s protected. Otherwise, I’m not sure either of us would have let her go to college so easily.
Kol kept sending back stupid love pictures to my phone that made me want to throttle him. Once I sent him a snapshot of Marina reaching up to a shelf, a secret smile on her face with her hair trailing down her back, that shut the bastard right up. He congratulated me and proclaimed himself busy with a case.
I know Kol’s a little envious. He is a bit more sensitive than most men. He wants to settle down, has for years. I understand his feelings more than he likely knows. Having Marina in my life now has eased the loneliness in my heart.
“Arsen?” Marina’s soft voice whispers from beside me in my truck, drawing me from my thoughts. I can’t stand having space between us, and this time she scoots over. It gives me hope.
“Yeah, baby?” I keep my eyes on the road.
It takes her a minute before she speaks again. “I’ve never done this before.”
I do look at her then. “Done what?”
“Dating.” She bites her lip like she wants to take the word back, but her pride won’t let her.
Frowning and confused, I ask, “How old are you, Marina?” Nico said she was young, and I’d figured as much myself, but I have a feeling she’s even younger than I suspected.
Taking a deep breath, she huffs out, “Twenty-two.”
Damn. I figured a couple years older. It doesn’t change my mind about her, though. She’s still going to be mine. “You’ve never had a serious boyfriend?” I use the term loosely. I’m anything but a boy, and what I’m feeling for her is all manly.
“Well, not really, no.”
“What does not really mean?”
“I had a boyfriend in high school, but I don’t think those are ever serious.” She frowns again, and I want to smooth out the wrinkles in her forehead.
“I suppose not.” I’m not exactly fond of hearing that she has had any boyfriends. “How long have you been a teacher?” It can’t possibly have been very long.
“This was my first year. I got quite lucky landing my own class right out the gate.” Her voice is full of pride, and so it should be. Hell, I’m proud of her. Teaching isn’t an easy gig.
“What are you worried about here, Marina?”
She goes quiet.
“I don’t know how any of this works.” Her body turns to face at me. “I mean, I’m leaving next week for a few weeks, and we’re starting something here. How do we know it’ll still be here when I get back?”
I can hear the stress in her words. Thankfully, we’re at the retro diner I’ve chosen for dinner, and I can put the truck in park to concentrate on her. Gripping her neck in both of my hands, I tell her honestly, “I’ve dated a few women on and off over the years.” She looks away, not appreciating hearing about my conquests any more than I want to hear about hers. “But not once, have I felt for them what I’m beginning to feel for you. They never consumed me the way you do. They didn’t have me wanting to be around them just for the sake of spending time with them. For you, Marina, I’ll wait until the end of time to get my chance with you. You’re it for me, baby, and I think I’m it for you, too. You’re just scared.” A lone tear slides down her cheek to catch on her slow smiling lips. “There’s my good girl,” I say leaning to kiss her teardrop away.
Marina
How does he always know what to say? If not for the sincerity in his voice and gaze, I’d think he rehearsed these lines. But it’s all there for me to see. Arsen holds nothing back in expressing his intentions with me.
He both eases my fears and creates new ones. Telling him about the
accident is my biggest problem. Without that obstacle, I believe I’d dive head first into this thing with him. I would never let him go. Except it is there, sitting like a sour egg between us.
Every time I try to form the words, they lodge in my throat, and I can’t get them out. I can’t bring myself to do it. Which is unfair to us both. Because if he can’t live with the life I’ve been dealt and we fall in love, make plans for the future, and then decides he wants more, we’ll both be left shattered.
I don’t want to cause him pain, but I don’t want to suffer my own either. Rejection is something I’ve never handled well. It’s why I avoid confrontation and strive to do my best at everything.
If I’m perfect, there’s no reason to be rejected, right?
Wrong.
Because now, I’m flawed and seriously driving myself crazy, spinning in circles with my thoughts.
As we’re seated at a partial booth that looks like it came straight out of Grease, my eyes are glued to Arsen. Watching the way he maneuvers his hulking body into the small chair across from me is amusing. It looks like it could break under his weight at any moment.
“Did they think only kids would sit in these things or what?” he grumbles.
“You could sit here. With me,” I tell him, boldly.
His stare shoots to mine, and I see a slow burn building in his burnished amber depths. He doesn’t even hesitate at my invitation. Sliding in beside me, he wraps one arm across the back of the bench while opening a single menu for us to peruse together on the table.
His wide shoulders engulf me as he leans closer, and I get a hint of a woodsy scent wafting off him. Closing my eyes, I inhale, feeling him move closer. I stay right where I am. When his hand cups my chin, my head tilts into his warm palm.
“So beautiful,” he murmurs. I can feel his breath against my lips as he lowers his head. The first gentle graze of his tongue over my lips makes me breathless, and my mouth opens, allowing him entrance to my depths.
The kiss is slow, melting. It burns most sweetly. He covets the action like it’ll be his last, and I do the same. His thumb soothes over my cheek as he sucks on my tongue gently. A shiver works through me, forcing a moan past my lips and into his mouth.
He freezes ever so slightly before delving deeper, seducing me into a new realm. Lights burst behind my closed eyelids as his other hand glides down my back, settling on my hip and waist. He’s so big everywhere that he seriously blocks out the rest of the world.
I love it.
I feel protected. Cared for. Something I haven’t experienced in far too long. I yearn for more. I crave more of him.
A clattering sound pulls us apart far too soon. I struggle to extract myself from the romantic fog he’s created around us. When I do, his gaze is on me, and the intense desire I observe steals my breath.
“Wow.” I exhale.
He grins. “Yeah.”
“Evening, folks!” A waitress once again interrupts us. It’s probably for the best right now, anyways. “Can I get you something to drink? Tell you the specials?” She pops her gum at the last part.
Arsen doesn’t take his eyes off me as he orders. “Two burgers with everything, large fries, and a cherry monster shake.” He hands her the menus we’d been given earlier, and she walks away shaking her head in amusement.
“I take it you’ve eaten here before?” I smile.
“Once or twice.” He shrugs, and we fall into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before he says, “Tell me about the accident.”
“You could probably look it all up,” I respond.
“I could.” He agrees.
I get the feeling he won’t, though. “Umm, what do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
Looking away, I think about the best way to tell him while avoiding the seriousness of my injuries. “Do you remember the Semi rollover on Interstate 24 last spring? A trailer fell on top of a car after the Semi swerved to miss hitting some idiot on a crotch rocket.”
He’s thoughtful for a minute before recognition and sadness enter his look. “There was never mention of the woman in the car after about a week. Only the truck driver and bike driver.”
Choking back the emotion lodged in my throat, I let out a harsh breath. “Right. I refused to speak to reporters, so they didn’t care too much about me.” My chuckle is harsh and humorless.
“That trailer fell on your car?” He’s in disbelief.
“It was a moving truck, and I think it saved my life.”
“God damn, Marina.” He’s choked up for words now. His eyes explore mine, maybe searching for the scars I feel, maybe to assess how messed up I am. “Fuck.” His curse is harsh as he runs a hand down his face.
In a way, I’m relieved he’s not asking more questions, so I change the subject to something hopefully less dramatic. “Do you have siblings?”
He sends me a dubious look before answering, knowing I’m changing topics. “Two. Both younger. Kol is 32 and a homicide detective in Knoxville, and Ember is 19. She’s studying to become a social worker at UT.”
“That’s a big age gap. Is Knoxville where you’re from?”
“Born and raised. Em was an oops baby for our folks. She was also kind of awesome.”
“Fun?” I smile, liking the way he lights up talking about his siblings.
“Very. She was quieter than Kol and I. We got in trouble as often as possible. Em would tag along as she got older, but not once did she squeal on us.”
“That’s sweet. Where are your parents? Still in Knoxville?” They sound like a close-knit family.
“My parents died five years ago, actually.” He looks away, and I feel like a jerk.
“I’m so sorry, Arsen.”
“Thank you. It was quick, and they were together.”
Silence surrounds us as I try to pull my foot from my mouth. “Why did you move here if your family is there?”
“I came here about seven years ago on a case. Loved the city, the atmosphere, and I needed a change. I applied at MNPD and the rest, as they say, is history.” He smiles, and I can see how happy he is with the choice to come here. Not that I’m complaining, but I find myself wondering why he needed the change. Only I lack the courage to ask.
Chapter Eight
Arsen
I spent the entire weekend with Marina, taking her out, having her cook for me. Helping her pack. It was exactly what I’ve always pictured with that special woman but wasn’t convinced was in my cards. However, after this time together, I know she’s it. She’s the one woman I’m meant to spend my life with.
Leaving her last night after things got heated on her couch, was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I was rock hard; she was needy and breathless. I had to recite the entire Nashville Predators roster to focus long enough to drive home.
My five a.m. wakeup call to a gruesome double murder wasn’t how I wanted to spend my Monday. Rod hadn’t been any happier when I called to wake him up after arriving at the scene, either.
Twelve hours later and we’re only getting back to the precinct after casing the scene, talking to witnesses, and stopping by the coroner’s office. We still have to notify both victims’ families before we can take any time to decompress.
“That was a brutal one.” Rod drops into his chair with a heavy sigh.
“Yeah. Worst I’ve seen in years,” I mutter as I walk to the coffee machine. I need fuel before I can even think of sitting down, or I may not get up again.
“Fuck,” Rod shouts as he jumps to his feet. “Emily’s on her way to the hospital.” He looks torn between duty and family.
“Get the fuck out of here,” I yell at him. “Call with an update!” He’s out the door and waving his hand as it swings shut.
“Daniels!” I hear barked from the captain’s office.
Walking over, I know what he’s going to want before I enter. A report. Answers. An arrest. None of which I have yet.
Knocking on his door, he bellows, “
Come in!” Even though he knows it’s me, he still demands acceptance to anyone’s entrance.
“You called?”
“Status report on the double homicide.” The man is a demanding son of a bitch, but from what I’ve been told, he was one of the best back in his time.
“No physical evidence at the scene. Coroner is having castings made of the stab wounds. There were defensive marks on both victims, and we’re still waiting on the toxicology report.”
“So you have nothing?” he snaps.
I have to grind my teeth together. “Basically, yeah.”
“Spoken to the family yet?” He doesn’t even look up from the papers on his desk. The man is cold.
“On my way there now.”
“Get going.”
“Yes, sir.”
As I’m about to walk out the door, he calls out, “Detective, next time, tell your partner to stay until the work is finished.”
I don’t bother responding. He won’t take any type of excuse as acceptable. Nodding, I leave, closing the door behind me. Notifying parents that their child isn’t coming home again is the worst part of my job. I loathe doing it, but I’d rather it come from me than from a beat cop. I have the connection to their loved ones, not some nameless officer.
This is going to be one of the worst notifications I’ve ever had to do. The victims were both young—only eighteen and nineteen. Cousins from I was able to find out. These types of cases are the ones that eat away at a cop his entire career. Makes you question everything you know about the law, about justice and morality.
What happened to these boys is unjustifiable. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It’s some sicko getting his rocks off from what we can tell. We collected their fingers from the bushes where they’d been thrown after being dismembered. The medical examiner counted a stab wound for each year of their age in their chests and abdomens. The very worst part is that they were left for dead.