by Twyla Turner
The whole room is spellbound. I am no exception. My pulse pounds, the hairs on my arms and neck stand at attention, my mouth is dry, and my nether region is wet.
The song comes to an end, and he looks up at me, where I’m frozen in place. His eyes speak volumes.
“God, he’s amazing!” Kari whispers.
Her voice rips me out of the spell he has over me.
“Do you think that song was for me? He kept looking in this direction.”
I look over at my daughter’s hopeful face. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the song was for her and I had just hoped it was meant for me. Hell, I don’t know anything anymore. What I do know is, my daughter’s happiness means more to me than a fling that could never work between me and some young man who probably only wants to hit it and quit it. Just to say that he bagged some older chick. It’s time to let my infatuation go.
“I couldn’t understand what he was saying, but it definitely sounded super sexy.”
“Maybe it was for you. There’s only one way to find out. Talk to him when he gets finished. You never know where it may lead.” I bump her arm with mine and smile at her.
“I think I will.”
“Hey, you made it!” Raquel appears out of the darkness. “You both look sensational! Etienne will be delighted. Come. We’re sitting over here.”
We walk over to their table. There are a few familiar faces and some new. Raquel introduces us quietly as Etienne continues to perform. A cocktail waitress comes over to take our drink orders.
I smile on the outside, but I’m mourning on the inside. At least that’s what it feels like. I have to let go of something that I never even had.
I barely hear or join in the conversation around me. I try to ignore the words of the songs Etienne sings. Mostly all of them are about love, longing, sex, and all things torture to me in my dejected state.
I quickly drink the rest of my chardonnay before his last song ends. I don’t want to still be here when he finishes. Watching as my daughter flirts and hooks up with the only man I’ve been interested in, in longer than I can remember. I stand, and Kari and Raquel look up at me.
“I’m not feeling so well. I think I’m gonna head home.”
Kari frowns and looks up at the stage before standing.
“No, sweetie. Stay. Have a good time. You know how to get back to home, right?”
“Yeah, ma. But are you sure?” Again, she glances up at the stage longingly.
“Yes, baby. I’m sure.”
“I hope you feel better.” She says as she gives me a big hug.
I smile reassuringly at her. I look over at Raquel, and she gives me a strange look.
“I’ll see you in a couple days,” I tell her.
“We must talk soon.”
“Alright.”
I know she’s curious about what’s going on. If I know her, she’ll dig it out of me later.
I feel his eyes on me as I turn to head out of the club. I glance back at the stage. Sure enough, he’s watching me as he ends the song. I turn away and quickly stride through the clapping crowd.
As I step out into the cool night, I swipe angrily at a tear that slips unbidden down my cheek. Anger and frustration at myself bubble up. It’s not even that big of a deal that I’m sacrificing what I want so that my daughter can have a good time.
So why does it feel like it is?
~~~
Kari presses pause and falls back onto the couch cushions. She couldn’t feel more like an ass than she does in this moment. Her mother had tried to sacrifice what she truly wanted in order to make her happy. She squeezes her eyes shut as she lets the vivid memory of that night come back to her like it was yesterday…
After her mom walks out, Kari’s gaze goes back to Etienne as he finishes his last song. She watches from under her lashes as he sits down his guitar and makes his way off the stage. He starts past the table and holds up a finger, wordlessly saying ‘I’ll be right back.’ And then nearly runs through the crowd towards the door.
A sinking suspicion twists her gut, and she starts off after him. Kari bursts through the door. Her eyes sweep from one side to the other, searching for what she hoped she wouldn’t find. They land on her mother’s retreating back and Etienne running after her.
“Ryn!” He calls out just as he reaches her mom.
He grasps her arm and turns her around. Her face registers shock before he cups it, brushing his thumbs over her cheeks. The touch is intimate and sweet.
Kari doesn’t think. She reacts.
Her feet carry her forward as rage and jealousy pump through her veins.
“Etienne, what are you doing?” Her mother asks as Kari comes closer.
“Why are you leaving?”
“My daughter likes you.” She sighs. “And honestly, she’s better suited for you.”
“But I want you! You know this.” He says desperately as he tilts her head back and touches his lips to hers.
Jealousy blinds Kari, and she lashes out as she reaches them.
“Seriously, mom?!”
Her mother breaks away from Etienne guiltily. She takes a few steps back and looks at Kari with shame written all over her face.
“Kari, I’m sorry. It’s not what you think.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m not an idiot. It’s obvious that he wants you, but you told me nothing was going on between you two, and then you tell me to talk to him to see where it leads. What? Was it all to humiliate me? You knew he’d turn me down.” She can barely see through the tears filling her eyes.
“I didn’t know that! I’d hoped that he would forget about me and be interested in you.”
“Oh, great. Yeah, that’s just perfect mom. Second choice after my mother is what I strive to be. Nice to know you think so highly of me.”
“Kari, you know that’s not what I thi-”
“Don’t even worry about it, mom.” She turns and starts heading towards a taxi sitting out front of the club. “I’m done. I can’t stay here any longer.”
“Kari!”
Kari lets her head fall back against the couch cushions. Embarrassment and shame fill her gut for the part she played in everything that happened in the last twenty-two years. At everything, she’d caused.
~~~
I look at the taxi sitting out front of the club, but I don’t want to take a cab. I want to walk. My place isn’t all that far. I just hope that my feet can withstand the twenty-minute walk in these heels. Maybe it’ll be good for me. It’ll be nice to have something else hurt besides my ego and heart.
I only get a couple of yards when I hear footsteps running towards me. I pray it’s not some would-be attacker.
“Ryn!” The unmistakable voice reaches me, and I cringe.
Etienne grabs my arm and spins me around, and I blink up at him in shock. He clasps my face and gently strokes his thumbs over my cheeks. His expressive eyes are filled with hurt that I would leave.
“Etienne, what are you doing?” My heart pounds.
I desperately want him to kiss me on the one hand, and desperately want him to leave me alone on the other.
“Why are you leaving?”
“My daughter likes you.” I sigh. “And honestly, she’s better suited for you.”
“But I want you! You know this.” He says desperately as he tilts my head back and touches his lips to mine.
I gasp at the electric jolt I feel just from the light touch of his lips.
“Seriously, mom?!”
I stumble back and watch in shame as Kari storms forward like she’s ready to do battle.
“Kari, I’m sorry. It’s not what you think.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m not an idiot. It’s obvious that he wants you, but you told me nothing was going on between you two, and then you tell me to talk to him to see where it leads. What? Was it all to humiliate me? You knew he’d turn me down.” She rants as her eyes fill with tears.
My gut twists with guilt. Seeing Kari hurt, whether a scrape on her
knee when she was six or heartbroken over a boy at nineteen, always hurts me to my core. But being the cause of her hurt is indescribable.
“I didn’t know that! I’d hoped that he would forget about me and be interested in you.”
“Oh, great. Yeah, that’s just perfect mom. Second choice after my mother is what I strive to be. Nice to know you think so highly of me.”
“Kari, you know that’s not what I thi-”
“Don’t even worry about it, mom.” She cuts me off before turning and heading towards a taxi sitting out front of the club. “I’m done. I can’t stay here any longer.”
“Kari!”
She doesn’t turn. She gets in the cab, and it pulls away. My eyes follow it as it passes by. My face is wet with tears, but I don’t even notice them until the reason for our fight brushes them away.
I jerk my face away from his tempting hands. I stare angrily up at him.
“Couldn’t you just leave well enough alone?”
“I do not understand.”
“Couldn’t you just leave me alone?” I growl rephrasing the common American phrase.
I turn on my heel, not really wanting to hear his explanation. I start heading in the direction I had been going before he ruined everything.
“Ryn, wait.” He clutches my arm again.
I rip it away.
“Don’t! Haven’t you done enough?” I shout at him. “My daughter hates me because of you.”
I choke on the last sentence. I can’t see anything through my tears.
“Ryn, si'l vous plait!” Ryn, please.
“What? What could you possibly say?”
“Nothing.” He looks down at the ground and shoves his hands in his pockets. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him unsure of himself. “I just want to take you home. You should not walk this late in this state. Let me drive you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Kari needs time to cool down before I get there. So, I’d rather walk.”
“Then take a ride with me. She will have time to cool down, and you will have time to calm down.” He touches my arm comfortingly. “Please.”
“Fine.”
“Stay here. I will be right back.”
Etienne jogs off. A few minutes later I hear the rev of an engine. He rolls into view, and I inwardly groan. He’s on a motorcycle. Of course, he is. Anything to look sexier and drive me crazy.
He pulls up to the curb, the engine rumbling dangerously. Daring me to get on. He unstraps and holds out the only helmet on the bike. I hesitate for a moment and then reach across the space between us to take it.
“I’m in a skirt.”
“Once you are on, no one will see anything. Just stay close to me.”
“That’s what I’m worried about,” I grumble under my breath.
I wipe a couple of wayward tears from my cheeks and slide the helmet over my head. Etienne grips my hand so that I can use it as leverage as I awkwardly get my leg over the bike. My skirt hitches all the way up my thighs.
“Hold on.” He shouts back at me as he revs the engine.
I scoot forward and wrap my arms around his waist. My breasts and stomach press against his strong back. My legs squeeze his hips as the bike jumps forward. He feels entirely too good.
I can’t truly enjoy the ride or the feel of him between my legs as I play back the night over and over again in my head. He takes me through city streets, past city limits, down rural roads and back again, giving me time to collect myself. I have no idea how my good intentions became all muddied and misconstrued. I have no idea how to fix it either. All I can do is hope that Kari has calmed down and is willing to talk it out.
I tug on Etienne’s shirt and shout loud enough that my voice doesn’t get swallowed up by the wind.
“I’m ready!”
I give him my street and point where to go. He slows down as we get closer, trying to keep the engine as quiet as possible. We pull up to the curb, and he cuts the engine.
“Hold on. Let me help you off. I do not want you to burn your leg on the hot pipe.”
He flips down the kickstand, balances the bike on it carefully before jumping off. He grasps my waist and lifts me off with ease. He’s apparently a lot stronger than I’d previously judged because I’m no small fry.
I pull off his helmet and hand it back to him. I self-consciously try to smooth down my hair that I’m sure is all over my head.
“You look beautiful.”
I look away from him. It’s disconcerting that he knows my thoughts too.
“Don’t. You’ve already caused me more trouble than I feel like dealing with.”
“Ryn, I did not mean to cause harm.”
I nod.
“Goodnight, Etienne.”
I leave him on the narrow sidewalk and go inside. I take the elevator up to my floor. The weight of what’s to come as I unlock my door falls squarely on my shoulders, and they slouch dejectedly.
“Kari,” I call out. “We need to talk.”
I’m met with silence. My place isn’t that big, so I walk to my bedroom. Nothing.
“Kari?”
No sign of her in the bathroom either. In fact, all of her things are gone. No clothes. No toiletries. No suitcases.
I rush into the kitchen and find a piece of paper on the table.
I’m going back to California.
-K
I collapse in a chair and stare at the note in shock. The kitchen light glints off of something out the corner of my eye. I look down and see the spare key I gave her on the floor by the front door. She must have locked the door and slid it back under afterward. My heart aches. I feel guilty, stupid, frustrated, and stressed, among a plethora of other emotions I can’t even name.
This move was supposed to be the start of a new amazing life for myself.
Amazing New Life
New city
New home
New business
New friends
Maybe even a new lover
Technically, I am on track to check off all of these items. But knowing that I’d crushed my daughter’s spirit in the process, tainted the whole experience.
I know that I probably have time to race to the airport and stop her. But what is the point? It’s obvious that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. And I’m not causing a scene in the middle of the airport.
It’s best if I let her go.
I pick up the phone and dial her number. It rings, and her voice message begins.
“This is Kari Reid. I’m unable to answer at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone.”
The beep echoes in my ear, signaling my turn to speak.
“Kari, I am so sorry. This is not how I wanted your trip to turn out. I only wanted for you to have a good time. To maybe have a French fling to take with you as a fond memory when life gets hard. To have an experience that I didn’t get to have at your age. I never meant to hurt you. Please, call me when you get home. I love you, sweetie. To the moon and back.”
The tone beeped in my ear again, nearly cutting me off.
It was all I could do for now.
Chapter 8
I hide inside my flat for several days. All I want to focus on is my travel business and getting the first group of women together to venture to the South of France. I don’t want to show my face in the light of day. My mood morose and grumpy, and not fit for polite company. Even the daily bouquet of flowers from Etienne as an apology didn’t boost my mood. Letting him know where I live was probably a bad idea.
Kari’s silence isn’t helping matters much either. She has yet to call me back. Even after I left her several messages. I eventually had to call her father to make sure she’d made it in safely. Apparently, she had. He’d asked what happened. She must not have told him, and I wasn’t about to explain it either. I’m embarrassed enough as it is.
I would’ve stayed locked in my apartment for several more days if it wasn’t for the persistence of the woman sitting across from m
e at her kitchen table. Raquel had called me every day, wondering what had happened between me, Kari, and Etienne. I’d avoided her until she showed up on my doorstep today, ordered me to shower and dress, and then drove me to her place for lunch in the privacy of her home.
“Ryn, darling. You cannot help the attraction that is between you and Etienne.” She begins after I finish telling her the story of what happened. “I saw it from the moment you both met at the gallery. I believe that even Kari saw it. But she ignored it because she couldn’t possibly understand how a young man who should, for all intents and purposes, be interested in her, is actually interested in her mother. She was selfish and jealous.”
“But that still doesn’t make me feel any less like shit.”
“Have you not given her everything?”
“As much as I could, I guess.”
“Have you not lived your life for her?”
“For the most part. She’s been my world for twenty-two years.”
“Then she should be grateful and let you have something for yourself. And Etienne is that perfect something.”
“He’s too damn young, Raquel.”
“Is he an adult?”
“Well, yes. But-”
“But nothing. He’s a grown man. Who knows what he wants. And that happens to be you. I have heard whispers that he’s an amazing lover. So, who gives a fuck that he’s younger?! Relax, make love, and be happy.”
“Oh, so he’s a player. I don’t want to be another notch on his bedpost.”
“Do not worry about who came before you or who will come after. Focus on right now. Today.” She leans forward and clasps my hands tightly. “You are wound up tighter than a top. Let this man take care of your needs. You need to loosen up. A good lover can do that for you. And a young lover is like taking a sip from the fountain of youth. It does wonders for your complexion, darling.”