by Twyla Turner
He holds still, gritting his teeth as he fights down his own orgasm. He rolls over, putting me on top. I place my hands on his hard chest, using him as leverage as I sink down to the base of his cock. I throw my head back and stay completely still as my body adjusts to the deeper penetration this position provides.
Rough hands stroke over my soft skin reverently. I look down at him. His eyes are filled with so much love and devotion that I feel the familiar knot of emotion form in my throat.
“J’ai rate vous comme le soleil manqué la lune.” I’ve missed you like the sun misses the moon. He whispers softly before rising and capturing my nipple in his mouth.
Tears spill down my cheeks as I rock my hips against him. He raises his face to me, and I kiss him softly. I press him back to the mattress. My fingers entwine with his and squeeze tightly as I slowly begin to rise and fall over him.
“Aah!” Etienne breathes as I squeeze around him tightly. “I have missed this. I cannot survive without this. Without you.”
“You can,” I pant as I begin to move faster.
“No, and do not ask me too.”
He grips my hips almost painfully and pumps up angrily to meet me. My head falls back, and my breasts bounce with every thrust as I climb closer to my second orgasm. Etienne moves one hand to my mound, his thumb finding my clit. He circles the nub, and my body starts to shake.
“Ah. Aah! I’m coming. I’m com…UNGH!!!” I cry.
My muscles flex and flutter around him. Etienne speeds up in a series of shuddering thrusts before he finally explodes inside me. His back arches, his full lips pop open, and a shout comes from deep within his chest as his fingers bite into the flesh of my hips. I’m sure leaving fresh bruises.
I don’t care. He can mark me as his all he wants. His name is already tattooed on my heart. My soul. Our souls are irrevocably intertwined. Not that it changes our underlying dilemma. A dilemma I have no idea how to overcome.
I collapse limply across his heaving chest. Our damp bodies stick together, and I bask in the feel of his warm skin pressed against mine. I missed this so much. The connection.
~~~
I wake up abruptly and look over to his side of the bed. I sigh with relief that he’s still there and sound asleep. My racing heart calms. I’d dreamed that he was ripped from me and it woke me up in a panic.
I turn on my side to gaze at him as he sleeps. He’d went to sleep almost immediately after we made love. The exhaustion of the last couple of months from lack of sleep, finally catching up to him. His hair is loose and fans over the pillow. Some of it covers his beautiful face. I reach over and brush the hair back exposing his face. He doesn’t even flinch, he’s so tired.
His lashes fan the tops of his cheeks, hiding those intense green eyes that strip me to my soul whenever he looks at me. A faint snore comes from his straight nose. His luscious, full lips are slack and parted just slightly. Lips that inspire kisses.
Unable to help myself, I scoot closer to him and lean forward to kiss those lips. He smiles softly in his sleep, and then wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer. I settle my head under his chin, against his neck. I breathe in deeply, taking in his masculine scent.
It’s hard to reconcile how much I love him and the happiness he brings me with wanting him to have the life he deserves, which wouldn’t include me. And it’s obvious that he has no intentions of letting me go, even in his sleep as he squeezes me a little tighter.
How can I let him go? And how can I force him to let me go?
A thought comes to mind as I fall into a restless sleep.
Chapter 23
“Ladies, I need your help,” I say to Raquel and Tiffani as I sit down for our Sunday lunch.
Etienne had kissed me goodbye this morning after another round of passionate sex with a promise to see me after he finished a painting he is working on. He has every intention of picking up our relationship where it had left off before our trip to California.
“With what?” Raquel asks curiously. Always willing to devise elaborate plans to help her friends.
“With finding the perfect woman for Etienne.”
Silence.
By the look on their faces, you’d think I asked them to kill my cat. If I had a cat.
“Why?!” Tiffani breaks the stunned silence.
“Because it’s the only way he’ll move on.”
“First of all, you are the perfect woman for him.” Raquel starts to count. “And second, what do you mean move on? Are you saying that you have seen him recently?”
“I’m not perfect for him. At least not in the long run. He denies what he wants, thinking that his love for me will outweigh his need for children in the future. It won’t. And yes, we were together last night.”
“Wait a minute!” Tiffani presses a hand against my shoulder to get my attention. “Didn’t you have a date last night that Raquel setup?”
“Oui, she did.” Raquel folds her arms over her chest looking at me pointedly.
“Etienne saw us and decided to camp out in front of my building, waiting for me. I let him in, and one thing lead to another.” I sigh. “Now, he has no plans to let me walk away again. So, I figured finding the right woman for him would help.”
“And break your heart.” Tiffani lays a comforting hand over mine.
“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” I swallow thickly. “For right now, all I’m thinking about is what’s best for him.”
“Why don’t you let him decide what’s best for him?”
“Because he doesn’t know what’s best for him!” I burst out, upset that no one understands where I’m coming from. “Neither of you have children and don’t appear to want any. When you do want kids, when it is your dream to raise a family, it doesn’t just go away. And I’ve already gone through a failed relationship where one half isn’t getting what they want or need from the other. Love fades and can easily turn into resentment when you’re not getting what you need out of the relationship. I refuse to build another life with another man only for him to demolish it a few years later because I failed at giving him what he wants.”
They both give me contrite looks. I’m sure my eyes are glassy with the unshed tears I blink back from my emotional outburst.
“We will help you.” Raquel concedes. “Whatever you need.”
“Agreed.” Tiffani nods.
“Thank you. Now, let’s eat.” I pick up my menu and pretend to browse the meal choices before making my next suggestion. “Maybe we can start introducing him to other women at my birthday party.”
I don’t look up from the menu, but I sense their incredulity.
“Okay.”
“Sure.”
They sound about as excited as a woman going for her yearly pap smear. It’s not my greatest idea, but my birthday party is the only upcoming event where I know Etienne will attend and Raquel can invite a bunch of random people. After all, it's my party, and I can cry if I want to.
~~~
“So…what do you think?” Raquel asks me after I arrive at her house filled with people, mainly women for my birthday.
“There’s a lot of beautiful women here. An eclectic mix. Hopefully, someone in here will catch his eye.” My eyes scan the expansive apartment.
The women seem to range in age from twenties to thirties. All of a prime baby-making age, of varying races and personalities.
“Are you really that hopeful, ma chére?” Raquel levels me with a look that says she’s calling bullshit.
“Of course not.” I sigh. “A part of me wants him to ignore every woman here. The other part of me truly hopes that the ‘one’ is here. It’s like the ultimate battle between the heart and brain.”
Raquel sadly nods her agreement.
The last couple of weeks, as much as I tried to stay away from Etienne, he wasn’t having any of it. I never call first. I never make plans. I never stop by. All in the hopes that he’d give up. Instead, he’s giving one hundred and fifty percent, to
make up for my missing half. And as much as I try not to make the first move; when he does call, makes plans, and stops by, I’m all in. I find it hard to hold back when I’m with him.
“When will he arrive?”
“He said that he has to get my present all wrapped up and then he’d be here. So, I’m assuming any time now.”
“Well, I guess I should introduce you to some of the possible candidates,” Raquel says like she’s about to take me to the front of a firing squad.
“I feel like I’m in a bizarre version of the Love Connection and I’m Chuck Woolery,” I say as I follow her over to a group of women.
“Who?” Raquel asks.
“Never mind.”
She smiles brightly at the women before speaking, “Alright, ladies! This is my best friend and guest of honor, Taryn Reid.”
“Bonjour, ladies.”
I’m drawn into small talk about my business and moving to France. There are other women from different countries here, and we compare notes on our lives as expats. They are all really quite lovely. I’m sure Etienne would be lucky to have any of them. And I would be miserable. But it would be, at least a little bit, worth it to know he is happy and has the family he wants and deserves.
Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. Or more like an archangel. Etienne comes in all -messy locks, worn jeans, and leather jacket- sexy.
The conversations quiet down to a whisper as he carries in a massive flat rectangle shaped item wrapped in brown paper. It’s obvious that it’s a painting. Something that I’m sure I’ll cherish as well as torture me if my plan works.
The single women in attendance eyeball him appreciatively as his eyes scan the room for me. Those jade green irises don’t linger on a single female in the room. Not until they reach me. When they do, they light up, and pure affection radiates from them. I’m relieved and disappointed all at once.
He strides over to me with an easy smile on his face.
“You look beautiful. Happy birthday, ma chérie.” He leans in to kiss me, and I give him my cheek.
There could still be a chance once he stops long enough to chat with some of the guests. So, I don’t want any of them to think we’re dating if he kisses me. I’m also an idiot.
A frown mars Etienne’s face as he looks down at me. Unsure of why I wouldn’t kiss him in front of everyone. I smile brightly at him, trying to hide my secret plans. If he knew what I was trying to do, he’d lose his shit.
“Etienne, you can set the gift against the wall by the other presents.” Raquel points. “After that, I’d love to introduce you to some of my friends. They’ve all heard so much about the talented artist.”
I quickly move away to search for Tiffani and Jean Michel. Anything to give Etienne a chance to chat with others without me hindering the process.
“How’s it going?” Tiffani asks after giving me a big hug.
“I don’t think it’s going to work.”
Tiffani gives me an ‘I told you so’ look.
“That doesn’t mean it won’t work eventually. Maybe none of these women are the one.”
“That’s because you’re the one.”
“It’s worth a try.”
“Is it really, Ryn?”
“Tiffani…”
She holds up her hands in surrender. “Fine. Fine.”
I watch Raquel introduce Etienne to several women. He smiles and chats politely, but he doesn’t engage with them like he did with me when we first met. Instead, his eyes come back to me often. And he gives Raquel several long-suffering looks with every new woman she introduces him to.
He eventually extricates himself from Raquel and the women surrounding him and heads straight for me. Their eyes follow him longingly.
“Sorry.” He says as he reaches me. “I do not know what Raquel is up to, but I swear I felt like a horse up for auction.”
I choke slightly on my sip of wine. “Ha! She’s just proud to have such a talented artist as a friend.”
“Hmm…” He looks at me doubtfully. “Speaking of. Are you ready to open your gifts?”
“Uh…sure.”
He rubs his hands together gleefully, before pulling me over to the table of gifts. Most of the people here are virtual strangers, so the gift table is filled with generic gifts. Bottles of wine, gift cards, picture frames, and the like. Tiffani, Raquel, and her group of close friends who have also become mine have given me more sentimental gifts.
Raquel bought me a beautiful personalized leather day-planner with my name etched on the front. Tiffani got me a gorgeous pair of chandelier earrings. Nicole and Pierre, who have now become an adorable and inseparable couple, got me a day at a lavish spa. And Corrine, Alain, and Olivier went in on a lovely handmade wine rack since they know I love my white wine. It will fit nicely in my flat with all the bottles I received as gifts.
That left Etienne. First, he hands me a small box. A jewelry box. My heart starts to pound against my ribcage. I quickly open it with shaky hands. Inside, nestled against black velvet is a pretty white gold necklace and star pendant with a stunning blue stone in the center. My favorite color. My heart calms with relief. How crazy would it be for him to propose while I’m trying to hook him up with another woman?
“It’s the North Star,” he says softly. “How I will always find my way back to you.”
“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Etienne.”
The meaning of his gift is not lost on me as he helps me put it on. Damn him! It would be my luck that I’d find such a wonderfully perfect man who I’m imperfect for.
“Now, for my next gift.” He lifts the wrapped painting and props it up against the table.
I lean down and pull the string holding the wrapping together. I tear the brown paper apart, revealing the artwork. The collective gasp from the guests I’d forgotten about, drowns out my own gasp of awe.
The painting is of us. We’re naked. Our bodies intertwined passionately. Where we meet in the middle, our bodies are solid. But towards the outer part of our bodies, it looks as if we’re dissolving into wisps of sand or a fine mist. My body dissolving into a crescent moon, his into the sun. My side of the painting is a dark blue with twinkling stars in the background. His is a pale blue with puffs of clouds. He is the sun. I am the moon. And I remember what he said to me a few weeks ago when we first got back together. “J’ai rate vous comme le soleil manqué la lune.” I’ve missed you like the sun misses the moon.
Our reconciliation must have inspired him. The painting is astoundingly beautiful. Possibly the best he’s done that I’ve seen. It’s sensual and whimsical. And breaking my heart.
I blink back tears. “It’s gorgeous, Etienne! I’m…I’m speechless.”
“You really like it?” He self-consciously shoves his hands in his pocket.
“Like it? I love it!”
I turn to him and throw my arms around him. I lean back and clasp his face, pulling him down for a kiss.
Fuck it. These chicks will just have to wait. I’ll worry about finding someone for him another time.
“Mon Dieu! I could easily sell that for one hundred thousand francs.” Raquel groans behind us.
We break apart with laughter.
“Sorry, Raquel. This is a one of a kind and will not be duplicated.” Etienne informs her.
“Damn!”
We turn back to the party. The friendly faces of only moments ago, are now filled with malice and hostility. Well, that plan certainly backfired. We’d offered him up like a tasty and available snack, getting their hopes up. Only for them to find out he is, for all intents and purposes, taken. Now, I feel like an ass.
It’s not long before the party clears out, leaving the regulars behind. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved. I get to hold onto Etienne for a little longer. Even though it’s something I’m trying to accomplish, the thought of another woman enjoying all that is Etienne Lemaire hurts far more than I’d realized when I set this plan into motion.
“Well, now that
it is just us friends left, Nicole and I have an announcement to make.”
“Yeah, who were all those people, anyway?” Alain asks.
Raquel, Tiffani, and I look at anything but our friends.
“Ah…no one,” Raquel says. “They were just some friends I’ve met but haven’t invited to any of my parties.”
“I think I saw a few of them take their gifts back. Who does that?” Olivier asks with a frown.
“Hmm…I guess I will not be inviting them again. So…what was that announcement?” Raquel changes the subject while slipping me a dirty look.
She prides herself on throwing fabulous parties, and I just ruined her record.
“Well…” Pierre begins.
“I’m pregnant!” Nicole finishes.
“And we are getting married!” Pierre adds.
Shouts of surprise, gasps, and hoots of joy travel around the room. My eyes secretly search Etienne’s face. He looks genuinely happy for the couple, but I see the tightness around his eyes. He looks down at me and smiles. He tries to hide it, but it’s forced.
My plan failed this time around. But the look in his eyes as he longingly looks at Pierre rubbing Nicole’s not yet developed baby bump strengthens my resolve.
I will find the right woman for him.
Chapter 24
The days and weeks blend into months until a year has passed. And still, I’ve had no luck. Etienne and I are constantly at odds with each other. I try to walk away. He pulls me back. I try to talk sense into him. He professes his love. I find amazing women for him. He ignores them. I’m pretty sure by now that he knows what I’ve been up to, though he never says anything. A constant tug of war.
My career has slowly started to take off. So much so, that now I have a small waiting list. I’ve finally been able to hire an assistant tour guide to help me with the tours once each group arrives. I’ve developed great relationships with many of the hotels, restaurants, wineries, and other excursion companies across the South of France. They appreciate the customers I pull in, and I am grateful for the discounts they give in return.