Her whole body trembled at his light touch. She swallowed hard and attempted to regain some dignity. The way she had imagined they would meet again, her carefully planned speech about why she was here, the one she had practised three times in front of the mirror, vanished from her mind, leaving only a feeling of overwhelming happiness that he was here.
'Valens, what an unexpected pleasure,' Julia said and forced her hands to let go of his tunic. She raised her chin a notch. 'I was hoping to see you.'
Valens gave a brief nod of his head, but his eyes remained cool, assessing her.
This evening is the biggest mistake I have ever made, Julia thought.
'The evening is made all the more pleasurable by your presence.' Valens captured her hand and raised it to his lips.
Julia tried to ignore the sensation that ran from his lips up her arm, infusing her whole body with warmth, a body which remembered each touch of his fingers and the taste of his skin. She could see the faint shadow of stubble on his chin and remembered the feel of it against her cheek.
'Charming party, don't you agree?' Julia heard her voice say from a long way away. She waited for a heartbeat before continuing. 'So many gladiators all in one place…'
'Mine. I saw her first,' Aquilia grunted, drowning out the last part of her sentence. 'You find another woman, Valens. You are finished with this one.'
'I think you are making a mistake here, Aquilia.' Valens's tone was even, but his eyes glittered gold. 'The lady and I are already acquainted. Intimately acquainted.'
Several people turned towards them. Julia saw one woman whisper behind her hand to a fat senator, pointing directly at her. With a few simple words, the gossip would be revived and Sabina would have her reason to find another marriage for Julia.
'I beg your pardon,' Julia said quickly, trying to ignore the thump of her heart. 'What in the name of the Good Goddess are you talking about?'
'At last you arrive, Julia. I have been looking everywhere for you.' Valens put his arm around her waist and drew her close. His lips brushed her hair and his scent of sandalwood enveloped her, reminding her body of all that they had shared. 'I have been counting the hours until we could meet again.'
'You, his woman?' Aquilia asked, his eyes narrowing as he fingered the knife that hung from his belt.
Julia opened her mouth to protest, but decided to smile enigmatically instead. 'I know Valens. Why should I deny it? He was billeted at my father's house.'
Valens's eyes darkened. She found it impossible to tell if the emotion was passion or anger. He placed a possessive hand on her shoulder and drew her close.
The veins on Aquilia's neck bulged. 'I remember you and your dog. Greyhounds have such slender necks.'
Julia went cold, despite the warmth from Valens's body.
'I believe you were warned, Aquilia,' Valens growled. 'To stay away from me and mine.'
Julia glanced from one gladiator to the other. Where she had been afraid of Valens, now she realised his anger was directed towards protecting her, not hurting her. Her breath stopped in her throat. She watched Aquilia's hands to see if he would draw his eating dagger. Aquilia blinked and seemed to reconsider. Julia felt the tension ease out of her.
'I look forward to meeting you in the ring, Valens,' Aquilia said before he turned on his heel and stalked away. 'You will not be able to hide behind the skirts of your woman then.'
Julia waited until Aquilia had moved off before she removed Valens's hand from her waist and stepped away from him. A slight amused male grin played on his lips, giving him a distinct resemblance to Bato after he had thieved and eaten an entire leg of lamb. Her earlier anger and fear returned as she realised she was no longer in physical danger. How dare he treat her like that! There had been no need to say those things.
'What do you think you are playing at?' she asked, crossing her arms.
'Rescuing you.' Except for the twitching corners of his mouth, his face was the picture of injured innocence. 'What does it look like?'
'Rescued, is that what you call it?' Julia raised her eyes to the bronze gilded ceiling. Her lips ached for his touch, but not like this, not here. 'Proclaiming to all and sundry I am your woman! Feeding the gossipmongers' insatiable appetite.'
'I never said that. I implied we were acquainted,' he answered quietly.
'I was playing along,' she said quickly as she felt her heart begin to race. 'Aquilia frightens me and I wanted to be rid of him as quickly possible. Now that he is gone, I can drop the pretence, go about my business and try to determine just how much damage has been done, if anyone has started to gossip. What we had was a brief meeting.'
She turned to go, but his hand reached forward and grabbed her elbow. Julia's heart thudded in her ears and her throat went parched from Valens's look. A look that devoured her. A look that bored deep into her soul.
'Why are you here, Julia? This is the last place I would have expected to see you, particularly dressed like that.'
Julia looked down at the rose pink gown with its gold belt looped just below her breasts. Normally, she'd have worn a white wool long-sleeved undertunic with it, but Poppea had assured her that the fashion at these parties was to wear gowns on their own. Her arms felt bare, exposed. She didn't want to expose her heart. She tried to think of a suitable explanation, one that would not give a lie to her statement about not being his woman.
A scantily clad serving girl came by with a tray of cups filled with wine. Grabbing one, Julia took a long drink of the wine and felt the fiery sweetness trail down the back of her throat, giving her courage. She refused to tell him her true feelings, and risk being laughed at or, worse, pitied.
'The same reason everyone else is here—to see the gladiators as they feast for one last time,' Julia said with far more conviction than she felt. She gave a slight cough as the wine went down the wrong way.
His eyes became hardened points of rocks. 'Why do I have a difficult time believing that?'
'Isn't that why everyone is here?" she whispered, looking into Valens's incredulous face. 'It is why Poppea and Claudia told me they came and to join in the merry-making.'
Julia bit her lip. He had to believe her. Her daydreams of this afternoon were just that. He had made no attempt to contact her. He probably had only come over to rescue her because of his hatred towards Aquilia. He had been seeking a reason to confront Aquilia.
Her heart whispered she was lying, but she refused to pay attention.
'Do you understand why these women, these upright senator's wives, are here?' Valens asked. He nodded towards various expensively dressed women. One was feeding a gladiator a grape and giggling. Another had her hands on a gladiator's back, giving him a massage. And a third was slowly twirling to music as several men watched. 'There is more to a gladiator's feast than food.'
Julia allowed her mouth to drop open. With every passing breath, the intimate scenes in the room increased. Everywhere she looked, there was something more to be embarrassed about. Now she understood the whispers about gladiators. She could never behave like that.
If that was what Valens was looking for, she could never be like that. What they shared had been private, between them, not this mindless coupling. She felt her cheeks grow cold and then start to burn with an intense fire.
'I think I made a mistake,' she said around the lump in her throat 'I should go. There has been a grave misunderstanding. Sabina! My father!'
'But I thought you came to see gladiators feast. You have done nothing improper.'
'I've seen enough. Being here will be a scandal in my father's eyes, if he hears it from Sabina's honeyed tongue. Who knows which ageing senator Sabina has her eye on?' Julia whispered to the floor. 'I need to find my friends, Claudia and Poppea. I need to go home.'
'Not before you tell me why you are here.' He put a finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to his. 'I know you, Julia Antonia, and you are not like these women. Tell me the truth—why are you here?'
'I wanted to apologise t
o you for what I said. You were right. I had no business trying to interfere in your life. I should have allowed you to make your own decisions and to contact your father in your own way. It is your life and not mine.'
His face gave her no encouragement. Julia took a deep breath before continuing.
'Since I divorced Lucius, I have resented anyone trying to interfere with my life. Why I should have thought it different for you, I am not sure. Please understand I did it from the best of motives. I wanted you to be reconciled with your father. My own family means so much to me. Without my father, I would not be the person I am. I did not intend it to shame you or to dishonour you. If you thought that, please accept my humble apologies.'
Julia held her breath, waiting for his answer. Except for the twitching of his jaw, his face was inscrutable.
'I have said what I want to say now. And I will depart,' she said, attempting to maintain her dignity
She looked over her shoulder and spied Claudia engaged in an animated conversation and Poppea draped over a gladiator. An intense pain developed between her eyes. She had said these words, intending to sweep out, now she would be stuck, milling about. She wanted to throw her winecup down in disgust.
I'll take you home,' Valens's rich timbre washed over her.
She stared at him, wondering if he could read her thoughts. 'I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble.'
'It's no trouble. I was on my way out when I saw you.' He gave a nod towards Claudia. 'I assume you came with your friend…Claudia. She looks like she could be here a while longer.'
Julia felt her mouth drop open. How could she be that transparent!
'How…I mean…can you read thoughts?'
He gave a small laugh. 'Let me remind you, being able to read people is an asset in my profession. I remembered you had appeared at the practices with Claudia before. And the woman you were playing trignon with this afternoon is rather entangled with Leoparda and won't take kindly to the interruption.'
A small prickle ran down her back. He had even noticed whom she was with at the baths. Julia pressed her lips together to prevent the questions about the blonde she had seen him with from tumbling out.
As Valens predicted, Poppea had not minded that Julia was leaving. Claudia had given Julia's hand a hard squeeze and her eyes seemed to question if this was what Julia wanted. Julia had nodded back and had given a thumbs up. At that, Claudia leaned over and touched her arm, saying that she would offer a prayer to Venus.
The orgy lessened as they walked towards the entrance to the baths. By the time they had reached where the untried gladiators stood, the party atmosphere had vanished. The crowds had thinned to one or two curious onlookers. Several of the gladiators were openly weeping while one or two sat blankly staring at a wall.
'The first time is always the worst,' Valens said, noticing her gaze.
'Were you like that?' Julia found her eyes drawn to a near-hysterical gladiator who was hugging a small child and wailing in a strange tongue.
Valens placed a hand under her elbow and turned her away. In the shadowy light, his face had gone grave and the planes of his cheeks had been highlighted. Julia found it impossible to detect anything but grim determination.
'For me,' he said, 'it was a chance to begin to regain my honour. Death held no fear. Unlike that man, I had nothing to lose. My life had no meaning outside the arena.'
'Surely living without honour is better than being dead.'
'I have found to my cost that a coward dies a thousand deaths…a hero only need die once.'
Julia concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and listening to the tapping of her sandals against the mosaics and the steady pounding of his sandals as he kept pace with her. She held back the question she longed to ask—did he have something to lose now?
Through the portico and out into the streets they walked. Despite the lateness of the hour, the streets were filled with litters, carts and people. They wandered through the maze of streets, neither speaking. Julia kept one eye on the uneven cobblestones and the other on Valens's stern visage. He had to regret offering to see her home, she thought as his expression appeared to become grimmer by the footstep.
'It is quicker if we turn down this way,' Julia said, pointing to a nearly black alley. 'This road will take us past the Quirinal but if we go down here we will reach a small square where there is a road off to Subura.'
'We'll go this way by the Senate House and the Forum,' Valens replied.
'Why?'
'For one thing, there is less danger of being attacked. The streets are very different at night, Julia. I promised to see you safely back to Subura and I will.'
'Why are you doing this?'
'Because I want to,' he said.
A shaft of moonlight illuminated Valens's face. It had a fierce intent look. Julia tore her gaze away, but her heart started to beat faster. She allowed Valens to take her arm and lead her towards the Forum.
With each step he took, Valens was aware of the small figure by his side.
He had been unprepared for her, unprepared for her appearance at the feast and unprepared for her apology. His eyes drank in her form and the way that her whisper-thin mantle covered her hair. He had missed her. When he had said earlier that his life had no meaning outside the ring, he knew he had lied. She gave his life meaning.
His overconfident statements to Maia and Tigris about how he was indifferent to her were lies. One soft look from her eyes and he melted. He realised his life was empty without her, but there was too much between them. He worried about taking her away from her family. She had admitted tonight how much her father meant to her.
As their footsteps turned past the Temple of Concord, and the Senate House that was still under reconstruction after the ravages of Sulla twenty years before, he thought about using these places, places that were sacred to Romans, as a way of explaining, but each time he rejected the idea.
When they were but a few steps from Julia's house, he stopped in the narrow street and turned her to look at him. Her face was solemn but dignified, much as a tiro's face is before he enters the arena for the first time as a gladiator.
The words Valens had been about to say died on his lips. His heart constricted. He drew her into his arms and rested his head against the silky softness of her hair. Each breath enveloped him in rose-scented perfume. He listened to the thud of her heartbeat and knew it echoed his.
'Julia—'
She laid a finger across his lips and gave her head a slight shake. 'Hold me. There is no need for words.'
He held her for another breath and then put her away from him, tilting her head so he could stare into her dark eyes.
'Julia, I understand what you tried to do, but you need to understand—I must fight tomorrow.'
'But you—'
He cut her off. 'I have to fight. Beyond anything else, I have signed a contract and it is what I want to do. My fighting in the arena will distress my father. He cannot admit that his son could ever become an infamis. For his sake, it is better that Gaius Gracchus is dead.'
He saw her stiffen.
'Gaius Gracchus need not have died,' she said slowly. 'It was all a plot by Lucius and Mettalius so that Lucius could inherit. It has to be. He is the one who stood to gain the most. I know my ex-husband and the things he was involved in.'
'You are guessing. You have no proof. It could have easily been a hideous mistake. You have no idea of who Gaius Gracchus was.' He put his hands on her shoulders. 'The games have changed me beyond all recognition. You would have not liked hot-headed Gaius who was always off gambling, or whoring, and had exaggerated ideas of his own greatness. My father sees his son through the rosy-tinted glass of memory. Do you want some idea of a man or do you want me?'
Her mouth trembled. Valens felt his heart stop as he waited for her response. He had to know.
'I want you,' she whispered. "The man I know, the man who held me, who made me laugh and taught me what pleasure was, who made me
feel like I was important.'
He released his breath. Relief invaded his limbs. The canker that had been eating at his soul vanished. She wanted him, not some dream lover. He ran his hand down her spine to convince himself that she was not some sort of vision about to evaporate in the morning light.
"Then you have him.'
'But I want you to live,' she whispered. 'Is that so wicked of me?'
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed each of her fingers one by one.
'I have no intention of dying,' he assured her. 'And every intention of fighting for you after I have regained my honour.'
He bent his head and captured her lips. He felt them part and tasted the honeyed sweetness of her mouth, drinking from it as if it was his last chance. His arms came around and pressed her close, her curves moulding to the hardness of his body. Then he recaptured her mouth and continued his exploration.
Everything he wanted to say in words, he tried to say with his kiss. She answered back with a fever and a frenzy that matched his. She seemed to drink the very soul out of him.
He heard a noise behind him. The slightest movement. A footfall. He lifted his head, but Julia recaptured it, her warm hands burning his cheeks.
'Don't stop. Kiss me again, Valens.'
He found he was powerless to resist her plea.
'Looks like the boss guessed right, the rats do return to the nest,' he heard a voice say, then felt the first blow to the back of his head.
Unprepared for the pain, he staggered and reached for his dagger. The second blow came before he could unsheathe it He heard Julia start to scream and then blackness gathered him in its cloak.
Chapter Sixteen
Julia felt a scream rip through her. As the heavy weight of Valens's body sagged against her, she glimpsed the attacker's heavy cudgel. Julia tried to hold Valens upright, but her knees began to buckle under the weight and she was forced to set him down.
In the dim light, she could just make out the white of the attacker's tunic and his snarling scarred face. He lifted his cudgel, preparing to strike Valens again.
The Gladiator's Honor Page 21