“It was hard when you went under, but I knew you. I knew after the rescue of your friend’s woman, you were determined to do anything to shut down that pipeline. Had a couple of partners while you were under. They were good. Not you, but good enough. I just kept thinkin’ that I had not only lost my partner but my friend as well, so I kind of shut down. Stopped going out as much.”
Shane sat listening as he got the feeling that there was so much more to the story than what Matt was saying.
“I met someone.”
That got Shane’s attention. He was about to ask to hear more, but realized that it must have ended badly for Matt’s reaction to be what it is. So he let the silence speak for him once again.
“Met her at a bar mixer one night, but she wasn’t a bar troll. Nice girl. Hell, drop-dead gorgeous. Real smart…a lawyer in the city. We got together and stayed together. Dated for six months.”
“I had no idea, bro.” Shane hung his head for a moment. “Fuck. I missed so much!”
“Yeah, well, some things are better missed,” Matt said ruefully. “Met each other’s families. Even talked about marriage, although looking back, it was more of a one-sided conversation. My side.” He self-consciously rubbed the scar on his face.
Again the silence at the table spoke volumes. Shane knew that whatever was coming was not going to be good.
“I got the cut on my face when I was off duty and having to break up a bar fight. A drunk asshole broke a bottle and took a swipe at me like he thought he was in some goddamn wild-west movie. For a while, it looked really bad – stitches, all red and swollen. She didn’t handle it well. Wanted me to quit the force. Said the scar upset her to look at it. I figured when it healed, she’d be fine. Then the typical started happening. She had to work late. Missed our dates. Said she had too much goin’ on.
“Then I find out she’s sleepin’ with one of the lawyers in her firm. I won’t go into details about how I found that out, but it wasn’t pretty. We had a fight and she told me that since my face was no longer handsome, she just couldn’t see herself with me.”
Shane reared back as though slapped. “What the fuck?”
Matt just nodded. “Yeah. That was a year ago, so it’s not like it was recent, but since then I don’t socialize as much.”
“That’s fucked up man. I am sorry as hell I wasn’t here.”
“Nah. It’s all good now. I focus on the job and find a bar chick to bang when I need to. Just not lookin’ for anything like your sunshine.”
Shane smiled at the thought of his copper-headed spitfire. “You’ll find it one day. The real deal, not some two-bit skank who wouldn’t know a good man if it bit her in the ass!”
The conversation turned over to the cases on hand. “You did good work while under, Shane. We got convictions on most of those mother-fuckers that you sent our way.”
“Yeah, but I never made it to the top. I knew about the prostitution angle that we helped shut down but the dog trade, well that was something that I was just getting’ into when to prove loyalty I had to sacrifice Sarge and that led me to Annie…and the rest is history. But honest to god, Matt, I couldn’t have taken much more without losing my soul.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. We may not have shut them down completely, but we hurt ‘em bad. We may even be able to keep diggin’ to find out where they house the dogs.”
Walking out of the diner to go back to the station, Shane said, “I’m meeting Annie’s parents this weekend.”
Matt kept walking although his dour look was replaced by a grin. “Looks like one of us just might be gettin’ married.”
Shane clapped him on the back but couldn’t help but smile as well.
Chapter 20
The following Saturday morning found Shane, Annie, and Sarge in his truck heading to Jefferstown. The trip would take a little over an hour so he spent the time filling her in on his conversation with Matt.
“Oh Shane. That is horrible. I can’t imagine having to live with knowing that you gave your heart to someone so shallow. And he is still so handsome. The scar doesn’t take away anything from the man inside!”
Shane laced his fingers with hers as he glanced at the beautiful woman sitting in his truck. Pure, fuckin’ sunshine. All the time. He brought her fingers to his lips, kissing them lightly.
As they drove into the driveway of the suburban home that was so similar to Shane’s parents’ home, they saw several cars already parked.
“Who all is going to be here, babe?”
Sighing deeply, she answered, “I have no idea.”
The door flung open before they were able to get to the front porch. “Annie,” her mother yelled as she hugged her daughter tightly. The tiny, red-headed woman then turned to Shane with a huge grin on her face. Grabbing him in a hug as well, she said, “You must be Shane. How nice to meet you!”
Shane and Annie smiled over her mother’s head before being interrupted by a booming voice. “Ruth, let the man breathe.”
Annie’s mother let go of Shane, then turned, yelling loudly into the house. “Well, if you’d get out here to greet guests, I wouldn’t have to drag them in to get a welcome.”
A large man came onto the porch catching Annie as she jumped into his arms. Shane watched as father and daughter hugged, finding himself thinking of his own father. Mr. Donavan then turned to shake Shane’s hand and the two men sized each other up. Shane figured he must have passed the test when Mr. Donavan suddenly grinned and said, “You can call me Harvey and this woman who’s been huggin’ on you is Ruth. Come on in son and have a beer.” Shane winked at Annie before disappearing into the house.
Once inside, they were met with several members of Annie’s family including grandparents and a few aunts, uncles, and cousins. As soon as she could get her mother alone she rounded on her.
“Mom, did you have to invite so many people? I wanted this to just be about us.”
“Oh darling, you don’t get to come home that often and everyone wanted to see you.”
“You’re not fooling me. The minute you found out I was bringing Shane with me, you were on the phone. Mom, this is embarrassing.”
“Nonsense dear.” Her mother walked over to envelope her in a hug once more. “Honey, I know you think I just want to plan for a wedding and grandchildren, but it’s not just that. You work so hard. You always have. You’re driven, goal oriented, and you never stopped until you became a vet with your own practice. But honey, there’s more to life and I want you to have that too.”
Returning her mom’s hug, she could feel the sting of tears threatening to fall. “I love you mom. He may just be the one.”
Straightening to her full height, which was only the same five foot two inches that Annie was, she announced, “Well, then let’s go feed our men!”
The afternoon was spent in a similar fashion to the weekend before at Shane’s house with the exception of Harvey stealing Shane away to his workshop for a while.
Shane looked on with interest at the intricate woodwork that Harvey created. “These are amazing, sir. I’ve admired this type of work on houses that I drive by but confess to not having ever thought of who made them and how they were made.”
“It’s kinda like your children. You do the best you can but never quite know how they’ll turn out. Now take my Annie. She’s a hard worker. Decided years ago to be a vet and she’s never strayed from that path. I worry about her though.”
Harvey rubbed his hands over a few of the wood pieces that he had made, allowing his rough hands to smooth along the curves. “Without sounding like a cliché, can you tell me about what you do, Shane? I know you’re a detective and Annie indicated that you were undercover for a while. But son, all I really know is that shortly after meeting you, my daughter got shot at in her own clinic.”
Shane nodded, knowing this conversation was going to be coming at some time. “Sir, my father was a policeman. Worked vice for a number of years in Richland and was killed in the line of duty befor
e I could join him on the force. It’d been a dream of mine to work beside him. Instead, I had to bury him before I had that chance.”
He paused and noticed that Harvey had leaned against the workbench heavily, as though that information weighed on him.
“I worked the streets before becoming a detective and moved into vice as soon as I could. I had one goal, and that was to take down as many drug dealers as I possibly could.”
Harvey nodded but said nothing, so Shane continued.
“An old friend of mine had his fiancé kidnapped by some dealers and we barely got her out alive. I decided then that it was time. I went undercover, but honestly I thought it would last six months to a year at the most. Two years later, I was dug in deep but still not at the top. Then it got personal with Sarge here,” he said as he rubbed Sarge’s ears, “And that’s when I met your daughter.
“Never meant for her to be involved. Never meant for any harm to come to her. Truthfully, never meant to see her again after she helped me the first time with Sarge. But I couldn’t stay away.”
Harvey nodded again and said, “That’s real admirable, son. And I’m sorry about your dad. I bet he woulda been real proud of you. I gotta say though, that you still being in vice makes me nervous about Annie’s safety. She told us you got her apartment and clinic wired but is she safe?”
Shane wasn’t offended by Harvey’s questions. Hell, if I had a daughter who’d been shot at because of her boyfriend, I’d be pissed. “While I won’t make promises I can’t keep, I can tell you that the ones we went after are now behind bars. My involvement is over in that case, but I am still not takin’ her safety for granted.”
Harvey sighed heavily as he raised back to a standing position, holding out his hand again. “Well, son, that’s all I can ask. Welcome to the family.”
Just then, Annie appeared at the door to the workshop to call the men to lunch. “Everything okay in here?” she asked, her eyes going back and forth between the two men she loved.
Her father slung his arm around her shoulders kissing the top of her head. “Everything’s fine, doll-baby. Let’s go eat your mother’s good cooking!”
He walked on ahead of them and Shane took the opportunity to steal a kiss. Looking at her questioning gaze, he said, “It’s all good. We had the father ‘what are your intentions with my daughter talk’ and we’re fine.”
She rolled her eyes saying, “Oh lordy.”
* * *
That night, after Shane had come in from taking Sarge outside to do his business, he broached the subject of their living arrangements.
“Baby, you know Sarge needs more room to run and something that your dad said today got me thinkin’ about findin’ another place to live.
She tried not to let the hurt show on her face when she said, “But you just moved in. I kind of thought you would stay a little bit longer.”
Shane caught the look in her eyes that she was trying so hard to hide. “Baby, you got me wrong. I’m talkin’ about us findin’ a place. Us. You and me. Well…and Sarge, Boo, Rags, and Tiddles.”
At that, she burst into laughter. “You’d take all of us?”
Shane looked the floor of the tiny apartment, where his dog and her three cats were all angling for the best sun-spot on the carpet. “Babe, I’ll start looking tomorrow.”
She maneuvered over to straddle his lap, her laughter slowing to a sly grin.
Raising his eyebrow, he asked, “You got somethin’ on your mind, sunshine?” sliding his arms around her back.
“Maaaaybe,” she replied, rolling her eyes to the ceiling as though having to think about her answer.
His hands found their way to the bottom of her shirt and he began to slowly slide them upwards, dragging the material with them higher and higher until he had to lift it over her breasts.
Feeling adventurous, she unsnapped her bra and flung it to the floor as well. Then she slid her hands to her breasts, cupping them, pushing them together as though to present them to him for his attention. “Need a snack?” she asked seductively.
Growling his response he leaned forward latching onto one nipple while his other hand began to massage the other breast. Sucking deeply, he moved his mouth from one nipple to the other, hearing her moans echoing in his ears. Sliding his teeth to the pointed nub, he nipped, then lapped with his tongue to soothe the sting. His cock was painfully pressing on his jean’s zipper, but he wanted to make this last.
“Babe, gotta take this to the bedroom,” he said while trying to stand up.
Moaning, “Why?” was the only response she could think of.
“Too much company,” he said against her breast, still sucking between words. With that, he stood up quickly as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Stalking to the bedroom he lay her down but before he could make a move she scampered off the bed.
She quickly divested him of his clothes as well as her pants and panties. She slid down on her knees surprising him when she took his swollen cock deep into her mouth.
“Oh Jesus, fuck,” he moaned, placing his hands in her hair, trying not to grab her head and face fuck her. He threw his head back against the wall and felt his world tilt. How many woman had he let suck him off, especially in the last couple of years where that was preferable to stickin’ his dick somewhere nasty, even with a condom. For an instant, he was back there – in the dark, dirty rooms that the gang used to hole up in, waiting on orders. The women would circle around the men, sucking them off or fucking them in a corner. No privacy. No way to avoid that shit if your life depended on fitting in.
Coming back to reality, he looked down at his woman, on her knees as though she were worshipping his body. Her eyes were looking up at him strangely and she slowly slid her mouth off of his aching cock.
Running her tongue over her lips she stared up at him, knowing that his mind was not with her. Maybe I’m not doing this right. Maybe he doesn’t like it.
“Are you okay?” she asked tentatively, insecurity stealing over her.
Shane looked down as the doubt crossed her expression. Fuck. How do I fix this? “Baby, you’re fine. I just…I didn’t…”
“If I’m not doing it right, just tell me. I’ll try to do better,” she said, trying to fight back the tears that threatened.
He dropped to his knees in front of her, gathering her up in his arms. “Oh baby, you were doin’ everything right. It was perfect. You’re perfect. I’m so fuckin’ sorry I made you feel that way.”
Biting her lip in uncertainty, she asked, “So what happened?”
Shaking his head, he pulled her tight against his body, relishing the feel of her flesh next to his. One large hand cupped the back of her head as he cradled her closely. “I just sometimes have…flashbacks.”
He felt her stiffen immediately. Oh fuck.
“Flashbacks?” She pulled back to stare into his face. “Flashback like your nightmares? What kind of flashbacks?”
He was silent as his eyes implored her to just move on.
Her eyes widened in understanding as she jerked to a standing position. “Oh my God. You mean you were remembering others doing…on their knees…doing…oh my God,” she said, turning from him with her hand clasped over her mouth.
“Baby,” he began.
“No, no, don’t baby me,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I knew there were other women, you told me about it. I just had no idea that you thought of them when we were…oh my God.” With that, she grabbed her panties off the floor, pulling them up.
Shane, desperate to stop her actions grabbed her arms, holding her firmly without hurting her. “Baby don’t do this. I was not thinkin’ of other women. Yes, my mind flashed back to a darker time, but there has never been anyone who has had my heart.”
Annie crossed her arms over her chest in a protective action before walking to the dresser to pull out a t-shirt. With her back to him, she finally let the tears fall. “I can’t do this now. I can’t be with you and let myself go knowing you’re poss
ibly thinking of others.” Dashing her tears from her cheeks she turned around to face him but the sad look in his blue eyes nearly undid her.
“Annie, there has never been another woman in my life that I’ve loved. No one. You are the only one to have held my heart. The only one I have ever spent the night with. The only one that I have held all through the night. The only one I want to hold. Baby, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say to make this right.”
Hanging her head, she just nodded. “I don’t know either. I know I love you and your past is part of you. But somehow your past has always seemed like just that…the past. I’ve never once felt like that part of who you were crept into who we are now.”
Encouraged that she was still talking to him, he slowly moved forward until he was standing directly in front of her, without touching. He placed his fingers under her chin to lift her face up so that he could see her green eyes, bright with tears. “You are my sunshine. You are the reason I came out of the dark. You are the reason I have the desire to actually greet the real sun each morning and I know when the sun sets every evening, as long as you are with me, I’ll still have the sun shining on my face. Baby, I can’t change the past. I’ll work on controlling the flashbacks and memories. But the bottom line is this…I love you. I only love you. I have never loved anyone until you.”
As her tears slid silently down her cheeks, she felt the rough pads of his thumbs sweep them away. Taking a shaky breath that hitched painfully, she leaned her face into his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, she realized that he couldn’t change his past. Remembering all that he had given up over the past two years, she knew he needed acceptance, not her recrimination.
Shane held her head against his chest, his heart pounding in both fear that she was going to leave him, and love for this tiny woman. Kissing the top of her head, he whispered, “I’m so sorry, baby.”
She turned her face up to his and shook her head. “I’m sorry too. I know you can’t change the past and I know you can’t help when things flash back.” Taking another shaky breath, she said, “We’ll just have to find our way.”
Love's Taming (The Love's Series) Page 17