by Brock, V. L.
I couldn’t do this…
Pooling every ounce of strength, I finally dragged myself away from his lips and his clutch. “I can’t Walker. I’m sorry,” were the last words I battled to free as I skirted his body and with hurried strides, left the apartment.
As I descended the second flight of stairs of the Pavilion like a bat out of Hell, I heard his strangled bid to stop me. When I refused to stop, I knew that his lingering words were ones I had to keep reminding myself of when I got home. “You know the truth, Kady. You’re stronger than him. He can only hurt you if you give him the ammunition. Stay strong. Stay angry.”
I was on autopilot as I drove home. I couldn’t remember getting from point A to point B, through the amassing of erratic thoughts in my head, colliding against my skull like they were in some pinball machine.
I felt as though I had lost myself. Liam may have remolded me into something he desired, and that therefore caused me to lose aspects of myself. But the one moral that always remained, the one belief I had always upheld was my ability to be faithful. I wasn’t a cheater. Only now, unfortunately I was. I had lost myself entirely.
After pulling into the driveway alongside my home, the home where each wall should be painted black with the sinister memories that lay inside each of them, I noticed that Liam’s car was also parked in the driveway, yet each room of the house was shrouded by darkness.
When I stepped over the threshold, I closed the door firmly behind me, unzipped my boots and left them at the bottom of the stairs by the sideboard, and through the darkness, I treaded up the stairway.
Into the master bedroom I went and flicked the light switch to my right, eliminating the shadows which dwell in their corners. I gasped and my hand lurched to my chest when, through the golden glow, I encountered Liam sitting on the bench seat in the bay window on the opposite side of the room. His legs were spread, his arms folded across his chest while his jaw was firmly set.
“Where’ve you been?” his tone was even and baleful. It sent a shiver up my spine when I realized which direction this confrontation was headed.
“Out.”
“She was out,” he mocked. Rearing himself up slowly and menacingly from the seat he took a deep breath, and watched me like a hawk as I strode to my side of the bed and placed my purse down on the mattress. “Was it good, Kady?” he probed. His hands now nestled in his pockets, his stance radiating hostility.
“Was what good, Liam? Finding out my boyfriend has been having an affair for over a year with someone who was supposed to be my best friend? Or finding out he’s been hand feeding me medication which I don’t need and causing me to question my own fucking sanity?” Although my voice was full of resolve, internally, I was shaking and cowering away like an abused child.
Liam hung his head for a fleeting moment on a derisive snigger. When he looked back at me, his eyes displayed a look both indestructible and tormenting. He began to prowl around the foot of the bed toward me. “I meant being the Irishman’s whore? I can smell him all over you,” he snarled.
Deep breath, Kady…deep breath…
“Well, at least I’m not denying it like some people.”
He scoffed before his voice altered into a hard and authoritative timbre. “How dare you talk to me that way; you are my girlfriend––”
Walker’s words revolved around my head like a guiding light. You’re stronger than him. He can only hurt you if you give him the ammunition. Stay strong. Stay angry.
“No, Liam. This,”––I drew an invisible line between our gradually nearing bodies––“hasn’t been a relationship for a long time. It’s time for me to wake up and admit what it truly is. This is nothing but an abusive relationship: emotionally, mentally, and physically. I am not your lapdog. Not anymore, I refuse to be because I am worth more. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” My legs were barely capable of sustaining my weight for much longer. My entire body from head to toe was vibrating.
I avoided his body and began to make my way to the en-suite, when I felt his hand in the back of my hair. His nails scraped across my scalp leaving a burning sensation in their wake, which quickly subsided when my face was ruthlessly rammed into the wall. Instant pain shot through my head, my vision was drowning as tears sprang. Yanking my head back after impact, he brutally shouted through clenched teeth, “How dare you disrespect me!”
My eardrums rang, the volume of his voice enhanced the pain radiating in my head as my vision shook. My face was driven back into the solid barrier before I was tossed to the end of the bed, landing in a dazed, crumbled heap on the floor. Blood seeped from the gash on my forehead and trailed down the side of my face like warm velvet.
As he pointed a scornful finger at me, I watched the demon break free. “You’re nothing without me,” he derided.
I had to fight back. I had to fight back. Keep hold of that anger, Kady, I told myself. He abused you…
“No!” I eventually roared, “You’re nothing without me, do you know why, Liam? Because you’re an abuser, and an abuser feeds on their victims weaknesses. No more, Liam. No fucking more!”
The deranged grin on his face and that look in his eye broke through my resolve. On the floor at the foot of the bed, I was a quivering wreck. “No? Really?” he sneered, and before I could make for my escape, he was already pulling his arm back. The blow of his brutal fist across my jaw, followed by another directly upon my mouth had my lip split. My instant reaction was to trail my tongue across my teeth, just to make sure he hadn’t knocked any out.
As my forehead and my lip wept warm crimson liquid, I forbid the salty tears to weep from my eyes. He’d enjoy that too much.
The ache in my jaw was tremendous. But I wasn’t going to cower away. I couldn’t. No more.
Like a cockroach scurrying to the nearest sofa when blinded by light, I’d crawled on my hands and knees away from the foot of the bed. My face prickled by the trickling of blood as it flowed from my wounds. After a dazed, futile attempt of pushing myself up onto my knees to stand, blood droplets falling to the ground, a powerful arm clutched around my middle and I was hauled back into his squatting body.
“You forget everything I have done for you. You think you can free yourself of me that easily, bitch? Well, let’s see about that shall we?”
When I heard a familiar rattling sound emerging from out of his back pocket, and my gaze landed on a familiar small bottle when he held it in front of me, I willed myself to struggle in protest with every power I had, just to free myself.
“No, no, no, no…” The grip behind his immobilizing clutch grew stronger as my arms and legs flailed.
“It’s okay, Kady baby,” he strained, yet his tone was almost placating. Popping the lid free with his thumb, he fished out one of the blue pills before my struggles sent the bottle, and the remaining contents, scattering across the carpet.
Merciless, he held me by the jaw like a dog, coaxing my jaw open. With my lips rolled over my teeth, I shook my head frantically to avoid his intentions.
My hands rose to his in an attempt to pull him off me. “Stop fighting me, Kady,” his strained voice vanished, and with my throbbing jaw snared in his right hand, the pill was concealed in his left palm as he balled his fist.
My face contorted in agony as with everything I had, I forced myself not to gasp or yell at his winding strike upon my ribcage. But I couldn’t take this beating silently. Not with the force behind the second battering of my ribs. I gasped. And as my mouth opened to catch vital air, Liam’s fingers were rammed down my throat, placing the tablet on the very back of my tongue.
I gagged. My shoulders were heaving, my arms and legs thrashing in my desperation.
Still, Liam held my head back against his shoulder, forcing my mouth shut and rubbed my throat. “You’ll feel better after a nice sleep, then all this…” I’d fought against it for too long, and soon after, the motion of his fingers rubbing over my throat prompted my swallowing reflex. Body turning lax from wrangling for what seemed
like an eternity, I was finally let go.
When he stood, straightening out his attire and dusting himself off, he delivered a swift kick in my injured ribs. I doubled over with a pain-enthused cry, feeling his eyes boring into me. I felt that deranged, sickening smirk plastered over his face as he watched the result his assault had on me. “…Will be better, and we can go back to normal. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to wash your blood,”––he motioned to his hands––“and the remnants of Liv’s pussy juice off my cock. You stay there until I’ve finished. Understand?”
I simply nodded and panted through the winded sensation as I shielded my ribs in my right hand.
“Good girl.”
Time drifted as I concentrated on my breathing. The door to the en-suite was ajar. Only the sound of cascading water from the shower and Liam singing, My Girl was heard.
You can’t live like this, Kady. When will enough be enough? When he puts you in the hospital, or when you end up in the damn morgue? You need to get out of here.
Those words were my mantra. They were repeated ferociously and impassioned until I found the strength in my trembling body, to push myself up onto my feet. I reached for my purse on the bed with my gaze transfixed on the en-suite door, before tiptoeing out of the room and down the stairs while Liam continued to sing a song, which I’ll most probably never have the courage to listen to again, for as long as I live.
After thrusting my feet into my boots, I staggered out of the house, carefully closing the front door behind me and down the steps to my car.
My ribs smarted as I battled to fill my lungs with a purifying breath. I was sitting in the driver’s seat gazing up at the house. Anyone who passed could see that my bedroom light was on. If only they knew what just happened in it.
We never truly comprehend how many houses we pass each day that mask domestic abuse, be it mentally, emotionally or physically. There is never one group worse than the other. It affects us all the same, and like a rock dropped into water, it’s only so long before ripples form…
I knew that my decision and my strength to leave him were sure to cause ripples before too long.
I had to get out of there before he realized I was missing…
The seatbelt was drawn across my body, the engine roared to life as I slammed the door shut and speedily backed out of the driveway and down the street.
A red light had me pulling up opposite Bricksdale Square. I rummaged through my purse for my cellphone as I waited. Pulling up my contacts, I scrolled for his number and pressed the green button. The handset was stationed in the hands-free dock as I waited for him to answer.
“Hello?”
“Walker?” I gasped.
“Kady? What’s the matter, darlin’? Is everything alright?” Throughout everything that had happened that day, after how I left him less than an hour and a half ago, he was still worried about me. That notion made the corners of my mouth lift. The stinging of my split lip drew a wince from me.
“Yes,” I answered.
“What’s the matter?”
Pulling off as the light turned green, I gushed, “Yes, Walker. My answer is yes. I’ll leave with you.”
His heavy sigh vibrated and rustled over the speaker. I was driving with blooded streaks down my face, and a thick, split lip, but the sound of sheer relief coming from him had me smiling. “Really? You’ll…” he trailed off like he could see I was nodding my aching head. “Where are you? I’ll pick you up.”
“No, I’m in the car; I’m on my way to you.”
After a beat, my name fell from his lips sounding like, Katy. My stomach started to tie itself in knots. Bells were ringing loud and clear in my ears. Each breath I made, I endeavored to listen to over the muffled buzzing.
“Kady? Are you there?”
All at once, my body began to feel very, very heavy; it was almost like I was sinking further into my seat. My heart was aching and racing a rough, jagged rhythm, while haziness hijacked my vision. “Yeah, I’m here.” I discovered just about enough energy to form the words, although they vibrated and lingered in my head like an echo. My eyelids grew heavy, I felt myself slipping. “Walker, keep talking to me,” I slurred.
A long, appreciative groan left his throat while I overheard him flop back into his seat. “You don’t know how happy you’ve made me, darlin’. Kady…I–I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”
Everything felt like I was on the cusp of unconscious. Deep breaths were drawn into my lungs, as I contended with that potent urge to let my head fall forward. Although I couldn’t feel my legs and lights beyond my windshield were distorting and dancing, I smiled at his words while my eyes surrendered to a protracted blink. “I lo––”
The car was sent spinning. Repeatedly slamming on the breaks, endeavoring to end the rapid rotations, I was forced back into my seat by sheer G-Force alone, as a result of the trucks impact hitting the side from the juncture. Nothing was going to stop it. That I knew.
An eternity had passed before everything was brought to a standstill, yet it was all over before I could decipher through my clouded head what was happening.
I was tipped onto my side watching the events unfolding horizontally through partially closed lids. The commotion of tires screeching and horns blaring were distant as the traffic came to a standstill, and I observed the world around me resuming in slow-motion.
“Kady? Kady? Talk to me, darlin’. What’s happened?” his fraught voice traveled over the speaker.
When I tried to call out to him, a groan took place of his name.
“Kady––”
My body was heavy…
“Kady––”
My head was aching…
“Darlin’, talk to me, please. Where are you, so I can come to you?”
Focusing on the sound of his voice, I was calmed by the notion of, if those few moments were to be my last, I wasn’t alone…as my anchor, he was there with me, holding onto me for as long as he could, just as he’d always promised.
I reached out for the handset as though reaching for his hand, alas, my arm was too heavy. Energy was one thing I didn’t have.
Energy and time.
That I knew.
“Kady, can you hear me, darlin’? Kady––”
I let the lingering sound of his voice calm me, as I was taken by darkness…
Epilogue
I ran like I was striving for first place in the Boston Marathon. The downpour had eased, and the water which had seeped through the satin material of my emerald dress, warmed my body like a wetsuit.
At the end of the tree-lined street, I hailed down a late night passing cab. When he came to a stop, I yanked open the door and slipped into the sticky backseat. His beady eyes examined me through the rearview mirror, an expectant look on his face.
“I don’t have any money––”
“Do I look like I give free lifts lady? This is a cab. No fare, no ride.”
My wrist slipped through the cuff of my Rolex. “Here,” I passed it through and dropped it into his palm. “It’s not a fake I can assure you. Just please, can you take me to the Pavilion?”
After a brief moment of studying the gold watch, he smiled like his winning numbers had just been announced, and pulled off.
I had no idea how long it was before we came to a stop outside the dilapidated structure for the second time that night. Pulling the release on the door, I voiced my thanks in frantic gasps before slamming it shut and knocking on the bay window to the right of the communal entrance. When the baldheaded man peeked out of his drapes, I waved my hand in the universal language of, ‘come here’.
“Second time tonight, lady,” he muttered disapprovingly as he opened the door, allowing me entry.
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s the last time, I promise,” I called back as I sprinted up the creaking steps, overlooking the cries and shouting coming from the passing apartments. Ignoring the stench and the pornographic graffiti which lined the sh
abby walls, I only focused on one thing…on one person…
Chest heaving, my ribs ached and lungs burned and grated with each pant. I knocked fanatically on the green door.
“Alright, alright,” I heard him call; still, his acknowledgment didn’t stop my incessant knocking. “Wha––” Hard, exasperated eyes thawed as soon as he saw me standing there in the hallway beyond his threshold. “Kady…”
Hanging my head, I drew breath after breath, pushing past the pain in my heart, lungs and throat as the starvation of oxygen tortured my body. From the ground, my gaze scoured the length of his frame which was clothed in a tight black tank and gray sweatpants.
“I remember,” I panted.
Cocking his head, he dropped his weight through his hip, his arms folded across his chest while he braced his shoulder against the doorway.
My own desperate gaze hunted his eyes with as much intensity as he had shown earlier that night, when he begged with me outside McGinty’s to tell him what I remembered after serenading me with our song.
I swallowed harshly. “I remember everything…”
The End.
Bonus Scene:
~ Walker ~
The floorboards groaned and creaked with every step I took as I paced from the coffee table to the front door of my apartment. My hands found their way into my hair, my nails scraped across my scalp as though attempting to hunt and rid the voice which had haunted me since that morning, out of my Goddamn mind.
How the fuck could he do that?
How the fuck could someone do something so sadistic to the person they say they love?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done some fucked up shite in my time, shite that my Ma and Da wouldn’t be fucking proud of, but still, I was taught to treat people with respect. So that’s one thing I make sure to do. Even that sick, twisted bastard. Does it come easily? It did, until I saw through their perfect fucking relationship, until I saw the marks he purposely left behind on her perfect flesh.
I snatched the pack of Marlboro’s from the coffee table as I paced back for what seemed like the millionth time in twenty minutes. Usually only a social smoker, I’d rarely have a cigarette unless it was outside a pub, but at that moment, I needed something to focus my hands on for as long as fucking possible.