“That sounds like one of the seven...” trailed off Ray, coming to a sudden stop. There were several nervous coughs and then conversation resumed once again. By the second week of February the walls were in place and work began on the roof. Dave the shop owner stood on the lawn eagerly rubbing his hands together as off cuts of felt roofing and surplus slate tiles began to rain down from above. Filling up his wheelbarrow he began to get busy. By now the shell of the tree house was nearly complete, and as a precaution four thick anchoring ropes were attached to the roof of the tree house to keep the tarpaulins over the incomplete part of the roof. These helped to keep the rain out and were firmly attached to large metal pegs staked into the ground, holding the tarpaulins down tightly.
On the last day of the third week of February Ted, Ray, and Dorven stood beneath the oak watching the finishing touches being put to the roof. It was starting to get dark and Ted knew that work would have to cease for the night soon. Reluctantly the roofers began to descend one by one, finally securing the tarpaulins and guide ropes as they did so. Dorven sniffed at the wind.
“Wind changing from the west.” he said, a scowl crossing his face. “Strong too.” Ray raised an eyebrow but soon he and Ted went indoors as night fell and the temperature began to fall. Later on as he was making a cup of tea Ted heard the wind whistling loudly outside his window. After he had drank the tea he was washing his cup when he heard a commotion from the corridor outside his flat, followed by a loud banging on his door. He walked briskly through the living room and opened the front door to reveal Ray and Dorven standing in the corridor almost hopping from foot to foot.
“Quick, laddie!” shouted Dorven, already beginning to rush down the corridor towards the lift. “The wind is gathering. The guide ropes are giving the oak a pummelling for sure!” Grabbing a coat, Ted followed Ray and the gardener down the corridor and into the lift and descending to the ground floor, all three of them rushed past the reception desk and out into the pitch dark.
Ted was astounded at how strong the wind was blowing. He was struggling to stay on his feet, and could see that Ray was having the same problem. Dorven however seemed completely unaffected. To Ted’s surprise the gardener pulled an oil lamp from the ground from where he had presumably left it, and strode off into the night, followed by a rapidly besieged Ted and Ray. As they rounded the corner of the home the plight of the oak tree became immediately apparent. The four guide ropes holding the tarpaulin onto the roof had snagged on the flooring of the tree house, which was swaying slightly as the tree struggled to move with the wind. The ropes looked as taut as steel cables, an ominous creaking rising from the tree itself.
“We need to do something!” shouted Dorven above the wind gusting about them. “The ropes are going to pull the tree house right out of the arms of the oak itself if we don’t!”
Ted stood there as the tree house groaned ominously, the four ropes tied in a square about the tree threatening to destroy all of their work so far. “We need to cut the ropes!” yelled Ray, but he could see the thickness of the ropes and the pressure on them made that impossible. Dorven crossed his arms, watching the tree being buffeted in the wind. He shook his head sadly.
“Dorven!” Ted shouted, trying to catch the short gardener’s attention above the storm. It was in vain. To Dorven’s surprise Ted grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him to face him. “Do you have anything that we can cut the ropes with? They need to be cut!” Dorven turned back to face the tree and then turned to face Ted once more. Ray stood next to him, his mind in turmoil. Something had to be done!
The gardener, to Ted and Ray’s great surprise, smiled. “The axe, laddie.” he said. “Use the axe.” Ray moved across to where the great double headed axe stood, its huge blade still embedded into the rock. He heaved at the handle. Nothing. Tried again. Still nothing.
“It won’t budge, Dorven!” Ray almost screamed. Behind him the tree house groaned ominously as the oak tried to twist away from it. If anything, the wind increased, almost blowing them from their feet. Even Dorven seemed to stagger back a few inches this time.
“Let me have a go!” yelled Ted, and approaching the axe, grabbed hold of the hilt of the great weapon and pulled.
With a loud metallic screech and a bright shower of sparks that seemed to cut into the dark of the night the axe came free from the rock easily. Ted just stood there gaping whilst Dorven looked on in admiration. “It looks like the axe has chosen you now.” he said. “So be it.” and he bowed once to the weapon that Ted now brandished in front of him. Ted’s mind was in complete confusion. Apart from anything else the axe itself was very heavy. Ted realised that he now had a dilemma. He had to act quickly, but which rope should he cut first? Looking at the movement of the tree Ted decided that if he released even just one of the ropes at a time the change in pressure on the tree could result in the whole tree house collapsing.
“Dorven!” he shouted, and the gardener held up the oil lamp higher, illuminating the tree in its dim light. “Which rope do I cut first?” Dorven moved beside him, and patted him on his shoulder.
“Just throw it, Ted.” he said. “Just throw it. The axe will do the rest.” Ted thought this was madness but it was all that he had. Gathering all his strength at once he heaved the axe and with a loud grunt threw it towards the nearest rope.
The axe spun through the air, its twin headed blade shining in the dark, light reflecting from the glow of the oil lamp. Instead of slowing down as it neared the first rope it seemed to gather speed, as if bracing itself. With a thud the axe sliced through the first rope effortlessly and the tree lurched backwards, but the axe was not done. Moving even faster in an arc it reached the second rope and cut through that one easily too. Then the third, and without slowing at all, finally the fourth rope fell to the gleaming blade of the axe. Yet still the weapon was not done. It twirled to face the other direction and as Ted held his hand out the axe came into his grip once again and stopped abruptly. Ted just stood there with his mouth wide open as the tree settled itself once again and with a lurch righted itself into the wind, swaying slightly as it did so. Without the pressure from the ropes the tree house was stable once more. The Oak was moving slightly in the breeze, but the tree house was now moving in unison with it. The tree was safe!
Dorven clapped him heavily on the back. “Well done, laddie!” he said. “Not bad for a beginner!” Ray just stood there, his mouth wide open, not quite believing what he had just seen.
“Bugger Me!” he said as if paralysed, “I can’t believe that you just did that. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life.” Ray paused to get his breath before continuing. “You can take that as on my word, or my name’s not Raymond Gunn!” Ted stopped dead. As did Ray, realising what he had just done. “Oh bugger.” he said, as the smile on Ted’s face grew and grew.
“Raymond Gunn?” he roared with laughter. “Ray Gunn?” he shouted. “Ray bloody gun?” Ray just sighed and shook his head.
“Go on then, dusty.” he said in resignation. “Fill your boots.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” said Ted, and he and Dorven began to cross the lawn once more, heading back in from the dark and the storm. Yet he could not quite resist falling to temptation.
“Come on, Flash Gordon!” he yelled over his shoulder as they went. “Keep up!”
Part Three: A Place in the Clouds
The toaster in the Las Vegas cafe’ popped a piece of toast out and Bert caught it effortlessly and placed it down on a plate. “Oooh sexy momma!” he shouted as Ted and Ray sat open mouthed.
“Turn the radio down, Bert!” shouted Ray. The small old fashioned radio was blasting out what sounded like some kind of rock and roll medley, and Bert frowned slightly as he decreased the volume. Bert leaned on the counter. “Rock and roll music, if you like it, if you feel it, you can't help but move to it. That's what happens to me. I can't help it.”
“Sorry?” said Ted. Bert banged the toast on the counter and two cups of tea followed it ve
ry quickly, tea slopping into the saucers.
“Never mind.” he said. “Ah well. Shucks I’d say. That’s the way the mop flops, I guess.”
Ted went and very carefully got the two teas, backing slowly away from the counter. After a second or so however, Bert returned to filling the tea urn back up, ignoring the two of them completely.
“Never been the same since he went to McDonalds.” winked Ray, though Ted wasn’t completely sure if he was joking or not. They sat eating their toast and once that was done set about drinking their tea. There were not many residents about, but one or two passed through the room as they sat there, and a few tables were occupied about the cafe. It had been a week since Ted had saved the tree with the axe, and it had been so far a week in which the various merits of all Flash Gordon films had been discussed at great length.
“Don’t know what my bloody parents were thinking of.” groaned Ray on one occasion, but Ted ignored him and continued to wind him up on nearly hourly basis, much to Ray’s discomfort. The roof to the tree house was now complete, and the construction of the hoist had commenced. As there was no electric power to the tree house the lift was designed to be hoisted up manually. Primarily for access for any of the residents who could not manage the staircase it would take a little time to install correctly and more importantly, ensure that it was safe.
Today however was a special day. Finally the staircase and the shell of the tree house would be connected, and Ted and the committee wanted to see how it all looked from the inside. It would be their first chance to inspect the tree house at close quarters. Bidding goodbye to Bert they made their way out of the home and into the garden where most of the committee were waiting for them. Having been given the go ahead by the workers, they ascended the staircase and entered the tree house. Ted was shocked at just how big it actually was once you were inside.
“Blimey!” said Sherbet Lemon. “It’s huge!” Dave agreed, as did they all.
“Watch out for the hole in the floor where the lift is going.” said Ray, pointing to a large empty square hole in the base of the tree house floor. Slowly they shuffled out to the balcony that ran around three sides of the wooden building, a large high handrail ensuring the safety of anyone venturing out on to it. “Blimey.” said Ray. “I didn’t realise it would feel as if you were so high up.” Ted agreed. It certainly looked higher up in the tree than they had thought. Above them the branches of the oak continued to climb up, partially obscured by the roof. Ted noticed a few of the residents had come out to have a look at their progress and Ted and Ray stood there for a while waving as The Pacamac Kid tested the handrail by pulling on it. It didn’t budge at all.
“Give them their due, they’ve done a good job.” he said.
“They certainly have.” said Ted, watching Dorven down below drag what looked like the mechanism of the hoist across the lawn on a small hand cart. Eventually more of the voluntary builders got involved, and with the aid of a few ropes, by mid-morning they had managed to heave it up through the hole in the floor and get it into place. Several other workmen were on the ground building what to Ted looked like the base of the lift. “Well we only have five days now.” said Ted as he watched the workmen. “I think we’ll be ready for Ethel’s birthday. Last day of February, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.” said Ray. “Right at the end. Her twenty fifth birthday!” he sighed sadly and rolled his eyes. “Is there anyone around here right in the head?” he finished and they all stood in silence thinking for a while until they all had to admit, mentally at least, that they had drawn a complete blank.
“Better get Bert to bake a cake.” he said, beginning to make a tick sheet of things they still had to do in his head.
“Will do.” said The Pacamac Kid. “It will be in the shape of a guitar, though.” he sighed. “It always is.”
“I’m sure Ethel won’t mind.” said Ray, and they decided to leave Dorven and the workmen to it. Over the course of the next few days glaziers arrived and installed glass in the four until now empty window frames in the tree house, and wood stain was vigorously applied to the wooden walls. Ted thought it looked magnificent and told the workmen so. They puffed themselves up at the compliment and after that seemed to work twice as hard as before.
Meanwhile tests were undertaken on the lift which although now installed still required calibrating. Ted noticed three days before the official opening that the workmen seemed quite surprised that Dorven could seemingly without any effort at all hoist four of them up on the lift platform in a very short time. Occasionally there were muffled shouts and swearing from inside the lift and the alignment of the hoist would start all over again. Two days before the official opening, however Dorven tracked Ted down and announced that the tree house was ready. Ted sighed to himself. Done with one day to go! Later on he made a point of finding Ethel and gave her a special written invitation to the opening evening.
“Well done, Ted!” she said. Ted was embarrassed to note that she had tears in the corner of her eyes. “And just in time for my birthday, too! This is going to be a very special birthday!” she said, and to his dismay finished. “Twenty five at last!”
The official opening was now all but planned out ahead of them. They had decided to decorate the tree house with Chinese lanterns and hold the opening at five o’clock, just as it got dark. Dorven had planned the illuminations (a task he was apparently very good at) and there were to be fireworks supplied by him too. Ray had made the excellent suggestion that the ice cream van could be booked for a little off season work, and this had been done with hardly any persuasion required to Mr Whippy at all. Another person who needed no persuading to attend was Oliver Nudshall, and he was booked to attend very early on in the day, so he could no doubt turn up and point whilst a photographer from the local newspaper could catch his overworked digit finger being exercised yet again.
Bert had baked a cake (as expected, in the shape of a large guitar) and four candles were placed carefully in it. Final tests were run on the lift just in case, but everything seemed to be working extremely well. Three shifts were planned so that every one of the residents got the chance to spend some time in the tree house, and Ted was pleased to find that Sherbet Lemon seemed to have this all planned out in advance. The vanguard, of course, would be the group including Ethel as they planned to present her with the cake for her twenty fifth birthday whilst she was up in the tree house.
The committee held a final meeting on the day before the tree house was to be officially opened, and they ran through their plans and schedules for the day one last time and finding no glitches, they retired to bed early, as they all agreed that the next day was going to be a long one.
The twenty eighth of February dawned cold but sunny. Ted impatiently waited for the weather forecast on the television and was glad to see that although it was going to be cold, it would remain sunny. Ray knocked a little later on and they shared a cup of tea until the rest of the committee turned up. Everything was now in place, but they still had the full day ahead of them with various items on the agenda to attend to. Just before ten o’clock Nudshall arrived with a photographer and they all made their way to the garden to have their picture taken with the pointing councillor. They were there for a little while, but once the photograph was taken Nudshall seemed to lose interest in the tree house itself and left shortly after. The general consensus of opinion was that they were all glad to see him go. Ray even invented a new swear word to describe him, much to Ted’s amusement.
The next task Ted had agreed to undertake came about after a letter had been sent to him from the local school. Obviously they had seen the councillor pointing in the local newspaper and had written to the home asking if they could bring a class of children to see the tree house when it was finished. The letter had originally been sent to Boniface, and he had reluctantly passed it over to Ted. The visit had to be arranged at the very last minute as they had been unsure if the tree house would be ready in time, but at precisely eleven o’clo
ck a party of thirty well wrapped up seven year old children trooped loudly into the home grounds led by a teacher and a classroom assistant. The teacher introduced himself as Jed Taylor, and the classroom assistant as Sheila Teresa Roberts. Ted thought it odd that she gave her full name, but despite that she seemed to be a lovely woman who obviously delighted in what the children were up to, as well as revelling in showing the children the tree house. It gave Ted a happy feeling when he saw the look of delight in the kid’s eyes when they saw what had been built, and that delight was obvious in the classroom assistant’s eyes as well. Dorven seemed to be enjoying himself too, and was busy winching the children up into the tree house ten at a time. Once they had tried that of course, they then had to try the staircase as well. The grounds of the residential home were full of the sound of children’s laughter, and Ted thought that it was just wonderful. He even saw the teacher and the classroom assistant having a go on the lift, the hair of the tall blonde assistant blowing about her as the lift rose up into the tree house. She appeared to be having the time of her life.
Later on the assistant produced a ream of paper and crayons and the children spent a happy twenty minutes drawing the tree house. The drawings were then taken and pinned up in reception. Ted thought they looked brilliant, and even Wilma managed a smile as she inspected them. Once they had departed and Dorven had waved them off at the gates he set about getting the fireworks display set up. Ted and Ray watched the gardener as he scuttled all over the lawn about the tree house, dispatching strange, mysterious bundles from a handcart, checking each device carefully before moving on to the next one.
“I hope he knows what he’s doing.” said Ray ominously.
“I think he always knows exactly what he’s doing.” laughed Ted, and Ray chuckled.
“I imagine so.” he said, and the pair of them returned indoors to get ready.
Bang on four o’clock the ice cream van turned into the residential home car park and parked up. The driver seemed surprised at the small trickle of customers, but as time passed trade proved more to be steady than the usual onslaught. Even Wilma joined in the carnival atmosphere by treating herself to a banana split. Ted and the rest of the committee took up their places as dusk began to fall. Ray pointed out the faces of Vanderbilt and Boniface scowling out of one of the windows. He thought it so sad that some people seemed to live in a state of perpetual disappointment. He decided to ignore the two managers and turned his back on them. They quite simply were not worth his time in any way at all.
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