by Sadie Moss
“You seem happy,” she comments, catching my eye in the glass reflection.
“Mm?” I pull my gaze away from the ornate embroidery on the top Maddy’s wearing. “Of course I’m happy. I’m getting to spend time with you.”
She gives me a knowing look, pursing her lips. “That’s not why.”
“What, you think you don’t make me happy?”
“I know I make you happy, but I also know I used to be all you had. I’m younger than you, but I’m not an idiot, and I’m not a little kid anymore. I know you were lonely for a long time. Now you’re not. And you’re not just not alone; you’re loved. I don’t know if you even see how relaxed and happy you look. You smile and laugh so much more. You don’t look as tired.”
My jaw drops open a little, and I blink at her.
Damn. My little sister is insightful. And she sees through me way too well.
In the years after our mom died, I tried to hide my moments of sadness and loneliness from Maddy. I never wanted her to feel like she was a burden to me, or that I gave up too much for her. Just because I’m finding a new kind of happiness now, I don’t want her to think I wasn’t happy before. Or that I resented her for even a second.
“Mads, you know I’m not sorry at all that I—”
“I know,” she interrupts with a smile, reaching down and squeezing my hand. Then her grin widens. “But I approve of you and the guys. They’re good people, and they’re definitely good for you. I’m on board, if you want to keep this going.”
“Of course I want to keep it going!” I protest. Then I jerk up straight in my seat. “Why, do they think I don’t?”
“I’m not saying that.” She tries on another blouse as her blue eyes twinkle mischievously. “You care though, I can tell. You’re nervous—that definitely means you care.”
“Oh, stuff it.” I stick out my tongue at her and slouch back down, then pause. Mads might be younger than me, and I sort of fell into a mother role after Mom died, but she’s still my best friend. I want to confide in her. “Honestly, I do worry sometimes. Not about them leaving me or not being happy. Just regular couple stuff.”
“Like…?”
“Like the guys graduating. They’re all going to be finishing school soon. They’re a year ahead of me, and I like to think we can make distance work, but how many people actually make distance work? And that’s just when it’s two people.”
“I think you guys can make it work. You’re all already unconventional. Cam practically lives at Asher’s anyway, so that’s two birds with one stone, and his family likes you. And Dmitri—”
“That’s the other thing.” I grimace. “You can’t tell anyone this, because it was told to me in confidence, and I don’t know who else knows. I’m not even sure the other guys know. But Dmitri… he’s been promised to some girl. Since he was a toddler.”
Maddy drops the pair of pants she’s holding. “What? Like in medieval times or something?”
I shrug. “His family is powerful in the magical community. He’s their only son. They wanted him to marry into another powerful family. I think the father of the girl and Dmitri’s dad are close friends or something.”
“That’s bullshit if I’ve ever heard it,” she says, setting aside the clothes she wants to buy and putting her street clothes back on. “Dmitri doesn’t even know her?”
“Not well, anyway.”
“Fuck that. Can’t he say no?”
“Technically, sure, but you know it’s not easy to just say no to your parents.”
Maddy sniffs as if to say yeah, right. She and I loved our mom, but we were all opinionated women, which led to a few standoffs—especially between Mom and me. I’m stubborn as fuck and so was she.
Dad split when Mads was six and I was ten. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve ended up like Dmitri if our dad had stuck around. He’s supposedly important in the magical community, someone powerful, but I don’t really remember him all that much, and Maddy remembers even less. I like to think I’m a stubborn and strong woman who wouldn’t let anybody push me around, but then, Dmitri’s stubborn and strong himself. And look at him.
“But he’s with you,” Maddy says softly. Her eyes are big. “That means something, right?”
“Well…” I sigh, my shoulders slumping. “I know he wants to be with me and has chosen me in his heart—oh, geez, that sounds so fucking cheesy—”
Maddy laughs.
“But that doesn’t mean…” I chew my lip. “We haven’t exactly resolved the situation yet. I know about it, and I know Dmitri cares about me and wants me and not her—God only knows what the poor girl thinks about this whole damn thing; I wouldn’t blame her if she’s got her own boyfriend on the sly—but he hasn’t told me anything definite, and I’m not about to be a secret mistress.”
I mean it. I won’t be some dirty secret. Being discreet with Roman until I graduate is one thing. But spending possibly my whole life as Dmitri’s mistress while he’s trapped in a loveless political marriage with another woman?
Yeah, fuck that.
I help Maddy take care of all the clothes she tried on and we make our way to the register. “For what it’s worth,” she says, “I think it’ll work out.”
I put the clothes on the counter so we can pay for them. “You’re optimistic.”
“Well, of course I am. He cares about you. They all do. I know I said you’re happier with them, but they’re happier with you too.” We finish paying, get our bags, and pull away from the register. “When I was there the summer you were in the coma, you didn’t see them. They were okay, they bonded, but they weren’t really happy. They were all too worried about you. Now it’s so much better. It’s going to work out.”
I stop walking and turn to look at her, gratitude swelling in my chest. I don’t know where my sister gets her faith from, but I’m grateful for it.
“C’mere, you.”
We hug tightly in a tangle of limbs and shopping bags, and I press a kiss to her hair.
“Besides,” Maddy says, her voice muffled against my chest, “you landed the four hottest guys I’ve ever seen in my life. You are morally obligated to hold onto them.”
“Oh, is that so?” I tease as she pulls back.
“You have to bang them,” Maddy whispers. “For the rest of us. Do it for the rest of us!”
“Hardy har har.”
“Hey, it’s not like I’ve got any prospects. I have to live vicariously through you. Not that I’d actually want to date any of them, they’re all like brothers to me at this point.”
“Good to know, I’d hate to think my sister was dying of unrequited love for one of my boyfriends this whole time.”
She sticks her tongue out at me.
“C’mon.” I nudge her with my elbow. “Whip smart, gorgeous girl like you? You could have anyone you wanted. Boy, girl, variation thereupon…”
“Boy,” she informs me with a roll of her eyes. “It would be a boy, Ellie, but thanks for your open-mindedness.”
“Hey, no need to get snarky.”
“I don’t really have any good prospects,” she muses. “I don’t know. I have a lot of friends, but I wouldn’t say I’ve found the love of my life.”
“Tell me about these friends of yours, then.”
Maddy launches into explaining to me who everyone is, and I can’t help but notice that her cheeks get slightly pink and her voice picks up a little when she mentions a guy in her friend group named Justin.
“He’s got the same class schedule as me,” she says, “so we eat lunch together pretty much every day, even when the others can’t join us.”
“Sounds nice.”
I try to keep my voice neutral. Maybe Mads isn’t aware of it yet, or maybe she just isn’t ready to talk about it, but this guy Justin is definitely a “prospect” in her eyes.
She continues talking, and even as I nod along, humming occasionally to show that I’m listening, I’m freaking the fuck out inside.
I know she�
��s growing up. She’s nineteen now, for crying out loud. Even when I became her guardian, she was a hormonal, crazy teenager, not a toddler. But in my eyes… whenever I look at her, I see that four-year-old with chocolate smeared over her face, or the six-year-old who skinned her knee, or the nine-year-old who got first place in the spelling bee.
I think that’s what I’ll always see, in my heart. My baby sister.
Maddy’s not going to appreciate me getting all protective on her though, so I keep my mouth shut. Even if I kind of want to grab her and hold her close and snarl at any boy who so much as looks in her direction.
I hold our shopping bags as we walk down the street, suggesting places we could go to get a treat, ice cream or something—when someone bumps into us.
“Sorry,” I mutter automatically. The guy who bumped into me is tall, wearing a jean jacket, and looks a little tired. His hand shoots out to grab my shoulder, stopping either of us from falling.
“Yeah, no prob…” His voice trails off as he gets a good look at my face. He’s an all right looking guy, not creepy or threatening, just your average Joe. But something about the look in his eyes when he sees me sends a shiver down my spine.
I automatically step back from him, putting myself between him and Maddy. He doesn’t seem to even notice her though. He’s still staring at me as an angry light comes into his eyes.
“I know you,” he says. “You’re that—that girl. From the Trials. The Unpredictable.”
The way he says the word reminds me of Johnson, the ex-provost of the Phoenix Training Program, who tried to kill me at the award ceremony for the Trials. This guy sounds the same, the word “Unpredictable” sliding off his tongue like something rotten.
Fuck.
I have to suppress a flinch at his tone. No way am I going to let him think he’s gotten to me, this random stranger with a bitchy agenda.
“Yeah,” I reply, since I don’t see the point in lying. The Trials were livestreamed; everyone saw me. “And?”
The guy’s anger intensifies, the lines of his face becoming deep and hard as he glares at me. “Didn’t think they let your kind off campus. Kind of like letting the wild animals out of the zoo, don’t you think?”
“Hey—!” Maddy starts, but I reach back and grab her arm, keeping her behind me. I’m not letting her get involved in this. She could get hurt.
“Aww, got a friend? She Unpredictable too?”
I glare at the guy. “Would it kill you to mind your own business?”
“Oh, feisty.”
Other people are starting to stop and take notice of us. Shit. Getting attention is the last thing I ever wanted. I know it’s only going to get harder to avoid, seeing as I keep ending up in the middle of our school’s problems, and almost the entire magical community watched the Trials, but still. I just want to be able to walk down the street with my sister in peace. Doesn’t seem like it should be too much to ask.
I could try to diffuse the situation, or even run—but what kind of message would that send? That when someone tries to bully you, you should just flee? Hell, no.
“You gonna attack me?” The guy’s taunting me now. “Huh? I heard you freaks can’t control it, that you’re just like animals. Barbaric and shit.”
I clench my fists. If I didn’t have my cuff on, this guy would be toast.
But I do have my cuff on. All Unpredictables who’re still in training have to wear one, even on campus when we’re not in class. It makes sense for the first year, when you might have a second or—in my case—third power making itself known, and when you can’t control even the one strange new power you do have.
After that though, you’d think they’d trust us enough to let us use our magic sometimes.
Guess not.
It’s another reminder that we’re still considered dangerous and second rate by most people, or at least by the High Circuit, the magical government. With my cuff on, I can’t do jack shit. I can punch the guy, sure. And boy, do I want to. But what will that do? He has magic, and he can actually use it against me.
“Go on.” The asshole grins. “I’ll even let you get the first shot in.”
“Leave her alone!” Maddy barks, trying to get around me so she can charge him. Her magic isn’t being repressed like mine is, but I don’t want her to have to protect me, and I sure as fuck don’t want her to end up hurt because of me.
“Don’t you have someplace to be?” I say instead, my voice icy. “Douchebags Anonymous meeting or something?”
Even as I taunt him back, I’m looking for a way out. There has to be some store or something we can duck into.
My heart’s racing like it’s in the Kentucky Derby, and my stomach’s churning. We’re in public and in broad daylight, but I can’t help but feel vulnerable. Exposed. And worse than that, Maddy’s vulnerable too.
“C’mon, bitch,” the guy says, and that’s when I lose it. Fight or flight instinct kicks in, and my instinct is always the former.
I wind back with my fist and clock him across the jaw. The man stumbles back, his mouth open, eyes wide, and reaches up to rub at his chin. “You little—”
“Hey!”
A woman, older than us, maybe around our mom’s age if Mom were still alive, steps in between me and the guy. I think I’m about to get yelled at for punching the dude, in which case tough cookies, ma’am, but the woman isn’t even looking at me. She’s glaring at the man.
“You leave them alone!” she snarls.
“What the fuck, man?” someone else says, a dark skinned guy built like a Mack truck. He gets in between us as well. “What, women can’t just walk down the street nowadays? Huh?”
“She’s—she’s one of them,” the guy snaps. “She’s Unpredictable.”
“And?” the woman replies. “I’m an earth elementalist, what’s it to you?”
The guy glares at them, but other people are staring at him now, and none of them look all that friendly about it. I think he can sense the tide is turning against him in favor of me.
“Fine,” he spits. “But I’m not the one you have to worry about. It’s them and their kind. They don’t belong. They don’t deserve magic!”
“Eat me,” I shoot back, flipping him off.
The man gives me a look so venomous it feels like I’ve been slapped across the face. Then he storms off, disappearing into the crowd.
I start shaking almost immediately, the adrenaline rushing out of me now that the danger’s over. I struggle to keep my shit together—I don’t want to look weak or vulnerable in front of strangers. And I definitely don’t want Maddy to think I was scared.
“Thank you,” I say to the two strangers who helped us, as calmly as I can manage.
“Are you all right?” the man asks. He looks to be mid-thirties, with a gentle face.
I nod. “Really, we’re fine. Thank you.”
“You should’ve let me take him,” Maddy mutters. Her face is still flushed red with anger.
The man who accosted us was probably in his mid-twenties. My sister is a late bloomer by regular magical standards; most people who have regular magic start showing it anywhere from age fourteen to sixteen, but Maddy’s didn’t spark until she was eighteen. So that guy likely had almost a decade of magical training to back him up, while Mads has had less than two.
Yeah, fuck if I was going to let my sister deal with that on her own.
“It’s such a pity, what people are saying these days,” the woman says, shaking her head. “Do you two need an escort?”
“We’re okay, but thank you. Thank you both.” I nod gratefully at them, hook my arm through Maddy’s, and start walking her back down the street.
She insists we get ourselves ice cream after that, because we deserve it, she says—and it does help somewhat, I gotta admit.
But even the relief of knowing that the people around us were willing to stand up for us doesn’t outweigh the fear and vulnerability I felt in that moment. I felt helpless, unable to meet that man on
even ground, with him able to do magic and me not able to defend myself properly.
Even before the Trials, things weren’t easy for Unpredictables. Not everyone liked us. But ever since Johnson gave that radical hate speech against Unpredictables at the Trials and then tried to kill me, more and more people have been speaking out against us. There are people who support us, sure, and that means a lot. But it doesn’t change the fact that a random guy off the street just tried to goad me into a fight—a fight he would’ve probably won.
The whole way home, fear churns in my gut.
This isn’t just about me. All Unpredictables are under attack.
Chapter 4
I wait until after Maddy’s in bed to tell the guys what happened.
Roman’s gone, and part of me is relieved that he doesn’t have to hear about this, but I also wish he was here so I could curl into him and have him hold me. Roman’s always done everything he could to help me feel safe. And I know he would fight tooth and nail to protect me from any danger. It’s comforting, even if I’m generally not the type of person who wants someone to fight her fights for her.
Once Maddy’s in bed, the guys and I gather in the living room. I know they can tell something’s off with me, even if they’re being patient and waiting for me to choose when and how to tell them. They’ve always been good with that. Cam and Asher waited for months for me to come to terms with our relationship, and I’m so grateful they did.
I curl up on the couch, my legs in Cam’s lap, my back braced against Asher’s chest. Dmitri is sprawled out on one of the armchairs nearby.
“What’s up, Elle?” Asher asks quietly.
In a calm voice, trying not to get emotional, I explain what happened. Dmitri stands up almost at once and starts pacing back and forth, his hands squeezing together behind his back. Cam massages my feet, always full of energy but wanting to comfort me as well, and Asher gently kisses my hair every so often.
“I hate how fucking helpless I felt,” I admit. “That was the worst part. If I just had my magic—I’m stronger than he is, dammit! I have three abilities! I could’ve mirrored his powers and fought him that way, or knocked him out with my sonic boom in two seconds, or used my spider climb to get the jump on him. But instead I felt… argh!”