“You’re doing it again. You’re running.”
“I’m not running. I’m leaving.”
“What if I don’t let you come back this time? How many times am I going to let you do this to us, for fuck’s sake?”
I clenched my jaw, hating the thought that this might be the last chance he’d give me.
“Look at me, goddamnit.” He slammed his palm on the door.
I jumped at the sound and the edge in his voice. I took a deep breath and turned slowly to face him.
“Tell me why you’re really doing this, and I’ll tell you why it’s wrong.”
“I told you, I need time.”
“Bullshit.”
“I should go.”
“No, you should stay here, with me. This is where you belong.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I couldn’t believe I’d found the strength to come this far, but inside I was unraveling. My love for Blake fought for control over the very real threat that I needed to protect him from.
I needed to leave before I lost my resolve. Before I could, I turned and left him without another word.
I tried to move quickly, but the albatross of emotion slowed my movements, numbing me. I went through the motions of packing in this dazed and detached state as tears blurred my vision. How I managed it I’ll never know, but I’d stuffed most everything I might need for a few weeks away from the apartment into my large suitcase.
Sid was hidden away in his room, so thankfully I didn’t have to face him again. I stepped outside, and out of pure habit I scanned the street for the black Escalade and Clay. The threat of Mark was gone, and Blake was back in town. We weren’t together anymore, so there was no need for a babysitter. Despite the fact that I disagreed with the whole concept of a security detail, Clay had grown on me a bit.
My gaze shot down the street, and I noticed a less welcome presence. Connor leaned against the town car. He tipped his hat toward me. A mere gesture I assumed, since he was likely tasked with reporting my every move back to Daniel. He’d keep it up until Daniel believed that things were done between Blake and me.
I walked toward him, my suitcase rolling loudly behind me. “You can tell him it’s done. Now leave me the fuck alone.”
His face was as stark and emotionless as it had been the last time I’d seen him. “I’ll give him the message.”
I walked past him and hailed a cab, starting the journey to Marie’s on the outskirts of the city. As we turned off Comm Ave, I checked behind me to make sure Connor wasn’t following. Thankfully, he wasn’t. Marie was the last person I wanted Daniel checking in on. He had no idea we were still in contact, and she was one of the only people who knew what he really was to me.
The cab navigated through light traffic. Throngs of people went about their days. Happy, normal people with easy problems. I was leaving the only home I’d ever really known, and Blake was right. I was running away. This was an aimless and desperate escape from a world I’d created, one I truly loved.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Marie didn’t question me when I arrived. She just held me so tight it almost hurt. I sobbed into her, letting all the misery pour from me.
“Whatever it is, we’ll get through it, baby girl,” she promised.
I needed that, for someone who loved me and didn’t know a damn thing about anything to promise me that everything was going to be all right. I wanted so badly to believe it.
I spent the day watching mindless television while she went out to run some errands. I wanted to fill my brain with nonsense, anything to drown out the misery.
After I enjoyed an amazing home-cooked dinner and a few glasses of wine, my tension had started to ease slightly. I didn’t feel so numb, and I’d finally stopped crying, which seemed like progress.
Marie and I had settled in her den, jazz playing quietly in the background as we curled up on her two large couches. I covered up with a blanket and held a big wine glass between my palms. A comfortable silence had settled between us.
“I’m sorry for just dropping in on you like this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can always come here. Day or night. This is your home too.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.” I didn’t have many other places to run to, sadly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She canted her head to the side.
The past couple days’ events flashed through my mind. First Mark, and now this. As soon as one burden had been lifted, another replaced it. Despite my complete and utter breakdown since arriving, I’d avoided telling her anything. She assumed something had gone terribly wrong with Blake, and for now, that was enough.
“Not really,” I finally said.
“Maybe you should. I’ve never seen you like this, honey.”
I was a mess, true. I looked like hell but I was grateful that I didn’t have to put on a happy face, or makeup for that matter, when I was with Marie. I could just be, even if I wasn’t planning to tell her the whole truth.
“We’re taking a break. That’s all. I don’t expect it to be easy, but trust me when I say it’s for the best.”
“What did he do?”
“It’s not him, it’s me. I… I really don’t want to talk about it, Marie. Not right now, anyway.”
She didn’t look entirely satisfied with my unwillingness to share, but she wouldn’t push me. She never had. She was always good about giving me space, not smothering me with concern and questions. Because she was, I typically ended up telling her more than I probably should. But this was different.
“I do want to talk about Daniel, though.”
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Please, not this again. At this point you could probably tell me more than I could tell you about the man.”
“Have you seen the news?”
She nodded. “Yes, I saw that his son died. Tragic. Have you spoken to him about it?”
“Yes, he’s taking it pretty well.”
That sounded more sarcastic than I’d wanted it to. The wine was making me too loose. I set down my glass. I couldn’t afford truth serum slip-ups. I had too much at stake to risk getting sloppy.
“I want you to tell me everything you know about him, Marie. Don’t worry about sugar coating the past. Trust me when I say I have no illusions about him.”
She sat quietly, tracing the rim of her glass. Our eyes met, and I could see there was more that she hadn’t told me. No doubt for my own sake.
“Why do you want to know so badly? Don’t you ever think that Patty didn’t tell you for a reason?”
“I think about that every day.”
What if I hadn’t been so damn curious? I’d never have found Mark. I’d still have my anonymity and he’d still be alive. Blake wouldn’t be half responsible for his death and at risk of losing his own life. Jesus, everything would look so different right now. So very different.
“I want to know because I don’t entirely trust him. He wants me in his life. Not publicly as his daughter, of course, but I need to know what I’m getting into. He’s not extremely forthcoming, and his wife wants me at a distance. It’s complicated. I figured if you could tell me something about his past, that would be a start. At the very least, I’d like to know who he was.”
She stared into her glass, her mouth in a grim line. “I had no idea you’d find him, but the minute you did, I had this terrible feeling that it would come to this.”
“To what?”
“To me having to tell you all this. Patty made me promise to never tell you. Until recently I kept that promise easily because you never really asked. Now you’re asking me to go against her wishes after all these years?”
Nothing mattered more now than getting to the bottom of who Daniel really was. What made him tick, who mattered most. I had to figure out how to reason with such a ruthless and uncompromising man. I pushed on, unwilling to let guilt mix into what I was feeling right now.
“You’re not going against her wishes. I already know who he is. I
did that all by myself. Now all I need is for you to help me fill in the blanks.”
“That damn picture.” She mumbled a curse under her breath. She rarely cursed. She sighed again. “They were in love. Any stranger could see that. I told you once that everyone loved Patty. That’s true. She was pretty, of course, but warm and charismatic too. She had a beautiful energy that drew people to her, and Daniel saw that. Like a moth to a flame, he had to have her. He pursued her, pulled out all the stops. Romantic as hell really, and it didn’t take long before she was head over heels for him too. After a matter of months, they were inseparable.”
“So what went wrong?”
“The school year was coming to a close. Obviously she wanted to know where the relationship was going and if they had a future. Every time she asked him about it, he’d dodge the question. He’d put her off, saying they’d didn’t need to worry about it right now. They’d talk about it when the time came. Of course the time came when she realized she was pregnant. She needed answers. Now or never, she had to know if they were going to be together.”
“Did he end it?”
“No, he sent her back to her family in Chicago after graduation. Told her he had to try to work it out with his family. A high-powered staunchly political family like his was bound to have strong opinions about the situation. It didn't matter that she came from a good family. He could play around all he wanted, but they expected him to marry someone strategic, someone who could bring value to the family and the Fitzgerald name.”
“Sounds like an old-fashioned notion.”
“Hardly. Not when money and power are at stake, trust me.”
“So what happened?”
“She came back home and waited. Weeks went by. Finally, he called her and told her that it wasn’t going to work out between them. He’d be starting law school in the fall, and having a wife and a baby simply didn’t play into those plans. His family wouldn’t have any part of it.”
“He ended it, just like that?”
“He said he loved her, truly did. She said he seemed sorry, for what it’s worth, but he was like a puppet in that family. So dependent on the wealth, slave to the expectations. He had a future all planned out for him that he had to live up to. She, and you, didn’t fit into that plan.”
I knew the story well, but to imagine Daniel—intimidating, powerful Daniel—like that seemed strange. He’d been like half the people I’d gone to school with at Harvard, independent and cocky as hell until parents’ weekend, and then how quickly they fell in line. They couldn’t risk losing Mommy and Daddy’s financial support.
“Wow.”
Who knew how he really felt, but Marie had completely discredited what he’d told me.
“Did he know she was going to keep me?”
“No. He told her she should end the pregnancy, but Patty never told him what she planned to do. They never spoke again, so he might have assumed that she did.”
I thought back to our brief time at his house on the Cape, when I’d asked him why my mother had never told me about him. After she went back to Chicago, I assumed she was going to take care of it. I didn’t hear from her, and I didn’t want to reach out and raise suspicions with her family.
Dirty fucking liar.
I sat in stunned silence, trying to wrap my head around why he would possibly want anything to do with me now after cutting us off so coldly before. His life was following the grand plan that had been laid out for him years ago. What was so different that I now fit into it?
Marie came over to sit next to me and took my hands in hers. “This is why she never told you, baby. Do you hate me for telling you?”
“Of course not. I should know this. Really. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense that he wants to know me now.” I shook my head.
“Erica, I don’t know what’s happened to change his mind about having you in his life, other than the circumstance of you finding him. But I truly hope he deserves you now, after what he did.”
I leaned in to hug Marie. She held me tight, stroking my hair like my mother used to. I sagged into her thin frame, wishing I could cry. I held back, knowing that if I started up again, I’d probably never stop. My brief control on my emotions was slipping. I gave her a kiss good night and excused myself for the night, promising her that I was fine. I was just fine.
I made myself comfortable in Marie’s guest bedroom. I’d taken the half empty wine glass with me and decided to empty it all at once. To hell with Daniel. To hell with this terrible fucking day.
I set the glass on the bed stand and unpacked my suitcase. I never minded staying with Marie, but these circumstances weren’t exactly what they’d used to be. Summer breaks, holiday weekends. Now I was running away from my life with no ideas about where I’d land next.
I glanced at my phone, and against my better judgment, I picked it up and read a text from Blake.
Call me. Let me fix this. I love you.
* * *
I barely made it to work on time. I had loosely considered taking the day off, but I had a whole team of people at the office while I wasn’t. I’d cried myself to sleep after seeing Blake’s text. If texts could kill, his words would have sliced right through me. I turned my phone off after that, determined not to turn it back on until I could get a handle on myself. This crying shit had to stop.
I waved to the crew upon my arrival and disappeared into my office. Risa was immediately there giving me an update, which involved me prepping more contracts for her and coordinating the new account assets with the guys. For once I was grateful for her boundless energy and relentless work ethic. Even though I was exhausted, she threw me right into work, which is really where my focus should have been for the past couple weeks.
My mind had too often been someplace else. Thinking of Blake, worried about Mark, but today I dove into the day’s work with a kind of fervor that made everything else blur into the background. If I couldn’t make it go away, I’d settle for blurry.
James had mapped out a few campaign options for us over the weekend. The three of us spent most of the afternoon trying to agree on a direction. I wanted to give Risa’s opinion more weight, but despite her gusto when it came to landing new accounts, she seemed to go a little soft around James. Whenever he spoke, she emphatically agreed. When he leaned in to point something out, so did she, taking every possible opportunity to touch him casually.
When I finally gave her another task that took her out of my office, James seemed to visibly relax. We talked through the rest of the notes and the conversation was easier. But I caught him giving me questioning looks.
“You okay?”
I tried to avoid his eyes. They bore into me with an intensity I was growing used to. “I’m fine.” I plastered on a fake smile.
“You seem tired.”
“I am,” I admitted, feeling the exhaustion a little more acutely.
“How were things with you and Landon after the other night?”
I closed my eyes for a moment, pushing down the surge of emotion that came with the mention of his name.
“I think we’re all set with these graphics, James. Just take care of the few little tweaks we discussed and we should be ready to roll these out.”
Anything else was none of his damn business. I didn’t want to talk about Friday’s weird showdown between him and Heath, or my relationship ending with Blake, or the way he touched me the other night as if we’d known each other far longer and better than we did. I was going to stuff all that right down with the rest of the feelings I didn’t feel like facing right now.
“That’s not really an answer.”
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. “We broke up this weekend, if you must know.”
“Does that affect the business with him being an investor?”
“No, he’s a silent investor and he can’t call the loan, not that he would anyway. Regardless, I’d like to pay him back as soon as we’re able to so we can be independent again.”
“H
ow are you holding up?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. I was grateful that he cared, but I worried that wasn’t all he felt.
“I hope you know that you can talk to me. I’m right here.”
“Thanks, James.”
“Excuse me.”
My gaze darted to where Blake now stood at the edge of my office space. He glanced to me briefly before fixing his gaze on James. James met the look with a steely one of his own that I’d never seen before. Holy shit, this wasn’t good.
No one moved.
Blake looked back to me, barely able to mask the irritation in his voice. “Can I speak with you, privately?”
I opened my mouth to speak but James spoke first.
“We’re in a meeting.” He leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms, as if he meant to stay.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” Blake wasn’t masking his irritation anymore. He took a threatening step, prompting James to rise too. They were a few feet apart staring each other down. Blake had some height on James, but James was thicker, stockier by nature. They could be evenly matched, but I’d seen Blake in action before. The way he’d lashed out when protecting me was a wild card that James couldn’t begin to fathom.
I rose quickly and grabbed Blake’s arm, urging him away from this standoff with James. “Blake, let’s go talk outside.” He stood still, his muscles taut and unmoving. Finally he relaxed enough to turn and leave the office with me. I led him down the hallway, thankful that we were far enough from the office to have some privacy, even if our words became heated.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked him tensely.
“Why don’t we start with him? What went down this weekend? Did you fuck him?”
I gasped at the accusation, my anger now matching his own. “No! I told you he’s a friend. He’s just being protective.”
“What makes him think that you need protecting?”
“You seem to think I do pretty regularly, so maybe it’s an epidemic. Maybe I’m the kind of girl that screams damsel in distress. I don’t fucking know, but right now I don’t need you coming in here and causing problems. This is where I work. If you want to talk, we can do that, but not here. You can’t come here like this.”
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