Chapter Eleven
Sebastian pulled Ashley on top of him, feeling her body mold into his. He kissed her, lost in her taste, her warmth, and sweetness. He’d been on a campaign to win her heart, beginning with flowers and chocolates, but that was superficial, he knew. A way to keep him in her mind while giving her the space she’d asked for. But he didn’t miss the fact that each time he’d left her a present, she’d come by in person to thank him.
As if she couldn’t stay away.
He couldn’t fucking believe Veronica had shown up here, but the fact that Ashley believed in him meant everything. She hadn’t hesitated when he’d asked. Her trust told him a lot about how she felt for him now, that she knew that he wasn’t the man he’d been when she showed up in town.
He slid his hands down her curves. “You feel good.” His lips glided over her cheek, traced her jawbone. “I love touching you.” He licked her skin. “Tasting you.”
I love you, he thought, but the words lodged in the back of his throat.
He’d spent so much time showing her that they were meant to be, that he wanted her to stay here with him, without saying the words, hoping for her to come to the conclusion on her own. She was close, and he intended to make love to her until she couldn’t mistake his intent.
Except, he realized, he’d taken the condoms to San Francisco, and she’d packed them in her bag. “We need to go downstairs,” he said. “Condoms are in your apartment.”
She groaned, opening her heavy-lidded eyes and meeting his gaze. “That’s so unfair.”
He chuckled, his body in full agreement with that assessment. “Let’s go,” he said. “I’ll make it worth your while.” Because he fully intended not only to make love to her but to put all his cards on the table when it came to telling her how he felt about her.
Laughing and sexually frustrated, they made their way to her place. Luckily they didn’t run into anyone in the elevator who would take one look at Sebastian and know what they intended to do when they were alone.
Finally they were back at her apartment and in her bedroom. Although he’d planned to take things slow, the undressing came in a rush for them both. Then Ashley retrieved the condoms from the bathroom and tossed them onto the bed before easing herself back against the pillows.
He took in her body, pale, silky skin, gorgeous breasts, tight nipples, and wet pussy just waiting for him, and his cock hardened even more. He grabbed his erection and pumped with his hand, groaning out loud.
“What are you waiting for?” she asked him in a husky voice. She held one hand out to him.
He knelt over her, rubbing his cock along her sex. Her eyes dilated and her hips bucked up, desire sweeping over him, pre-come on the head of his dick. Then he eased himself inside her, gliding in, drawing out the motion, letting her feel every inch as he entered her.
“Oh, Sebastian.” She clasped herself around him, and he was drowning in her damp heat.
But he was determined to make this different than any time they’d been together before. He wanted to shock her into acknowledging her feelings.
“Move,” she said, squeezing him tight.
He chuckled and brushed her hair off her face. “I want to savor you,” he said and began to pump in and out, his gaze never leaving hers.
Never letting her break eye contact with him.
His hips rolled into hers as he drew out and slid back in. Their bodies rocked in unison, the waves of pleasure drawing him under, swamping him with the beauty of what they shared.
“I love you, Ashley.” He kissed her then, his lips soft on hers as they rocked their way to an explosive orgasm, so incredible he felt it in his chest as he gave her his heart.
She gasped at his words, just as her own orgasm hit. “Sebastian, oh my God. I love you, too,” she said, riding out her climax, squeezing him tight, holding on to him, her body agreeing with the words she’d finally given him.
But he knew her well enough to understand that those words didn’t mean he’d definitely keep her here. He still had work to do to convince her that her life could and should be with him. And though it wasn’t a lot, he still had time.
After he disposed of the condom and slid back into bed, she cuddled into him, her soft, sated body warm against his. They didn’t talk, and he didn’t want to ruin the moment. Instead he was content as she drifted off, her breaths soft and even. And because he had her in his arms, he fell into a deep sleep, too.
* * *
Ashley woke up surrounded by heat. She hadn’t felt this good since she’d slept in Sebastian’s bed during their trip to California. She pulled in a deep breath, inhaling his musky, masculine scent, when last night came back to her.
Along with the words they’d shared.
I love you.
Oh my God, that had been the last thing she’d expected to come from his mouth … or to tumble out of hers. But what they’d experienced with their bodies last night had been beyond sex. Beyond anything even in her wildest dreams.
What did she do with that?
How could she give up the life she’d created during her time abroad? Yet how could she leave him behind? Anxiety and panic began to claw at her. She needed to breathe air that didn’t smell like sex and Sebastian in order to really come to terms with what had happened between them, had snuck up on her and taken her off guard.
Before she could figure out how to slip out from under his arm that held her tight to him, a knock sounded on her door, or so she thought. She listened and the sound came again.
“Someone’s here,” she said, waking up Sebastian. “I need to get the door. Coming!” she called out loudly, not knowing if the person outside would hear. She jumped out of bed naked and looked around for her robe, finding it in her closet.
As she slid it on, she stepped back into the bedroom. Sebastian had pushed himself against the pillows and headboard. “What time is it?”
She glanced at the clock. “Eleven. We slept in.”
She rushed to the door and glanced through the peephole. “Oh my God,” she muttered at the sight of Jonathan standing on the other side.
She swallowed hard and tightened the sash on her short silk bathrobe. Knowing she had no choice, she opened the door and greeted him.
“Jonathan!” She couldn’t keep the shock from her voice.
“Ashley, it’s so wonderful to see you.” He stepped toward her, clearly expected a hug or a warm greeting, but she held her ground.
“It’s a surprise to see you. What are you doing in New York?”
“I decided it was enough with the distance. We needed to talk in person.”
“But I told you we were over.” She really was perplexed by his behavior. True, he was persistent when he wanted something, which was why he was so successful in his job, but he wasn’t deaf. She’d been very clear about her feelings.
“I believe that, as soon as you spend time with me again, you’ll see how perfect we are for one another. We enjoy the same restaurants and movies, yes?” He didn’t wait for her to agree. “We both enjoy being home in the evenings with a nice glass of wine. We get along very well. I’m sure you thought about that while you’ve been away.”
“Well–”
“She’s been a little too busy to be thinking about anyone but me,” Sebastian said, striding across the family room and joining them by the still-open door.
She swallowed hard. “Why don’t we take this inside. Jonathan, come in and shut the door.” She glanced at Sebastian.
He wore his jeans, button undone, feet bare, arms folded over that expansive, muscular chest. His eyes were narrowed, stare hard. Her gaze drifted to Jonathan, in his long-sleeve, V-neck sweater, looking buttoned up and stiff by comparison.
Oh God. How had she gotten herself into this situation? She’d been nothing but honest with Jonathan from the minute he’d proposed.
“Who is this?” Jonathan asked, obviously affronted and insulted by the mere fact that a man had walked out of her bedroom, half
-naked.
“Sebastian Knight, this is Jonathan Davies.”
Sebastian didn’t extend his hand. Ever the English gentleman, Jonathan did, but Sebastian still didn’t shake his hand. He remained icy.
“I’m not going to ask what’s going on. It’s quite obvious,” Jonathan said, anger highlighting his cheeks. “But I’ve come all this way, and we do need to talk.” His gaze fell to Ashley.
She nodded in agreement. They did. For whatever reason, Jonathan hadn’t taken her words seriously, and he needed to understand, regardless of her situation with Sebastian, she never would have married him.
Blowing out a slow breath, she turned to Sebastian. “He’s right. We apparently have unfinished business.” She hesitantly touched his still-folded arm. “I need to talk to him. Alone.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw on his handsome face, one that only worked when he was furious. One she found endearing and always wanted to touch and smooth out, to calm him down.
Her heart felt torn in two. She didn’t want to talk to Jonathan, she had to. Before she could figure her life out at all, she needed this door to be completely closed.
“Fine. I’m going to get dressed,” he muttered, not at all graciously. Which didn’t surprise her.
Jonathan didn’t say a word while Sebastian walked into the bedroom, returning a few seconds later in his rumpled shirt and shoes.
He started to walk past her to the door, then stopped and turned.
“Sebastian?”
He grasped her forearms and pulled her toward him, sealing his lips over hers. He kissed her hard, his mouth unyielding and possessive. From behind her, she heard Jonathan gasp, but that didn’t stop her body from yielding to him, and when she did, his lips softened, his tongue licking over her bottom lip before he let her go. She gave him whatever reassurance she could with her kiss, but they both knew so much between them was up in the air and uncertain.
Meeting her gaze, he mouthed the words, “I love you,” before brushing past Jonathan and walking out the door, slamming it behind him.
* * *
Dammit, dammit, dammit. Sebastian couldn’t believe he’d fucking left her with that English prick. Yes, he understood she had unfinished business with the asshole, considering he didn’t know how to take no for an answer. And by that kiss, he knew damn well she loved him. But what he didn’t know was where Ashley would ultimately end up. Because despite her feelings, her job, her apartment, her friends, hell, her life was in London. And so was Mr. Nice Guy.
At one time, Sebastian would have gone to Ethan, his older brother and father figure, with his problems, but Ethan was dealing with too much of his own baggage to burden him now. So Sebastian headed to Parker’s apartment and banged on the door.
His brother opened and let him in. “You look like shit,” Parker said.
Sebastian didn’t crack a smile. “I feel like it, too.”
“Want to talk? Or just want company?” Parker asked.
Sebastian groaned. “Both.”
“Soda?”
“Yeah.”
Parker headed to the kitchen and Sebastian to the family room. Parker returned with two cans of Coke, handing him one.
Sebastian popped the top and took a long, fizzy sip. “Ashley’s ex-boyfriend showed up on her doorstep this morning. And I fucking left her alone with him.”
Parker put his soda down on the table. “That was big of you.”
With another muttered curse, Sebastian lowered himself into a chair, took a drink, and put the can down. “I’m not sure I had a choice. She says she’s told him it’s over in no uncertain terms, but here he is because he couldn’t take no for an answer. She wanted time to talk to him, and I gave it to her.”
Parker nodded, eyeing him with concern. “I’ve never seen you torn up over a woman.”
“It’s Ashley. It’s always been Ashley. Since I was eighteen and fucked up by letting Dad send her away. She’s the only woman who’s ever understood me. She sees me,” he said. “She gets me. She makes me whole.”
A shit-eating grin lifted his brother’s lips as he flopped onto the sofa. “Though I never thought I’d see the day, I can’t deny she’s good for you.”
“But she’s not mine. Not the way I want or need. She’s made it clear her life is in London, and with the prick begging her to stay, who knows what she’ll do.”
“Did you ask her to stay?”
He shook his head, his chest squeezing tight. “I was trying to play the long game. She’s been panicked since we got back from California. So I’ve been trying to win her over. Last night I told her I loved her. Stay with me would have been next.”
But he realized now that the long game might have been his mistake and downfall, because she didn’t know for certain he wanted her here, in New York.
Parker let him talk, think, reason through his feelings, something his middle brother had always been good at. Ethan gave directions. Parker listened and let you come to your own conclusions.
So Sebastian continued to reason with himself. Yeah, he’d told her he’d changed, and he’d proven it with actions, but he hadn’t said he wanted a future. “Fuck!”
“Want to go down there and interrupt? Stake your claim?”
He shook his head. Restraint came at a heavy price, but he knew damn well storming in again would be a mistake. “Ashley would kill me. She needs to figure things out for herself.”
And that meant giving her the time she needed with her ex from London.
No matter how much it was eating Sebastian alive.
He rose to his feet. “I’m going to shower and go to the office for a while. I need to keep busy or I’m going to go insane.”
Parker stood. He walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve seen how she looks at you. Hold on to hope,” he said.
“Thanks.”
Sebastian headed to his apartment, deep in thought. He didn’t miss the irony of his current situation. For so long, everything in life had come easy for him, especially women. A wink, a smile, a few charming words, and they fell into his bed. Now, the one time he desperately wanted something for keeps, he couldn’t just reach out and take it. The ball was in her court, and he had no choice but to wait.
* * *
Ashley watched Sebastian leave, her heart in her throat, waiting for the slam of the door before turning to face her ex. And that’s what he was, her ex-boyfriend, no matter how persistent or obstinate he chose to be.
“Jonathan,” she said, speaking slowly and carefully. “I realize this is awkward, but–”
“Awkward? You’ve been with another man!”
“But not cheating on you. I ended things. I never wanted to hurt you, but I was perfectly clear that we weren’t going to get engaged, that I didn’t love you the way I needed to in order to say yes.”
A muscle throbbed in his temple. She didn’t find it attractive the way she did when Sebastian clenched his jaw and the tiny muscle there ticked and gave away his anger and frustration.
“I seriously thought if we could just see each other again…”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry but it isn’t happening.”
“But you’re coming back to London, yes?”
Her stomach cramped hard at the question.
Without waiting for an answer, he said, “Maybe we could pick up where we left off before I proposed. Take it slower. You could grow to care for me that way. I’ve thought about it and we could be so good together.”
“Oh, Jonathan. No. Even if I come back to London, we’re over.”
“I see…” His voice trailed off as reality set in. “Well, this is quite embarrassing.”
“I’m sorry you made the trip for nothing.” She didn’t want to rub in the fact that she’d been clear all along.
“Wait. What do you mean, if you come back to London?” He picked up on her choice of words earlier. “Your life is there. Your job. Friends. Your apartment. How could you just leave it all behind and not come home?�
�� he asked, truly stunned at the notion. “Is it about him? Sebastian?”
She rubbed her hands over her burning eyes. “I have a life there, yes,” she said, thinking through her words as she spoke them out loud.
But something Jonathan just said kept circling in her brain. How could you just leave it all behind and not come home? he’d asked.
Where was home?
Was it the apartment she’d locked up and walked away from in London that felt colder and emptier in her mind than the one she was standing in now?
Was it the job there that she liked but could do anywhere? There’s always a job here for you. A place here, Ethan had said. Ethan, the only family she’d ever had. He was in New York. He wanted her here.
Was it the friends she’d made in England, but who she didn’t feel particularly close to? Because she’d never been a girl to make a BFF. Yet when Sierra had walked away after their talk, Ashley had had the distinct feeling that she could be close with her now if she gave the other woman a chance.
Or was home Sebastian? The man who filled the empty pieces inside her. The man who made her smile when she was sad, who understood her past, who she’d always been able to talk to and confide in, from the time she’d been sixteen years old? A man who made love to her so tenderly he held her heart in his hands?
“Ashley? Where in the world did you go?” Jonathan asked loudly, bringing her back to the present. “I said your name quite a few times.” He looked at her, concern on his face.
A face she found good-looking, but not pulse-pounding, life-alteringly handsome. He didn’t make her question everything she’d ever believed about sex and love. Sebastian did.
“I’m sorry, Jonathan. I won’t be coming back to London because it isn’t home. It was a place to live, to stay when I thought I didn’t have anything for me here. But I was wrong.”
“This is about Sebastian.” He sounded defeated.
“In part, yes,” she admitted. “But it’s also about me. And during my time here, I’ve come to realize that I stayed away from these people too long. I didn’t give them a chance to be my family. And they are.”
Take Me Again Page 14