Robert glanced over again, only this time with sympathy. ‘What gives?’
‘I was hoping to see Jessie in Frankfurt. I thought I had a free Saturday. Looks like I was wrong.’
To his credit, his friend winced. ‘Sorry. The schedule is a bit tight. At the time, we were focussed on making it as short as possible. You didn’t want to do twelve months away, so we squished it up.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ He still didn’t want any more time on tour than he had to. It’s just he also wanted to see the woman he was falling for.
And wasn’t that a freak out realisation? It was hard to believe he was even contemplating the L-word having only known her such a short time. It had taken months of dating Paula before he’d felt this pull, this tug at his heart when he’d thought of her.
Yet he couldn’t deny that with Jessie, he felt it already. And it was more than a tug. When his mind pictured her, it felt like his heart was being wrenched from his chest. Especially in moments like now, when seeing her again seemed like an impossibility.
‘Have you spoken to her since Rome?’
‘Not yet. I wanted to wait until I firmed up when we could see each other.’ Robert let out a snort of disbelief and Michael glared at him. ‘You’ve been with me these last few days. I’ve barely had a chance to piss, never mind have a meaningful conversation on the phone.’
‘Me thinks he doth protest too much.’
Angry now, Michael stood and dragged a hand through his hair. ‘Zip it.’ As he started to pace, shame mixed with his anger, diluting it sufficiently for Michael to admit, ‘You’re right. I should have phoned her. I’ve put it off because I’m useless at finding the right words to say. It’s hard enough face to face.’
‘It’s Jessie, Mikey boy.’ Robert gave him a part understanding, part pull-your-ruddy-finger-out, smile. ‘If you can’t talk to her, you need professional help.’
‘Okay, okay, you’re right.’
‘Second time you’ve said that in the space of a minute. Want to make it a third?’
‘Never going to happen.’ Though he couldn’t resist the flicker of a smile at his old friend. There had been many times in his life he’d wondered where he’d be without Robert’s friendship.
Robert’s eyes drifted to the jeans Michael was wearing. Jeans he was slowly becoming used to. ‘Want to bet?’
Thankfully a tap on the door signalling Georgina’s arrival saved him having to admit to Robert that yes, jeans had their place when he was feeling relaxed.
Like when he was with Jessie.
As Georgina walked past him into the room, her strong perfume caught the back of his throat and he started to cough.
Robert waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Michael knew exactly what he was saying. That’s in your honour, mate.
Yet Georgina knew he’d invited Jessie out to Rome. Hadn’t she sussed yet that his type ran to natural, curvy women and not slender, overly dressed, overly scented ones?
Together they went through their lists, first sorting out the mundane; travel arrangements, rehearsal times, a radio interview. Then the more interesting; two invitations to movie premieres, a request from a Saudi Sheik for Michael to sing at his wife’s 60th birthday party – for a cool three hundred grand.
Robert started to laugh. ‘And to think that first gig I got you, we had to pay them for the privilege of using their dingy back room.’
When they’d come to the end of their makeshift agenda, Georgina uncrossed her slender, stocking clad legs – just because he wasn’t interested didn’t mean he hadn’t noticed – and stood up.
‘Just one more thing.’ Michael signalled to Georgina to wait. ‘I’m trying to work out when Jessie can come out and meet me again. We had arranged to meet in Frankfurt, but I think that’s a no go. Any thoughts when it might be possible?’
Georgina pursed her lips for a moment, then flicked through her iPad. ‘She has children, doesn’t she? Two boys, if I remember correctly. So I guess she needs to arrange for someone to look after them. She can’t just fly off for a night at a moment’s notice, can she?’
‘No.’ Was that a subtle reminder that Jessie didn’t come alone. She came as a package?
‘The weekend after Frankfurt, you’re in Paris, but singing on the Saturday. Then you’re heavily committed round Europe… Oslo, Copenhagen, Finland, Vienna, Prague.’ As she rattled off names like she was reading from a guidebook of Europe, Michael’s heart sunk even lower. ‘There’s a free weekend in Barcelona. In seven weeks.’ Georgina smiled sweetly at him. ‘Would you like me to phone her and let her know?’
Seven flaming weeks? He’d never survive it. Almost choking with disappointment, Michael shook his head. ‘No, I’ve got it. Thanks.’
Georgina’s phone started to buzz and when she glanced down, she grimaced. ‘Oh dear, that’s the concert hall messaging me. They’ve had some sound problems and they think it’s best if you go down there now to make sure everything’s okay for tonight.’
‘Bloody great.’ With a sigh, he rose to his feet. ‘Guess that’s it for today, guys. Thanks for coming round. I’d better get myself over to the hall. Georgina—’
‘You need the car rescheduling. I’ll ask them to pick you up in five minutes.’
He blinked. ‘Okay, thanks. I’ve never had a PA who knows what I need before I’ve even asked for it.’
She slipped her handbag over her shoulder, flicked back her long, blonde hair and smiled. ‘Well, you have now.’
Jessie pushed open the front door just as her phone started to ring.
‘Shoes off!’ she yelled as Luke and Jack barrelled inside.
She watched as the shoes were tugged off and flung haphazardly out of the way. One bounced against the wall, smearing it with mud.
With a resigned sigh, she looked down at her phone. Number unknown.
‘Jessie, it’s Georgina.’
The polished tones caught Jessie by surprise. She’d been hoping for a call from Michael for the last four days. Immediately her worry radar went on full alert. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Oh yes, the tour is going really well. It’s so exciting being a small part of it. I’m phoning to let you know Michael can’t do that weekend in Frankfurt. He will phone you, of course, but he’s really busy at the moment.’
‘Oh, okay.’ She hoped the disappointment she was feeling didn’t show in her voice. Four days without contact, and now this.
‘He doesn’t have a free weekend for ages, I’m afraid. I’m sure he’ll tell you himself, though. When he has time.’
Jessie narrowed her eyes at the second mention that Michael was too busy to talk to her. She’d like to bet Georgina was wearing her trademark smile; smug, with a heavy dose of sly and masked by saccharine. ‘Thank you for letting me know. I’ll look forward to hearing from Michael. When he can slot me into his schedule.’
I will not cry, I will not cry, she chanted as she ended the call. She didn’t want to go to flipping Frankfurt anyway. Especially not with a man who blew hot and cold.
So what if her heart ached whenever she thought of him and her emotions were a mess? She deserved to be treated better than this.
Once Luke and Jack were settled at the kitchen table doing their homework, Jessie dragged out the ironing board and picked up a shirt from the overflowing laundry basket. Thumping the iron down onto it, she imagined it was Georgina. With an evil smile, she turned up the temperature and watched the steam hiss across the front of the shirt.
Nope, she didn’t feel any better.
Later that night she was nodding off in bed while reading her book, when her phone vibrated with a text message. Despite the talking to she’d given herself earlier, her heart leapt when she saw Michael’s name next to it.
Are you still awake?
For a split second, she wondered whether to ignore it. Was she really ready for what he had to say?
He was calling to apologise. Having a relationship while touring was madness.
H
e was calling to tell her he couldn’t see her for two months.
He was calling to tell her it was over. He’d begun to develop feelings for Georgina…
Oh God, she was going to drive herself bat shit crazy.
Fingers trembling, she texted, yes.
A second later, her phone rang.
‘Is this a good time to talk?’
His voice had never sounded deeper, or more thrilling. But he blows hot and cold, she reminded herself. ‘Yes. Where are you calling from?’
‘It’s Thursday, so it must be Berlin.’ She heard the wry humour in his reply. ‘I’ve just finished a show and I’m on my way back to the hotel. How about you? Have I interrupted anything?’
She glanced down at her pjs. Their lives couldn’t be more different. ‘I’m sipping champagne in my jacuzzi.’ She’d intended it to sound cool and witty but instead it sounded sarcastic and bitter.
‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ he said abruptly.
‘If you’re phoning to tell me about Frankfurt you don’t need to bother. Georgina has beaten you to it.’
She heard him curse. ‘I told her I would let you know.’
Jessie shut her eyes, not sure what to say.
‘Are you mad at me?’ She could hear the worry in his voice but she couldn’t in all honesty reassure him she wasn’t.
‘Jessie, I’m sorry I mucked up.’
In the background she could hear a siren. The honking of horns. He’d just finished performing, he had to be exhausted. She shouldn’t be giving him such a hard time over this. ‘Never mind,’ she said numbly, trying to hide the hurt she was feeling.
‘Jess…’
‘Mum!’ Luke’s scream drowned out whatever Michael had been trying to say.
Panicked, Jessie slammed down the phone, dashing upstairs to find Luke bathed in sweat and clearly in the middle of a nightmare. Ignoring the phone that had begun to ring again, she tenderly smoothed back his matted hair and slid into bed with him.
‘It’s okay, baby. It was just a dream. I’m here. Go back to sleep.’
Slowly his rigid body started to relax. Within moments he was sleeping peacefully.
With her heart rate finally subsiding to normal, Jessie walked back to her bedroom. Her phone indicated she had a voicemail.
‘Jessie, are you there?’ Michael’s anxious voice, followed by a muffled oath. ‘I’m not sure what’s going on. Was that an I-don’t-care-any more never mind or a pissed off one? I hope to God you’re pissed off. Never thought I’d say that. Damn these bloody machines. Look, if it’s the latter, and you’re angry with me, I’m sorry. Please phone back when you’re feeling less mad.’ There was a pause, and she heard his deep intake of breath. ‘Please phone back anyway,’ he ended quietly.
Jessie lay on the bed, trying to quell her instinct to immediately phone him back. His words tugged at her heartstrings, but did she really want to carry on like this, one minute on a high, the next a miserable low?
Wasn’t she better off as she had been before she met him, content with her life?
Yet the moment she tried to close her eyes, her mind filled with him. His proud smile the night they’d sung together on the show. A pair of beautiful blue eyes, giving glimpses to the shy man behind the glittering image.
With a fatalistic sigh, she dialled his number.
He replied instantly. ‘Thank God.’ The relief in his voice made her feel guilty for leaving him hanging for so long. ‘I thought I wouldn’t hear from you again.’
‘Sorry. Luke had a nightmare.’
‘Shit, poor sod. Is he okay?’
‘Yes. He’s gone back to sleep.’
An awkward pause followed and she heard him take in a heavy breath; pictured him running a hand through his hair. ‘I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I miss you like crazy.’
It was her turn to say she missed him, too, but she was feeling too raw.
Michael’s voice again filled the silence. ‘I should have phoned you earlier. It’s been a crazy few days, three performances in four days. Between travelling, rehearsing and dealing with temperamental orchestras, I’ve thought of you a lot, but it always seemed too early, or too late to call.’ He let out a short laugh. ‘And I’m making excuses. I hate the phone. I’m better in person, though Lord knows that’s not saying much. On the phone, it’s too hard to read the other person’s feelings, unless you FaceTime I guess, but I’ve never got the hang of that. Truth is, I was scared to make a wrong move. Scared to misread what you were thinking.’
Tears threatened and Jessie drew in a shuddering breath. ‘How do you think I’m feeling now?’
‘You sound less angry, but beyond that I’m not sure.’
‘I’m disappointed I won’t be seeing you in Frankfurt. And it sounds like you’re going to be busy for a long while.’
‘Yes.’ He sounded as flat as she felt. ‘But if you’re still interested, I’ve got a plan.’
Hope punctured through her misery, and tears of relief began to stream down her face. Whatever his plan, it was too late to pull back from it, and from him. Her feelings were running too deep.
‘Jessie? Please don’t go quiet on me. Do you want to hear the plan, or do you want to slam the phone down on me again?’
The panic in his voice made her smile. ‘Sorry. Just having a moment here. I’d love to hear your plan.’
He drew in a long breath. ‘What do you mean, a moment?’
She raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Nothing you need to worry about. Tell me the plan.’
‘I’m in Paris the week after Frankfurt, but I’m performing Saturday night.’
‘That’s okay. We could still have Friday night. And part of Saturday.’ Until he had to leave to rehearse. She tried not to sound too deflated.
‘Yes. And if you brought Jack and Luke, you could explore the sights together while I’m not around.’
Jessie sat up with a jolt. ‘You’re joking.’
‘Not at all. It would be good to meet them properly. Make a better impression. Hopefully.’ She bit into her lip, utterly touched at both his gesture to include her sons, and his humble acknowledgement of their stilted meeting at the studio. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think that’s a lovely idea.’
‘I’ll buy the tickets—’
‘No,’ she interrupted, feeling her defences start to rise. ‘We won’t sponge off you. I’m perfectly capable of paying for us to visit Paris.’ Well, she was if she went into her rather meagre savings.
‘I know you are, but if I led a normal life you wouldn’t have to pay a fortune to come and see me. You have all the hassle of coming to Paris. Let me do my bit and pay for it.’
She started to laugh. ‘Hassle, coming to Paris? In my world, that’s a dream not a hassle.’ But her smile died when she realised the logistics of it all. ‘I’m afraid we’ll need two rooms, and I can’t let the boys stay in a hotel room by themselves.’
‘Don’t worry about the sleeping arrangements.’ It sounded like he was smiling. ‘I’ll sort something out so we’re all happy.’
For the first time in days, she felt a buzz of joy. ‘Oh boy, I can’t wait to tell them they’ll be going to Paris. They’ll be so delighted they might even start listening to your music.’
She heard a bark of laughter. ‘I won’t expect miracles.’
Her mind was humming by the time they said their goodbyes. The boys had never been abroad, money had always been too tight.
They were going to go ballistic.
It looked like her rollercoaster of a relationship was on the up again.
Chapter Twenty
Michael couldn’t sit still. Jessie and her sons weren’t due for another three hours yet. How on earth was he going to make it that long without having a nervous breakdown?
He’d sung at the Albert Hall, for God’s sake, in front of the Queen. Why was he so keyed up about meeting two boys?
Because you’ve fallen for their mother.
The real
isation hit him like a punch to the gut, making him feel queasy. He’d known he was falling for her, but now he realised he was no longer still en route. He’d reached the destination.
There was no other way to explain why he was so terrified at meeting the two people who meant most to her in life.
He knew if he didn’t give a better account of himself this weekend than the shambolic effort at the studio, his relationship with Jessie was as good as over. She would always put her sons first. One of the many things he admired about her.
He snatched at his ringing phone.
Robert.
Relieved it wasn’t Jessie cancelling at the last minute, he sat back down on the sofa.
‘Has Jessie arrived yet?’
‘No.’ Michael glanced at his watch. ‘Not for another two hours and fifty-two minutes. Approximately.’
His friend chuckled. ‘Feeling a little on edge?’
Michael shoved at the fear threatening to cripple him. ‘A little, yes.’
Michael didn’t need to see Robert to know he was rolling his eyes. ‘No need to be. They’re good kids. I talked to them for a while on the day they came down to watch the show and introduced them to a few of the other singers. They loved your friend Jerome Stevens, aka Playit Kool. Thought he was legit.’
Michael let his head fall back against the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. ‘Not helping.’
‘Hey, come on. You beat the guy on the night, must say something.’
‘Yes. It says I had a dynamite singing partner.’
Michael’s growing panic must have finally got through to Robert because his next words were quieter. More serious. ‘Don’t make this into a big deal. Just be yourself and you’ll get on fine.’
Be himself? Michael still didn’t know who that really was. When he was performing, singing his heart out, he was unshakeable. A man who could look anybody in the eye at that moment and know he was their equal. It was why he loved it so much.
When he was away from the stage, the doubts crept in. Years of being the outsider, the weirdo. Years of being taunted at school, of having only Robert to count as a friend. It had taken its toll, the memories attacking his insides like a cancer, turning him into a quivering mess of insecurities.
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