by Joanna Neil
She returned the kiss, running her fingers over his strong arms in tender exploration, loving the feel of him. She needed this closeness, this wonderful moment when he wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to him.
His hand stroked the length of her spine, tracing the curve of her hip and lingering on the smooth expanse of her thigh, and she treasured that moment, delighting in that warm caress.
Taylor was everything she wanted. His kisses swept her along in a torrent of desire, of desperate, urgent need, and it seemed as though he must feel the same way, too, because she felt his heart thundering against hers, an echo of her own.
'Allison,' he murmured, trailing kisses over her cheek and dipping lower, letting his lips glide along the line of her throat. 'Do you know what you do to me? You make me lose all control. What am I to do? I'm hungry for you. I want you.'
She wanted him, too, but she had made this mistake before, and the consequences had been far greater than she ever could have imagined. His need was temporary, wasn't it, a fleeting passion that would surely dissolve in the light of day? When had he ever said that he wanted anything more than a few brief moments of bliss?
She tried to clear the fog that was clouding her brain, and already she had begun to ease back from him. Taylor looked down at her. 'Allison?'
She opened her mouth to answer him, but then a soft padding sound intruded on her thoughts. Taylor must have heard it, too, because he became very still for a moment, and then started to draw back from her. Then the padding became a clatter as though someone was clutching at a doorhandle.
By the time the stairs door opened, they had both sprung back from one another.
'Mummy, you wasn't there.' Connor stood in the doorway, recrimination written on his pink mouth. 'Where was you?'
'I'm here, sweetheart.' Allison scrambled to get herself together. 'I wasn't far away.'
'There was a bad man in my room. He was shouting at me.'
She went over to him and gathered him up in her arms. 'It was just a dream, angel. The bad man has gone away, I promise.'
'Do you?'
'Yes, I do.'
Sleepily, he laid his head on her shoulder. 'Can I have some milk? I don't want to go back to bed.'
'I'll get it,' Taylor said. He sent Allison a quick, searching glance, and his mouth made a crooked slant in recognition that their few moments of togetherness were over. Then he looked back at Connor. 'How about some hot chocolate?'
Connor nodded, putting his thumb into his mouth. He watched Taylor walk to the kitchen and take a pan from the cupboard, ready to heat the milk.
Allison sat with him for a while, helping him with his cup when Taylor returned. When he had finished drinking from it, she put the cup to one side and held him while he settled back to sleep. 'I'll take him back to bed,' she murmured, glancing at Taylor some time later.
'Do you want me to carry him for you?'
She shook her head. 'I'll manage, thanks.' She hesitated. 'I'll stay with him for a while, to make sure that he's all right, and then I think I'll go to bed myself. We've all had a difficult day.'
'All right.' His grey eyes were dark, smokily unreadable. 'I'll see you in the morning.'
'Yes.'
CHAPTER NINE
The next day, they were all up and about early, getting ready for their trip out. Allison was glad to be going away from the apartment. The thought of what her impish son might get up to in the confines of the flat was disturbing her more than a little and Taylor's occasional concerned glances when it looked as though her child might bump into things only served to ratchet up her tension.
Taylor had arranged for them to travel by bus to visit a couple of London landmarks, but when they approached the bus stop, Connor looked as though he was taken aback.
'Is that a proper bus?' he asked. 'Something's wrong with it.'
'It's a special bus,' Taylor said, laughing. 'It's an open-top one. It means you can go up the stairs and sit at the top of the bus in the open air. I thought you would like it, and that it might be exciting for you to do that.'
Connor looked dubious at first, but Allison persuaded him to try it out, and soon he was giggling at the way the breeze riffled through his hair, and he was holding on to the bar in front of him, pretending to drive.
A short time later they arrived at The London Eye, the huge wheel close to the River Thames. They went aboard, and as it began to move slowly through its circular arc, Taylor pointed out for Connor some of the tall buildings in the distance.
'That's Westminster Bridge nearby, going over the River Thames, and just on the other side of the water you can see the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben.'
'Who's Big Ben?'
'It's not a who,' Allison said. 'It's a building...a clock tower. See? It's very tall, isn't it?'
Connor nodded. He turned around to look in the opposite direction, and surveyed the view.
'That big building next to Tower Bridge, way in the distance across the water, is the Tower of London,' Taylor murmured. 'Can you see the four turrets sticking up in the air?'
Connor nodded.
'And a bit to one side, the curved blue glass building that stands out from all the others is the Swiss Re building. It looks a bit like the shape of a pickle, so some people call it the Gherkin. It's one of the tallest buildings in the City.'
Connor looked around him, but seemed to be unimpressed by the vision of the London landscape. If Taylor was disappointed by his lack of interest, he didn't make any comment, but simply stood and absorbed the view for himself.
Connor, in the meantime, was more caught up in examining the inside of the glass capsule and in running his hands along the metal rail.
'Look down there, at the water,' he said to Allison. 'There's lots of boats. Will they bang into each other?'
'I shouldn't think so,' Allison murmured. 'Let's hope they all look where they're going.'
The journey came to an end just a few minutes later, and Allison held Connor's hand as they disembarked. Taylor laid a hand on the small of her back as they disembarked, steering her out into the street.
She liked the warm, gentle touch of his hand on her spine, but she was trying her best not to get too used to it. Today was a jewel in the crown, but tomorrow the crown might be snatched away. Taylor already had a job in mind that would eventually take him away from them, and even if by chance he were to stay around and want to be with them, how could she know that he Wouldn't tire of being slowed down by the demands of a small child? So far, he was bearing up pretty well, but how long would it last?
'Where are we going now?' Connor asked, as they boarded another open-top bus.
'You wanted to see Buckingham Palace, didn't you?' Taylor raised an eyebrow. 'I thought we'd take a quick look there, before we make tracks for the farm.'
'OK.' Connor was happy enough to go along with that. 'Will we be able to go inside?'
'Not today,' Allison told him. 'It isn't open for visitors right now, so we'll just stay outside and watch the soldiers parade in their red uniforms for a little while.'
Connor's face lit up as he saw the guards assemble in front of the Palace just a short while later. He watched them march in time to the music from the band, and he joined in, marching on the spot. Allison began to smile, and when she looked up at Taylor, she saw that he, too, was trying to suppress a grin. They exchanged glances, and he moved closer to her, sliding an arm around her shoulders.
'I think he's recovering well from yesterday's upset, don't you?'
'I do.' His touch was casual, but familiar and enfolding at the same time. It made her feel good inside.
'Does the Queen live in there?' Connor waved a hand towards the Palace.
'Yes, sometimes. She has other places where she can stay, but if the flag is flying, it means she's at home.' Taylor glanced at him. 'It's flying today, see?'
Connor nodded. 'Why can't we see her and say hello?'
'Well, she's a very busy lady. She has work to do.'
'Oh,' Connor thought about that. 'There must be a lot of rooms in there.' He seemed awed by the size of the building. 'How many bedrooms does she have?'
'About fifty, I think.'
'Fifty?' Connor's eyes widened, and he looked at Allison for confirmation. 'Does she sleep in a different one every night?'
'Well, I suppose she could, if she wanted to,' Allison murmured, her mouth curving, 'but I think she probably just keeps one for herself. The others are for her family, or for important people who go to stay at the Palace sometimes.'
'Oh,' Connor said. He looked at Taylor. 'Can we go to the farm now?'
Taylor looked back at him. 'Is that it, then? Have you had enough here? Don't you like looking at the Palace?'
'Yes, I do like it, but I want to go to the farm now.'
Taylor sent Allison an oblique glance. He looked a touch bewildered, and she said with a smile, 'That's what four-year-olds are like. They have the attention span of a gnat.'
He nodded and made a crooked grin. 'Of course, I knew that.'
Allison laughed. 'No, you didn't. You haven't a clue about young children, if the truth were known.'
'I have, too.' He chuckled, his eyes bright with amusement. His gaze ran over her, lingering on the flyaway golden strands of her hair and coming to rest on the fullness of her pink lips. He seemed to be mesmerised for a moment, and then he leaned towards her, and on an impulse he planted a kiss on her startled mouth.
Allison didn't have time to register a coherent response, because Connor said in a puzzled tone, 'What are you doing?'
He was tugging on Taylor's jacket, and looking up at him, a frown in his eyes.
'I.. .uh.. .1 was kissing your mummy.'
'Why?'
Taylor looked flummoxed for a moment. 'Well.. .because she looked so pretty, and sweet, and I thought it would be a nice thing to do.'
'Oh.' Connor was still frowning, trying to take on board the complexities of adult behaviour. 'Can we go now?'
Taylor nodded. 'All right.' He glanced at Allison, who was still fizzing inside with exhilaration from the unexpected kiss. 'I guess you're right. I've a lot to learn.' He turned back to Connor. 'All right, we'll head for the farm. Perhaps we should get something to eat once we get there.'
'Not until after he's played on the swings and roundabouts,' Allison put in, coming to her senses at last and sounding a note of caution. 'I don't want him throwing up all over the place.'
Taylor winced. 'Yuck. I'd forgotten that little boys tend to do that.'
They headed for the farm, picking up Taylor's car from the garage and driving out to West London. 'It'll be easier this way,' Taylor said. 'The buses were just something that I thought he might enjoy, but I expect he'll be glad of a car ride by the time we start out for home later on.'
Connor was in his element at the farm. There was an adventure playground where he ran about and used up some of his excess energy, climbing on logs and swinging on old tyres, and it was only after all that activity that he was ready to sit down and eat lunch.
Allison had a cheese salad, while Taylor and Connor tucked into burgers and chips. She was glad to see that Connor ate heartily and seemed to be suffering no after-effects from the day before. It was a good thing that Taylor had suggested this outing. It meant that there had been no time for Connor to dwell on what had happened.
Connor swallowed the last of his milkshake and put his glass down on the table, looking thoughtfully up at Taylor. 'I had a good time today. Can we do this again another day?'
'I expect we could, some time,' Taylor answered cautiously. He speared a chip with his fork.
Connor looked him over, tilting his head on one side as he inspected him from top to toe. 'I like you,' he said. 'Are you my daddy?'
' Taylor was eating, but now he spluttered on his food and swallowed hastily. 'Um...' He blinked, and Allison could see that he didn't know what he should say, and neither did she. Coming out of the blue this way, she had no idea how best to handle the situation.
'I think perhaps it would be best if you were to talk to your mother about that.' Taylor recovered himself well enough and looked at the little boy, his expression serious.
'Yes, but she says Daddy doesn't live with us, but now you do, and anyway, I'd like to have you for my daddy. Can't you be my pretend daddy?'
Taylor put down his knife and fork and gave the child his full attention. 'Is this something that's very important to you?'
Connor nodded solemnly.
'What kind of thing would you want to happen?'
'Well, I like going out places, and I like the toys you have in your house. It was good when you looked after me when the bad man was shouting, 'cos you were kind and you looked after Rhea.' He ran out of steam momentarily and gave Taylor an anxious stare.
'It's something I need to think about,' Taylor said, 'and of course I have to talk to your mother about it a little bit. Is it all right with you if we say that we're friends for now? Good friends?'
Connor gave an awkward little shrug. It wasn't the answer he wanted, but it looked as though Taylor had at least left him something to be going on with.
Taylor glanced at Allison. She was still taken aback by what her son had said, and for now she had absolutely no notion of what was the right thing to say or do.
She handed Connor a napkin so that he could wipe his face and hands. 'Being friends is a great idea,' she said. 'I think we need some time to think about the rest of it.' She paused, letting that sink in. 'Should we go and find the tractors and toy cars for you to ride on? And then we could go and look at the pet corner, if you like.'
'OK.' Connor's mood changed like quicksilver, and he slid down from his chair, ready for action.
Allison knew that it was a get-out on her part, that she was stalling, and Taylor was aware of that, too. He studied her thoughtfully for a while as she gathered up their belongings, and then he held Connor's hand as the boy tugged him in the direction of the activity toys.
'I want a yellow car to ride on if I can,' Connor told him. 'Mummy says I don't have to wait until Christmas. She might buy me one for my birthday, if I'm really, really good. I can be good, you know. Sometimes I forget, but only a tiny bit.' He looked up at Taylor. 'Do you think that will be all right?'
'I think so, yes,' he answered soberly. 'No one can be good all the time.' He sent the child a questioning gaze. 'When is your birthday, do you know?'
Connor screwed up his face. 'I'm not sure. It isn't now, I know that...but Mummy says it's in three months' time. Is that a long while?'
'It depends on how eager you are to have your car,' Taylor murmured. 'Three months isn't all that long, really. It means your birthday is in September.' He glanced at him. 'You'll be five, then, won't you?'
'Yes, and I won't be in the nursery any more. I'll be in the big school then.'
'Yes, you will.' Taylor was silent after that, and looking at him and seeing his taut expression, Allison was worried about what was going on in his mind.
He didn't say anything about what he was thinking, and for the rest of the afternoon he devoted his attention to Connor, helping him onto the tractors and showing him how to feed the animals with food supplied by the farm.
It was the very quietness of his manner that bothered Allison. He had been very careful in the way he had questioned Connor about his birthday, and he had been thoughtful ever since. Had he taken all that information and worked out the date when her son was conceived?
He drove them home later that day, and even prepared supper for them while she sorted out the grubby T-shirt and sweater Connor had discarded and washed them through at the sink. Then she ran the iron over one or two items that he would need for the next day.
She readied Connor for bed. It had been a long, busy day, and the child was tired, but happy, and hopefully all thoughts of his ordeal with Steve and Rhea had gone from his mind.
She tucked him up in bed and kissed him good-night, staying with him until he had f
allen asleep. Then she went quietly back to the living room where Taylor was clearing away the crockery from the table and loading the dishwasher.
Even in profile, his expression was grim, and she guessed that he must have finally worked things out for himself. Her heart plummeted like a lead weight. He didn't look as though he was at all pleased by what he had discovered. In fact, when he turned his gaze on her, his eyes were glittering with anger.
'He's my child, isn't he?' His tone was filled with accusation.
She lifted her chin. 'Yes, he is.' She watched the look of rage flit across his features.
'So why didn't you tell me?' He glared at her. 'Why did you keep it to yourself for all this time? Why did you let me believe that he was someone else's child?'
Allison stood her ground. She had never seen him this irate before, but she couldn't afford to let the fear of his wrath undermine her. Hadn't she done everything with the best of intentions?
'Why would I tell you? You made it pretty clear five years ago that you didn't want a family, and you don't appear to have changed your opinion at all since then. You went away and hardly gave me a backward glance.'
His jaw clenched. 'I'd say you were the one who walked away, wouldn't you? Where were you the next day? You didn't stay around long enough to even say goodbye.'
'I couldn't bring myself to do that. I was alarmed. I felt that what had happened between us had all come about by chance, and I was ashamed of myself for behaving that way.'
'Well, thanks a lot for that.' His mouth made a bitter line. 'That makes me feel really good about myself, doesn't it? You were alarmed and ashamed. It doesn't say a lot that's good about what we experienced together, does it?'
'I didn't mean it like that. For me, it was something that had never happened before. I'd always thought that the first time would be something special, that I would have been involved in a deep and meaningful relationship, and that I would feel loved and cherished, but it didn't happen that way. It was all a matter of unforeseen circumstances and I didn't know what to think.'