No, having Tyler in her life made all sorts of sense, while continuing to moon over Max Wainwright was quite possibly the stupidest thing she could ever do. There was no hope of a future with him, despite the impassioned statement he’d made on Monday evening. And even if she somehow found the courage to demand a further explanation from him, she was convinced that it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. Max would still insist that he wasn’t the right man for her, that there was no possibility of a future for the two of them, and that she had done the right thing by moving on.
But after seeing Max again so unexpectedly after all this time, after reacting to him both physically and emotionally as though it had only been four hours since she’d last seen him rather than four years, Jill had to ask herself whether or not she’d truly moved on or had simply been going through the motions all this time.
Shoshana waggled a finger at her sternly. “Don’t you dare fall for any of that bastard’s smooth lines, Jill,” she warned in a terrifying voice. “Because I’m willing to bet nothing has changed as far as his attitude about relationships is concerned. You’re in a good place right now, sweetie, with a fantastic job and a cute little apartment a block from the beach. Not to mention a great boyfriend who treats you like a queen and wants to take things to the next step. You’ll never find someone better suited to you than Tyler, so don’t screw up a good thing because you’ve still got the hots for the asshole who broke your heart.”
“I don’t have the hots for Max,” Jill replied meekly, though she found she couldn’t look her friend in the eye when she spoke the words. “And I already know what a good guy Tyler is. He threw another hint a few nights ago about - well, taking it to the next step.”
Shoshana eyed her suspiciously. “What did you tell him?”
Jill shrugged. “I didn’t. I mean, I honestly don’t know how I feel about moving in together or getting engaged. We haven’t really known each other all that long, you know, just a little over a year. And I work such crazy hours, sometimes as much as fifteen hour days plus weekends. He already gets a little peeved when I have to cancel a date or can’t commit to an event. If we were to live together or even get married, I’m sure he’d expect me to devote more time to him instead of the job.”
“I thought you told me that if the company decides to expand you’d be able to hire more staff to help you out,” reminded Shoshana. “Which means you wouldn’t have to work those insane hours and you would have more time for Tyler.”
Jill nodded. “True. Though it would still take a few months, maybe longer, to interview and hire and train new employees. And while it would cut down on my workload a lot, I doubt I would ever have a regular nine to five job at Celex. Not like Tyler has at his family’s business.”
Tyler’s father and uncle owned a drywall installation and repair company in San Francisco, though the company did jobs all over the Bay Area. Tyler, his three brothers, and two cousins were all employees, and they typically worked an eight hour day. Tyler had struggled at times with Jill’s often erratic hours, though she knew he tried to be as understanding as possible.
He also struggled with the fact that Jill earned more than he did - a lot more, when her bonuses, profit sharing, and stock options got factored in. He hadn’t attended a four year college like she had, either, just a two year program at the local community college to obtain his contractor’s license. Jill had never once boasted or bragged about her own degree, especially since Tyler liked to joke about how much smarter she was and that he didn’t know why a braniac like her was interested in a simple guy like him. She’d always been quick to reassure him that it didn’t matter in the least to her what he did for a living, so long as he enjoyed his job. But she was also careful not to discuss her workday with him, not because he wouldn’t understand what it was her job entailed, but because it served as a reminder to him of the disparities in their employment status.
Casey grinned wickedly. “Hey, since you make so much more money than he does, maybe Tyler would end up being Mr. Mom when you two have kids.”
Jill shuddered, reluctant to even imagine Tyler’s reaction to such an idea, even if it was made in jest. “I can’t see that ever happening. He’s got way too much male pride to be cool with that. Not to mention the fact that his brothers would rib him unmercifully. Besides, I’m not sure I’m ready to get engaged at this point, much less start thinking about having babies.”
Shoshana snorted. “Well, I know damned well I’m not going to be ready to have kids for a long time. Maybe ever. Fortunately, my sisters keep popping babies out on a regular basis, so my parents have more than enough grandchildren to keep them happy. My oldest sister is preggers again, with her fifth kid this time. And they live in a three-bedroom bungalow with these tiny little rooms and practically no closet space. I’m claustrophobic just thinking about it. Five kids. That’s my version of hell on earth.”
“Five is a lot,” agreed Jill. “I’d be happy with two, maybe three. But not for a few years yet. That would definitely be something Tyler would have to go along with if he does propose.”
“He’s going to propose,” declared Casey confidently. “The signs are all there, Jill. He’s what - four years older than you are?” At Jill’s nod she continued. “And all of his other siblings except for the younger brother are already married. Coming from an Irish Catholic family like his, I can guarantee he’s getting pressured all the time to marry a nice girl and start procreating. He’s never going to find a nicer girl than you, and even though he’ll need to suck it up because you make way more money than he does, you should expect him to pop the question anytime now. But the real question is - what’s your answer going to be?”
Jill exhaled deeply. “Honestly? I have no idea. I’m just hoping that my instincts are wrong, and he isn’t getting ready to pop the question.”
Shoshana rolled her eyes. “In other words, you don’t want to deal with it right now. So, tell us. What was Tyler’s reaction when you told him the British Bastard was back in your life?”
“Um. Well, about that.” Jill resisted the urge to squirm in her seat, and wished she was a much better liar than she actually was. “I haven’t mentioned it to him. I didn’t see any need, after all, since Max will only be in the office a few more days. Especially since there’s really nothing to tell Tyler. I already told the two of you that Max and I are just business associates, and very temporary ones at that.”
Casey gave her a smug, knowing look. “You’ve never told him about Max at all, have you, Jillie?”
“Of course I have,” retorted Jill defensively. “Tyler is well aware that I was involved with someone when I lived in Seattle, and that it ended badly. Though I might not have actually told him Max’s name.”
Shoshana pursed her lips disapprovingly. “So what you’re saying is that the guy you’re supposed to be in love with, the one you’re pretty sure is going to propose any day now, has zero idea that you’re working side by side with the man who a) took your virginity, b) made you fall head over heels in love with him, and c) walked out on you when it was all over with and broke your heart into a bazillion pieces. Gee, so glad you and Tyler have such an open, honest relationship going, Jill.”
Jill had the good graces to look shamefaced. “It’s not that, Sho. I mean, what would the point be to tell him now? Like I just said, Max’s assignment will be wrapping up in a few days, he’ll move on to his next job, and we’ll never see each other again. I just don’t see the logic in upsetting Tyler or making him worry, especially when there is nothing - I repeat nothing - going on between me and Max.”
“Hmm.” Casey polished off the last of her margarita, then made a face when she realized the pitcher was empty. “There might not be anything going on, but that doesn’t mean you still don’t have feelings for the bloke. And do not try to bullshit me and Sho and say you don’t care about him. Because the look on your face when you say his name tells me otherwise. You can lie to us all you like,
Jill, lie to yourself even, but I for one don’t believe you. So why don’t you just admit the truth?”
Jill thought briefly about denying everything Casey had just said, but quickly thought better of it. “Because I’m afraid to admit it,” she whispered. “Afraid that if I say it out loud then it will be true. And I can’t be attracted to Max, you guys. I just can’t. It almost broke me last time, and I don’t have any reason to believe that anything has changed on his end. In spite of what he said the other night.”
Shoshana and Casey pounced on that last bit like a cat would a mouse, hounding Jill unmercifully until she very reluctantly - and in spite of the vow she’d made to herself just a few minutes ago - repeated word for word what Max had told her about regret.
Casey let out a low whistle. “Damn, girl. That sure sounds to me like he’s changed his mind, almost as though he was begging you for a second chance. The question is if you really want to give him one or not. And you know, having a conversation with the man doesn’t have to be a life-changing event. Just ask him what he meant, for God’s sake.”
“I don’t know,” fretted Jill, chewing her bottom lip worriedly. “What if I make a fool of myself or something?”
“You won’t,” assured Shoshana gently. “And Casey’s right. I wish I’d taken your picture when you were talking about Max a few minutes ago. The look on your face, sweetie - well, let’s just say I’ve never seen that sort of look when you mention Tyler’s name.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Sho,” protested Jill. “If what you’re trying to say is that I don’t love Tyler in the same way I cared for Max - ”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” interrupted Shoshana. “I still remember that glow you had during those days you spent with Max in Seattle, how happy you sounded when we talked to you on the phone, or how many smiley faces you’d attach to your texts. Being with Max made you happier than you’d ever been before, and I know damned well you haven’t been anywhere near as happy during these last four years, no matter how much you try to put on an act for us. Or for yourself. And maybe it’s fate or something that’s brought him back into your life right around the time you think Tyler’s going to pop the question.”
“It’s a sign, Jillie,” insisted Casey. “You know how I’ve always believed in that stuff - astrology, superstition, karma. It can’t just be a coincidence that you and Max have connected again, and at this specific time.”
“No.” Jill shook her head stubbornly. “It is just a stupid coincidence is all. And it doesn’t mean a thing. Max doesn’t mean a thing to me any longer.”
Shoshana and Casey both hooted in disbelief at her faint protest.
“What’s that old saying from Shakespeare - “methinks the lady doth protest too much” - or something like that,” mused Casey. “Sweetie, you are totally protesting too much for us to believe a word of what you say.”
“Look, Jill,” Shoshana began hesitantly. “God knows I’ve been the biggest critic of that man the past four years, have cursed him to hell and back more times than I can remember. But there’s no denying that he made you happier than you’ve ever been, and that you haven’t been the same person since the last time you saw him. When you were talking about him a few minutes ago, you were radiant, Jill. The look in your eyes, the way your voice got all soft and dreamy. The only other time I’ve seen you like that was when you were with Max.” She squeezed Jill’s hand tight. “Shouldn’t that tell you something?” she added gently. “Like maybe Casey’s right about the karma and fate and stuff. As for me, I think that maybe Max was always meant to be your once in a lifetime. So my advice to you is to talk to the man, and find out exactly what he meant the other night. And do it soon. Like before another guy asks you to marry him.”
Chapter Twenty
“Well, I think that should just about wrap things up. I’ve got more than enough data now to compile my final report and recommendations. I should be able to have everything ready to review with Jacob on Monday morning.”
Jill smiled, but instead of the sense of relief she’d thought she would feel at not having to work alongside Max any longer, she felt sad and maybe even a little heartsick. “You’re a fast worker,” she commented. “Though I guess this must have been a fairly simple assignment for you.”
“Yes,” agreed Max as he began to assemble the various reports he’d been reviewing into a neat stack. “But I knew that going into this job. Jacob probably didn’t even need my opinion since all of the facts and figures are very straightforward. It’s always prudent, however, to get a second opinion and be sure that everything is in order. He has you to thank for that, Jill.”
His compliment made her feel all warm inside, and her smile deepened in gratitude. “That means a lot to me coming from you, Max. I mean,” she added hastily, “because of how much experience you have doing these sorts of evaluations and assessments. I remember the stories you told me about some of your past assignments and what disasters they were. Including Pour Elle, of course. I assume you’re aware that they’re fully out of business now, closed down their final few retail stores last year?”
He nodded. “I did read about that, yes. And frankly it didn’t surprise me very much. The recommendations I made to the board should have been enough to keep the company solvent for at least a couple of years, but they also needed to increase revenues and continue to cut down on expenditures. I’m going to assume neither of those things happened.”
“That would be my guess, too. That and just bad management overall. You know, they tried to get me to stay on after I got my degree, offered me a position where I would have assumed a good portion of Allison’s old job. But it just seemed like too big of a risk to take. Plus, the salary they were offering wasn’t even in the same ballpark as most of the other offers I received.”
“You were very wise to turn down their offer,” agreed Max. “Especially considering how well you’ve done for yourself. I’m - well, very proud of you, Jill. Though I always knew you’d be successful. And it’s been a true pleasure to work with you this week. I hope I didn’t take up too much of your time.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to blurt out something like “but we didn’t get to spend nearly enough time together”. Instead she merely shook her head and told him, “Not at all. I’m glad I was able to help. Especially since an expansion of the company will mean I can cut back a little on the crazy hours I work most weeks.”
He gave her an odd little smile. “Knowing how hard you push yourself, it will be a very good thing when you have additional staff to delegate work to. I’m, ah, assuming your boyfriend will be pleased as well, since he’ll get to spend more time with you.”
Jill hesitated to respond, feeling suddenly awkward and definitely uncomfortable discussing Tyler. “That’s for sure,” she agreed. “He’s - well, he doesn’t always understand why I have to work such long hours.”
“What is it that he does for a living?” inquired Max.
“Tyler works in the family business,” she explained hastily. “Sheehan Drywall Installation And Repairs. That’s how we met, actually. He was working on an apartment building a few doors down from where I live, and would wave at me on my way to work each morning. We got to talking one day and, well, he asked me out to dinner and things sort of evolved from there.”
“You’re in love with him then.”
Max’s remark was just that - a statement of fact rather than a question. Jill’s gaze flew up to his in alarm at the flat, somber tone to his voice. He was unsmiling, his expression grim, as though he was dreading her answer.
She glanced away hastily, wondering why on earth Max was so interested in her relationship with Tyler. “I, um, I’m not really comfortable discussing that with you,” she hedged. “Could we please leave Tyler out of this? Please?”
“Of course.”
Max was suddenly back to being all business, his expression impassive, and his tone crisp and maybe ev
en a little cold. He stood, picking up his stack of reports and laptop bag.
“I’ve taken up enough of your time,” he remarked coolly. “Thank you again for your assistance, Jill. I hope it wasn’t too difficult for you to work with me these past few days. I understand that the circumstances we were thrust into were less than ideal.”
“It was fine,” she assured him, rising to her feet. “I actually enjoyed working with you very much, Max. I learned a lot just in the short time we spent together.”
“I’m glad,” he replied briskly. “I’d better return to my office now so I can get started on the summary for Jacob. I expect I’ll see you at the wrap-up meeting on Monday. Enjoy your weekend.”
“Yes. You, too,” she mumbled, suddenly at a loss for words. She felt oddly bereft at knowing that this would be the last time they would be spending time alone together, that the next time she would see him would be at a meeting with a dozen other people. And that once the meeting had concluded Max would walk out the door of Celex Solutions and she would very likely never see him again. It felt way too much like déjà vu right now, harkening back to that awful afternoon in Seattle where she had begged and pleaded with him not to go, to give their relationship a chance, to admit to his feelings for her.
And yet, in spite of the pain those memories evoked, Jill found herself tempted to react in the exact same way - to ask him not to leave, to explain exactly what he had meant the other night about regretting his actions, to know for sure that there was no chance whatsoever that maybe, just maybe, they had a future together.
“Max, I - I wanted to ask you about - ” she began, only to be interrupted by a very unexpected visitor.
“Hey, baby, hope I’m not interrupting anything important. I was in the area and thought I’d see if you wanted to grab a late lunch. And I’m not taking no for an answer, Jill. You work too damned many hours, and I hardly get to see you these days. And - oh. Sorry, I didn’t know you were in a meeting,” apologized Tyler, though he didn’t actually sound all that sorry.
The One Real Regret Page 33