My mouth is already open for a quick response, but none is forthcoming. I sneak a look at Dad. He looks tired... and old. The worst thing is, he doesn't look surprised.
'Lucy, I think maybe your mother and I need to talk in private.'
I sit up and slip out of my chair, speed walking out of the house.
What have I done?
I keep speed walking towards Maddy's house. I just pray she's in. And that she'll speak to me when I tell her I may have just caused what would be only the second divorce in the history of the Bennett family. Admittedly, hers was the first.
I always knew I was why they got married. I just hoped they'd have done it eventually even if I hadn't come along, just because they loved each other. I know Dad loves Mum. And I assumed that Mum loved Dad. And just... didn't show it easily. What happens now?
She probably didn't mean it. It was just in the heat of the moment.
The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Damn Aunt Gladys.
I arrive on the doorstep and the door is opened by a rather angry-looking Maddy.
This wasn't a good idea, was it?
'So,' she says, leaning against the doorframe, arms folded, 'going out with Joe, huh?'
I look at the floor and shift uncomfortably. 'Yeah,' I say, picking at my nails. 'I may not have told the absolute truth...'
'You went out with Sam, didn't you?'
I sigh. 'Yes.'
'How could you?' she demands, clutching handfuls of her hair. 'You got me to dress you up to go out and cheat. Made me an accomplice!'
'An accomplice? Maddy, we didn't do a bank job, we went to a pub. And it doesn't matter now anyway, because Joe and I have split. He wasn't too pleased about the article.'
'Should he have been? The whole world knows his girlfriend has been carrying on with another man. I suppose you expected him to smile and let it go.'
'I knew he'd be pissed, but...'
'But nothing! You cheated on him.'
'Maddy, for Christ's sake! I kissed someone else twice...'
'It still counts.'
'... while Joe has screwed countless other women since we got together.'
She stops and stares at me. Her arms fall to her sides. 'Oh.'
'Apparently, we had an open relationship. His only objection was that it was Sam. Anyone else and Joe wouldn't have cared if I'd fucked him up, down and sideways. Straight from the horse's mouth.'
Maddy does a fish impression. 'Oh.'
'Of course, he neglected to mention this to me,' I admit. 'So maybe I did cheat. But I don't regret it. And maybe that makes me a terrible person, but it's the truth. I never loved Joe and he never loved me, but I do love Sam. But, thanks to that article, Sam has decided that I can't be trusted and has dumped me. So I think I've got whatever punishment I deserved.'
'Oh.'
'And as a by-product of all this, I think I may have accidentally caused my parents' divorce.'
'Oh.'
There's silence for a few seconds.
'Robert had an affair,' she says. 'He left me for his secretary.'
That certainly explains a few things.
She stands back from the door. 'Come and have a cup of tea.'
'So that job Robert got up north?' I ask. 'Truth, lies or something in between?'
Maddy sighs and pours two more cups of tea. 'Truth. She went with him after I refused to. I'd had enough by then. The thought of being hundreds of miles from the family with just him for company finally made me give him an ultimatum. If he wanted me to move, he had to give her up. I thought he would. I was wrong.'
'Cheating scumbag.'
Maddy raises an eyebrow at me.
'All right,' I say, holding my hands up, 'I'm a hypocrite. But I'm still right. And he made marriage vows. That's different.'
'That's what I thought too, but it didn't stop him.'
'But it would stop a decent guy.'
'Would it?' Maddy shrugs. 'He's still with her, you know. They've just got married. I think he just loved her more than me and wanted to be with her. God knows I've tried to blame him. I've told myself I'd never cheat, that good people don't. But you've cheated and you're a good person. If I'd fallen for someone else, especially when I was unhappy with Robert, would I really have walked away? Maybe when you find the one, morals go out the window.'
We sip in silence. I wrap both hands around my mug. I catch Maddy looking at it. 'No lectures on tea cup etiquette,' I tell her. She obediently looks away.
'So, Sam,' she says. 'Are you sure it can't be salvaged? Tell me exactly what he said.'
I repeat the conversation. It hasn't lost its sting.
Maddy nods. 'And from what you know about Sam, is that the way you would expect him to react? Not giving you a chance to explain, I mean?'
I consider this. 'In all honesty, no. Sam's always seemed very... considered.'
She sips her tea. 'You know, when Sam and I went out I confessed to him that it was the first date I'd been on since my divorce and I was out of practice. He surprised me by saying that it was his first since he'd come out of a long-term relationship. I got the impression it didn't end well. Do you know what happened?'
'No, he's pretty cagey about it.'
'Is it possible she cheated on him?'
'I suppose so.'
'Which might explain his reaction.'
'I guess.'
'So now he's had a chance to calm down, he might be willing to hear you out.'
'Yes.'
'So you'd better go and find out.'
I sigh. 'I can try.'
I walk home slowly, trying to get things straight in my head. And to figure out what I can say to Sam that will convince him to give me a chance. In all honesty, I can't come up with much. My track record doesn't really make me look like his ideal woman.
I drop in at the pet store since it's (sort of) on my way, to visit Oscar.
I stand and stare at his enclosure for several seconds. All his fellow kittens have gone and on the glass is a 'Reserved' sign.
Someone has stolen my kitten.
Sam wouldn't really have bought him, would he? Not when I'd named him and everything.
I head home, telling myself sternly that it's ridiculous to get upset over a kitten I don't even own. It doesn't help.
I sneak into my house, even holding the latch back while I close the door. Then I lower myself gingerly onto the bottom stair, put my ear to the wall and listen. I can't hear anything.
I can't believe I'm trying to eavesdrop on my parents at my age.
I go through the kitchen and try that wall. Still no luck. But I spot a familiar head over the fence. I sprint outside.
'Dad!'
He looks up. He has a strained expression on his face. I lean on the top of the fence
'What are you doing?'
'Gardening.'
He's maiming a bush.
'Where's Mum?'
A sizeable branch is crushed and torn off. 'Your mother,' Dad says, 'has gone to stay with your Aunt Caroline.'
Oh, Christ. Aunt Caroline is our family man-hater. No one knows why, but apparently it dates from early childhood, which rules out most of the obvious reasons.
'Is that the best place?' I ask hesitantly
Another branch loses its struggle for life. 'I sincerely doubt it, but my opinion was not asked.'
'When's she coming back?'
Dad mutilates another branch.
'Is she coming back?' I whisper.
Dad lets the tree cutters drop down to his side. His shoulders slump. 'I don't know, sweetheart. I really don't know.'
He comes to stand by the fence. 'I may have underestimated how bad things were,' he confesses. 'We'll have to see. Wait for her to cool down.'
I look down and trace a knot in the fence. 'Is this my fault?'
'No, of course it isn't,' Dad says, covering one of my hands with his own. 'So get that out of your head. This is between your mother and I and started before you were eve
n born.'
I link our fingers together. 'How long have you known she felt that way?'
Dad sighs. 'I didn't know, I just suspected. When we were first getting married, I knew she wasn't entirely happy, but I thought she was just sad about leaving the tour. I assumed that would fade in time. Apparently it hasn't.'
Or had until I started talking about retirement and brought it all back.
I kick the ground. 'Maybe I should try talking to Mum.'
Dad shrugs and goes back to the bush. 'Leave it a couple of days at least. And remember, it's not your problem. You've got your own troubles to focus on.'
Don't remind me.
Would it be better to see Sam before his match or after? If he's upset, a quick word before might be best. Just to say I want to talk. If he isn't, it might be a distraction. Or he might just tell me to feck off and forget all about it.
I head over there. He's third up, so it's still hours until his match. And if he doesn't want to talk now, we can always arrange to meet later. If he'll talk to me at all.
Sneaking into the hotel as best I can, I'm relieved that no one seems to be paying attention to me. Apparently, someone more famous has done something appalling. I must try to find out whom and thank them.
'Lucy!'
I jump, but relax when I see it's Libby.
'I'm so glad I finally caught up with you,' she says. She's wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a monkey holding a snapped pencil on it. Underneath the picture it says 'Write No Evil.'
'I couldn't believe it when I read that article,' she continues. 'I just wanted to make sure you knew that I had nothing to do with it.'
I turn my back to the lobby. 'I never thought you did.'
'Oh, good. I was worried because of that chat in the bar. Remember, with Adrienne? I thought you might think... well, never mind. That man's a sleazebag, don't worry about him.'
I discreetly look around. 'Are there still journalists hanging around?'
Libby pulls a face. 'Yes, but you're not the one they're chasing today.'
'What?'
Libby rummages in her shoulder bag and produces a magazine. 'You think you've got problems.'
The first thing I notice is a picture of Sam. That's enough to get my attention. But there's a second photo. Of his ex Julia... holding a baby. A baby about a year old, with blond hair and blue eyes who looks... exactly like Sam.
I go numb.
Pennington Leaves Ex Holding the Baby
Sam Pennington has steadfastly refused to comment on the reasons for his split from girlfriend Julia Ashby last year... and apparently with good reason. It seems that she was four months pregnant at the time, which he was undoubtedly desperate to conceal. Tennis' Mr. Nice Guy turns out to be anything but...
While Sam remains in England when not on tour, Julia has returned to New Zealand. Although his family is known to be involved in raising his child, the man himself apparently is not. In fact, sources close to the family have revealed that Sam has returned to his home country only once since the split and not at all since the birth.
Given the modest home mother and child are living in; it doesn't seem as if Pennington is even supporting them financially. His career winnings amount to more than US$50 million.
I feel sick. What sort of man abandons his own child? Has everything he's told me been a lie?
I can't believe I was actually going to go and try to make it up with him. Nothing I've done even compares to this. And there's no way I can trust him. Thank Christ it's over.
I hand the magazine back to Libby. I feel horribly shaky. 'Thanks for showing me that. I have to go now.'
I turn to leave the hotel, but then change my mind. I head to the stairs instead and run up to Sam's room.
'Lucy,' Sam says when he opens the door. 'Thanks so much for coming over. I tried to call last night, but I didn't get any answer. I was going to walk over today, but... well, things have been a bit difficult over here. I was hoping we could talk about the article.'
'Which one?' I challenge him, looking up and cursing my heart for thumping. 'The one about me or the one about how you walked out on your own child?'
Sam's jaw sets. 'You've seen it then.'
'Is that all you've got to say? You had the nerve to take the moral high ground with me after doing that? You're a hypocrite and a liar and a complete bastard!'
Sam folds his own arms and squares off against me. 'So that's it, then? You're just going to believe everything you read without giving me a chance to explain?'
'You mean like you did to me?'
Sam is silent for a few moments, then lets his arms fall to his sides. 'Yes,' he says quietly. 'Like I did to you. And actually wanted to apologise for.'
'You did?'
He nods. 'I was far too hasty. I'd only just seen the article and...well, it's been bothering me ever since. And this new story... it reminded me that the press print crap sometimes. Which I shouldn't have forgotten.'
He looks at me. 'You really thought I would walk out on my own child?'
'I...'
Now I actually think about it - no, I don't.
'Hell, even if I didn't want children I still wouldn't do that. Not to mention that her father would have beaten me to a pulp. And my dad would have helped him do it.'
'I'm sorry,' I say.
'Me too.' He stands back. 'How about we trade explanations and see what we think?'
'All right.'
I follow him in and we sit opposite each other, cross-legged on the bed.
'Well,' Sam starts, looking at his hands, 'most of that article is true. Julia has had a baby, she was pregnant when we split up, that is why we split up and I don't have anything to do with them. The crucial fact it left out is that... the baby isn't mine. Julia had an affair and got pregnant by someone else. Hence why I'm a little sensitive about that issue.'
I squeeze his hand.
Then I frown. 'But why are your family involved if he isn't yours? And he looks just like you. Isn't that a bit weird?'
'Not really.'
'Why not?'
'Because his father is my brother.'
I stare dumbly at him.
'Who, as it happens, also looks a lot like me.'
'You're having me on?' I plead.
Sam releases a long breath. 'Believe me,' he says, shaking his head, 'I wish I were.'
'But what... I mean how... when...'
He gives me a quick smile, which does nothing to quell the horror I feel. 'It was going on for about the last six months we were together. Julia's mother was ill, so she stayed in New Zealand most of the time while I was travelling. I don't know how it started - I thought I'd be happier not knowing.'
He glances at me again. 'Anyway, she hid the pregnancy for as long as she could and stupidly I didn't catch on. Mainly because I couldn't see any reason why she wouldn't tell me. She knew I was serious about her and wanted children. Then one night I get home from a tournament and she sits me down and tells me the truth. She was sick of the tour, sick of living in England - essentially sick of me. It was all over. And she was having my brother's baby.'
He gives me a wry smile. 'They live with my brother, who supports them quite ably. My parents help out - he's still their grandchild, after all, and what happened isn't his fault. And for the sake of familial harmony, I stay away. So that's pretty much it. Hopefully you can see why I don't like to talk about it.'
'How could she? How could he? Your own brother!'
Sam shrugs. 'We've never really got on that well. Between you and me, I think he's always felt jealous of all the attention I get. I don't know if that had any influence on him. Maybe they just fell in love. I don't know. We don’t really speak anymore.'
'I can see why you reacted the way you did,' I say slowly. 'To my article, I mean.'
'I guess you could say I've got a lingering sore spot and that article pretty much slammed a fist straight into it.'
I wince. 'It's really not as bad as it sounded. I'm not Julia.
There's no way I'd do what she did. That's appalling.'
'Okay,' Sam says. 'Tell me the truth.'
I think back to the article. 'All right, worst first. Jack Shaw.'
I take a deep breath. 'That is partly true,' I admit. 'I did sleep with him. That was the only time I ever dated someone who was involved. I've always regretted it, but I can't deny that I did it.'
Sam nods slowly.
'But,' I add hastily, 'it wasn't as bad as they made it sound. They got the date wrong - it was years earlier than they said. He wasn't married then; they'd only just started dating. And it was just for a few days. I'm not saying that makes it okay, just... less bad.'
'Okay. What about this Jacques bloke? Adrienne's boyfriend?'
'He wasn't her boyfriend. In all honesty, we were both sleeping with him at the same time at one point. But it wasn't infidelity, it was... sharing.'
Sam raises an eyebrow at me. 'Sharing? What does that mean, exactly?'
I flush. 'It means we all knew about it and we were all fine with it. It was just sex. I know it might be a little unorthodox, but it was totally above board. You can ask Adrienne if you like.'
'Interesting.'
'And the point is,' I carry on, 'all of this was years ago. That stuff about me being linked to other guys while I was with Joe was crap. I never touched another man... until you.'
Sam's expression is still neutral. Are his thoughts good or bad?
'I know my past isn't exactly squeaky clean,' I admit, 'but it's just that - my past. I don't want that for my future. I know I sound like a risk, but isn't everyone? Just because someone hasn't cheated before doesn't mean they won't. It's like you said about retirement - there's a leap of faith to take.'
I look up at him. 'What do you think?'
Sam's mobile rings. I'm tempted to hurl it across the room.
He answers it, exchanges a few words with the person on the other end and hangs up.
'I think,' Sam sighs, 'that I need to go and tell a bunch of journalists all about my life. That was my agent... he's fixed up a press conference. It probably goes without saying that I'd rather have a tennis ball slam into my balls at 100mph, but I'll have to go. And then I have to get ready for my match.'
After Wimbledon Page 16