'Only this!' Lord Sharad shouted. 'Lord Valashu charged twenty of the enemy, and with his own sword, slew eight of them. And then led the attack against the enemy's rear. It was this tactic as well that gave us victory. Forty thousand of the enemy have died here today against four thousand fallen of Mesh. The enemy outnumbered us four to one, and we have slain them ten to one! What more is there to say?'
'Only this!' Lord Avijan called back. 'The sons of Elahad have always been kings of Mesh. Never has their line been broken. It would wrong to break it now. What more is there to say?'
So it went for quite some time as the sun pushed down upon the snow-covered peaks to the west. Some of the warriors to the far right and left, and in the ranks farthest bank, had trouble hearing what was said. Like ripples upon the sea, in a murmur of voices, their fellow warriors passed these words back to them.
'Very well,' Lord Tanu called out at last. 'Who will speak against Lord Valashu becoming king of Mesh?'
For a moment, no one moved. It seemed that thirteen thousand warriors held their breath. Then Lord Ramjay, a grizzled veteran of many campaigns, stepped forward.
'I will!' he cried out. 'We all do know Lord Valashu's deeds. At the Battle of Red Mountain, he hesitated in slaying the enemy. And in Tria, it is said, he slew one who was not the enemy, a great lord of Alonia. He struck down an innocent man in a fit of wrath, with this cursed power of his. And so ruined our chances to make an alliance against the Red Dragon. What more is there to say?'
'Only this!' Sar Jalval shouted. He had commanded one of Lord Tomavar's companies and was nearly as strong as Karshur had been, with great, long arms and a great nose once cleft by a sword. 'Lord Valashu's recklessness in holding back the reserve almost destroyed us. It caused the deaths of his own brothers, Sar Jonathay and Sar Mandru, and many others. It nearly brought upon us our greatest defeat since the Battle of Tarshid in the Age of Law. Four thousand of us have fallen today, and how can we count that a victory? We shall be a generation replacing such losses. If indeed our sons still left to us ever grow to manhood now. What more is there to say?'
'Only this!' Lord Tomavar shouted. He turned his long, horsey face toward me, and in his tormented eyes there was great anger. 'Four thousand warriors have fallen here - and how many of our kin who took shelter in the castle? Two of my own grandsons and four granddaughters were slaughtered like pigs! My daughter, my... young wife It is said that Vareva has been carried off into foul slavery, as have others! Who standing here has also lost sons, daughters and wives today? And why? Because Lord Valashu wantonly deserted his post for the glory of battle And so the castle was taken through sorcery, and the Lightstone was stolen, and our families were slain. What more is there to say?'
It seemed, for the moment, that there was nothing more to say. No other lords or master knights came forward to testify against me. The thousands of warriors lined up before me gazed upon me with their dark eyes as a great lamentation of doubt broke through their ranks.
And then Lord Tanu said to me: 'What words will Lord Valashu speak for or against those spoken here?'
I looked down at the last of the sun's rays caught up in the brightness of the five diamonds of my ring. I looked at Lord Tanu and at Lord Tomavar, tall and grave and waiting upon my words. I looked out at the thousands of warriors of Mesh. What could I say to them? How could I dispute their interpretation of my actions when I condemned them myself? In one matter, however, they were wrong. And so I drew in a breath of air because the truth must be told.
'The castle was taken through treachery,' I said to Lord Tomavar. 'It was Lansar Raasharu who betrayed us in becoming a ghul.'
I told him what I knew of ghuls: that a man's soul could not be seized against his will but only surrendered.
'All men, when put to the fire, will break in the end,' I said. 'And so Lord Raasharu deserves our pity more than our blame. But this great man was reduced to being Morjin's eyes, hands and mouthpiece. It was Morjin's words that Lord Raasharu spoke to me, not Asaru's. Lies, they were. And so believing that my brother was king, what else was there to do but to obey his command?'
'You should have obeyed your father's command,' Lord Tomavar said. 'You were to remain and guard the castle - and with good reason it was you he chose for this chatge. For the castle was surely taken through Morjin's sorcery. The gates must have been thrown open by guards maddened by Morjin's illusions. But it is known that Valashu Elahad has gained the power to defeat such illusions. If you hadn't abandoned your post, then Morjin never would have ravaged as he did. The only treachery I see here is yours in putting glory before duty.'
My face was beginning to burn, but not from the heat of the long day's sun. I said to Lord Tomavar, 'You have suffered terrible loss today, as have many of us. Who could think clearly after the maddening things that we have seen? But I ask you to think of this: why would Lord Raasharu have left the battle if not to deceive as he did?'
Lord Tomavar summoned forward one of the master knights behind him. This was a stolid man with a square jaw and sad, dark eyes full of death. I remembered that his name was Sar Aldelad.
'Tell us,' Lord Tomavar said to him, 'what Lord Raasharu told you.'
Sar Aldelad bowed his head to him and addressed the nearby lords and knights: 'As Lord Raasharu was riding off the field, he told me that King Shamesh had sent him back to the castle to request that Lord Valashu send a company of knights to aid us.'
'Another lie!' I said. 'Lord Raasharu lied to Sar Aldelad, as he lied to me.'
'Is it indeed a lie?' Lord Tomavar said to me. 'That word falls too easily off your tongue.'
'My father would never have sent away his greatest lord in the middle of a battle!'
'He might have,' Lord Tomavar said, 'if he needed to choose someone whom you would trust absolutely. And you did trust him, didn't you? And then betrayed that trust by deciding to lead the company of knights yourself?'
'No, it was not so!' I cried out. 'I did trust Lord Raasharu, but he betrayed me, as he did everyone standing here and all of Mesh!'
Lord Tomavar shook his long head back and forth. The ribbons tied to his long hair rustled against each other. Then he gathered in all the scorn in his powerful voice as he called out 'You should be ashamed to slander such a great man who was so faithful to your father - and to you. Lord Raasharu is dead, in defense of your castle, and so he cannot defend himself against your wanton accusations.' 'All that I have told here today is true!' 'Is it? And who is left alive to confirm your story?' As it happened, neither Sar Vikan nor any of the knights in his company had heard Lansar Raasharu request my presence on the battlefield. But one man had.
'All that Lord Valashu said is true!' a great voice boomed out. Maram strode forward like a great bear and stood in front of Lord Tomavar. 'I was present at the gate with him and Lord Raasharu.'
Lord Tomavar nodded his head to him. 'Everyone knows what a faithful friend you have been to Lord Valashu. Perhaps too faithful.' 'Are you calling me a liar?' Maram bellowed out. His face flushed deep red and seemed to burn through the brown curls of his beard. His hand fell upon the hilt of his sword. He would have to be mad to draw upon lord Tomavar But it seemed that he might for the hellish furnace of war had forged him into more of a Valari knight than even he suspected,
'No, I would never call you a liar,' Lord Tomavar said. 'But in the heat of the moment, with the news of the battle, you might easily have misheard Lord Raasharu's words. And so there Is no dishonor in that.'
'I did not mishear him!' Maram called out. 'As for my own honor, I'm not concerned. But you should not stain the honor of my friend. Val has told you nothing but the truth! He's the most truthful man I know - sometimes too damn truthful! He would never lie!'
Lord Tomavar stood very still as he glared at me. With his diamond armor and face all smeared with blood, as he gathered in all his wrath, he was terrible to behold. And then, like a crack of thunder, he cried out; 'In Tria, when Lord Valashu was asked if he was the Maitreya, h
e affirmed that he was. Thus his honor is already stained with the shame of this lie if no other.'
After that Lord Tomavar fell quiet, and so did Maram - and everyone else assembled there. Now there was truly nothing more to say.
The sun finally disappeared behind the mountains, and a shadow fell upon the field. I felt the eyes of thirteen thousand warriors burning into me, I could not move; I did not want to breathe. I stood ensnared in a web of evil, lies and great blame.
Then Lord Tanu, true to the ancient forms, called out: 'Who will draw his sword to Lord Valashu as King?'
As with a single motion, with the ringing of steel like the rush of a cold wind, five thousand knights and warriors drew their swords to me. They held their bright kalamas pointing at me like so many rays of light. But eight thousand men did not draw their swords. And so I could not be King of Mesh.
I tried to keep my face as stern as those of the lords and master knights standing near me I slipped the great ring from my finger and for a moment held it tight inside my fist. And then I cast it down into the grass. I turned about so that no one could see the shame burning my face and the tears in my eyes. I began walking north, toward the woods that edged the Culhadosh Commons. I was only faintly aware of Altaru nickering as he followed after me and my friends and their horses as well. I moved without purpose or destination, I wanted only to keep on walking, through the Valley of the Swans and out of Mesh, until I walked right off the edge of the world.
Chapter 34
After the burials, we took shelter on Lord Harsha's farm eight miles farther up the valley. Forest surrounded his fields on three sides, affording us a sense of isolation. Atara, Liljana and Estrella settled into one room of Lord Harsha's stout, stone house, while Maram, Kane, Master Juwain, and Daj shared two others. 1 spread out my cloak on some clean straw in the barn, next to the stalls of Lord Harsha's gray mare and his other horses. Behira, having finished with her duties with the wounded from the battle, prepared us meals of good, solid Meshian fare: bacon, eggs and hotcakes in the morning; beef and barley soup for lunch; lamb roasts with herbs and potatoes for supper. I could hardly eat any of it. Liljana, who helped with the cooking, kept urging upon me these tasty viands; she told me that I must at least try to strengthen my body for what was to come.
'It's an old saying of our Sisterhood,' she told me. 'Nourish the body, and the spirit will flourish.'
And I told her: 'We of Mesh say that the spirit alone gives the body life.'
I thought of my grandmother's fierce will to speak with me before she died, and I knew this was true.
For most of five days, I lay as one dead in the half-darkness of the barn, listening to the chickens squawk, breathing in the scent of straw, manure and old wood. I watched a spider weave an elaborate web between the rafters above me. I tried not to think of what I had seen in the ruins of my family's burnt-out castle. I dwelled on all the deeds of my life. My friends, in their wisdom, left me alone.
And then, on a cloudy day with the first chill of autumn in the air, I roused myself and went to work. I saw to Altaru's shoeing and changed the poultice where a sword had scored his flank during the batde. I began gathering in stores: dried beef and dried plums; cheeses as yellow as old paper; year-old hickory nuts; and battle-biscuits almost hard enough to drive nails. My friends watched in silence as I made these preparations. And then, when Maram could bear it no longer, he caught me out behind the barn oiling my old suit of mail that I had retrieved from my rooms in the castle.
'What are you doing?' he asked me.
'What does it look like I'm doing?' I said. Heavy rings of steel jangled in my hands as I examined them for any broken or weak links. 'I cannot remain in Mesh.'
Maram, too, had put aside his diamond armor; he stood before me wearing a plain half-tunic and trousers, topped with a leather hunting jacket. He looked every inch a Valari knight at his leisure.
'But where are you going?' he asked me.
And I told him: 'To Argattha.'
He shook his head as he looked out to the west and watched the clouds in the sky building thicker and darker. 'Ah, Val, Val, it's a bad season to be setting out on any journey. But this - surely you know this is madness?'
'I don't care.'
'But I do care,' he told me. 'You promised Kane to stay alive.'
'No, the spirit of the promise was that I would not kill myself. And I won't.'
'But you're throwing your life away!'
'Am I? Are you a scryer then, that you can see the future?'
'But you'll never even get past the guards at Argattha's gates! They'll shackle you in chains and drag you before Morjin. And before you die, he'll -'
'I'm not afraid any more, Maram.'
He slapped his fist into his hand as his fat cheeks puffed out. 'No? No? Are you proud of that? To be without fear is to be without hope.'
'Hope,' I murmured, shaking my head.
'I know, I know,' he told me. 'But what else can we do but try to find a good outcome to all the horrible things that have happened?'
'Life isn't a story,' I said to him. 'It doesn't have a happy ending.'
'Don't say that, Val. We're all involved in a great story, as old as time, whose ending hasn't yet been written.'
I looked down at the rings of oily steel in my hands, and I said, 'Perhaps it hasn't. But it's not hard to see what that ending now must be.'
'Are you a scryer?' he said to me. Then he grasped my arm and told me, 'I am afraid enough for both of us. And so I won't let you go.'
'How will you stop me?'
'I won't let you go ... alone.'
His courage caused me gasp against the shock of pain that stabbed through my chest. I gazed into his eyes, all soft and brown and shining with his regard for me.
'No, you can't come with me,'I told him. 'It would be your death.'
'And how will you stop me, my friend?'
He smiled at me, and for a few moments, we stood there taking each other's measure. Then a gray, cold drizzle began sifting down from the sky; I covered my suit of armor with my cloak and told him, 'I won't let you go to Argattha.'
Later that day, as I walked through the woods beyond the stone wall at the edge of Lord Harsha's fields, I came upon a great, old elm tree that had once been felled by lightning. I sat upon its moss-covered trunk. Rain pattered against leaves and soaked into my cloak. Atara found me there, staring at the dark trees all about me as I rubbed the scar on my forehead.
'Maram told me I might find you here,' Atara said to me. 'He told me where you're thinking of going.'
She pulled her lionskin cloak more tightly around her shoulders as she sat down beside me. I said to her, 'If he tires of being a Valari knight, he can always find work as a spy.'
She smiled at this, then took my hand. 'It's cold, here, Val. Why don't you come in out of the rain and sit by the fire?'
I shook my head as I pointed at the mat of dripping ferns spread across the ground. 'This is the spot where the bear nearly killed me He nearly killed Asaru, too. All my life, Asaru told everyone that I'd saved his life.'
She said nothing as she oriented her head facing the place that I had pointed out. I wondered if she could 'see' me as a young boy plunging my knife into the huge, brown bear's back in a frantic effort to keep the beast from mauling Asaru.
'Where the Ikurians were upon me,' I said to her, 'he gave me back my life. But not in repayment. Only. . . in love. You should have seen the look in his eyes, just before he died. He didn't care that he would have made a better king than I.'
Her hand tightened around mine, and its warmth flowed into me.
'I can't believe I'll never talk to him again,' I said. 'My mother, my father, all of them -I can't believe they're really gone.'
Atara's blindfold, I saw, was wet with rain, if not tears. I thought it cruel that she could never weep again, just as Liljana could not laugh.
'What was the point of us going to Argattha,' I asked her, 'if it all came to this?'
'I don't know, Val.'
'But you're suppose to see everything.'
'I wish I could.'
'So many dead,' I murmured. 'And in the end, we only succeeded in giving the Lightstone back to Morjin. I did.'
'You mustn't blame yourself.'
'Who should I blame then? Kane, for not seeing all of Morjin's plots and perfidies? You? The One for creating the world?'
'Please, do - blame us, if that would be easier for you.'
I squeezed her hand, and pressed it to my forehead. 'I'm sorry,' I told her.
'And I'm sorry, too,' she said. 'But not even a scryer can make out all ends. Something good may yet come of what has happened in a way that we can't see.'
'Something good,' I said, shaking my head. 'I should have done better to have claimed the Lightstone from the very beginning.'
'Please, don't say that.'
'Why not? If I had come forth as the Maitreya, that day with Baltasar in my father's hall, I might have united the Valari without even going to Tria. Morjin would never have attacked Mesh, and the Lightstone would be mine.'
'And what then?' she asked me. 'You know the prophecy. Would they come to call you the Great Silver Swan? Would you have that name become a curse, like the Red Dragon?'
'At least,' I told her, 'my people would still be alive.'
'There are some things more terrible than death,' she said, rubbing at her blindfold. 'Do you doubt that you could become as Morjin -or worse?'
I recalled the look on Ravik Kirriland's face as I had struck him down. I sat there in silence, listening to the rain.
'You would have brought great evil to the world,' she said to me. 'Great destruction and death.'
'Could the suffering that entailed have been any worse?'
'I don't know. I don't know how to measure such a thing. Do you?'
I pressed my fingers against her wrist, where I could feel her heart sending out pulses of blood like an anguished and savage thing. I said, 'There's no end to suffering.'
Lord of Lies Page 66