I thought about how lucky I had been to get away from him. I'd thought about him hurting me over the years, but I'd never once thought that he could have taken my life. I thought about that woman, the one who hadn't gotten away from him, and I knew I needed to live for the both of us. I was done flinching because of him. I was done letting him run my life. I was going to live the best life I could, and I was going to be the one to control it.
When I heard the knock on the bathroom door come even harder, I knew I had to get out of the tub and face reality. I dried off and pulled on the pajamas I'd grabbed on the way in. Then I grabbed my phone, took a deep breath, and swung the door open.
“Fuck!” I heard Doug hiss, as I looked up to see a worried look on his face. “Are you okay?”
“I'm sorry,” I said, as if I hadn't just lost my shit. “I should have told you I was going to take a bath.”
“Don't give me that shit,” he said through clenched teeth. “What happened? What did that fucker do?”
What fucker was he talking about, I wondered, as I stood there looking at him.
“Derek,” he snapped. “What did he do?”
“Why would you say Derek?” I asked, as I moved from foot to foot, trying my best not to lose my shit all over again.
“I knew it was a mistake,” he said, as he turned and walked back into my bedroom while running his fingers through his hair.
“It was you,” I snapped out. “You were the one that gave him his name.”
He stopped frozen and slowly turned to face me.
“Bridget,” he said.
I held my hand up to stop him.
“Don't,” I said. “Do not try to explain this away. If it weren't for Gabby, I'm not sure I would ever speak to you again.”
“I love you and Gabe,” he said. “I would never do anything to hurt you. You don't understand. That fucker can be pretty intimidating.”
I let out a laugh.
“Derek,” I said. “Derek scares you.”
“Doesn't he scare you?” he asked without thinking. “The dude is big, demanding, cocky, and always has a damn gun sticking out from somewhere. No offense, I'm pretty big myself. I can definitely hold my own, but that guy, he's freakishly strong. He was a SEAL. They don't just let anyone do that.”
I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him.
“You beat a man bloody,” I said. “You even took out Gabby's ex. I can't believe Derek makes you nervous.”
“I can't believe he doesn't make you nervous,” he said. “Everyone else does.”
When I closed my eyes, he was right there.
“I'm so sorry,” he said. “I shouldn't have said that.”
I took a step back, pulled my shoulders back, and narrowed my eyes at him again. It was time to take my life back, from everyone.
“It's fine,” I said. “You're right. I do get nervous around people. I'd rather you say something about it to my face instead of doing it behind my back. I get that you told Derek something you shouldn't have. Then you did it again by giving him the guy's name. If I'd wanted him to have it, I would have given it to him myself. Stop treating me like I'm going to break, Doug. I'm done with that shit. I want to be treated the way you would treat anyone else. I don't need you watching out for me. If you don't keep your damn mouth closed when it comes to Derek, he's going to be the least of you worries. I appreciate everything you have ever done for me, but I need you to back the fuck off. I need to live my life, even if it means making mistakes. Those are things I have to deal with. Do you hear me?”
“Yes,” he said. “I just care about you.”
“No,” I snapped. “You feel like you have to watch out for me because Gabe is gone. You're doing it for him. I don't need that. If you care about me, then be my friend.”
He nodded but didn't deny his reasons for looking after me.
“What did he tell you?” I asked. “Do not lie to me, Doug.”
“He sent me a text that said “I fucked up”,” he said. “Then he sent one that said that he knew he couldn't come here and asked if I could check on you.”
“Let him know that you've checked and I'm alive,” I said, as I turned away from him and went downstairs.
I picked Gabe up and swung him around. Then I looked up at his dad's urn. I was thankful that he'd taken a chance, gotten the guys together, and gone after the fucker that hit me. Gabe didn't know everything, but he saved me. I knew that more than I ever had before.
“What's going on with you two?” Doug asked.
I let out a laugh, as I got Gabe ready and headed for the door.
“Nothing that matters,” I said, as I walked toward the door. “Just so you know, he didn't fuck up, so leave him alone. He's a great guy and a good friend.”
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I'm taking my son out to dinner,” I said. “We'll be back later.”
“Dinner,” he said.
“Yep,” I said with a smile. “We're going for pizza and hopefully a huge ice cream afterward.”
Then I was gone. I was sure Doug could figure out how to heat up some leftovers or ask Gabby to pick something up on her way home. He was her husband, not mine. I was tired of taking care of things probably as much as he was tired of trying to take care of me.
My phone continued to ding, but I didn't answer it. I didn't need anyone worrying about me. I was going to be just fine. Derek never gave up. It was something I'd learned in the year that I'd known him as more than just the big man that stood behind me. When my phone dinged again and I saw that it was Jean, I cursed his name. That fucker had pulled out the big guns. He knew I wouldn't ignore her. I read her text and laughed.
Jean: I'm supposed to make sure you're okay.
That woman was something else. If her daughter was half as awesome as she was, I could understand why she'd made such a huge impact in Derek's life.
Me: I'm fine. I know Doug has already told him that. I really am.
I'd stopped at the park after dinner to let Gabe play while I watched the sun go down. I was sitting on a bench, and he was happily throwing sand everywhere. I knew he was going to be a mess when he was done, but I didn't care. He was having a blast. That was what mattered. Everything else could be dealt with.
I heard the ding and looked down at my phone.
Jean: I don't know what he screwed up, but I've never once seen him like this. You've brought the man to his knees. That's something even my daughter could never do. Don't give up on him.
Me: There's nothing to give up on. We are two very different people looking for two very different things. He is a great man, and he has a great family around him. He's lucky to have you. I hope he knows just how lucky he is. Not everyone is lucky to have someone like you in their corner.
I'd already had a day like I'd never had in my life. I'd actually gone through every emotion possible in just one day. I was exhausted, the sun was setting, and the world was quiet. The only thing I could hear was the sound of my son's laughter as he played. It was the most important sound in my life, and it needed to stay that way. For just one second, I pictured Jenny and Derek there too. I could almost hear his laugh, one that I'd heard more and more as that year had gone on, and the pull in my chest was tighter than I could take.
I was already so close to tears from everything I was feeling. When Jean's next text came through, I was a goner.
Jean: I'm in your corner too.
The tears came, and I couldn't stop them. The weight of everything from the day took over, and I cried as I watched my boy play. I read her message over and over again. She would never know what her words meant to me.
Me: Thank you! I've never in my life felt like I've actually had someone in my corner that wasn't there because they felt like they had to be.
Jean: It seems to me that you and Derek have both been through more than your share of heartache and trials. He doesn't mean to be an ass.
I couldn't help but laugh through my tears as I read her w
ords.
Me: He was trying to help today, even though I'd asked him not to. He meant well, and I walked away from him. I feel horrible. He touched a part of my life I wanted left in the past, and instead of making it better, which was what he thought he was doing, he made it worse.
Jean: I see.
Me: He didn't make it worse though. Once I left, I had time to think, and while what he told me hurt really bad, it made me realize certain things. So, in that way, I guess he did make it better. I know it sounds crazy, but it makes sense to me.
Jean: All I know is that the man is a mess. You aren't answering him, and it's driving him crazy.
Me: That man needs to learn that he can't control everyone and everything.
Jean: He's never been that way with anyone, not until you.
Me: Lucky me!
Me: That was totally sarcastic by the way.
Jean: It really does make you lucky. You just can't see that yet. Unfortunately, neither can he. I'm just hoping one of you figures it out before it's too late.
Me: I don't know about that.
Jean: Are you really okay?
Me: I'm sitting in the park, watching Gabe play, while the sun goes down. I'll be fine. I just need to figure a few things out.
Jean: I'm here if you need me. It doesn't matter if you and Derek are friends that day or not, I'm still here.
Me: Thank you! I just might have to take you up on that.
Jean: Anytime. Be safe. Text me when you get home.
I laughed out again at her words.
Me: You sound just like him.
Jean: I sure hope not.
I watched the sun as it faded and finally decided to read his messages.
Derek: I really am sorry. I was trying to help, but I can see that it was a mistake. I hope you can forgive me.
Derek: Are you home? Are you okay?
Derek: All I need to know is that you're okay. Please text me back, Bridget.
Derek: Doug said you're in the bath. I hate that he's the one that knows that. I don't like that he's protecting you.
Derek: Okay, you aren't going to answer. I get it. I'm so damn sorry. I never should have looked for him.
I jumped when I heard the ding and a new message came up.
Derek: Jean said you're okay, but you're not at home. She said you need time. I hope you know I'm fighting myself so hard right now. I'm staying here. I'm doing that for you.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't not reply.
Me: Thank you for that. I'm sorry too. Even though I asked you not to do it, I get that you were trying to help, and you did in a way. What you told me will stay with me forever, but part of it did help. He's had power over me all these years, and I'm taking that power back. I'm glad you were the one that told me. I'm not sure it could have been anyone else. You're a good friend, Derek. You really are.
Derek: You okay?
Me: Yes. I'm watching the sun go down at the park with Gabe.
Derek: Are you trying to drive me crazy?
Me: Not at all. I'm a big girl. I can't always have someone watching out for me. Sometimes I need to watch out for myself.
Derek: I know I'm not Gabe or Doug. I'll leave you alone.
Me: It wasn't okay for them, Derek. I just want to be normal. I'm tired of people being there because they feel like they need to be. I'm not an obligation. I'm getting in the car right now. I'll let Jean know when I'm home.
I picked my sleepy boy up and headed for the car. He was asleep before we even turned out of the park. As soon as we were home, I gave him a quick bath to get rid of the sand he'd gotten everywhere and put him in his bed.
I got into bed a few minutes later with my phone in my hand. There was a light knock at my door, but I didn't answer. I couldn't deal with Gabby or Doug. I'd see them both in the morning. Then I'd be better prepared for whatever it was they had to say. I typed out a quick message. Then I put my phone down and closed my eyes.
Jean: I'm home. Can you please let Derek know too? Thank you for earlier. I really needed to hear from you. Goodnight!
The next morning, I was up and ready. I dropped Gabe off and headed to work. Part of me was nervous to see Derek, but another part of me was excited. When the door opened and he walked in, his usual smile wasn't there. He whispered a quick Good morning. Then he was gone, and I instantly felt bad. The phone rang, and I jumped to get it.
“Bridget,” it sounded like John, but I wasn't positive. He wasn't calling from his work line.
“John?” I asked.
“I need to talk to you about something today,” he said. “I won't be in the office until almost five o'clock, but I really want to talk to you about a call I just got. Do you think you could stay?”
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I just don't want to put it off, not even until tomorrow. I can come by the house later tonight if you want, but I'd rather talk to you in private.”
“Sure,” I said. “You're sure everything is okay?”
“Yes,” he said. “I'm sure.”
“I'll be here. Gabby is leaving early today. I'll see if she can pick Gabe up for me.”
“Great,” he said. “I'll see you then.”
I hung up the phone, confused about what John could possibly have to talk to me about. As soon as Gabby came through the door, I asked her about getting Gabe and was pleasantly surprised when she agreed without questioning me.
“Can we get lunch soon?” I asked her. “I could really use some time with you.”
Her face lit up, and I knew mine did too. It had been a long time since the two of us had just taken a few minutes to hang out without a reason behind it.
“Yes,” she said. “That would be awesome.”
I sat at my desk the rest of the day going through all of the possibilities there could be for John wanting to see me. If it was about Gabe, he'd just call Gabby. If it were about the business, he would call Doug or Gabby. What else was left? Was it about Derek? Why would he care about him? Did he know that Derek had tracked my ex down? Was he going to act all worried and protective too? The closer the clock got to four o'clock, the more worried I became. When it passed four and headed for five, I was freaking out inside. I didn't have any reason to be, but I was.
“Hey,” I heard John's voice and jumped. “Sorry about that. I didn't mean to scare you.”
“I didn't hear the door,” I said. “You look like you've had a busy day.”
“I've been in meetings all day,” he said. “If you've got time right now, we can go to my office to talk.”
“Sure,” I said. “I'll meet you up there. I just have to call Sarah to come down.”
“See you in a few,” he said, as he walked toward the elevator.
As soon as Sarah came out of the elevator, I was in and on my way. I had to get it over with. Whatever speech John had for me, I was ready.
When I walked through his door, he motioned for me to sit down.
“I'm good,” I said. “I'm sure this won't take long, and I'll be on my way.”
“I really think you should be sitting down when I tell you what I have to say,” he said.
I walked around the chair in front of me and sat down.
John was right, sitting down was exactly where I needed to be. As if the day before wasn't enough to throw my world off its axis, what he'd just told me threw me into another emotional tailspin.
“Let me know how you want to handle this,” he said.
I walked out of his office and to the elevator on autopilot. When I walked around my desk and looked at Sarah, I knew she saw the confusion and shock still written on my face.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You okay?” she asked.
“I'm great,” I answered. “I really appreciate you coming down. I hope I didn't interrupt your work too much.”
“I needed a minute to myself,” she said. “Gabby was already gone for the day anyway. I'll see you later.”
It was almost s
ix o'clock, and I was still at my desk. I wasn't doing much work, but I also wasn't ready to go home. I was staring down at my laptop and jumped halfway out of my chair when I heard a voice.
“You still here?”
“Shit!” I yelped out, as I looked up at Derek. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?”
“Us guys?” he asked.
He didn't look happy, but he was talking to me. That was a start.
“John did the same thing earlier,” I said. “He scared the shit out of me.”
“Don't you have to get Gabe?” he asked.
“Gabby picked him up for me,” I answered. “John needed to talk to me, but he didn't even come in until almost five today.”
“That's strange,” he said.
“Tell me about it,” I said.
He stood quiet for a moment before taking a step back from my desk.
“I guess I'll see you Monday then,” he said. “Have a good weekend.”
He started for the front, but I called out his name to stop him. When he turned back toward me, I felt so damn bad for everything.
“Do you have a few minutes?” I asked. “I could really use someone to talk to.”
“Of course,” he said. “You want to go have coffee?”
“Meet me at my spot,” I said.
He nodded and walked out the door. Once I'd shut my laptop down and grabbed my stuff, I walked out and locked the door behind me. When I opened my back door and put my bag on my seat, I looked up, shocked that his truck was next to my car. I got in and grabbed my phone before pulling out.
Me: You didn't have to wait for me.
Derek (Hunter PI & Security #1) Page 37