Deepak Ramapriyan
www.theotherdeepak.com
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Study a Foreign Language
I always wanted to learn to speak Spanish but figured I didn’t have the money for a class or the time to study. But with the Internet, you can learn for free and half an hour a day is about all the studying my brain can take anyway. I’m not fluent yet—but I’m determined to get there!
—Andie, 33
In the eighth grade, I failed French 1. Class was at eight in the morning, for God’s sake! I sooo preferred sleeping in to showing up to Miss Sasso’s class to learn how to conjugate a verb. Shoulda gone, though, ’cause I just had to take it again the next year. I took four (or, if you count the repeat, five) years of high school French. I did not excel, but I got by. I would have told you I hadn’t retained any of it, except that when I was twenty-two I got to go backpacking through Bolivia and Peru for a month. I spent the weeks prior and the plane ride over poring through English to Spanish dictionaries. And when I finally arrived in Cuzco, I opened my mouth to speak Spanish…and the only thing that came out was French. For weeks, I mortified myself and my friends by meaning to say por favor and managing only a sheepish s’il vous plaît. Then, finally, the Spanish kicked in. And, of course, when I finally got to go to Paris years later—I could only remember Spanish. I don’t speak either language very well, but Miss Sasso’s class gave me a foundation for which I am grateful. And I’m especially grateful for it now that I’ve read about all the mental benefits to be gained from learning a foreign language.
Believe it or not, studies have shown that learning a foreign language can literally create gray matter in your brain! They show too that learning a foreign language is a FANTASTIC deterrent to the effects of aging on the brain. By learning a language, you are actually benefiting your health and your mood as well as the world by saying, hey, most of y’all don’t speak English (more than four-fifths of the world’s inhabitants don’t speak English) so I’m willing to step outside myself and my upbringing and try to meet you halfway! If you need some added inspiration, read Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert. I promise you won’t get through fifty pages before you’re convinced that you must learn Italian for the sheer sexiness of it!
But for some actual instructions, let’s listen to Laurie Ferguson (no relation to Az), a language specialist who’s been teaching English as a second language both in the States and abroad for many years.
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Learning a New Language
If you want to study a foreign language start by choosing a language you’d love to learn. Don’t study it because you ought to; study it because you’d love to. Next, go to your library or go online and choose a language learning kit that includes a book and a comprehensive audio component (cassettes, CDs, MP3 downloads—whatever works for your lifestyle). Then, use the learning kit to get started, but don’t be a slave to it. Try to spend time with it every day and remember that a little time every day is much more useful than sporadic, long study stretches. Especially when it comes to studying vocabulary…less time and more frequency is much more effective (and fun) than marathon drilling sessions.
Your learning kit will most likely present vocabulary groups but if there are words or groups of words that are important to you in your own life pull out your dictionary and, by all means, learn your favorite words first. Keep vocabulary learning fun and interesting; learn active verbs by acting them out while saying them. Label every object in your kitchen with a sticky note, listen to your vocab words and their translations while taking a walk, download software with a vocabulary screensaver (“virtual teacher software”), or listen to vocab words and their translations in the car, on the treadmill, while folding laundry, etc. Be creative!
Also, learn lots of common words and cognates. By learning the most commonly used 100 words in a language (such as the, and, but) you get a lot of bang for your vocabulary buck. Cognates (words that are very similar in English and the new language) are freebies. They are quick to learn and accumulate in your memory quickly.
Next, find opportunities to hear and read the target language in the real world. Buy a foreign language newspaper, tune in to a foreign language radio station or TV station or Web film, or rent a foreign language film. Find lots of opportunities to see and hear the language being used in contexts that interest you.
Don’t get too hung up on grammar in the beginning stages. Learn what you can from the program you’ve chosen and remember that there’ll be plenty of time to worry about grammar later and only very basic grammar is needed to achieve basic communication.
Next, find yourself a language partner. Meet with a native speaker of your target language who would like the opportunity to practice conversational English. Get together for coffee and chat it up—first in one language and then in the other. There are English learners all over the country who want a chance to practice English in the company of a native speaker. There are ads for language partners all over college campuses, international centers, newspapers, etc.
The most important thing is to always remember that the whole purpose of language is communication. That is important to keep in mind so that as you progress with the process you don’t get hung up on speaking perfectly. Keep the focus on understanding and being understood. Many second language learners are hesitant to talk in the target language because they are afraid to make mistakes. Let that go and realize that the important thing is just getting your point across.
Laurie Sansone Ferguson, language and literacy specialist
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Be of Loving Service to Others
My girlfriend Fran and I created a group called the Guerrilla Givers. Badass givers who perform random acts of kindness around L.A. Two of our outings were handing out flowers on Valentine’s Day and giving free hugs on the Third Street promenade. EVERYONE should try it!
—Duffy, 39
This is my favorite section of this whole book because I actually think it’s the key to life and love and happiness. When I was getting sober in my twenties and suffering all the narcissistic agony that comes with getting sober in your twenties, I was given this piece of advice: “When you feel like crap, find someone who feels worse than you and offer to help them out.” Single best piece of advice I’ve ever been given. Second to that was, “When you’re resenting the hell out of somebody, pray for them and then show them an act of kindness.” The wise friends who told me to do this called it “taking contrary action.”
When I want to kill my boss because she hasn’t noticed how hard I’ve been working, I take a breath and then observe, to her, out loud, how hard she’s been working. I don’t do it bitterly. I don’t do it so she’ll do it in kind. I do it because she is working incredibly hard. And it’s how hard she’s working that has prevented her from noticing how hard I’m working. And complimenting her gets me out of my selfishness and neediness, and I feel better. And suddenly I don’t need her to return the favor (though quite often she does).
If I’m at the grocery store and the clerk is moving really slowly and my inclination is to throttle him, I smile at him instead. Usually, he’s moving slowly because he’s panicked and overwhelmed and sees that everybody is mad at him and a simple smile from a stranger is what he needs to calm down and do his job better. And even if it isn’t, smiling is what I need to calm down and live my life better. I am not a saint. I do not practice this perfectly. But when I do practice it? Everything—absolutely everything—feels better. (My favorite story about this very thing is in Anne Lamott’s brilliant book Plan B. The story is called “Ham of God” and if you haven’t read it, you truly must.)
And by the way? This isn’t just my hippie dippie theory. Many studies have been conducted on the powers of kindness, and studies repeatedly find that the feeling of well-being that comes from helping and showing kindness to others has very real psychological and physical benefits. It improves your self-worth, improves your mood, alleviates anxiety and depression, an
d releases natural endorphins, which reduce both stress and physical pain. Don’t believe it? Awesome! Be your own scientist; test the theory!
So how do you quantify it for the game? Well, you could go to www.volunteermatch.org and ask them to pair you up with a charity in your neighborhood that you can work for a little every day. Or you can choose from this list of small ideas for kindness, and you can do one every day, or you can take on one big project (like a charity drive) and work on it for half an hour each day. And then watch how your whole life (or at least your whole mood) transforms.
Ideas For Kindness
Volunteer to be a tutor in a school or at a local library
Read to children or teach illiterate adults to read.
Donate time at a senior center
You can cook, you can sing, you can bring your baby for a visit. It will raise their spirits and yours!
Give blood
Better yet, organize a group of friends to come give blood with you. People need it every day and most of us go only in the wake of a crisis.
Organize a neighborhood clean up
If that’s too much for you, just commit to pick up litter wherever you see it.
Drop off fresh flowers or fresh baked treats to your local police or fire department
Add a personalized thank-you note for all they do.
Write or call an old teacher and tell him or her what she meant to you
If you can afford it, enclose some money, tell them you’re sorry that teachers are so woefully underpaid, and that dinner tonight is on you.
Give a bag of groceries, a take-out meal, or a homemade sandwich to a homeless person
Or, if you have more time than money, volunteer at a local shelter or soup kitchen. They need help every day, and most of us think to volunteer only on holidays.
Wash a car, mow a lawn, rake leaves, or shovel snow for an elderly neighbor
Or, if you’re a mom, offer to babysit for another neighborhood mom free of charge.
Help animals in need
If you’re an animal lover, collect food, toys, kitty litter, towels, and soft blankets and donate them—as well as any extra time you have—to your local animal shelter.
A Few More Ideas for Your New Healthy Habit
Call three people you like each day. Remember when we used to actually talk to each other? If you’re in your twenties or younger, then maybe you don’t. But back in the day? Before e-mailing and texting and IMing and Facebook? We used to actually pick up this old-fashioned thing called a telephone or, and this is radical, go see a neighbor in person and sit and chat over a cup of tea. We are so easily connected these days and yet so completely disconnected. How many times have you had a misunderstanding with a friend because you misinterpreted their intended tone in an e-mail? So commit to reaching out to three people a day with your actual voice and see if you don’t end up feeling a whole lot better.
Cook a meal at home every day and eat it at the dinner table. The act of cooking can be both social and enjoyable. This is a fantastic way to reconnect with yourself and your loved ones. It’s supereasy to get buried in work and technology and take-out containers and completely lose touch with the person who sleeps in the bed next to you or the bedroom next to yours. Turn off the TV and the computer and turn on the stove. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Scramble some egg whites and veggies and chop up a salad and talk to each other while you do it. If you want to get really wild, wash the dishes together after you eat. Now that’s just craaaazy!
Read.
Floss.
Or read and floss. Because flossing takes only a couple of minutes and I think you can manage a little bit more.
Okay. That’s it for the instructions. I’m not gonna teach you how to floss your teeth or read. (Though reading is a very popular choice in the game. It’s amazing how many of us haven’t read a good book in years!) Okay, fine, I’m not gonna teach you how to read but I will tell you some of my favorite books, just to give you a little kick-start in that direction. In no particular order…
Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. My favorite book maybe ever.
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. My favorite book when I was in high school, recommended by my wonderful English teacher Linda Fowler.
Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins. My favorite book when I was in college, with some of the best sex scenes ever.
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez. Pure magic. My favorite book from my twenties. Best read while backpacking through South America.
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. Appropriately titled. My favorite book after my dad died. It made me feel less alone.
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. Made me grateful for every moment of my life. My favorite book in recent years.
Bee Season by Myla Goldberg. Blew my mind. Just read it. Seriously. Right now.
The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. Reading it made me a better writer.
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• • • A Tip from Az • • •
I don’t really have a tip for you here. Just some of my favorite books.
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. Fundamentally changed the way I look at the world.
The Master Key System by Charles Haanel. All about meditation and manifestation—and the author encourages you to read only one chapter per week. Marvelous.
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Read this when I was about eight and have continued to read it every couple of years since.
True and False by David Mamet. Read this just after leaving school, and wish I had read it before.
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. Opened up my perspective on life.
Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss. I love this book. And it’s profound, even when I read it now.
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GET A PEN!
List your favorite books and what you love about them…Then trade lists with a teammate!
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Step Up Your Game!
Form a mini book club with your team! You can all commit to reading for half an hour a night and then you can go for long, speedy walks together and talk about the book.
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Okay, I’m really done now. I’m really, really not gonna teach you how to floss.
Crap. Fine. I will.
How to Floss
1. Pull a foot or two of floss from the floss container. Wrap it around the pointer fingers of both hands and pull it taut.
2. Slip floss between your teeth and into the area between your teeth and gums as far as it will go without you drooling blood. (Though if you’re not a flosser, you actually may bleed a little the first few times because your gums will be sensitive.)
3. Floss with several strokes to dislodge food and plaque.
4. Do all your teeth at least once every day.
5. You can floss before or after you brush your teeth. The most important time to floss is before bedtime. If you get sleepy and lazy right before bed, consider flossing while you watch TV after dinner.
6. SMILE FOR YOUR DENTIST. She will be so very proud!
Okay, for reals. That’s it. The end. Bye, now. Turn the page. Oh! Wait! Before you turn the page…
GET A PEN!
Write down a few ideas of what your new healthy habit might be! You can choose from this chapter or make up some of your own.
Jo O’Key, 15 pounds lost
I took on the game because of my ever-expanding ass and my ever-increasing discomfort with the size of it. I’m highly competitive in everything I do—and I actually kicked off my weight loss by secretly (like, I knew it, but they didn’t) competing with some girlfriends who were trying to lose weight too! But the game took it to the next level, allowing me to pull my competitive instincts out of hiding and revel in the fact that it now felt like a big team sport!
The camaraderie was awesome. We shared recipes and also upsets all along the way. Mood swings, victorie
s, disappointments, and excitement in results. Yet all the way we maintained this great attitude of “I’ll help you and wish you do well for your body and all that but I am secretly going to do better than you so there!” And I loved that.
The game rocks! I’m doing it again this month so look out. I’ll kick your big, fat butt! By the way, I lost most of mine.
JoJo, 33
Chapter 14
ALCOHOL, COFFEE, AND DIET SODA
(Or, What Do You Mean I Can’t Drink All My Calories?)
One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I’m having a good time.
—Nancy Astor
Alcohol
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The Rules: No alcohol is to be consumed while you are playing the game except on the day off. You may also have one portion during the meal off.
The Penalty: If you consume alcohol at unsanctioned times, you lose 25 points per portion. A portion is up to 12 ounces of beer, 6 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of hard liquor.
The Escalation: If you don’t make weight on any given week, you lose the privilege of alcohol on your day off for the duration of the game.
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The truth is, this rule wasn’t really a difficult thing for me because I haven’t had a drink since I was twenty-two. It’s not that I don’t like drinking; it’s that I like it a little too much. It’s also that when I drink I become desperate and needy and sloppy and start fistfights in bars with people who are much bigger and maler than I am. Also, I watched alcohol destroy too many people I love, so I made a decision pretty early in life to not be one of them. Quitting drinking at twenty-two was not easy. But with help from some wonderful, like-minded souls, I did it. It makes me incredibly happy that my daughter will never see me drunk and that in making that one subversive, radical decision, I have averted and rewritten a toxic family cycle that went back for many generations…Duuuuuude. I just got all serious on you. Heh. I like to change it up sometimes. Keep you guessing.
The Game On! Diet Page 18