I don’t know why the FDA hasn’t pulled the license on aspartame. I could rant some conspiracy theories at you, but I think I’m gonna let you go online and just read about it yourself because I could honestly fill a whole book on this subject alone. What I’m going to focus on here instead is one simple thing: artificial sweeteners can cause you to gain weight. There’s a whole slew of new studies that say so. And Dr. Katz, the director of the Yale Prevention Research Center, says so in this book.
So here’s the thing: Az and I were veeeeery tempted to outlaw artificial sweeteners altogether because this game is about optimizing your health, and putting chemicals into your body in place of food does not optimize your health! If you remain unconvinced, please simply look at this list:
Acetone
Acetic acid
Acetyl alcohol
Acetic anhydride
Ammonium chloride
Benzene
Chlorinated sulfates
Ethyl alcohol
Isobutyl ketones
Formaldehyde
Hydrogen chloride
Lithium chloride
Methanol
Sodium methoxide
Sulfuryl chloride
Trityl chloride
Toluene
Thionyl chloride
This is the list of chemicals used in the creation of Splenda. Y’know, the one they keep telling us is “made from sugar.” Seriously. Seeeeeeriously!!! Whatever the FDA says, whatever your doctor says, I’m asking you to answer this one question: Can you look at this list, and in your heart of hearts believe that you should be eating or drinking anything made from this chemical crap? Or feeding it to your children?
I hope you quit artificial sweeteners like a bad habit, ’cause that’s what they are. But even if you’re not ready to do that, we are asking you to give up sodas and diet sodas for the duration of the game, except on your meal and day off (and even then, we say, Just Say No!).
Why soda? Why not? It fills you up without satisfying your need for food. It leaves you malnourished and craving carbohydrates and sweets. And soda, whether diet or not, has recently been linked to an increase in esophageal cancer, which happens to be the disease my dad died from at fifty-six, so I take that statistic personally.
And I am now done ranting. Phew. That was exhausting, even for me.
Frequently Asked Questions
Alcohol
Q:
What if I’m sick and I have to drink cold medicine with alcohol in it? Do I still lose points?
A:
No, because we are not evil bastards. And because if you are drinking cough syrup for fun, you have bigger problems than we can address in this book.
Q:
Can I take off fewer points if I drink a lower calorie alcohol?
A:
Ummmmmm…No.
Q:
What if I have two portions of alcohol on my meal off—do I still lose 25 points?
A:
YES.
Q:
Can I still cook with wine or sherry?
A:
Yes, because the cooking burns off the metabolism-screwing part of the alcohol. But you will want to use these ingredients very lightly as they are highly caloric.
Coffee
Q:
Can I use soy creamer in my coffee?
A:
Veeeery sparingly. Each tablespoon has 15 calories and a gram of fat.
Q:
Can I use non-dairy creamer?
A:
No. It’s all sweeteners and sugar and oily non-food grossness.
Q:
Our team wants to create bonus points for giving up caffeine. Can we do that?
A:
It’s tricky because the game depends on everyone having the same number of point-earning opportunities. If you are all drinking about the same amount of caffeine and you are all interested in kicking it, then yes, go ahead. But if not, then those of you who want to kick it can make it part of your Habit Points. As your unhealthy habit, give up caffeine. But if you are a heavy user, I suggest you wean instead of going cold turkey. Like, if you’re drinking five cups a day, go to three in week 1, two in week 2, one in week 3, and none in week 4. And go you!! You rock!
Diet Soda
Q:
Why do you go on an attack rant about my beloved artificial sweeteners but not about sugar, which is also really bad for you?
A:
It is actually refined sugar that is really bad for you, as sugar found in fruits and vegetables and other natural foods is really healthy and an essential part of our daily nutritional intake. But culturally, we tend to think of refined sugar as an unhealthy indulgence (which it is) while we think of artificial sweeteners as “the healthy alternative”—which they SO aren’t. Also, refined sugar, as bad as it is in a thousand different ways, is at least found in nature. Artificial sweeteners are chemicals made in a lab. No more than you would go out and drink the chlorinated water from your pool should you be putting artificial sweeteners in your body. But you’re right—if you want to be the healthiest you can be, you should eliminate all refined sugars from your life completely. All they do is add calories without any nutritional value at all. By the way, sugar is F.L.A.B.B., and you lose points for eating it.
Q:
Diet soda is my thing. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s my CAFFEINE. It’s my friend. It’s my THING.
A:
I know. I’ve been there. And I know it’s not just about the caffeine. It’s personal. Giving up your soda is going to be really hard because it’s become your “I’m on a diet” status symbol. You drink it in public or on dates or at parties or with skinny people so you don’t feel fat. Or so when people see your thighs they’ll assume you’re healthy or you’re on a diet, and then they’ll be all, “I don’t know why she’s overweight, she always drinks diet soda, must be her thyroid or something.” We all hide behind something. Here’s an idea: Order an iced tea with lemon (which has plenty of caffeine) or a club soda with a lime. It has all the same effects—and no poison. Or order a green tea. Then people will KNOW you are a health nut, plus you get your caffeine and you may just be warding off cancer to boot!
Q:
I can’t believe what you’re telling me about diet soda. I have been drinking it for years.
A:
I know. You used to go out for dinner and you’d think, I can have those French fries as long as I get DIET soda. At least that’s healthy. (That’s what I did.) And here I am telling you it’s liquid poison. Well, you can be mad at me for a moment, but please don’t feel stupid because you didn’t know. And giant soda corporations don’t want you to know. But now you know. So now you have a choice. Research it more. Or don’t. Up to you.
Q:
What about natural sodas that are sweetened with juice or cane sugar—can I have those?
A:
No, because they add too many empty calories to your day, which really defeats your weight-loss goals.
Q:
So all this talk about artificial sweeteners, does that mean that on my meal off when I have dessert, I should have something with a natural sweetener in it?
A:
Yes, please!
Q:
Giving up soda sucks. I’m used to drinking three or four sodas a day. Now what am I supposed to drink?
A:
That’s a lot of caffeine you’re cutting out. So maybe have a little coffee or some green tea or black tea, iced or hot, to ward off caffeine withdrawal. You can stir in a small spoonful of honey or maple syrup. If you’re not wanting to replace the caffeine, then just stick to water and see the water chapter for suggestions on how to spruce it up. Believe me, if you’re drinking your 3 liters of water a day, you won’t have much thirst left for soda.
Q:
When I stopped drinking sodas I started to get headaches. Should I be worried?
A:
That’s the caffeine withdrawal. If you don’t want
to or can’t ride it out, have a cup of black or green tea, cold or iced.
* * *
Play by the Rules
* * *
Alcohol
You may consume one portion of alcohol during the meal off and drink freely on your day off.
One portion equal 12 ounces of beer, 6 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of hard liquor.
If you don’t make your weight-loss or fitness goal on any given week, you lose your alcohol privileges for the rest of the game.
If you are concerned about your inability to give up alcohol but have a desire to do so, you can find support and help at www.alcoholicsanonymous.org.
Caffeine
Caffeine is highly addictive. Consuming less is a very good idea.
You may add up to two tablespoons of milk to your coffee and one teaspoon of a natural sweetener without incurring a snacking penalty. But do be aware that even this much adds calories to your day—so drink your coffee or tea black if you can.
Coffee drinks carry a hefty caloric punch. They are F.L.A.B.B. foods and should be avoided.
If you must have a small latte in the morning, drink it with your first meal and allow the low-fat milk to be your carbohydrate for that meal.
Diet Soda/Artificial sweeteners
No soda or diet soda is allowed during the game except on days off and meals off.
If you have a history of drinking a lot of soda, you may suffer caffeine withdrawal when you give it up. You might want to have a little green or black tea to ease yourself through the withdrawal.
Chapter 15
THE DAY OFF, THE MEAL OFF, AND 100 CALORIES OF WHATEVER YOU WANT
(Or, Holy Nectar of the Gods, This French Toast Is Good!)
Disobedience…is man’s original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.
—Oscar Wilde
* * *
Rule #1: You get one day off of every aspect of the game. Note that your food day off does not have to be the same day as your exercise day off, which can be different from your sleep day off. You can spread them out throughout the week if you choose.
Rule #2: In addition to your food day off, you get one meal off a week. At this meal, which can last no more than 1.5 hours, you can eat whatever you want and drink one portion of alcohol without penalty.
Rule #3: Every day, you can eat or drink 100 calories of whatever you want—except alcohol, soda, or diet soda—without penalty.
* * *
I was raised by rebels. My mother and my father were both the crunchy, hippie black sheep of their conservative families. My parents met in 1969 in Venice Beach, California. After being introduced to her over brunch at a friend’s, my father showed up at my mother’s door later that night and told her he’d had a dream about her when he was sixteen. Then he offered her a hit of acid.
These are my humble beginnings.
Like I said, rebels. My mother? She’s the driver who pulls into the breakdown lane to speed past the rush-hour freeway traffic. She does this unapologetically and with a hint of glee in her eyes. And she once gave me a “fuzz buster” radar detector for a birthday present.
It is not in my blood to follow rules. Not societal rules. Not dietary rules. Not rules of any sort. This has served me pretty well in life, I think. Rule-followers are lovely people but they tend to wait patiently while we rebels take over the world. Hee.
My point here is, I think a HUGE part of why this game worked for me is that it allowed me—encouraged me even—to break the rules sometimes. It gave me lovely little windows of opportunity to change the daily routine. Ugh. Routine might be my least favorite word in the English language. (My friend Joan, who writes Grey’s Anatomy with me, cannot abide the following words: “beverage,” “visage,” “moist,” “ointment,” “panties.” She gets visibly upset if anyone uses them. Hilarious. But I digress…)
My favorite part of the game? The day off. The day off made the whole thing possible for me. The day off is why I lost fifteen pounds and why I’m gonna keep playing and lose more.
—Chardo, 40
I do not do well with dogma. I do not do well with laws. I do not do well with anyone who says, “You can’t ever indulge if you want to lose weight!” I fundamentally rebel against that idea. And God bless Az, he came along and told me I was RIGHT!
Apparently, when you stick to the same old, same old for too long, your body gets lazy, your metabolism slows down, and it becomes harder to burn calories and lose weight. By breaking the rules once in awhile, you are saying to your metabolism, “Hey! Hey, you! Don’t get too comfortable! You never know when I’m gonna hit the gas! Or the breaks! Or the gas! Or the breaks!” And now I have equated amping your metabolism with driving behind an old lady on the freeway. Which makes me happy for no good reason. I’m a little punchy. I’ve had too much caffeine. Whatever. The point I am trying to make here is, THIS GAME LETS YOU HAVE CANDY!!
I loooove candy.
LOVE IT.
Yum, candy.
My first ever day off of the game was in late October, and I ate Halloween candy for breakfast.
Nine pieces.
I also ate it for snacks, for lunch, and for dinner, in addition to French toast, French fries, ice cream, and pizza. You think I’m kidding. You have noticed, perhaps, that I have a tendency to exaggerate; a flair for the dramatic. Yes, I do, but in this case, I’m stating the facts. I wish I could stand before you a beacon of health and moderation. I wish I could say simply and melodically, “It was so delightful on that first day off to enjoy a small bit of chocolate after my slightly larger than usual salad.” But if I were that person, I would not have been fifty pounds overweight to begin with. Plus, I would have large, bright, white wings and I would happily fly to work each day and spare Mother Earth the emissions from my zippy hybrid vehicle.
What I can say, in all honesty, is that I do not recommend that you do as I did on that first day off. As it turns out, this kind of eating has a detrimental effect on weight loss. Also on sanity. What’s funny is, I wasn’t even feeling all that deprived by my day off. I didn’t even crave most of those foods. But the theory I embraced was, Can’t have it for the rest of the week! Must shove it all in now!
The one really nice benefit to that sugar and fat binge was that I was so sick by the end of the day, I didn’t want a single gross thing for the rest of the week. By the next day, I was eager and happy to be back on a healthy eating plan. I was also cranky, moody, headachey, tired, and hungover. No booze necessary.
Like I said, I don’t recommend it. As it turns out, moderation, even on the day off, is key. Which is not to say you shouldn’t have Halloween candy for breakfast. Halloween candy for breakfast is delightful. But maybe the crazy stops there.
* * *
Step Up Your Game!
If you are worried about undoing your good work with your day or meal off, consider these tactics:
Take a different exercise day off from your food day off! By exercising on your food day off, you keep your metabolism kicking through the extra calories. You also remind yourself of your commitment to your health.
Drink all your water on your food day off! The water will sate your appetite so you don’t overeat and will help your metabolism do its job.
Eat F.L.A.B.B foods for only one meal on your food day off. For the rest of the day, stick to foods on the F.Y.T. list and just don’t worry about timing/portions. You’ll definitely feel healthier on the morning after if you play this way!
Forgo the alcohol. I’ve never seen Az take a drink of alcohol. Which is not to say he doesn’t like it—he’s Australian! But his body is his priority and alcohol functions like poison in the body. If weight loss is your goal, it’s the first thing to skip!
At your meal off, have bread, wine, OR dessert. Don’t have all three.
* * *
The 100 Calories of Whatever You Want Rule
We added the 100 calories of whatever r
ule to help balance the “gotta get it all in now” panic. And you know what? It really works. Knowing I can have a bite or two of anything I want every day lets me relax on my day off and not eat like a prisoner who was just set free. Az wants me to point out that it also teaches those of us who have trouble with moderation (that would be me, not him) to practice moderation. Apparently, it is a muscle that can be developed like any other. And I will admit that knowing I get only a hundred calories of a thing does prompt me to slow down and reeeeealllly enjoy it.
This rule is also in place so that you never have to be the person at a birthday party who can’t taste the cake. Or the person in cooking class who can’t taste the ice cream you just made from scratch. Or the person on Halloween who can’t have a piece of candy. Game on or game off, life is for living.
* * *
Step Up Your Game!
Consider starting your game on a Wednesday! By playing Wednesday to Wednesday, you will feel far less license to over-indulge on your day off. Why? Because when you start on a Monday, you will weigh in on the Saturday or Sunday morning before your day off. When you start on a Wednesday, you will take a weekend day off and then you will have to weigh in only three days later, on Wednesday morning. You won’t have a whole week to recover from your day off indulging! Weigh in fear might give you the added push you need to embrace moderation on your day off!
The Game On! Diet Page 20