‘Watch your head,’ she whispered to Peggy, but she wasn’t listening.
Up ahead, Bettie grabbed the handle and flung the door open. Light cascaded down the hall, wiping out the darkness. And when Tiga saw what lay beyond it she gasped.
‘Wheeeeeeeee!’ squealed a witch as she swung from a chandelier and landed with a thud on the table beneath. She grabbed a bottle and yanked the cork out with her jagged teeth. Another woman was stirring some chocolate in a bowl, next to five witches who were singing songs and cackling loudly.
The room was crammed with witches, and Tiga could see beyond into the next room and through to the next one after that – all of them were filled with witches, laughing and joking and having a whale-sized dolphin of a time. Or something like that.
‘No one ever wants to leave!’ Bettie laughed. ‘We haven’t been able to get rid of anyone for over three thousand years.’
‘Life is one big party!’ a witch on rollerblades squeaked as she skated past them and fell face-first on a cake. Uproarious laughter filled the room.
‘This is Tiga and Peggy,’ Lily announced to the room as she took a seat on a rocking chair in the corner.
‘I don’t remember telling her our names,’ Tiga whispered to Peggy. ‘Do you?’
‘WITCH WARS WITCHES!’ another witch cried as she danced past.
‘Ah,’ Tiga said. She’d forgotten witches all over Sinkville were watching footage of her on Witch Wars.
Peggy wasn’t listening anyway. She was grinning at a large witch floating fast up from her seat towards the ceiling. Her head crashed through the roof. She giggled and fell to the floor with a bang. Another witch’s face appeared in the hole. ‘Come upstairs!’ she cried. ‘We’re having a party!’
‘I can see why no one wants to leave!’ Tiga said.
‘We keep having to build more house to accommodate them,’ said Lily, sighing at the hole in the roof. A sparkly shoe fell through it and landed on the table. ‘I wish I’d never invented that levitation spell.’
‘You invented the levitation spell?’ Peggy asked, clearly impressed. ‘That was you?’
Lily smiled. ‘Completely by accident.’
Tiga watched as Peggy’s mouth fell open. ‘By accident? “LETTIE. MANTERRY. LIE. MOOD. LOBARLY. MAKE. MAH. MINS. SOUT” was by accident?’
Peggy’s eyes shot to her feet. She frowned. No levitation.
Lily nodded. ‘We were having a party, and we’d made lots of cakes and the bins were overflowing with bottles and old cake, and I said to Bettie, “Bettie Cranberry, I should probably take the bins out.” But my voice was a bit muffled from all the cake in my mouth, so it came out as “LETTIE. MANTERRY. LIE. MOOD. LOBARLY. MAKE. MAH. MINS. SOUT”, and then I just started floating!’
Tiga looked at Peggy, who was prodding Lily as if she was some sort of fascinating beast.
‘You invented the levitation spell – one of the most difficult spells of all time – by accident? Tiga, she invented the levitation spell, by ACCIDENT!’
Tiga nodded. Perhaps she would’ve been more excited if she hadn’t just learned the day before that levitation was a thing, and she wasn’t still worried that the witches in the cove might eat them.
Tiga pointed at a painting of a woman in a gigantic ruffled skirt. ‘Who’s that?’
‘Why, that’s Eddy Eggby, fashion explorer!’ Bettie said. ‘She was brilliant. Disappeared about a hundred years ago. No one knows what happened to her.’ She climbed up a bookcase and pulled a little leather folder down from the top shelf. ‘She went on adventures above the pipes and brought back drawings of all the latest fashions. Fascinating stuff.’
Tiga took the folder and flicked through the papers. There were hundreds of little pencil drawings of women and scribbles next to them.
Eddy Eggby’s Fashion Findings from
the Faraway Land Above the Pipes
The Hobble Skirt
A most peculiar invention! The bottom of the
skirt is so tight round the ankles that the women
can barely walk and instead waddle like
well-dressed penguins.
Bonnets
The women are now wearing the same hats as
babies! At first I feared giant babies had taken
over the world. But it’s just women in bonnets.
Rufflle Bottoms
The fashion is all of a sudden nothing but ruffles
on the bottom! It makes the wearer look as if they
have sat in a cake and the cake has in turn stuck
to the bottom. Quite extraordinary. I am a fan.
‘Fluffanora would LOVE this!’ said Tiga. ‘She was fascinated by my jeans.’
‘Take it!’ said Bettie. ‘We’ve all read it here.’
Tiga beamed. ‘Thank you!’
‘So you’re from above the pipes, Tiga,’ Lily said. ‘What do you think of Sinkville?’
‘It’s incredible,’ Tiga said. Then she realised something. ‘You’ve lived here for thousands of years, haven’t you?’
‘I believe so,’ said Lily.
‘Do you know anyone who knows me?’
Lily got up off her chair and walked towards Tiga. ‘Remind me of your surname.’
‘Whicabim,’ Tiga said, taking the anonymous letter out of her pocket.
‘ANYONE KNOW A WHICABIM?’ Lily roared.
There was a silence, followed by a chorus of ‘NO!’
‘Why do you want to know?’ Lily asked.
‘No reason,’ Tiga said, and she stuffed the letter back in her pocket.
Peggy came racing into the room with cake all over her face.
‘I fell into it,’ she said, pointing at her chin.
Tiga hadn’t even realised Peggy had left her side.
‘AH, YOU’RE A GREAT GIRL!’ a witch said, squeezing Peggy and shoving more cake in her face. ‘ONE OF US!’
Between munches of cake, she managed to say, ‘Tiga, I think I’ve found the next clue, but we have a problem.’
On the wall, in a frame, there was absolutely nothing.
Above it was swirly Witch Wars writing that read, Congratulations! You’re the same distance from the beginning as you are from the end! Otherwise known as HALFWAY THERE. Well done.
‘The clue’s been stolen!’ said Tiga in despair.
All the witches nodded.
‘The Bat girl,’ one said. ‘I told her not to do it!’
Tiga and Peggy slowly turned around.
‘Felicity Bat?’ Peggy asked.
‘Yes,’ said Lily, ‘and her friend, Hoof. They left moments after you arrived. You just missed them.’
‘But, wait,’ Peggy said, sounding worried. She yelled, ‘TV, TV, TV, TV, TV, TV!’ at her hand. ‘According to this, Felicity Bat is still asleep in Linden House.’
The camera was at a funny angle. Crispy had fallen asleep.
‘She’s such a mean cheat!’ Tiga cried. Crispy isn’t with her! Look, that’s just scrunched-up covers and a hat!’
Fran was speaking frantically into a tiny phone. ‘Patricia, something has gone wrong with the footage of Felicity Bat. It says she’s in bed at Linden House, but she was just at the Coves by the Docks … OK, yes … yes, I would send Crispy to find Felicity at once. You should probably yell at Crispy too. Yes, YELL. And why is there no footage of Aggie Hoof? Ah, Donna is refusing to participate and is now getting her hair done? What is Donna getting done to her hair? No, you’re right, that’s not important.’
‘Can you tell us the clue?’ Tiga asked the witches.
They all shook their heads and carried on partying.
Felicity Bat took the little piece of paper out of her pocket.
I see most things in circles,
At times the wrong way round,
But why is it I never lose track
Of where it is I’m bound?
She smirked, ripped the piece of paper into little pieces and flung it into the murky grey water.
Aggie Hoof squeal
ed and leapt on to Felicity’s back as she levitated high up in the air. As they soared across the water, cackling as they went, Felicity Bat looked back and flicked her finger.
Over in the corner of the cove, the little rowing boat slid out into the water and sank.
‘Do you think someone took it?’ Tiga asked.
Peggy was pacing back and forth by the edge of the water. Her fist was in her mouth. She shook her head in disbelief.
‘Do you think Felicity Bat did this?’ Tiga went on. ‘Or did we just forget to tie it up?’
Peggy stopped and took her fist out of her mouth. ‘There is a strong chance I didn’t tie it up, but I’m going to assume it was definitely Felicity Bat.’
‘OK …’
Peggy sat down on the ground and curled up in a little ball. ‘We’re stranded.’
‘What?’ Tiga asked.
‘STRANDED.’
Tiga looked around the cove. There wasn’t anything on which to float back across, and that made her realise something. ‘Hey, Pegs … There wasn’t anything else in this cove when we arrived, was there? No boat or anything?’
Peggy shook her head.
‘Well, if Felicity Bat and Aggie Hoof were just in front of us, we would’ve seen their boat. But there was no boat on the water, and no boat in the cove, so how did they get here, and how did they get back?’
‘Magic, probably,’ Peggy said with a sigh.
‘So … don’t you think we could use magic to get back?’
Peggy got to her feet and walked over to Tiga. ‘I’ve told you, I’m rubbish at all spells, especially complicated spells with weird words like the levitation one, which is what we would need to get across the water. Felicity Bat is brilliant at spells. She wins the GAS award at school all the time.’
‘GAS,’ Tiga said with a smile.
‘Good at Spells. GAS,’ Fran mumbled. She was half asleep on the brim of Tiga’s hat, curled up round the shrivelled head. Now that they were losing, Fran wasn’t that interested any more.
‘ARE YOU TWO STILL HERE?’ came a voice from the far window.
‘YES!’ Tiga cried. ‘Our boat is missing!’
‘TAKE THIS!’ There was a cackle as a large object fell from the window and landed with a thud on the ground. It was a large, black four-poster bed.
Tiga sighed. ‘Great, what are we going to do with that?’ She turned round to check Peggy wasn’t crying, but Peggy was leaping from foot to foot.
‘Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I can do something with that!’
And that’s why if anyone in the Docks had peeked out of their holey curtains that evening, they would’ve seen Tiga and Peggy sailing across the water in a four-poster bed.
Well, more sinking than sailing.
‘I’m not sure the feet are working!’ Tiga cried.
Peggy had jumped on to the bed and muttered a short spell from Tiga’s book: ‘Take this land thing and make it be, a splashing and swimming THING OF THE SEA!’ And then a row of about eight fat feet had appeared along the bottom of each side of the bed.
It wasn’t ideal.
They were human feet and the toenails were painted with stripy nail polish. They slapped about madly in the water not really doing much. Tiga moved closer to the middle of the bed as the water sploshed up the sides and soaked the black blanket on which she was sitting. Fran was snoring on Tiga’s hat and missing it all.
‘I think there’s a small chance we might be sinking!’ Peggy yelled as she peered over the edge. She was hanging from one of the posts. Tiga decided to join her and climbed up. But, as she did, she noticed something strange. There were small lights dotted around, deep under the water.
‘We might have to try to swim for it. This isn’t good …’ Peggy said. She flicked her finger, and the feet started to splash more, but it was no good – they just seemed to speed up the sinking.
‘Ah, frogfingers!’ Peggy said.
Tiga had her eyes fixed on the lights below the water. She lifted off her hat, being careful not to shake Fran awake, and pulled the rolled-up map out from under it.
I knew it! she thought as she studied it. The Underwater World was right beneath them.
‘WE’RE GOING DOWN!’ Peggy said, holding her nose. ‘Do you want to swim? I think it’s that or die …’
Tiga quickly rolled up the map and stuffed it back in her hat. ‘Hold on to the bedpost, Peggy, until we sink to the bottom.’
‘What?’
Tiga nodded towards the lights that lay deep below. ‘We’ll go to the Sunken Ship Road Spa.’
Peggy was now up to her neck in water. ‘THE WHAT?’
‘You’ve never been to the Underwater World below the Docks?’
As Peggy’s head went under, all Tiga could make out from the gurgles was something that sounded a lot like, ‘THERE’S AN UNDERWATER WORLD BELOW THE DOCKS?’
As the four-poster bed sank, and the bubbles from Peggy’s and Tiga’s mouths danced their way back up towards the surface, Fran zoomed around ranting.
‘Oh, you woke me up! This is silly! You don’t have a plan! You don’t have the next clue! And you don’t have time for this!’
Tiga was wondering how on earth Fran could talk perfectly normally whilst underwater.
‘Well, what do you have to say for yourself?’
Tiga just widened her eyes and puffed out her cheeks, hoping Fran would notice she couldn’t answer.
‘Ooooooh, I’ve heard about this place,’ Fran said, suddenly distracted. She pointed below her. ‘They invite famous people like me here all the time. Oh, they’ll be excited to see me, I bet! I hope people don’t crowd around and take pictures – that’s always embarrassing!’
Tiga could see the lights more clearly now. There were chandeliers inside what looked like huge pristine glass boxes. Littered around outside them were hundreds and hundreds of old sunken boats. A small door on one of the glass boxes opened as they hit the bottom. In the doorway stood a witch. Her arms were folded. She was wearing what looked like a black jumpsuit and her hat, although it had a wide brim, was almost completely flat.
She nodded at them.
Tiga and Peggy let go of the bedposts and swam towards the glass box. As soon as they passed through the doorway, the water disappeared. Tiga took a huge breath. Peggy spat out some water on the floor. The woman looked disgusted.
‘Sorry,’ Peggy said, wiping her mouth.
Fran zoomed up to the witch. ‘I’m Fran from the Fairy Network and these are Witch Wars witches, Tiga and Peggy.’
‘Ah, yes, Witch Wars. One of our best clients is owned by a Witch Wars witch.’ She pointed at a picture on the wall of a smug-looking octopus covered in diamonds. ‘Olive the octopus, owned by Aggie Hoof. She comes in here to get her diamond tentacles polished every week.’
Tiga giggled and nudged Peggy. The spa witch ushered them down the hall. ‘Welcome to the Sunken Ship Road Spa. Here on Sunken Ship Road we do spa treatments better than anyone.’
‘Ooh, I’ve heard that,’ Fran said, wriggling with excitement.
‘What treatments would you like today? We have some specials at the moment. Our spiky-shell toe reshaper is a favourite, and we have the solid fish body wrap.’
‘What does that involve?’ Tiga asked.
‘We insert your body into the mouth of a fish,’ the woman said flatly.
‘WHY?’ Peggy cried.
‘To make you beautiful, of course,’ said the woman.
Tiga tried not to laugh. ‘Actually, we landed here almost completely by accident. We won’t be staying.’
‘No?’ Fran said. ‘I quite like the sound of being inserted into a fish and emerging beautiful. Well, more beautiful.’
Tiga shook her head. ‘No time, Fran. We have to win Witch Wars, remember?’ She looked around. ‘We just need the exit.’
‘You’ll need to take a pipe,’ the woman said.
Tiga stopped and stared at the woman. She didn’t want another trip in a pipe.
The woman
pushed open the glass door to reveal a glass platform. Tiga gasped as she peered over the edge.
‘Frogcrumpets!’ Peggy said.
Fran didn’t say anything. She was busy sneakily slipping her foot into a fish’s mouth.
Below there were hundreds of glass platforms that went down and down, further than Tiga could see. Long glass walkways connected them. On each platform sat cafés and shops, just like in Ritzy City. Another one had a swimming pool and around the edges were little glass balconies that looked like they belonged to apartments.
The whole thing was encased in a huge glass dome and hundreds of pipes rained water down on it.
‘Is this your first time to Wavely Way?’ the woman asked, spotting Tiga and Peggy’s mesmerised faces.
They nodded.
‘OK, so to leave and get back on land, you take the lift to the very bottom of Wavely Way. Down there is a small door that will shoot you back up to the Docks.’
Tiga looked down. ‘Can’t we just leave the way we came in?’
‘No,’ snapped the witch. ‘That’s the way in. Down there is the way out.’
She turned, snatched the fish from Fran and stormed off.
‘Where do you think the lift is?’ Peggy mumbled.
Tiga looked around, but something distracted her. A tiny piece of paper was swirling about in the water outside. It dived to the left and swooped to the right, and Tiga raced down the corridor, her eyes fixed on it.
‘What are you doing?’ Peggy called after her.
Tiga pointed at the tiny scrap of paper that was now stuck to the glass.
wrong way round,
never lose track
I’m bound?
She inched closer to it and smacked her face on the glass.
‘A clue …’ she said.
‘Is it?’ said Peggy, sounding sceptical.
‘It’s in that swirly Witch Wars writing, look! And it’s in the water below the Coves – it’s likely that if Felicity Bat was going to destroy the clue she would either take it with her or rip it up there and then and throw it away …’
Witch Wars Page 8