by Eric Vall
The brunette’s eyes went wide as her face contorted uncomfortably.
“Jacob … ” she sighed, “we had this conversation earlier. I can’t control it at will yet. Maybe it’ll work, but maybe it won’t. And if it doesn’t you’ll, like, totally get killed.”
“Not a chance,” I promised, “I’ve fought way tougher things than some teleporting dude with a sword. Your powers don’t have to work every single time he teleports. They just have to work once. That’s all it will take for me to kill that mother fucker and end his reign of terror.”
“There’s still the guards,” Zilla reminded us, “they are nearly as deadly with their weapons as Tenebris, though they don’t have his abilities.”
“How many?” I shot back.
“Our spies indicate there’s seven,” Blagdan explained, “two who will never leave their king’s side, and five more who are there for general bodyguard duty.”
Shit. If what Zilla and Blagdan were telling me was true, these guards were highly-trained assassins at best and Demon Lord-tier at worst. Fighting all seven of them plus Tenebris at the same time would be a suicide mission.
“Is there any way we could split them up?” I pondered aloud. “Get Tenebris isolated so I could take him one-on-one?”
“Yes and no,” Blagdan sighed. “He might be an expert combatant, but the King of Umbra is somewhat of a coward. The last few times we tried to attack him, he slayed a few of our men and then ran away with two of the guards. Meanwhile, the rest of his cronies stayed behind to finish the job.”
“We can use that to our advantage.” I nodded.
“How?” the general demanded. “His royal guard will cut us down before we’ll even have a chance to go after him.”
“Not if we divide and conquer,” I explained. “Not to sound pompous or anything, but you’re currently standing in the presence of a Demon King and six Demon Lords. That’s seven people who can go toe-to-toe with these assholes, and I’m sure that’s something your previous ‘saviors’ didn’t have before.”
“I’m afraid I’m still not following,” Zilla admitted.
“Now, I’m just kinda spit balling here,” I explained, “but I think this might just work. Tenebris and his men will be in the playhouse, not expecting anything to go down, right?”
“Most likely.” Blagdan nodded.
“So, we’ll send in a strike team led by Todd to be a distraction,” I elaborated.
“Wait, Jakey … ” the imp cut in as he raised his hand like an overexcited child in school. “Why am I leading the distraction team?”
“Uhhhhh, because you’re an excellent leader?” I lied.
Todd put his hands over his heart and made a high-pitched sound of glee.
“Thanks, bro.” He smiled. “I won’t let you down!”
“I’m sure you won’t,” I laughed, “Tris, Ira, Eclipse, and Vidia will round out the squad. Meanwhile, Zilla, Deja, Inpulsa, and I will be the interceptors. We’ll wait outside for Tenebris to flee, and then we’ll kick his ass before he can escape.”
“And what about me, King Ralston?” Blagdan questioned. “Do you require reinforcements?”
“You guys will need to charge in with Todd’s team,” I explained. “Tenebris might think something’s up if he sees them attacking without you. I know it’s gonna be tough, but you have to trust me. I’ve yet to lose a single ally in combat yet, and I don’t intend to start now. What do you guys think? It’s a pretty simple plan, but I think it’ll work.”
“It’s the best shot we have at killing Tenebris,” Zilla agreed. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? We’ve followed failed saviors before. If something goes awry, and you end up dead at Tenebris’ hand, then we will move on, just like we have before.”
“Yeesh,” I whistled, “talk about a vote of confidence.”
“It’s settled, then,” Zilla noted as she turned away and began to float off toward the back of the warehouse. “Blagdan, please give our guests a grand tour of Umbra. They’ll need to know where they are going if we want a snowball’s chance in Hell.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The general saluted, and we watched as the Queen of Shadows floated away. Then, Blagdan motioned for us to follow him. “You heard the lady. Follow me.”
The Shadow Man floated over toward the formless door from which we’d entered, repeated the secret hand motions, and then passed through the wall.
My friends and I looked at each other cautiously before we stepped out onto the streets of Umbra once more.
Chapter 8
“Brooooooo,” Todd giggled as we walked through the cobblestone and wood streets of Umbra, “I totally came up with a name for my strike team.”
“Oh?” I questioned as I thought of all the crazy possibilities. “Do tell.”
“Yes, please,” Invidia sighed, “I want to vet the name first before you put it on a t-shirt or something.”
“T-shirt?” Deja perked up. “Can mine be a cutoff? Those ones are soooo cute!”
“You’re not even on the strike team, Clockblocker!” the imp retorted. “Also, you’re definitely not the right demographic for Toddy Todd and the Macabre Bunch.”
“Please tell me that’s not the final name,” Eclipse sighed, “like please, please tell me you just pulled that out of your ass.”
“But that would be a lie, Lizbeth,” Todd snickered, “and haven’t you heard what happens to liars? They go straight to Hell.”
“We already live in Hell … ” the tattooed beauty reminded him, but he just waved it off.
“That’s not the point!” Todd scoffed. “I already had the shirts made, so the name is non-negotiable.”
“How did you have the shirts made already?” I questioned. “We literally assembled the strike team like, ten minutes ago.”
“Never underestimate the power of Etsy, bro.” He wagged his finger at me.
The imp’s response raised way more questions than it answered, but I wasn’t even going to dive into that. Instead, I turned my attention back to the beautiful and mysterious city around us.
Now that we were deeper into the heart of Umbra, the true character of the village came to life. The streets were bustling with Shadow People, all of whom spared me little more than a passing glance as they dashed about the sidewalks.
Every now and again, we’d be forced to move off the road by an incoming carriage, pulled by two smaller versions of the creature we’d slain earlier. There were also vendors trying to peddle their wares to innocent passersby, as well as Shadow People off in alleys cooking over an open fire.
“I gotta ask, Blagdan,” I confessed, “I didn’t expect Umbra to be so…”
“Alive?” the Shadow Man mused. “I understand why you might think that. Tenebris told all of us how you humans viewed us, as well as all the lies that Lucifer and the Exalted One spread about our kind. That we are uncontrollable monsters who only wish to kill and maim. That we are beasts of violence, without empathy for anyone but ourselves. As you can see, we are just simple people, like you and the rest of your kind.”
“I don’t know if I’d call your current situation ‘simple,’” I chuckled.
“Yeah, Blagpipe,” Todd added, “I’ll be the first to admit I was totally getting lost in your story back at the headquarters. And not lost like, into it lost. I honestly had no fucking idea what you were talking about at some points. But you know the Toddster … I’m just here to go with the flow and help out my bestest bud in the whole world!”
“I like this one’s gusto.” Blagdan pointed at the imp. “I truly hope he does not meet his end on the point of Tenebris’ blade.”
“Uh, thanks … I guess?” Todd awkwardly chuckled.
“Are you sure it’s wise to walk around without some sort of disguise?” Ira questioned. “We kind of stick out like a bruised, swollen set of balls.”
“Not the analogy I would have used, but okay,” I laughed under my breath.
“There are not many humans or demon
s who make it to the Shadow World,” Blagdan explained, “but it is not completely unheard of. It is also not unheard of for a Caliginis to steal a human from Earth Realm during their crossover and then bring them back here.”
“For what purpose, exactly?” I asked cautiously as I felt my hand instinctively rest on my sword hilt.
“For testing, of course,” the general continued. “The Caliginis wish to find out how humans function, particularly their brains and their reproductive organs.”
“You want to learn how to create more Caliginis,” I noted.
“It’s a pipe dream,” the Shadow Man admitted, “but if we don’t take any action, our race runs the risk of dying out completely. We have our top scientists analyzing specimen samples in the hopes we can find a way to create children ourselves.”
“Wait … ” Todd gasped, “by ‘specimen samples,’ do you mean--”
“The human gametes,” Blagdan confirmed.
“Does that mean you’re tugging off other guys’ dicks?” the imp gagged. “With your cloudy fingers, I bet that feels like when you jerk off with Icy Hot on your hand.”
There was silence from the group, and then Todd just shrugged.
“Don’t act like you’ve never tried it before, bro,” the imp chuckled.
“I can say with one-hundred percent confidence I have never, ever in my life done that,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“Never?” Todd prodded as he waggled his eyebrows. “Not even once? Not even when you felt like you were gonna be alone forever, so you started to have fantasies about getting hand jobs from the White Witch and Jean Grey at the same time?”
“Again,” I chuckled, “I can’t say I ever have.”
“Huh,” Todd stated. “My childhood must have been waaaaay more traumatizing than I remember, bro.”
“Hold on … ” I pondered as I tried to piece together everything Blagdan was telling us. “What happens to these humans you bring into the Shadow World?”
“Oh, they stay here for a while, tethered close to the one who brought them,” the general explained. “Then, once we feel another ‘phase jump’ coming on, we take them back home. Luckily for us, going through a ‘phase jump’ completely erases the short-term memory for most humans. And the ones it doesn’t? Well, nobody ever believes them.”
“Why would they be believed?” Ira spoke up. “They claim they get snatched out of their bed at night by strange shadowy creatures with weird proportions and glowing red eyes and then taken to some strange place where they are fondled, probed, and then returned? I wouldn’t believe it, either.”
“Bro,” Todd said as realization rose to his face, “alien abductions, bro. This explains everything! The Toddster was right once again!”
“I’ll be sure to add it to your tally,” I chuckled, and then pretended to make a mark on an invisible chalkboard.
We ventured on through the city, down a few alleyways, and across some of the uneven streets until, finally, we came upon a small town square.
“The center of Umbra,” Blagdan announced as he gestured wildly with his arms, “or, as the citizens like to call it, ‘the Shadow Circle.’”
I nearly asked him why it was called that, but my query was answered when I noticed the fountain at the center of the circle.
Like everything else in this place, it was made up of dark, nearly formless material encapsulated by purple Hellfire. The fountain formed a massive circle with a tall, cylindrical structure that stretched ten feet out from the ground. However, the most peculiar thing about it all came from the tip of the tower, where the water would have come out of a normal fountain.
Instead, this thing sprayed out a dark, shadowy mist. Some of it spread out through the air like tear gas, while the entire bottom layer of the substance poured down into the receptacle below as if it were made of liquid.
“Damn,” I whistled, “Zilla wasn’t kidding when she said the laws of physics didn’t apply here.”
“Your target is right over there,” Blagdan explained as he pointed over toward the building on the far right of the town square. “The playhouse.”
The building the Shadow Man was referring to was a large, domed arena that reminded me a lot of the Globe Theatre we always learned about in English class. It had a similar thatched roof, but it appeared to be open at the center. Meanwhile, it was built up like a medieval house, with a small rectangular tower that jutted out of the circular structure and stood like an exclamation point on the elegant sentence.
Of course, the one major difference was the whole thing was all dark and glowing.
“Is that a hole in the roof I see?” I asked. “Because if so, that gives us a much easier way to get in and out without being spotted … ”
“It is,” Blagdan confirmed, “are you thinking the strike team could come in through the ceiling?”
“Fuck yeah, we’re going to!” Todd exclaimed. “And I’m totally gonna scream ‘I am the night!’ when I do it.”
“What about the entrances?” I continued as I began to walk toward the playhouse. “I want to make sure we cover all of the possible escape routes.”
“You’re in luck, Jacob Ralston,” the Shadow Man explained, “there are only two ways to get in and out of this building. The first is the main entrance, which you can see clearly from this vantage point. Then there’s the back entrance, the one the actors and stagehands use to enter and exit the theater without anyone noticing.”
“That sounds like a violation of soooo many fire codes,” Deja mused.
Blagdan just turned his head toward the succubus and narrowed his eyes.
“The Playhouse is quite literally made out of Hellfire,” the Shadow Man scoffed, “it wasn’t exactly built with emergency situations in mind.”
“Ohhhh,” Ira giggled, “Superbia would rip the architect a new asshole. And I’d probably be standing there watching, enjoying every single minute of it.”
“What if he decides to split through the windows?” Eclipse noted as she looked over each and every inch of the building. “That would give him almost fifty more possible exits.”
“He won’t,” Blagdan reassured us, “Tenebris’ armor is much too bulky to fit through a small window like that.”
“Wait, armor?” I gasped. “I thought he was a Shadow Per--er, Caliginis like you guys?”
Blagdan shook his head as he closed his red eyes and let out a deep sigh.
“He is, but he isn’t,” he explained. “Tenebris spent eons on Earth Realm and, like any other creature on your planet, he evolved naturally.”
“Uhhhh, that’s totally not how evolution works, bro,” Todd spoke up.
“Yeah,” Tris added, “the whole point of evolution is that it happens over time, through your offspring.”
“No, no,” the imp wagged his finger, “ya got it all wrong, Slothy. Evolution happens when your XP meter fills up multiple times and then you get to the right level. As long as your master doesn’t hit ‘B’ that is.”
“That’s … not right,” Tris protested, but Todd was having none of it.
“Well, you can always use a scale or a power stone,” he conceded, “but the point still stands!”
“I will admit, I don’t know how Tenebris or his men evolved,” Blagdan sighed, “but they did. All of them have enchanted armor attached to their bodies, along with hand-to-hand weapons.”
“Great,” I chuckled, “even more shit we have to worry about. Now, we just have to figure out which way we want to funnel him out.”
“Oh, that won’t be hard,” Blagdan continued, “he’s going out the back. Once the attack begins, the citizens of Umbra will flee. And, because they aren’t familiar with the second door … ”
“They’ll all crowd through the front,” I finished the thought. “It’ll be like fucking lemmings.”
“Precisely,” the Shadow Man continued, “which also means Tenebris’ men will try to escort him out through the back. However, that gives us a minor tactical disadvant
age. Take a look.”
Blagdan floated over to the side of the building, glanced both ways down the alley, and then signaled for the rest of us to follow.
As we came around the corner, I could see why the Shadow Man was concerned.
Behind the Playhouse was an alleyway that could only be nine or ten feet wide and stretched the entire length of the building. That meant once Tenebris and his guards came barreling through the door, we would have next to no room to fight him as a team.
And, if he was as good at hand-to-hand as the Shining Alliance were making him out to be, he’d have all the advantage.
“We’ll have to surround him on all sides,” I suggested with a frustrated shrug. “Maybe if we can overwhelm the fucker, he’ll get sloppy.”
“Surround him?” Inpulsa scoffed. “How are we going to do that? There’s not even enough room for all of us to stand in a straight line.”
“The way I see it,” I tried to clarify, “we can hit him from three different angles. Two on each side, and then one or two in the air. If it’s Tenebris and his two guards, at least they’ll be focusing on different targets, and we all stand a fighting chance.”
“Maybe against the guards,” Blagdan warned ominously, “but not against Tenebris. Whoever chooses to go against him will be--”
“I’m going against him,” I interrupted. “That’s already been decided.”
“King Ralston,” the Shadow Man continued, “I must beg you to reconsider.”
“Not a chance,” I retorted, “I’m supposed to be your savior, right? What kind of a savior would I be if I delegated our most dangerous target to one of my friends?”
“He’ll kill you,” Blagdan tried one last time to sway me.
“I’ll kill him first,” I shot back. “I’ve fought dozens of demons before, not to mention Demon Kings, and this guy can’t be that much different. Besides, having Deja there will at least even the odds against him, if not make them even more advantageous.”
“There’s no talking you out of this, is there?” the general sighed.