“I guess this town would have dried up and blown away already if you weren’t such an incurable optimist, Aunt Ruby.”
“Oh, get on with you. Now you tell that pilot of yours to be careful with my boy.” Her eyes brightened with unshed tears as she turned back to her grill.
He exchanged a helpless glance with Scarlett, who nodded as if she understood.
“I love you, Aunt Ruby.” Even if she was wrong about where he belonged.
Though he wasn’t sure anymore where that might be.
The old woman didn’t look up. “Then get back here and show me.”
He hugged Scarlett and left out the back door.
Next he went to Ian’s, and his buddy made the leaving a little easier, though he and his dad both made their share of threats about what would happen if he thought he was gone for good.
Then he stopped by the former foreman’s house where Penny was staying at the Star Bar G, the one Mackey had recently vacated to move inside Jackson’s family home.
But she’d been at the main house, having breakfast. Everyone had been present, but his dad had left as soon as Jackson entered, citing chores.
He wouldn’t let that bother him. Their relationship was hopeless, whatever Aunt Ruby wanted to believe.
But he’d been able to hug his sisters and reassure them that he would be reachable, sharing phone numbers and email addresses with them and Mackey as well. He’d told his soon-to-be nephew Eric he’d be sending him a birthday present of his own, and Eric’s delight was rewarding. He’d promised Penny that he’d take her call whenever she made one. He vowed silently to call her after he got back and keep pushing until she told him what was wrong.
After one last round of hugs with his sisters, Mackey walked him to the car.
“I’ll keep an eye on her, man—both hers, Penny and Veronica.”
“What about Rissa?
“I never take my eyes off my woman, dude. You can rest assured about that.” He clamped a hand on Jackson’s shoulder. “You’d better get your ass back here pronto, though.”
“Why?”
Mackey rolled his eyes. “Because yes, you’re an idiot, but we love you, man. And now we’re family, to boot.” He grabbed Jackson in a man hug and pounded his back. “Now go solve your problem at work, and you’d damn well better call me if there’s anything I can do to help.”
“Thanks, Mackey. I don’t know what to say.”
“Do not say, only do,” Mackey intoned in his best Yoda imitation. “Get your lanky butt back here pronto. Or I will hunt you down.”
“Scarlett’s already threatened that.”
“Take her at her word. The woman does not take no for an answer.”
“I want in on the courthouse deal, Mackey. Help me figure out how.”
“You and me both. Done deal, man. Safe travels. Now get out of here before my eggs get cold.”
Last stop, Veronica.
Veronica and the girls were waiting at the end of the road for the school bus to arrive. Ben had left an hour earlier for a student council meeting.
“Look!” Abby crowed. “It’s Prince!” She jumped up and down and clapped her hands, then cast her gaze upward. “I like him, Mommy.”
“Me, too.” Beth’s eyes sparkled.
Veronica’s gut was tangled in knots. “He’s late,” she mused, wondering what that meant. He was normally there barely past dawn, working while she was still getting everyone ready and out the door.
Usually, she thought. As if they had any sort of routine. They had nothing—a couple of days together.
Days that lasted into the evening.
Days that extended into night.
Into kisses. Well, one kiss.
She touched her mouth without thinking, watching as he turned in.
But he stopped, instead of continuing on to the barn.
“Prince!” Both girls flew to him.
“Girls, the bus—”
He picked both of them up, one on each hip. Abby was talking a mile a minute, while Beth was resting her head on his shoulder.
What have you done, Jackson? You’ve made my children fall in love with you.
Then his gaze locked on hers, and her belly quivered. She placed a hand over her midriff as if she could settle the craziness.
“Good morning,” he said. His gaze drifted to her lips. Blue lightning sparked.
“Mommy? Aren’t you going to tell Prince good morning?”
She swallowed. “Good morning.”
He didn’t smile. His eyes looked sad.
“What is it?” Then she knew. “You’re leaving.”
“No!” Abby cried.
Beth gripped his neck. “Don’t go, Prince.”
He dragged his gaze from hers. Glanced at each girl in turn. “I have to. I have a job back in Seattle.”
“When will you be back?” Beth asked.
He glanced away, then at Veronica before answering, and she could see apology in his eyes. “I…don’t know.”
Abby burst into tears. “You have to come back. I don’t want you to go.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his head first to one, then the other. Then he looked at her as if she had answers for him.
But she was struggling to close off her own heart from the disappointment. To wall away the pain that was too reminiscent…
They heard the bus down the road. “Girls, get down. It’s time for school.”
“No, Mommy!” This time it was Beth with a very abnormal outburst.
Jackson crouched before them as he set them on the ground. “Look, what if I call you, and we can talk while I’m gone?”
“When? Tonight?” Abby demanded.
He glanced up at Veronica for help, but none was forthcoming. It wasn’t in her. She was struggling, too.
“I probably can’t tonight. I’ll just be getting in and there’s a lot of work on my desk. How about tomorrow night?”
“You promise?”
He took a deep breath, and she wanted to scream at him Don’t make promises. You break your promises—
“I promise.”
Beth, however, went straight for the heart of the matter. “Promise you’ll come back.”
The bus neared.
Jackson’s face bore the stamp of his conflict. “Beth, I—”
The brakes screeched to a stop.
“Girls, come on. Tell Mr. Gallagher goodbye.”
But Beth clung to him like a leech. “No. You have to come back. Promise me.”
He studied her eyes for a long time. His gaze shifted over to Veronica as if asking permission.
She looked away.
“I promise,” he said to her shy child. “Now you go cream that spelling test, okay?”
“Okay.” She threw her arms around his neck and clung.
Abby raced over and did the same.
Jackson crouched before them, his arms full of little girls, and he closed his eyes as if savoring every second. Then he took a deep breath and rose. “Have a great day, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He walked them to the bus.
“Bye, Mommy!” They waved.
“Bye, angels.”
The bus trundled off in a cloud of dust.
Jackson watched it go, then finally turned.
“If you break their hearts, I will hate you forever.”
He didn’t flinch from the threat. “I’d hate myself. I won’t disappoint them.”
“How can I trust you?” she said, barely above a whisper.
Pain skated over his features, but he never let his gaze drift from her. “Veronica…”
She couldn’t stand it. “Goodbye, Jackson. Have a safe trip.” She turned and began walking fast toward the house, fighting the urge to run.
He caught her in seconds.
“Don’t—” She tried to shrug him off, but he was immovable, forcing her to face him, keeping her in his grip. “I don’t want to go. I’m astonished to say that, but…it’s true.” His whole body was tense
with regret, his blue eyes dark with emotion. “I won’t disappear again, I swear to you. I just—a lot of people depend on me for their livelihood. I had no business staying this long, but—” He looked at her helplessly. “I—I couldn’t leave you. Or them. God, they’re so great, all three of them. You’re one hell of a mother, Veronica. They’re unbelievably lucky to have you.”
The mother in her preened.
The woman mourned.
“I—about last night—” he began.
To do so couldn’t be more stupid, but suddenly she was desperate to kiss him again, to be in his arms.
She stepped into him and cradled his cheeks, standing on tiptoe to put her mouth on his.
He reacted with speed and heat and need, wrapping her up so tightly, slanting his mouth over hers, parting her lips to swirl his tongue over her own.
And as though nothing had changed, though everything had changed, they were right back there again, back in that place where they’d been everything to each other, where nothing else had mattered because they were one, and they could face anything. Could conquer anything because they were united and essential and the glory of it—
He broke away, chest heaving. “Let me come inside.” His stunning blue eyes were the universe of everything she’d ever wanted, all they could have if—
She could draw him with her into the house, up the stairs, into her bedroom, onto her bed…
Her bed. The bed she’d shared with David. The bed where she’d made love with one man—
And, to her shame, longed for another.
She stepped back, but he wouldn’t let her go.
“I…can’t.” She closed her eyes against the pain, the agonizing longing. It had been years since she’d betrayed David in her thoughts with the man before her, but if he’d somehow known…
She couldn’t apologize to David now. She could only do right by David’s memory.
She could not make love with Jackson in David’s bed.
“Veronica…” Then he let her go and stepped back.
She opened her eyes to see her same terrible longing on his face, too.
“I’m sorry.” Her heart was breaking.
“I…understand,” he said. She saw his own shame, mingled with that yearning. He drew a deep breath. “Please, will you tell Ben I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye?” His smile was sad. “I’m going to send him something he’ll like, I think. If I may, that is,” he corrected. “I’d like to send the girls something, too. A new game we’re testing for girls their age. If you would let me.” He paused. “I’m going to miss them all. A lot.”
Will you miss me? But she wouldn’t ask.
“Vee…” He took a step forward.
She held up a palm. “Please, Jackson…please, just…go.” He looked so bereft. “Yes, you can send those gifts. And I’m going to trust you not to hurt my children.”
He filled in the blank. “The way I hurt you?”
She pressed her lips together.
“See, the thing you don’t realize is that I hurt myself just as much.” He let his heart into his eyes. “I was sick with wanting you, and it wasn’t about sex. I was half-crazy just to talk, to hear your voice…to feel your fingers in my hair. To listen to you tell me it was going to be all right.”
She closed her eyes against the tears. She’d loved him so much, and even though years had passed, hearing this wrecked her. Even after what he’d done, the thought of him so lonely…
She opened wet eyes to his. “I’m so sorry…for both of us.”
“You sound like it’s too late.” His jaw clenched. “I won’t believe that.”
But he didn’t know about Ben…and when he found out…
“I…don’t know, Jackson.” She shrugged. “I don’t know about much of anything these days.”
“I’m going to help you, Vee. You’re not alone anymore.”
Oh, those words were so seductive. They had the power to make her want so much…
But he was leaving. Maybe he would stay in touch, maybe not. She couldn’t bank on it.
Seeing his face so torn, however, she knew she had to send him off with a blessing, if only to be fair. As a way to buy a hedge from fate against the day when he learned, as she now knew he must, about the child he didn’t know he had.
Maybe she should tell him now—no. He looked so worried, and she could see in him the impatience, the jittering need of that world to which he’d belonged all these years.
“Be safe, Jackson. Be well.”
“You don’t believe I’m coming back.”
“I want to,” she said honestly. “And if you need to talk…”
His eyebrows lifted. “For real?”
They’d been confidantes as well as lovers. “Yes. Call me, too, okay? And I hope you find your bad apple. I wish I could help.”
“You help by simply breathing. By existing in the same world.”
Words like that took her breath away, but they didn’t live in the same world. She was sure of that.
But now wasn’t the time to argue. “I’ll tell Ben you’ll call tomorrow night.”
His face cleared, longing in his eyes. “Thank you. I will.” Still he hesitated.
“Don’t you have a plane waiting?”
“Trying to get rid of me?”
“Go solve your problems. Sweetgrass will be waiting.”
“And you?”
She smiled.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Take care, Vee.”
She held up her hand in benediction as he drove off.
Boo leaned against her leg, but she didn’t move for a long time after Jackson vanished into the distance.
Chapter Ten
She was in the poinsettia greenhouse when she heard a car drive up.
For a second, hope flared. No, she counseled herself as she moved toward the door. It’s not him, coming back. It can’t be. You don’t even want it to be.
Still, when her brother walked inside, her heart plummeted.
“Where is he?” Tank demanded. “I want to talk to that bastard.”
“If you mean Jackson, he’s gone.”
“Gone where?”
“Home. To Seattle.”
“No surprise there,” Tank sneered.
“He’s been a big help to me,” she said stiffly.
“You say no every time I ask if I can take on some regular chore.” Hurt entered his tone. “I have asked, Sis.”
She reminded herself that he’d been a godsend at the community workday, helping her landscape.
He was right. Her relationship with her only sibling was strained at best. He was too much a reminder of their dark and broken past, but that wasn’t fair.
He’d been her fiercest protector. He’d taken blows meant for her. Yet she shied from being around him. Yes, he was a hard man, but how could he not be? Where in his life had he ever found softness? He’d had no David to restore his faith in human nature.
And on top of that, he was a cop, hardly the career for someone to see the best side of human nature.
“Tank, I’m sorry.”
He seemed startled. “Why?”
Apparently she wasn’t done facing her past. “We’ve never talked about it. What happened when we were kids.”
His jaw clenched. “No need to. Look, I’m on duty. I should go—”
She moved to stop him from leaving. “I know you put yourself between him and me.” They both knew who him was, said in that tone. “I know you purposely made him turn your way. You took the blows, to save me and…our mother.” Tank called them Ma and Pa, a distancing of another sort.
She had trouble calling them anything.
He simply shrugged. “I’m a man. I’m big. I could take it.”
“You were a boy before that. You weren’t always big.” She bit her lip. “It wasn’t right, what he did. He was a horrible man. I…” She’d never said the word aloud. “I hated him. I hate him now.” Bile scalded her throat.
“I couldn’t
protect you from everything.” His expression was more open than she’d ever seen it, shadowed by guilt and sorrow. “I don’t ever want you hurt again.” His lips thinned. “Not by Jackson, either. He’ll hurt you again, Sis.”
He might. Probably would. Still… “He was wronged by this town.”
Pain twisted his features. Rage sparked. “He killed her. The girl I—” He looked away.
Her mouth fell open. Tank had loved Beth Butler? “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you loved her.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t tell anyone. Never even told her.” His voice trailed off. “And then it was too late.” His glance caught hers. “I warned him back then, and I mean it still. If he hurts you, I’ll kill him. I tried to warn him away, to tell him Pa would take it out on you if he caught you two together.”
“You…knew?”
He nodded. “He didn’t listen.”
“Actually,” she thought back to a terrible time when Jackson tried to put distance between them. “I think he tried to, but I wouldn’t let him. I couldn’t.” She stared straight into his eyes. “He was the only light in my world. I loved him. He was everything to me.”
“And then he left you.”
She pressed her lips together against the hurt. “Now that I’ve heard his side of it, I understand a little better.”
“You can’t trust him.”
“Maybe he can’t trust me.”
“He doesn’t know Ben is his, does he?”
She froze.
“Anyone with eyes could see it now. People have gotten used to thinking he was David’s, so they don’t question, but if they’d known about you two, they might have noticed before.”
“You never said anything.”
A rueful quirk of his lips. “There’s a lot we never talked about. Did David know?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She touched his arm and wondered if she’d ever voluntarily touched her brother before. “Tank, please. Ben doesn’t know. And I’m not ready for anyone else to, either.”
“You may not have that choice. He’s grown taller than David—it’s not hard to see he’s built like Jackson now.” When she tensed her grip, he shook his head. “I’m not going to say anything. And since that bastard will probably disappear again, you might get away with it.” His voice softened. “I’m on your side, Sis. I always was.”
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