No, no, no. She could not lean on him, not ever again.
He glanced at the phone, eyebrows lifted.
Ruby, she mouthed.
“Go talk to him, honey. Before he calls out the National Guard.” Ruby chuckled.
But she couldn’t. Ian had relayed his offer, but based on the thunderclouds on his face, he didn’t like not taking action. “Thank you for calling,” she said. “And thanks to everyone who’s helping with the girls.”
“Those two will be just fine. When you’re ready, we’ll get them over to visit you and Ben. I know they’ll rest easier once they’ve seen both of you.”
Subtle shame rolled through her. Scarlett had offered to bring the girls to her, and she hated not to be with them, but hospitals were scary places and she hadn’t known what kind of news she’d get. “Thank you, Ruby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Get some rest.”
“I won’t waste my breath asking you to do the same, but you know you’re no use to Ben if you get too run down.”
“I know. I’ll rest at some point.” But not here. She hated this hospital. This was where she’d waited as they worked on David.
And he’d still died.
She clicked off her phone.
“So your phone does work.”
She looked up at Jackson’s aggravated tone, and her own irritation matched it. “I’ve been busy. Why did you come?”
Hurt skated across his handsome face. “I wanted to help.”
“By threatening to have my son snatched up and taken to Austin without even asking?” My son. She was doing it again.
But lordy, she was not ready for the discussion that was creeping ever closer.
“Concussions are serious.”
“You don’t think I know that?”
“Hey, I’m sorry.” He held out his palms. “I just…I do want to help. I’m used to solving problems and—” He grimaced. “Being in charge. I apologize. He’s your child. I just couldn’t stand thinking about how scared you must be.” He cleared his throat. “I was worried myself when Abby called.” A rueful glance, lips twitching. “You were right. She figured out the phone.”
Unbelievably, she found a smile. “Told you.”
The shared amusement cleared the air. “I’m sorry—” she began.
“I’m sorry—” he said at the same instant.
She exhaled. “I should have called you. You’ve been so good to Ben. To all of us. I just—” She shuddered. “I hate this place. It’s making me crazy being here.”
Comprehension dawned. “Is this where—?”
“David died right in that same bed Ben’s in now.” The tears she’d staved off for hours suddenly broke through.
“Oh, man.” He gathered her in, and his arms felt so good. Felt like refuge from all that frightened her so. Sometimes she thought her only emotion was fear anymore. Of so many things—losing the ranch, failing her children, having Jackson and Ben—
She tensed. Having them hate her.
“Shh…” Jackson held her more tightly and rocked her against him. It was the best feeling in the world.
But she couldn’t keep lying to him. She’d told herself she had to do this in person, and he was here now. He had a right to know.
He cared about her children.
He was so lonely.
She pulled back. “Jackson, I—”
“Mrs. Butler?” called the nurse. “I’m finished, and your son’s waking up again.”
She hurried to him, every other thought receding. Jackson’s voice rumbled behind her, but Ben was her only concern now. The last time he’d awakened, he’d been confused and dizzy.
“Mom?”
“I’m here, honey.” She took Ben’s hand.
“Can I go home yet?” His eyes were clear this time. “I’m fine.”
She stroked his hair. “I kinda doubt it. You had a lot of people worried. How does your head feel?”
“It hurts. Danny Carter tackles hard.” He frowned. “Why does my ankle hurt? I won’t miss the game, will I?”
“I’m afraid your season is over, honey. Even if I were prepared to risk it, you have a concussion, and your ankle is severely sprained. You’re going to be on crutches for a while.”
“Aw, man…the team needs me.”
“They do,” she agreed.
“But you won’t be any good to anyone if your brains are scrambled,” said a deep voice from the doorway.
“Jackson! Where’d you come from?” Ben’s delight was transparent.
And she remembered what she’d been about to tell Jackson. What would Ben think when he knew? He really liked the man smiling at him from the other side of the bed, but he’d adored David.
She’d talk to Jackson as soon as they had another opportunity, and she could only hope he’d work with her in telling Ben in the least shocking manner.
She tuned back into their conversation, just in time to hear the awe in Ben’s voice.
“How long did it take you to fly down here? Man, I wish I could see your plane.”
“Anytime, once you’re better. You ever been on crutches?”
Ben shook his head. “You?”
“Yep. Sophomore year of high school.”
“Just like me! Did it suck?”
“Benjamin…” That wasn’t a word she cared for.
Clearly he was better, since he rolled his eyes. “Excuse me. Was it, um…”
Jackson grinned and glanced at her. “A pain in the—”
Ben laughed. “She doesn’t like that one either.”
“I didn’t think so. My mom wouldn’t have.” Jackson sobered. “That’s what good moms do. They’re the reason guys are even half-civilized.”
The hero worship glowed. Ben glanced at her. “She is a good mom. The best.”
Guilt swamped her. Please let him still think so. Let me make him understand why I never told him.
“She is. I had an awesome one myself, so I know,” Jackson told him.
She couldn’t listen to this anymore. “You should sleep. I think they’re going to move you to a room.”
“Why can’t I go home? I can sleep better there.” It wasn’t like Ben to whine, but he sounded about six. His gaze slid to Jackson. “And since I can’t go to school, Jackson could play Doom Star with me.”
She chuckled. The teenager was never far away. “Jackson has a company to run, and a big problem to solve.” She looked over at the man in question. “Or have you solved it?”
“Nope. Whoever’s doing this is good.”
“Not as good as you,” Ben vowed.
Jackson’s smile was both proud and delighted. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I’m not feeling too impressed with myself right now.”
“Could I help?” Ben asked. “Since I can’t go to school?”
“You don’t know that,” she told him. “We’ll see what the doctor says, but regardless, you’ll have homework to do.”
Then the Ben who was far too mature appeared. “What will you do about my chores, Mom? You can’t handle them, too.”
“Of course I can.”
“I’m staying,” Jackson told him. He glanced at her. “I can help.”
She started to protest, but now wasn’t the time.
He could tell, though. “Please don’t argue with me, Vee. Let me do this.”
“What about your problem?”
He glanced at Ben. “I saw the variation you coded. You have to deal with school first, but maybe a new set of eyes would help.”
“Score!” Ben exulted. “Yeah, baby! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”
She was trapped. Maybe it was just as well. She had already committed to telling Jackson…
A shiver shook her. What if he was furious? What if everything went wrong? Ben would be crushed if Jackson wasn’t glad—he would be, wouldn’t he? But if Ben was around all day, how would he not be aware of any negative reaction from Jackson and—
“Mom? You need the help, you know you do.”
“I could hire someone, if you really don’t want me pitching in,” Jackson said stiffly.
She summoned a smile for both of them. “I’m sure it will be…fine,” she managed. “Would you please excuse me? I need to talk to the nurse and—”
She hurried away as if the hounds of hell were on her heels.
Getting Vee to go home to sleep hadn’t been easy, but with a combination of Ruby, Scarlett and the charge nurse helping, he’d finally managed to convince her that Ben would be fine with only himself on board to watch over her son.
His body was still on Seattle time, so it wasn’t as late for him, he’d pointed out.
In the end, it had been Ben who’d swayed the balance. “I’ll be fine with Jackson, Mom. I’m not a little kid. It’s just an ankle. If it were up to me, I’d be going home tonight.”
He could see that she was hurt that Ben hadn’t wanted her to stay, but the need to comfort the twins had won the day.
“So…can we play on your laptop?” Ben asked. “Now that the warden is gone?”
“Your mother loves you,” Jackson snapped. “Don’t disrespect her. You have no idea how good you have it compared to what she lived through.”
He could have kicked his own ass when Ben got immediately serious. “I don’t—because she won’t ever talk about her life when she was a girl, but I’ve heard whispers.”
“I shouldn’t have said that. It’s her story to tell.”
“She never will. I need to know.”
“I don’t think so. You know what you need to, that she’s a fantastic mother.”
“Did Uncle Tank hurt her?”
“What? No. Absolutely not.” However difficult Tank could be, he was sure of that much. Jackson exhaled in a gust. “She wouldn’t appreciate us talking about her behind her back.”
“I’m not a little kid.” Insult bled through his voice. “I know life sucks sometimes. I don’t believe in fairytales the way the girls do.”
Jackson studied him. This boy had taken on a man’s responsibilities in his household. His father’s death had forced him to grow up early. “No, you’re not a little kid. It’s just that…some things are private.”
“I could ask other people in town. I could find out, but I’d rather hear it from you.”
“I don’t think many people ever knew what really went on in that household.” He studied Ben. “Look, I don’t know a lot myself because she would hardly ever talk about what was going on, but…”
“But she was your girlfriend or something, wasn’t she? You were close.”
“That’s not—”
“My business? I think it is. I’m responsible for her now. Something happened between you. I might be a teenager, but I’m not stupid. I—when you two are together, there something…it’s like layers, you know? I mean, I know you grew up in the same town and Sweetgrass is small, but there’s something…more. You act like a couple, sort of.”
“Does that bother you?”
“I don’t know. How did she wind up married to my dad if you and she…”
Jackson rubbed the spot between his eyebrows. Man…how to handle this?
“Look, you can treat me like a little kid, I know that, but…I hope you won’t. She’s my mom, man. I have to take care of her.”
“No, you don’t. You are not responsible for her, and I’m betting she’s told you that. You don’t have to take your dad’s place. She’s a capable woman. She’s not weak.”
“But she needs my help.” Ben’s gaze was merciless. “Or someone’s.”
Jackson exhaled. “It’s…complicated.”
“Why do adults always say that? Like that’s an excuse for lying.” Ben rolled to his side. “Never mind. Good night.”
The air stung with frustration and fury.
He liked this boy, all on his own, not just because he was Veronica’s child.
But he loved Veronica.
Holy hell. The truth of it slapped him in the face.
He still loved her. As much as ever—more, probably.
But so many years intervened. And their lives were light years apart.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. He should be focusing on his company. That was paramount.
But somehow, when he came within the orbit of Sweetgrass Springs and its magnetic pull…everything else became background noise.
She needs you as I needed you. Remember us. Come back for us.
He wasn’t the answer. There were no answers to this conundrum.
Except…he’d always been good at finding answers no one else could. Thinking outside the box.
“No one knew about your mother and me,” he said aloud to Ben’s back.
The figure before him tensed but didn’t turn over.
“I loved her with every breath in my body. When my mom died, she was all that kept me sane. My dad and I didn’t get along. Still don’t.”
Ben turned over. “Why not?”
“He wasn’t like your dad. All he ever cared about was the ranch—and my mom. He was—still is, I guess—a hard man. Ranch life requires that, and the only person who got any softness from him was my mom. Me, he had no use for my skills and no patience for my dreams. I was his heir, and I was going to take over the ranch, period, end of story.”
“But you didn’t want to.”
“I didn’t.”
“You hate ranching, too?”
Jackson pondered. “I…” He sighed. “I respect it. It’s one of the hardest jobs in the world. You gamble everything on factors you can’t control. The weather can ruin you. Livestock can get sick, crops can fail. No rain, too much rain…too hot, too cold…it’s a leap of faith, every day. Every year. And it’s been that way forever.” He grimaced. “But I’m the only Gallagher male, and it’s a founding family.”
“Just like me. The last Butler male, one of the Four.”
“Exactly.”
“My dad never pushed me to stay, but…”
“Mine did. He still wants nothing to do with me. He thinks my life is a waste.”
“Dude, that’s so screwed up.”
He sighed. “It is…and it isn’t. I don’t have a son, but I know how it feels to build something and wonder if it will survive you.” Wow. He’ d never really thought it out like this. “Man. I never could see that before.”
“Maybe you should tell him.”
Out of the mouths of babes… “Maybe so. I’m not sure he wants to hear anything from me except I’m back and I want to run the Star Bar G.” He shook his head. “But I still don’t.”
“I don’t think they need you anymore.”
Jackson stared.
“I mean, Rissa and Mackey have taken over. She’s run that place for a long time.”
“She has, hasn’t she? I never really let myself think much about what was going on back here.” He shook his head. “That was wrong of me.”
“Things turned out okay.”
“Maybe so. I don’t know. I’m still feeling my way around here.”
“Would you have come back if I hadn’t gotten hurt?” In Ben’s eyes was both boy and nearly-grown man asking.
He owed the boy honesty. “I don’t know. It’s…hard to be here.” He pondered that. “But in some ways, it…” He shook his head. “It feels like home. Man.” He looked back at Ben. “I so am not ready to feel that.”
“Is my mom part of the reason?” Very man of the family now.
More than I wish she was. “Yeah,” he responded. “A big part. You and your sisters, too.”
“Seriously?”
“Well,” Jackson tried to lighten the mood. “I mean, you’re skinny and pushy, and you don’t have the sense not to play football…”
“You played it.” Ben was grinning.
“I rest my case.” If I’d had one lick of sense, I’d never have left your mother behind. We could have had all these years together. But this really great kid and his two sisters Jackson was so fond of wouldn’t exist if he’d stayed.
/>
Ben yawned. “You still haven’t explained about my mom’s family.”
“Let’s try to get some sleep first, okay? You do want out of here, right?”
“Yeah. But I want to know, too.”
“You should ask your mom. It’s really not my story to tell.”
“Typical adult.”
But Jackson refused to take umbrage. “Bratty teenager.”
They exchanged grins. Jackson slouched in his chair and put his feet up on the side of Ben’s bed. “I’m whacked. Let’s get some shuteye.”
Ben sighed. “Sheesh, it’s so early.”
But when Jackson looked over, the boy had fallen asleep.
Chapter Twelve
All her chicks were back under one roof.
Ben was going to be okay. He’d fallen asleep before the girls, exhausted from the pain and the meds, the effort to get up the stairs to his room.
Jackson had offered to carry him, but a young man’s pride wouldn’t allow that, so Ben had made the trip himself, one painful step at a time. He’d said on the way home that he wanted a shower, but when he’d realized a bath was his only choice, he’d balked. Finally he’d fallen asleep in his clothes, and she’d decided to wait to help him out of them until he awakened, only taking off his one shoe and covering him with the afghan she’d crocheted for him back when she’d actually had spare time.
She was so tired she couldn’t imagine how she’d keep going until the girls went to sleep.
In the hallway, Jackson waited, his gaze tender as he looked down at her. “You look whacked. Tell them good night now, and let me put them to bed, would you?”
She bit her bottom lip, caught between the urge to turn this over to him and the need to put everything back in its place, all routines observed.
He seemed to read her thoughts. “They still think I’m a treat. As long as they get their goodnight kiss from you, don’t you think they’ll be okay this once? I don’t sing as pretty as you, but…”
Gratitude swamped her, and she couldn’t let it. She was barely holding tears in check as it was.
But he was probably right. “Thank you.” She rose to her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
He didn’t put his arms around her as part of her desperately wished he would, but he cradled her face in his hands. “Thank you. If I get the slightest sense they’re troubled, I’ll come get you, I promise.”
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