“Not now. I can’t leave.” He wished he could bore through walls with his vision.
“You have to. I think I’ve got the mole figured out.”
He blinked. “Who is it?”
“I don’t want to say until I’m sure, and I need your help trapping…that person.”
Jackson frowned. “Why can’t I help from here? Tell me who it is, Ty. I’ve got a situation here and—”
“Exactly where is here and why the hell have you disappeared on us again?”
“Look, I can’t talk right now, I have to—”
“Steph is the mole, all right? I got a look at an email account she’s been hiding. She’s in bed with Odyssey, J. She’s helping them take you down.”
Odyssey. They’d been nipping at his heels for a year now.
Steph? Yes, she was ambitious as hell, but they’d been a team, the three of them, practically since the beginning.
He swore.
“She’s got another smear campaign set to go, best I can tell. We’re running out of time. You need to get your ass back to Seattle. Now.”
He cast his gaze upward toward Ben’s room. Their argument must have carried up through the window. He hoped to hell the boy hadn’t injured himself coming down those stairs on crutches.
The boy.
His boy.
“Are you even listening to me?” Ty demanded.
He was furious with Veronica for lying to him. He was blown away by what he’d learned.
And everything he’d missed, all these years, battled with the impending loss of his life’s work. “Give me a couple of hours to deal with things here. I’ll put the plane on standby and let you know what time I’m landing.”
“We can’t afford a couple of hours, J.”
Jackson glanced upward toward the family he could have had all this time. “I can’t leave yet. Deal with it.” He disconnected and strode inside.
He took the stairs two at a time, drawing up short when he saw that she was standing in the hallway, one hand on Ben’s closed door, shoulders slumped in misery.
Then she spotted him. Read his expression and moved to him. “Bad news?”
He explained.
“You have to go, then.”
“I can’t just walk out now.”
“It’s your company, Jackson. People depend on you.”
She looked more fragile than ever, and so damn lonely. He let go of his anger over her betrayal. “I don’t want to leave you. Either of you. Ty will have to handle it.”
“It isn’t Ty’s company.”
His gaze snapped to hers. “But he’s my son, too. I’ve missed his entire life.”
“He’s so angry. It might be better if you let him settle down.”
“Hell with that.” He moved past her. Stood in front of the door. “Ben, I need to talk to you.”
“Go away.”
“I have to leave for Seattle. Ty’s found the mole.” Ben had been so intrigued by the search. Surely he’d respond now.
He didn’t.
“Please…Son.” Jackson shook his head. “You have any idea how amazing it is for me to be able to call you that?”
“I don’t care. And I’m not your son. I had a dad, the best one ever.”
It was a blade straight to the heart, but Jackson hadn’t gotten where he was by giving up easily. “Look, I know how you must feel—”
“You don’t know shit. Either of you. It’s my life you played with. My life that’s all screwed up now. I don’t want to talk to either of you.”
“She’s your mother, Ben, and you’ll respect her.”
“Go to hell—” Ben’s voice cracked.
“I can break this door down, son, but—”
“Stop calling me that! I don’t need you. Go ahead and leave—you said it yourself, you don’t belong here. Go back to your life. Go count your money or something.”
“Benjamin Butler, you will not speak that way to your father,” Veronica commanded. “Now, I know you’re upset, and I accept the blame for that. I should have—”
“Does everyone know?”
“What? No. No one—”
“You didn’t tell Dad? He thought I was his?”
“You are his, Ben. In so many ways.”
Jackson closed his eyes against the anguish.
“He knew, honey. He always knew. He didn’t care. He loved you with everything he had.”
Jackson had to turn away. To get away from the anger that was rising again at all he’d lost.
“Ben, Jackson has to go. He doesn’t want to, but he has no choice.”
“I don’t care.”
“He does. And you do, too. Be honest.”
Broken laughter. “Oh, that’s rich. My liar mom, telling me—”
Jackson grabbed the knob. “No more, Ben. If you want to blame someone, blame me. I left. Your mother did the best she could. When you’re older, you’ll understand.”
“I’ll never understand. And I’m not talking anymore.”
Jackson put his other hand against the wood, fighting the urge to break the door down.
Veronica put her hand on his forearm. Nodded for them to move away.
Reluctantly he followed her.
“He’ll cool down.” A rueful smile. “He has your temper. Quick to ignite but quick to burn out, too.”
“I can’t leave like this, Vee.”
“But you have to. You can’t fix the situation in Seattle from here, right? The company needs its commander.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Can you come back soon?”
“God knows.” He shook his head. “I sure as hell don’t.” He stared down the hall, then made his way in front of Ben’s door again.
“Ben, I know you’re not ready to talk, but I hope you’ll at least listen.” He paused, but there was no indication from Ben. He pressed on. “This was a big shock to both of us. Maybe it’s not a pleasant one for you, but I have to tell you that I might have lost my temper about it, but it wasn’t because I’m unhappy that you’re my son. I’m not one bit. I’m damn proud you’re my boy. I thought you were amazing before, and I know I can’t take any credit for how great you turned out, but man…knowing you’re my blood? I honestly don’t have words for how incredible that is.” Abruptly his throat went tight. “I know I didn’t raise you, and that—it kills me, Ben, but it’s not your mom’s fault. She did the best she could for you, including giving you a father who was a truly good man.”
What he wouldn’t give for just one sign from Ben that he was okay with Jackson being his father, however unlikely that might be.
He glanced at Veronica, whose eyes were glistening, her arms wrapped around her middle.
They all needed comfort, whether or not they could find it from each other.
Yet he had to go. His hands clenched to fists. What he wanted didn’t seem to matter—then or now.
But he had more reason than ever to save his company. Maybe Ben wouldn’t want it—and in that instant, he felt a shocking camaraderie with his own father. But he would make sure Ben had the option.
“I don’t want to leave right now, but I don’t have any choice. I’m not going to push you, but I hope that you’ll come to be at least a little glad, too. I’m glad as hell, son.” He used the term deliberately. They both needed to get used to this new reality—and despite everything, an amazing joy was burgeoning inside him.
He hesitated a moment longer. “Don’t punish your mom, Ben. She and I will figure this out. All three of us will,” he amended. He touched the door one last time. “You have the sat phone. I’m going to be hoping I hear from you.”
He stopped in front of Veronica, who suddenly looked terrified. “What’s wrong?”
“You—” She swallowed. “You won’t try to take him from me, will you?”
He recoiled. “Is that what you think of me? What happened to I love you?”
Hectic color stained her cheeks.
“You do. Yo
u honestly believe I’m capable of that. You really have not let anything go, have you? You’ll never forgive me for not coming back for you.” What rose inside him was ugly and painful, and he had to get out of there. “You know how to get in touch with me.”
“Jackson…I—I know I hurt you, but please—”
He looked back. “I’m not your father, Veronica. I was a scared, stupid kid, but I have never intentionally hurt anyone in my life. That you don’t know that speaks volumes about how little we’ve managed to overcome the past. You don’t understand my life, and I damn sure don’t understand your thinking.” And a part of him grieved so hard he thought he might be sick.
She only stood there, looking stricken.
“I can’t talk about this anymore right now.” With effort, he resumed the mask he’d worn so successfully for so long. “My life back there might not seem like much to you, but it’s all I have. Goodbye, Veronica.”
“Goodbye, Jackson,” he thought he heard her say.
It sounded so final.
That’s how reality worked. What was real simply…was. He didn’t belong in Sweetgrass, and she was settled here. He had no idea how to deal with having a son who lived half a continent away from him.
But right now what he did know was that he had a company on the verge of imploding.
He didn’t know if I love you was even relevant anymore. If it ever had been or was only a lonely dream.
Heart heavy with regret, he turned away and charged down the stairs, then broke into a run.
Veronica dragged herself through what needed to be accomplished that day, just as she’d done after David died. She sought refuge in work, in the simple routines of watering pots of tiny poinsettias, of checking for pests or disease on the more mature ones. Of mechanically stripping extra leaves off flowers she’d picked, flowers Jackson had…
Her head dropped. She wanted to sink to her knees. To give up.
Just as she’d feared, both he and Ben had been hurt badly by what she’d done. Jackson had recovered from the shocking realization enough to be kind to Ben and to her—at least until she’d accused him of intending to take Ben away.
Is that what you think of me?
She’d hurt him with that, after he’d been so tender with her. And when they’d made love…
Those staggering blue eyes had been so terribly vulnerable. He’d been as nervous as she, and then they’d soared together, and life had held such promise, such joy…
Until she’d shattered everything with the weight of her lie.
The big lie.
You could have found me anytime. He was right. Maybe he didn’t keep a high profile, maybe he deliberately stayed off the main stage…she wondered why. Once Jackson had been a god in this town, had thrived in the spotlight, he and the other Horsemen. He’d been meant for so much, been bright and handsome, too much larger-than-life for Sweetgrass to contain him.
Yet he’d willingly gone into hiding for years. Why was that?
Because of the accident for which he still blamed himself? He’d been the quintessential hero when he was young—brilliant, gifted in so many ways, sought after, the golden boy of Sweetgrass Springs.
Then he’d fallen from grace.
And he hadn’t even been driving. Had never revealed that truth to a soul, until her. Because, boy and man, he shouldered responsibility gladly. He never let anyone down.
Anyone but her, that is. You didn’t come back for me, Jackson. You promised to take me away from that hellish life.
Well, she’d had her revenge, hadn’t she? Only now did she see that a hard kernel of resentment had been lodged in her breast all this time, because he hadn’t been there when she’d needed him.
He was right, she admitted. She could have looked. Maybe she’d been too overwhelmed at first, then she’d been consumed with raising Ben and later, the twins. Had been swallowed up in her life with David.
Oh, David. If only he were here now. What would he tell her to do?
Suddenly she saw David as he’d been in the early days as she crept through their life together like a wraith, heartsore and empty without Jackson. Every day had been a struggle, made worse because she knew David wanted her even though he was only too aware that she’d been so deeply in love with his friend.
She walked to the top of the hill where David was buried. Sank to her knees at his grave. “I am so sorry. It took me too long to love you, and you were so patient. So understanding that my heart was in pieces.”
The day Ben was born, she’d cried until she was sick because it should have been her and Jackson. Should have been Jackson proudly carrying around the miracle they had made.
She’d even had the horrible urge to yank Ben from David’s grasp. He’s not yours. He should be with his father.
Thank God she’d never said it out loud. David had taken Ben to his heart from his first breath, and no father could have been better for him.
Jackson would have, a traitorous urge spoke.
Don’t take him from me, Jackson. Please.
She bent at the waist, face in her hands.
He could do it. He had the resources.
And he would have every right.
Doubled over and sobbing out her grief and fear, she fell to the ground, her hand spread over David’s grave.
The Lady watched as the soldier returned to the spring, a woman and two children behind him.
“I’m…back,” he said. “Are you here?”
She remained where she was, invisible as long as she needed to be so.
He clutched his hat in his hands, knuckles white, glancing around the clearing. “I…it’s been a long time, but I’m back now. I told you I’d come.” He glanced back over his shoulder. “I…she’s my sergeant’s wife. He was killed at Goliad. I was supposed to be there, too, but I’d been wounded and couldn’t fight yet. He asked me to care for them if anything happened to him.”
The soldier glanced up into the trees. “Maybe you can’t hear me. Maybe I only imagined you, but I…I wanted to thank you.” He shrugged. “I didn’t picture this happening, me having a whole family. I thought I’d come back and see if…I’d imagined you.” Another lift of the shoulder. “Folks would think I’m crazy talking to the air, but…” His smile was filled with rue. “I guess I did imagine you.”
She nearly made herself visible then.
He continued before she could. “I’m back, though, and I’m staying. Name’s Josiah Gallagher, and this new country called Texas handed out land to all the veterans. I chose here, and three of my men will be joining me.” He glanced over his shoulder at the woman and two small ones who waited in the wagon. “I admire the grass here. I think it will be good land. I believe we can make a living from this valley.”
His smile was shy. “I call it Sweetgrass in my mind.” He exhaled. “I’d best be going. We’ve only a tent to live in right now, and I have a lot of work to do, settling my land. Night’s coming soon, and I don’t want them to be caught out here. Things have been hard on the woman—my wife, I mean.”
He twisted the wide brim. “Anyway, just wanted to let you know I’m back, maybe not how I planned, but…if you’re here, you’re not alone now.” He jammed his hat on his head and started to turn but halted. “I wish you were real. I…think I could have loved you. Thank you for saving my life.” With a shake of his head, he wheeled and left.
Leaving her alone again.
I wish you were real, he’d said.
I am. Or I could have been.
If only…
She watched him go, tears trailing over her cheeks.
And wondered how many more years she would have to wait.
Veronica awoke with tears on her face. If only… Her love was gone, and her heart was breaking.
Then she realized she had fallen asleep at David’s grave. What a strange dream…
Ben. He was back at the house alone. She scrambled to her feet and started down the hill.
A few feet away, she sto
pped. Turned back. “David, I’m sorry. I did love you. Please know that.”
A little breeze stirred the grass that covered him, and for a second her heart was oddly soothed.
She pressed shaking fingers to her eyes, knowing she didn’t deserve him. Had never deserved him.
“I love you,” she repeated. “Thank you for…everything.”
Then she raced down the hill to check on her son.
When Jackson landed in Seattle, Enigma’s security chief was waiting, along with his own security guy Mike.
“Mr. Gallagher, we have a chopper holding.”
His eyebrows rose. “It’s a twenty-minute drive. What’s the rush?”
“Mr. Grant sent us. He says it’s urgent that you talk.”
“Ty thinks everything is urgent.”
The man cleared his throat “I just do as I’m told, sir.”
“Fine. Let’s get going.” With long strides, Jackson crossed the tarmac. He’d tried to sleep on the flight, but all he could hear was Ben’s voice: I had a dad, the best one ever. Stop calling me son.
And that fear on Veronica’s face. You won’t try to take him from me, will you?
He never should have gone back.
You should have let sleeping dogs lie, Aunt Ruby. You meant well, but you were wrong, and now all of us are wrecked.
Jackson rubbed his scratchy, sleep-starved eyes. At least he’d been able to shower and change on the plane. Get out of the clothes Vee had helped him shed on what had once seemed a miraculous night.
Followed by the shattering of everything he thought he knew about her…all the foolish dreams he’d allowed himself.
As they neared headquarters, he couldn’t help wondering what Ben would think about what he had built. This could all be Ben’s one day.
Was that what his dad had thought as he looked over the Star Bar G? One day my son will take over.
The irony was brutal. Anyway, first his son—he still could not quite absorb the reality of that—would have to be willing to speak to him again.
His phone rang, Steph’s tone.
Steph is the mole.
Jackson frowned but took the call. “Steph?”
“Jackson! Have to come…Ty…” The reception was terrible. Where was she?
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