“Pish, now. Get on with you. Take that bonny lass into the sunshine and see if you cannae coax a smile back onto her sweet face.”
* * *
They rode in silence under a warm afternoon sun until they reached a high plateau dotted with pine trees overlooking the loch and rolling hills of gorse, heather, and fall grasses fading to shades of fawn and dusty greens. A large oak, still dressed in a glorious array of autumn foliage, dominated a hollow below them. Kendrick dismounted and lifted Andra down, holding her waist for a moment longer than necessary. “You’ve lost a bit of weight.” He raised a finger and gently traced under her eye. “These dark circles do not add the right color to your flawless skin, which has grown too pale by far. I’m worried Andra, please help me understand what upsets you. I’ll assist in any manner possible.”
She stepped away from him, focused on a point beyond the horizon; he suspected her gaze sought a place beyond this time. He laid a plaid at the edge of the pines and set the basket down.
“Come, sit with me. Cook has provided a veritable feast for us and there’s a verra good bottle of wine.”
* * *
Andra didn’t know how to begin talking again. If she discussed the jumbled feelings demanding release, she might start to cry, or scream, or both and would never be able to stop. She had indulged in far too much crying already.
With a withering shake she began. “I owe you an apology for my sullen behavior of late.” Her tightly fisted hands pressed into her lap, and she couldn’t look at Kendrick. “I am very sorry. I don’t usually wallow in depression, but I am overwhelmed with recent events. It seems I can’t get my groove back.” Lifting her chin, she caught the raised eyebrows and comical expression on his face.
“You cannae get your groove back? What might your groove be, exactly? It sounds most painful.” Small laugh lines etched around his mouth, even though he clearly had no idea what that phrase meant.
A small laugh slipped from her lips, followed by a choked sob that turned into hysterical laughter. She gripped her sides as tears streamed down her cheeks, sobbing and heaving for breath. This incessant crying frayed her nerves. Other than the grief following the deaths of her family members, she did not usually succumb to weeping. Although some saw her as reserved, she did not incline toward depression.
Kendrick pulled her into his embrace, rubbing her back and arms briskly with big, warm hands. “Och, now, Andra, if you dinnae stop, you’ll have me bawling in a minute, and that won’t do. Lairds are expressly forbidden to bawl.”
He kept patting her back and running his hands over her hair and body. He kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her eyelids, cheeks, and when he hit her lips, he bestowed the gentlest of kisses. His full lips slanted over hers, his tongue nudged at her lips begging entrance. When her mouth opened to him, he delved into her warm depths with an eager hunger for more. Laying her back onto the plaid, he rolled over her resting on his forearms, cupped her face with his hands, and pressed his forehead to hers.
“Mo chroi, A ghra, I’ve missed you, Andra.” his voice rasped with need.
My heart, my love. Had she heard him correctly? Then his words at the battle scene came back to her. When she’d first recalled those words on waking she thought they were a figment of her imagination, or words spoken from heightened emotions in the aftermath of battle.
She traced her fingers over his face and pushed him back so she could look into his dark-blue eyes. Love? Yes, she saw the love. They weren’t empty words used to calm her. The sun, his warmth and professed love, slowly unburdened her heart. The heady feel of it mingled with the scent of pine to uncoil the tension and relax her, as she had not been in days.
“I love you too, Kendrick.” And she did love him, undeniably and with an aching intensity. “Nevertheless, I cannot deny that this time petrifies me; I don’t really fit in, do I? I don’t think I can ever measure up to the expectations of a woman from this era. In addition, a constant fear assails me that this time issue will tear us apart. I know I could not bear that. Everything here is so alien to life in my world. It’s definitely not like the fairytales my father used to spin. The violence and fighting—life is so very precious and yet so…precarious.”
“Ah, lass, is it really so different? Are there no battles in your time, no sickness, no strife? Tell me more about where you are from.”
He was correct, of course. Rife with more horrors of war than he could imagine, her era offered no respite from violence. But sound bites on the evening news dulled those events to no more significance than a movie watched with a certain detachment even though the loss of life was dear.
She talked and talked. All the while, he massaged her shoulders and rubbed her arms and back, as though his touch could anchor her in this new environment. Even though most of what she told him would be beyond his imagination, now that she’d started she couldn’t seem to stop. She told him about great flying machines that could carry hundreds of people, about buildings as high as mountains that rose into the clouds. But when she spoke of men who walked on the moon, he pushed away, an incredulous expression on his face. “Now you tease, lass. What you describe is too fantastic to envision, even if you came from a thousand years in the future.”
Her disclosures seemed too fantastic even to her own ears. “You must think I’m absolutely mad, but I promise you, Kendrick, every word I say is the truth, and there is so much more. Unfortunately, most of the scientific developments that led to these amazing inventions are beyond my knowledge to explain adequately.”
“My love, what you describe is incomprehensible. ‘Tis no wonder you want to return to your home. I have nothing to offer in comparison. But I am a selfish man and I dinnae want you to leave me.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.
When she touched a finger to his mouth, he sucked it between his lips. “There is much in this time that appeals to me as well,” she continued, suddenly shy. “You for one thing.” She smiled. “And the peace of the countryside, the clean air and open spaces, and lack of crowds top of the list. I like the countryside, always did, even where I come from. Nevertheless, Kendrick, I worry that this time travel issue is bigger than we understand. I suspect something could occur in a flash that would hurtle me back to my home in San Francisco.”
“And...” she coughed and dropped her eyes, “since the battle, I’ve been overwhelmed with guilt, I killed three men and they haunt my dreams. I’m terrified by the nightmares that wrench me from my sleep.” She snuggled into his embrace curling against his chest, quieting for a while. The hushed rustle of wind through the trees calmed her, and the tension in his arms relaxed as well.
They lay together for some time before he responded to her admission regarding nightmares. “Lass, I can understand the nightmares. Many a warrior suffers the same and as a result, we embrace the joy of life even more fervently. You need to remember that you saved my life, you saved Michael, and even grumpy Struan, and possibly many more of our men. The enemy outnumbered us, though the superior training of our men made us well matched. Still, ‘twas a miracle we only lost six of our own warriors. You saved Isabel, Senga—three times, and Kyle. You’ve been like an angel to me and mine and those bairns.”
“Cannae you see that what you took, you’ve given back many times over? A warrior must always be mindful of the lives he saves if he is to stay sound of mind. And you, my braw lass, are as true a warrior as any one of my men.”
“What awaits you in your time other than men on the moon and buildings like mountains?” She experienced no relief at his attempt to add a bit of levity.
“You’ve said all of your family is dead. I have a family here who already love you. I love you. You need family, a clan to embrace, a husband to protect and provide for you.” His speech was rushed and it was obvious Kendrick would not relent. Since she’d known him, she’d watched him tenaciously pursue every goal. “Will you be my wife, Andra, and bear my bairns?”
“What! Your wife? You’re asking me to
be your wife?” Elation and shock rattled her, but he’d also asked her to bear his children and there lay the impediment.
“Oh Kendrick, if only—I—if only that were possible, but you see, I’m not certain I can have another child. After Daniel,” she hesitated, moisture gathered in her eyes before she blinked them back. “The doctors said maybe I could conceive again, but further tests and possible surgery might be necessary to be sure. I never pursued the issue. So, you see, even if I can’t return to my time, I don’t think it’s possible for us to marry. You must marry into a neighboring clan with a woman who can provide an heir, wealth, warriors, and filial connections. Isn’t that what would be expected by the elders?”
Her heart squeezed in her chest. “You would not go against the urging of your clan, not if it caused dissension.” She searched his beautiful face, “If they resented your choice you might eventually grow to resent your decision to take me to wife. And I could never agree to be your mistress nor watch you marry another should the clan not accept us as husband and wife.”
Kendrick cradled her face with his hands. “Husband and wife is what I’m proposing, Andra. I will decide if and who shall fill that role, and I want you. Listen to me, please. Long ago, a tragedy hollowed out my heart. I gladly left it in the dust, dead and disposed of, a tattered, useless thing, then by a miraculous twist of fate or heavenly decree, who can say which, you fell in my path. A wild, brazen beauty from the future awakened my soul, something I am sore to relinquish again.”
“‘Tis true I’ve been lacking in gentlemanly behavior toward you on occasion, but I would never suggest you become my mistress. I’d never insult you in such a manner. Do you believe me so dishonorable that I’d suggest such a thing? You are mine. We belong together.”
With heated fervor, he plastered ardent kisses over her face and neck. “I don’t care aboot the heirs I might father. If you cannae conceive, then neither you nor a child could die in childbirth. That alone would be sufficient reason to rejoice, and I’ll have no regrets. Lorne can provide an heir for the clan. I want you with me. I want you to be my wife.”
As always, his passion pushed her fears aside. He rubbed his hands over the bodice of her shift, and pushed the top down. Licking a hardened nipple, he drew it into his mouth and sucked deeply. His rough, urgent hands pushed up her skirts and slid along her inner thighs to the wet depths at her apex.
Andra threw her head back and groaned as his fingers slipped inside preparing her tight walls for his invasion. She urged him to roll onto his back, and he readily complied. She lifted herself over his hips and pressed her slick folds against his shaft, yet denied him entry.
Her nails scratched his bronzed chest and through the hair that drifted down his belly. A smile creased her lips, the first in days. “You are a magnificent specimen, Kendrick MacLean, every woman’s dream man. I cannot believe you love me.”
“Believe it, a chuisle mo chroi. I love you, Andra. I swear I never thought to say those words, and ken I’ll never say them to another.”
What did he just say—Pulse of my heart? Were those fireworks going off in her head? The world spun out of control.
His voice rumbled, prickling over her skin. “When ye smile like that love, you’re like a sparkling star, a summer breeze, everything fine and beautiful. I am yours for a smile,”
He pushed the hair away from her face. “I ache for you, lass.” He lifted his hips pressing against her mons in an urgent plea. “If you’re not ready, I’ll wait, though it may kill me to stop.” He moaned. “There’s no denying my desire to join with you. Do not be afraid. Take the love I offer, be mine, accept me without reservation as I accept you.”
“You win,” she laughed. Tomorrow she’d worry over the time travel matter. Now, she wanted to make love to him, to immerse herself in the intensity of his touch, to release this plaguing melancholy with fierce passion. She wanted to block all other thoughts from her mind. He was a flashing beacon calling her home through the storm. Pulling her skirts to her waist, she lifted above him and guided his throbbing shaft into her heated core. Sliding down and lifting again, she reveled in the undeniable desire evident in his gaze as he watched them join. Clinching him tightly with her inner muscles, she threw her head back and soared.
* * *
Kendrick near exploded as soon as she slid over his hard erection. His hands gripped her hips and aided her movement until their rhythm beat hard and fast. Lifting her head, their eyes locked as he touched the nub where they joined and brought her to an explosive climax.
“You are beautiful,” he whispered, watching her take him into her shuddering depths, clenching him with spasms of need. “I love to feel you writhe and pulse under my hands.” This was his Andra, this magnificent, unguarded, wildly enthusiastic woman he adored. As he brought her to another climax, he joined the tumultuous explosion, releasing his seed deep in her womb. Her ability to give him children didn’t matter; he wanted her, and she would be his.
Lying atop him, both of them panting, trying to slow their breath, a sense of peace settled over him. Their passion had pummeled the angst of the past few days into submission. Every fear singed by insatiable desire, consumed in this absolute moment, until everything else fell away except her flesh against his, and this urgent coupling that merged two souls into one.
Her eyes shining, she pushed against his chest and lifted her torso above his. “That was fantastic. You’re always using sex to bring me back to my senses. Did you notice that?” she chuckled.
“I’m happy to oblige, my love. Lose your senses anytime. I’ll gladly bring you back home.”
Rolling onto her back, she flung her arm across her face. The air had chilled. He felt a shudder ran through her. He couldn’t tell whether the sudden shiver resulted from a decision to forego attempts to return to her time, or due to the air wicking sweat from her skin. But she grew tense and still beside him. “What troubles you, Andra?”
“Kendrick, let us take a few days to think this over and discuss it further. As much as you honor me with your proposal, and as hard as it would be to leave you, I feel we must carefully consider all possible consequences.”
When he started to protest, she shushed him. “Please, listen to me. Although scientists allude to time travel where I’m from, there is no scientific proof that I know of. Still, there are theories, and all of them suggest that changes caused by persons going to the past would result in devastating timeline changes for future generations, possibly resulting in my own demise in the future. According to those theories, no one should bring back information about the future, nor alter the past, as their interference could have devastating impact on the future. Perhaps I have already caused irrevocable damage to my own time.”
“As you say, ‘tis only theories, even in your time, and they may not be correct. Mayhap you fell through time to complete the things you’ve done here. Mayhap God ordains it either way. Even in your time this is not kenned.”
A heartfelt sigh escaped her lips. “I cannot reason it out, but I do believe I should once again try to return to my time, if for no other reason than to assure us both that it’s not possible and won’t happen unexpectedly.”
He abhorred the idea, yet her consideration to stay also encouraged him. That would suffice for now. Besides, he had absolutely no intention of releasing her.
“It grows cold, and the hour is late. We should return before Lorne dispatches a search party to find us.”
* * *
Kyle scrambled around the stables in an effort to corral the puppies. “Lady Andra, ye are out of yer room.” he exclaimed. “Are ye better then?” His voice was so hopeful.
He lifted the wriggly, little beast in his hands. “Look at my pup. Master says I can keep him if I behave, listen to me elders, and help take care of the litter. Isn’t he grand?” His youthful exuberance soothed her soul.
Kendrick dismounted and helped her down, a smile on his lips. Kyle wrapped one hand into hers. His big eyes swallowed her
up. “Will ye be joining the clan for the evening meal? Will ye sing tonight, Lady Andra? Everyone misses yer singing, even Struan.” He scowled in an attempt to imitate Struan’s gruff countenance.
Ruffling his auburn curls, she smiled. “Yes, I’m improving, but I think I’ll take my meal in my room tonight. I’m not ready to sing yet. Perhaps I should teach you to sing a song of your own.”
The boy’s mouth dropped open and his eyes grew wide. “Oh? I dinnae ken if I can sing. Dae ye think I can?”
“Most assuredly. Perhaps we’ll have all the children learn a song together.”
“Tonight? Can we learn tonight?”
Kendrick stepped in, “Lady Andra is fatigued from her ride today and still needs her rest, Kyle. You can talk with her about singing tomorrow.”
When they reached her chambers, Andra knew he wanted to join her. He’d been the only visitor she’d allowed for days, but she needed time alone. “We have much to think on tonight, and I’m exhausted.” She lifted onto her toes and sweetly kissed his lips. “Until tomorrow, my love.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Andra did not teach the children to sing the next morning. Before the sun rose, she sought Kendrick on his pre-dawn stroll along the parapet.
At the top of the stairs, she spied him. Even in shadow, his wide stance, broad shoulders, and flowing dark-blond hair was unmistakable. He exuded confidence and strength while watching over his lands for any untoward movement in the hills. His enjoyment of the morning’s peace and quiet radiated from him. She thought to turn back, leave him to his reverie when he turned and reached out his hand.
“Come to me, lass.”
“How did you know it was me?”
“I heard the rustle of your skirts as you climbed the stairs, but I would ken you in the blackest night even if you never spoke. Your sweet scent precedes you, Andra, and invades my senses on the slightest breeze.”
Finding My Highlander Page 25