by Diana Fraser
They both began talking at once. They grinned at each other. “You go first,” said Gabe.
She shook her head. “I was only going to talk about the accounts.”
He pulled a face.
“What were you going to say?” she asked.
“I was going to say that you looked comfortable out on the beach this afternoon, digging around. You looked more relaxed than I’ve seen you before.” He splashed some milk into his coffee and brought the cups to the table.
“I was. I’ve always found it absorbing work. It’s what I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember. Anyway, you don’t want to hear about that.” She took a sip of her coffee. “What do you do to relax?”
“Me?” He sat back and slid an arm along the back of the sofa. She shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help admiring him, as he talked about his sports and hobbies. He was handsome, confident in a different way to the way Jonny had been, and macho in his own way.
He paused, waiting for a response. She realized she’d stopped listening to him. He leaned forward and took her hand. “You’re miles away. You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”
She bit her lip and shook her head.
He pushed her hair back from her face. “I wish you’d open up to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She shrugged. “I’m not like you. I’m not used to sharing my innermost feelings.”
“Maddy, believe me, I don’t.”
“But you, you’re always…” She trailed off, suddenly aware that the conversation was getting deeper than she’d intended.
“But I’m always surrounded by people? Just because people live social lives doesn’t mean they don’t keep parts of themselves safely hidden.”
She suddenly realized that, despite all evidence to the contrary, Gabriel Connelly kept a part of himself hidden from full view. That was why he was comfortable sharing the public part. Only a very confident person could do that. Jonny had never been able to. Nor her.
She frowned. “You’ve been hurt.”
He drew back from her. “Of course. Hasn’t everyone?”
“I guess.” She wanted to know who’d hurt him, but she had a feeling she knew already. And she couldn’t ask. She stood up instead. “I should leave.”
He rose and watched her wordlessly as she gathered her bag and jacket. Finally, she couldn’t put off looking him in the eye. And what she saw there made her stop dead in her tracks. Gone was the kind, public persona of the doctor. In front of her was a man with a steely depth in his eyes, and a desire which shot straight to her gut, and lower. She gasped in a quick breath, wondering if he was going to kiss her again. He stepped forward, and she held that quickly gasped breath. He was so close she could smell his outdoor smell, the faintest trace of aftershave, a suggestion of whiskey. It made her knees weak. She licked her lips.
“I know you’re still grieving. I understand that, but I think you need a friend. Someone to listen to you, someone to look out for you, to care about you. I’d like to be that friend—if you’ll let me.”
She had the urge both to run away, and into his arms, at the same time. For a long moment she wasn’t sure which urge would prevail. In the end each one counterbalanced the other and she stayed put. “There’s no point, Gabe, I won’t be here long.”
“I can be your friend for as long as you’re here. How about that?”
She shrugged. “I’m not… I’m not sure.”
He reached out and took her hand, and the warmth and firmness of his grip sent shivers of desire coursing through her. “I’m here for you when you know. Okay?”
She nodded, not daring to speak in case words emerged which revealed the truth—that she knew she wanted him to be more than a friend to her. Because she knew that, if she did, she’d regret it bitterly later. This wasn’t just anyone; this was her dead fiancé’s brother, his twin brother, the man who Jonny had asked her to visit, asked her at the end of six months to give him something, asked her not to say a word before that time. But he was so close. A shiver of pure desire snaked down her back.
Then he pulled away and the intimate moment passed. “Tell me when you know,” he repeated. “There’s no rush.”
She gripped her handbag nervously, and stepped toward the door which he opened for her. “Gabe…”
“Yes?” he asked.
She swallowed. “I’m sorry.”
He frowned. “About what?”
Her heart thudded heavily, keeping time to the grandfather clock in the hall. She licked her suddenly dry lips. How could she tell him she was sorry about everything? About the hurt Jonny had inflicted and, not least, that she couldn’t do what her body desperately wanted her to do, which was to accept both his friendship and his kisses. She pressed her lips together and shook her head. No, she couldn’t tell him anything; she’d promised otherwise. She shook her head again, gave a brief smile and stepped outside into the night.
* * *
Maddy disappeared into the night before Gabe could offer to walk her home. He sighed as he closed the door. She was one confusing woman. Why the hell was he always drawn to people like Maddy? People with a past they didn’t want to disclose, people who kept you guessing?
He sank down onto the chair and took another sip of his coffee which had gone cold. Who was he trying to kid when he said people? Mysterious people had always piqued his interest, but not to this extent. Not like Maddy. This was nothing about mystery and all about Maddy.
5
After the night of the kiss—her life seemed to have been divided into Before Kiss and After Kiss—Gabe had changed the time she came to work at his house to four in the afternoon. He’d said it was usually quieter around then. But she had her doubts. His surgery never seemed quiet until after five. And, when she was packing up, he’d always appear, and they’d go for a drink, or a coffee, or sit outside and chat. But over the following weeks, their interactions changed. It was as if he was quietly courting her. There was no overt flirtation but the intimacy of that night didn’t disappear and she was aware of a deepening in their relationship. She did her best to keep up her guard, but it seemed Gabe was adept at side-stepping it when she least expected it, and stirring her emotions in a way that she didn’t want them to be stirred—afterwards, that is, when her brain had returned to functioning mode rather than ‘is he going to kiss me,’ melting mode.
And each assault on her senses took him farther beyond the barrier she’d created to keep herself safe. She knew it and, judging by his increased confidence, he knew it.
As Gabe emerged from his surgery, his sensual smile staked a claim at the farthest most point he’d reached, definitely inside her barrier.
He went to the kitchen sink and ran a glass of water, took a sip and leaned against the bench, as he turned his gaze to her. A shiver of desire ran through her.
“I’m going fishing at the weekend. Would you like to come along?”
She took a calming breath. There he was again, challenging her with his expression, reassuring her with his words. She wondered if he was going alone, but couldn’t think of an easy way to ask. “Will there be room for me?” she asked innocently.
He drained his glass and placed it in the sink. “Yes.”
She twisted her mouth as she tried not to smile. He knew why she was hesitating. “What do you fish for?” she asked.
“Whatever’s there. To be honest, sometimes I never bother to get out the rods, it’s so nice to be out in the harbor.”
“On your own?” she ventured.
“No.”
“Oh. Okay.” She made up her mind. “That’ll be great. It’s ages since I’ve been out on a boat.”
“Cool. Come to the marina when you’ve finished at the hostel.”
“Shall I bring a picnic?”
“Sure.”
“How many people will be there?”
“Just us.”
“But you said you weren’t alone.”
“I’m never alone. There ar
e dolphins everywhere.”
She groaned. “You did that on purpose.”
“That is something I can neither confirm nor deny.”
She shook her head, frustrated by his charm and by the fact that she didn’t mind.
“Don’t tell me it concerns you, being alone with me?” he asked.
“No, of course not.” It shouldn’t, but it did.
“I wonder why I don’t believe you?”
She couldn’t admit it. It was ridiculous. They were adults; she enjoyed his company. Trouble was, she wished she didn’t. Most of the time she could kid herself, and she could forget that he was Jonny’s twin brother. Especially when she was with him because he looked nothing like Jonny, who was dark and lean, compared to Gabe who more closely resembled a surfer than a doctor. Gabe’s sunny personality was also different to Jonny’s, who could swing between extremes of mood. The highs had made him exciting to be with, but the lows could be bad. And no doubt it was one of those lows, one which had created too much bitterness to be overcome, which had cost him his relationship with his family.
“You know,” he continued, “that I like you. I really like you, Maddy. But I’m not about to jeopardize our friendship by doing something stupid. You do know that, don’t you?”
“Yes, of course.” She couldn’t ever imagine Gabe acting in any way inappropriate with a woman, despite the glimpses of sexy intensity which he subjected her to when she least expected it. He was too respectful and kind.
He looked at her intently with eyes that made her feel like an open book—which she definitely wasn’t for anyone else, even Jonny. “In which case, it must be yourself you’re worried about.”
She blinked and looked away. He’d hit the nail on the head. She didn’t trust herself with him. She rose. “I’d best get off. I need to do shopping for tomorrow and finish off some paperwork at the hostel.”
He didn’t say anything, but she could see he was satisfied he’d hit a raw nerve. “Sure.”
“Bye then.” She walked away. At the corner she glanced around to see him still standing there, looking at her.
He might not ever act in an inappropriate way, but she had a feeling that Gabe might think about it.
* * *
Flo took a swig of her beer and reached out to deadhead a rose with the other hand. “So tell me again why you’re concerned about being alone with Gabe.”
“It’s not that I’m concerned as such. It’s just that… oh, I don’t know.”
Flo tossed the withered head of the rose to one side and sat back and looked with her usual directness at Maddy. “If you don’t, I reckon everyone else does.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because you’re in denial and I thought my question might prompt you to think about it.”
Maddy shrugged. Over the weeks she and Flo had slipped into a comfortable friendship. They were very different people but it was easy to respect the opposite when you didn’t much like yourself. But even though they were fast developing the kind of friendship which would last distances and time, Maddy really didn’t want to get into what her issues were with Gabe.
“He’s my friend, that’s all there is to it. And I’ll go out with him on the boat, and we’ll have a fun afternoon.”
Flo grunted a swift laugh and rose. “That’s all hunky dory, then. I’ll leave you to your fantasies. Which, I might say, are the opposite of every other woman who has ever come across Gabe Connelly.”
Maddy didn’t reply as Flo went inside the hostel to prepare for incoming visitors. Instead, her mind went not to Gabe, but Jonny.
She’d fallen for Jonny from the moment she’d met him. He was a hotshot lawyer who was the most macho man she’d ever met. He was cocky and confident and had soon swept her into his bed. And there she’d stayed. He was as outgoing as she was shy, and he was as assertive as she was diffident. She couldn’t believe that he wanted to be with her. He had been separated from his wife and upset about not seeing enough of his young child since his wife had moved to France. But he insisted that with her, he’d found true love. He’d asked Maddy to marry him and had started divorce proceedings with the intention of marrying as soon as they could. Maddy had been swept off her feet emotionally and physically when they took an extended vacation in Thailand. But there, things changed. She’d landed with a bump to find herself uneasy and unsure. By then the first signs of his bipolar illness had revealed themselves. She’d heard of bipolar disorder before but had never known anyone with it. Maybe if Jonny hadn’t got mixed up in drugs, and hadn’t come off his medication, she’d never have known. But the lows became lower.
She’d hoped that their return to Amsterdam would put him on a firm footing once more, and it had. But it hadn’t been easy and there had been times when he hadn’t been able to see any hope for the future.
One night, as they’d lain in his apartment in the center of Amsterdam, where he’d lived and worked since he’d left New Zealand, he’d told her about Belendroit, and his family. He’d never spoken of them before. She asked him why he didn’t make contact with them. He’d been silent for a long time before answering. His mother was dead, and the argument he’d had with his father had put a barrier between them which he didn’t believe could ever be removed. She’d asked him about his brothers and sisters. By his lack of response, she’d gathered that he’d probably equally alienated them. Or, at least, he’d thought he had. The only person he’d mentioned by name was Gabe—his twin brother, whose falling out he’d obviously regretted most. But he did talk about Belendroit and what it had been like growing up there. He’d talked of the sea, the hills, and the town.
In his darkest moments, he’d become intensely emotional, making her promise to return to Belendroit if anything happened to him, to seek out Gabe and return to him a small box. Six months, he’d insisted—no less—to stay and make amends to Gabe. She’d promised—she had no choice, and besides, he was back on his medication, and she didn’t, for one moment, imagine she’d ever have to keep the promise. But she hadn’t taken into account the random acts of nature which brought life to a swift close.
In the end, it was no morbid health scare, but a car unable to stop on a rainy, murky night, and Jonny stepping from behind a bus. He’d died shortly after of his injuries.
His family had attended his funeral. Jonny’s estranged wife had made all the arrangements, and taken control of his estate immediately. Maddy had stayed away from the funeral at the wife’s request. Jonny’s child was given as the reason which was enough for Maddy. Besides, she’d said her goodbyes to Jonny. She’d left the next day—run away from everything, but she couldn’t outrun her memories, and the fact that she’d made him a promise—a promise she had no choice but to keep.
But why he made her make that promise, she had no idea. Was it for some kind of reconciliation with his family which he couldn’t effect in person? But, if that were the case, then why didn’t he want her to state her relationship with Jonny immediately? He’d insisted that she didn’t. Six months, he’d said, during which time she shouldn’t make any mention of him. Only at the end of that six months should she give Gabe the object which he’d entrusted her with, and tell him about their relationship. But, then, he’d had no idea that Gabe would stir such unwanted emotions in her, emotions which made her feel like she was betraying Jonny.
* * *
Flo, being the fabulous cook she was, had helped Maddy put together a mouth-watering picnic which she’d insisted on packing in a classic wicker picnic hamper. She’d driven Maddy to the wharf where Gabe was sorting out the boat. He waved at them both. Flo stooped to pick up her side of the hamper and whispered: “You’re mad. Look at the way that man’s looking at you.”
“It’s just a look. Like you’d give to anyone.”
“No, it is not!” Flo smiled at Gabe and spoke between stiff lips. “It’s the kind of smile which you give to someone whose clothes you want to rip off.”
Maddy caught Gabe’s gaze and
blushed.
Flo looked at her and shook her head. “You’re wasting time, honey.”
They walked up the wharf, the green water lapping at the wooden piles from which seaweed clung and floated.
“Morning, Maddy. Flo,” greeted Gabe.
“Only just. And isn’t it a grand one?” responded Flo.
“Certainly is,” said Gabe, looking back to Maddy. “Looks like some picnic you’ve made there. Here, pass it to me.” He hefted it into the bottom of the boat. “Are you joining us, Flo?”
To give him credit, he didn’t give any indication that he wouldn’t be perfectly happy to have Flo join them.
“No way, Gabe. But thanks for the invite. I’ve got stuff to do.”
“You’ve always got stuff to do,” he responded.
Gabe held out his hand to Maddy, and she took it and jumped on board. The boat rocked, and he held her for a moment longer than was necessary. Flo grinned, waved and walked back down the jetty.
For a brief moment, Maddy considered making up some excuse, any excuse, and leave with Flo. But, as if Gabe could read her thoughts, he untied the rope from the jetty and pushed off, leaving her no option but to sit down.
He took up position in the rear of the boat, started the motor and steered carefully out until they were in the middle of the harbor, where he upped the speed, slicing through the cool green water between the two arms of the harbor, heading toward the open sea of the Pacific Ocean.
She could do nothing but sit back and allow the breeze to blow away her fears and doubts and enjoy the ride. The awe-inspiring volcanic cliffs rose up each side of the harbor, from the volcanic crater which formed Akaroa harbor. It was wild, rugged, and utterly beautiful.
It was a twenty minute boat ride to Akaroa Heads. Seabirds swooped and screeched overhead and Gabe pointed out blue penguins on the shore near the ocean, as well as fur seals, as he drove the boat toward the open sea.