by Alison Stone
“Oh, Sara, you could have waited till morning. How is your daughter?”
The woman sighed. “The trip seems longer each time I take it. I so wish she lived closer. But her husband was determined to settle nearer his parents.”
Anna slipped to her bedroom and dropped the toiletries on the dresser. She grabbed a sweatshirt out of her suitcase and jammed her arms into it. Smoothing a hand over her hair, she descended the stairs. She was about to make her presence known when she heard Mariam speak.
“God tells us to lay our worries in his hands, but I am filled with concern for my son Samuel.” A mix of anxiety and shame laced Mariam’s voice.
Anna thought about Eli’s younger brother, the stress on his face when they saw him in the field this afternoon.
“He’s always been quiet. Too quiet. I fear he’s never gotten over losing his twin.” Her delicate tone belied the gravity of her words.
“Poor Mary.” The older woman tsk-tsked.
“My faith in God has sustained me.” Mariam’s voice was barely a whisper. “My faith is strong, but so is my motherly instinct. We are losing him.”
“I know how hard it was for you when Eli left.” The older woman’s voice grew quiet. “I hear he’s staying here.”
“Oh, only for a day or two. He’s here because of the crash.” Anna’s heart squeezed at the defensiveness in Mariam’s voice.
“Some of the neighbors are talking.”
“Let them talk,” Mariam said in what Anna suspected was a rare display of defiance. “God will never forgive me for not trusting in His plan, but I’ve already lost two children. I can’t lose a third. Abram doesn’t want to discuss it. I think he fears we are inviting trouble.”
Anna pulled her sleeves down over her hands and stifled a shudder. Clearing her voice, she stepped into the entryway of the sitting room. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”
Mariam jumped to her feet. “I didn’t realize you were awake.” She held out her palm to the older woman. “This is my aunt Sara.”
Anna nodded. “Hello.” Embarrassment heated her cheeks. “I don’t mean to pry, but why do you think you will lose Samuel?”
Mariam seemed to regard the older woman for a moment. Sara lowered her gaze and folded her hands in her lap. “He is approaching Rumspringa.” Anna gave her a confused look, so Mariam explained. “His running around time. He’ll have a chance to explore the outside world, relax the rules a bit, before he commits to the Amish way. Before he is baptized. He so reminds me of Eli. I fear he might look to the outside world to search for something he thinks he’s missing here.”
Mariam fidgeted with the fabric of her apron. She looked up with steely resolve. “He loves his brother so. Any words from him may be encouragement to leave the Amish.”
“I don’t think Eli would encourage him to leave his home.”
Mariam lifted her palms. “I have said too much.”
Sara stood and Mariam followed suit.
“Nice to meet you, Sara.”
Sara nodded, then she turned to her niece. “You should talk to Abram about your worries.”
“You’re right.” Mariam bowed. “I will talk to him when he gets in.” She twisted her hands. “He and Samuel have been spending a lot of time in the barn with Red. Poor creature.”
A stiff breeze blew in through the open window. Anna tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. The chirp of crickets filled the air.
Sara paused in front of Anna and gave her a pointed glare. “English life can be hard.”
Anna crossed her arms, then let them fall to her side. “I’m sure everyone has their moments.”
“My husband told me about your family.”
“Sara—” Mariam’s tone held an urgent quality “—Anna’s brother died in the plane crash.”
“I am sorry for that. But do you think it’s wise she stay here?”
Anna’s cheeks burned hot. “What do you mean? It’s only temporary. Surely no one will have issue with that.”
“The sheriff stopped my husband when he was in town today.” She smoothed her hands down her skirt. “He thought we should know who was staying in our community.”
“What did the sheriff tell you?” Anna bit her cheek, realizing her initial distaste for the sheriff was well founded.
“He told us about your poor mother....” No doubt, the sheriff had told her how her father killed her mother. How her brother was suspected in hurting Mary.
Grateful for the dim lighting, Anna tipped her head back to hold off the tears blurring her vision. “I will move to a motel first thing in the morning.” The thought of staying at her brother’s apartment after someone broke into it, unnerved her. “The last thing I want to do is cause your family any more trouble.”
“You don’t have to leave.” Mariam said, her voice barely a whisper. “I am sorry I made you feel like you had to leave. Considering the circumstances—” Mariam met her aunt Sara’s perplexed gaze “—I’m sure no one in the community would fault us for welcoming the English into our home during their time of need.”
Sara pursed her lips. “It’s late. I must be going.” Sara slipped out the door. By the starlight Anna could see the older woman climb up into a buggy. A man flicked his wrists and the jangle of the harness and the crunching of the wheels on the gravel competed with the calls of the night critters.
Mariam sighed and lowered herself into the rocker, seemingly defeated. It was obvious she didn’t have a stomach for conflict. “Abram and I already knew your brother was under investigation regarding our sweet Mary before my aunt arrived. We didn’t know, however, about your parents. I’m sorry. I have been too wrapped up in my own worries.” Mariam’s eyes brightened. “None of this affects our feelings for you. We forgive whoever took our Mary.”
Anger flashed below the surface. “I don’t need your forgiveness, Mrs. Miller.”
Mariam bowed her head. “I didn’t mean to offend you.” She got up, crossed over to the window and slid it shut, cutting off the cacophony of night critters. Without the cool evening breeze, the walls pushed in.
Anna turned to Mariam, who was standing motionless. “I’m sorry to have caused your family so much turmoil. I will be sure to leave in the morning.” She didn’t want to stay where they’d be looking at her, pitying her. She had had enough of that as a teenager—the whispers in the hallway in high school, the taunts, the pointing and staring. Kids were cruel.
Yet her heart went out to Mariam and her family. She was a school counselor, so maybe she’d be able to help Samuel with his feelings of loss. She couldn’t turn away from a lost soul. “Perhaps I could talk to Samuel. I work with teenagers every day. Maybe I can help him come to terms with his feelings.”
Shaking her head, Mariam wrung her hands. “That won’t be necessary.”
“What won’t be necessary?” Abram stood in the doorway. His face was hidden in shadow, but the angry edge to his question left no room for interpretation.
Anna started to speak, but Mariam interrupted, her voice quiet in submission to her husband’s authority. “Anna and I were having a chat. She has a lot on her mind since her brother’s accident.”
“Is everything okay?” Eli strolled up next to his father.
Mariam squared her shoulders and hiked her chin. “Everything’s fine. I must go check on Katie Mae.” She brushed past her husband.
Abram watched his wife stride out of the sitting room without a word. His eyes then landed on Anna. “We don’t want our children to have undue influence from outsiders. You’d be wise to remember that.”
* * *
Anna shoved her feet into her tennis shoes and ran outside. The wooden door slammed against the door frame, sending her nerves into overdrive. The tragedy from her past had caught up with her. Even out here on this Amish farm. A world away. She
filled her lungs with the sweet country night air. Streaks of billowy clouds floated across the moon. The earthy smell reached her nose. Taking in the beautiful display calmed her rioting emotions, even if only a fraction.
She knew she couldn’t go back inside just yet. The walls would surely close in on her. As she strolled toward the barn, the silhouette of a young Amish man and his dog came into view. She glanced back toward the house. No one would be the wiser if she happened to talk to Samuel. Maybe she could help. She pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands and strode faster toward the barn as the young man disappeared inside. Her tennis shoes kicked up the occasional pebble.
The red barn stood adjacent to the rows and rows of corn. The barn door yawned open. She peered inside, but it was heavily cloaked in shadows. “Samuel.” Her call was met with silence and her muscles tensed. “Samuel, it’s Anna. I want to talk.”
“About what?” Samuel stepped into the opening, a serious look on his face. Ice formed in her veins.
“Your mother is worried about you.”
Samuel’s brow furrowed. “It is not our place to worry. We must trust God’s plan.” His words held a trace of irony. Had he been eavesdropping on her conversation with his mother through the open window? She didn’t accuse him for fear of chasing him away.
Anna dug deep. “Maybe God brought me here so you’d have someone to talk to.” Samuel hitched an eyebrow in obvious skepticism. “It’s okay to talk about something when it’s bothering you.”
“I know what your brother did.” His words grew hard, his tone that of someone much older than his fifteen years.
“My brother didn’t hurt your sister if that’s what you’re thinking.” It took a lot of control to hold her voice steady.
“The sheriff thinks he did.” He tugged on the brim of his hat. “Isaac thinks he did.” His words held a challenge. “And Eli has been investigating him.”
Anna flinched. His words cut her to the core. “I know you’re hurting, but I know my brother. He would have never hurt a child.” She rubbed the sleeves of her sweatshirt. “When I was twelve, my parents both died.” She didn’t bother explaining the gory truth. “My brother was all I had. He took care of me. He wasn’t perfect, but he was good at heart. And that’s what counts.”
Samuel stood frozen in place, glaring at her while Red disappeared deeper into the barn.
“He even took me to church.” Guilt nagged at her conscience. “But I’m not out here to talk about my brother. I want to talk about you.”
A rustling came from the dark confines of the barn. Unfamiliar with the agricultural life, Anna couldn’t decipher it, but it seemed to pique Samuel’s interest. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m worried about Red. She’s getting old.”
“I never had a pet. Always wanted one, though.” She searched his face to see if she was reaching him. Samuel scratched his head, seemingly bored.
“Your mom is concerned you will leave home like Eli did.” Samuel jerked his head back, as if the thought surprised him. “If you heard the stories around town about my parents, you might think that beyond this farm is a big bad scary world.” Anna held up her palms and looked around. “A lot of English might agree. But I can’t tell you that. You have to make your own decision. If things are bothering you in here—” she pointed to her heart “—you won’t be able to automatically fix them out there.” She pointed toward the country road. “You have to work on what’s inside first.”
She couldn’t make out Samuel’s eyes shadowed by the brim of his hat. “I can’t believe my parents are allowing you to stay in our home. Your brother ruined everything.” His voice cracked.
Anna’s breath hitched. “I plan to find a motel in the morning.”
“It would be best if you left Apple Creek all together.”
“Who told you I should leave Apple Creek?”
“Isaac.” Rounding his shoulders, Samuel turned on his heel and disappeared into the darkened barn.
“Samuel...Samuel, come back here.” A loud thud vibrated from deep in the barn. Concern blossomed in her chest.
“Samuel?” No answer. Goose bumps blanketed her skin.
The hay crunched under her feet as she stepped into the barn. Slivers of moonlight leaked in through the wood slats. She recognized the outline of a tractor and another door opening toward the fields.
“Samuel?” She found herself whispering. The loft creaked. An uneasy sense of hyperawareness coursed through her. The scent of dry hay filled her nostrils. A sprinkling of something rained down on her shoulders. “Samuel, are you up there? Please, let’s talk.” A dark shadow filled her field of vision. Something slammed into her head, driving her to the ground. Her head hit the hard-packed earth and her final awareness was filled with icy panic for Samuel’s well-being.
TEN
We don’t want our children to have undue influence from outsiders. Abram’s words rang in Eli’s ears as he watched Anna storm past him and out the back door. His father had been speaking to Anna, but the full implication of his message landed squarely on Eli’s shoulder. He was the outsider. He was the one his father feared would have undue influence on his children. He watched his father hang his hat on the hook by the door. Intuitively, he already knew this, but to hear it spoken with such clarity was like a knife to the heart.
Had Eli been deluding himself? Did he really believe that when he found Mary or her kidnapper he’d be welcomed home the hero? No, he’d forever be the outsider. The Amish way was to forgive.
But not their own.
As long as he refused to come back into the fold, he’d never be forgiven. They saw his need for justice as a form of revenge. In their eyes, revenge only got in the way of redemption. Because he turned away from the church, his parents feared for his soul. Now they feared for their other children. He ran a hand across his whiskered jaw.
His father put his hand on the banister at the bottom of the stairs. “Good night.”
“I must find out what happened to Mary. You know that. It’s something I have to do.”
Abram bowed his head, as if gathering his thoughts. “You were raised to do what is right for the common good. I did not raise you to pursue personal goals. You must be humble. Accept God’s will.”
Eli curled his fingers into fists. God’s will had not dictated his sister’s disappearance. It had been the evil hand of man. He bit back a retort. He knew he’d get nowhere. He had been living in the outside world for over ten years now. He didn’t know how to rein in the emotions that sliced through him. “This is hardly a personal goal. I need to know what happened to Mary. I cannot rest until justice is served. For Mary’s sake.”
Abram climbed one stair and glanced over his shoulder. “Do you think you will be happy then?”
Eli rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. He doubted he’d ever be happy. Nothing would bring back his little sister. He stared after his father as he climbed the stairs.
Feeling caged, Eli strode onto the back porch, holding the door so it wouldn’t slam in its frame. Having seen Anna go out the back door, he had expected to find her on the back porch. Mild concern whispered across his brain. He started to cross the yard when he heard barking coming from the barn.
When he reached the barn, Red was barking wildly. Eli’s heart stopped when he saw Anna’s thin frame sprawled out on the barn floor.
“Anna.” He ran the short distance and dropped down beside her. “Anna.” He pushed away the hay bale resting on her shoulder. “Can you hear me?” He pressed his fingers to her delicate throat. When he found her pulse, he released the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
He slipped one arm under her legs, the other under her arms and picked her up. She was light, delicate. Something inside him stirred. Why did he feel so protective of her? Forever the champion of
the underdog? He smelled the coconut scent of her shampoo. He felt the steady up and down of her chest as he carried her. He turned to bring her into the house when a shadow appeared in the doorway. He froze for a fraction before he realized it was his younger brother.
“What are you doing here? Did you see what happened?” Eli asked, a sharp edge to his tone.
Samuel stood stock-still, his features unreadable in the dark shadows. “Is she dead?”
“No.” Losing patience, Eli pushed past him. “Let me get her into the house.”
Eli rushed with her toward the house. Tendrils of awareness whispered across the back of his neck. He turned around on the porch and stared into the darkness, certain someone was staring back.
* * *
Unfamiliar voices stirred Anna from a restless sleep. No, wait, she didn’t remember going to bed. The events of last night emerged as if from a slowly lifting fog. The barn...? She forced her eyes open. A pounding thudded under her skull with the effort. Blinking against the light, she recognized Eli’s concerned face.
“Hey there.” A small smile turned up the corners of his mouth. The edge of the bed dipped where he sat. “You had us all scared.” He ran his warm finger across her forehead.
Pain seared across her brain as she moved her gaze around the room. Mariam and Abram stood in the far corner and young Samuel hung back by the door. “What happened?” she asked through her parched lips.
Eli tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I was hoping you could tell us.”
Closing her eyes, she thought back to the last few moments she remembered. “Something fell on me. I think it was a hay bale from the loft.” She leaned up on her elbow and a sharp pain shot up her neck.
Eli adjusted the pillows under her head. “Relax. We need to take you to the hospital. Make sure nothing is broken. See if you have a concussion.”
With her eyes closed, Anna held up her hand. The last place she wanted to go was the hospital. “Let me rest a few minutes. I think I’m fine.”
“Did you see anyone?” Eli asked. Anna realized for the first time that he was holding her hand and rubbing the pad of his thumb gently across the back of her hand. Something warm coiled around her heart. No, he was simply offering comfort because that’s the kind of man he was. Shame she met the right man at the wrong time.