by Sophia Shade
They were talking about me.
Chapter 3
I go to my room and lay down for a bit, but my rest is…well, restless. I toss and turn and can’t shut off my brain. Ever since I left for the summer, all I wanted to do was get back here. But since I arrived, I’ve had one confrontation and unsettling sensation after another. I’m so stressed and anxious I’m not sure what to do. The worst of it is that I can’t really talk to anyone. Mom’s in the human realm, so she’s out, and I can’t confide in anyone here since I can’t talk about my weird vision.
Jumping out of bed, I decide to head to the library. Maybe I can find some information about this “dark blessed” thing and put my concerns to rest.
When I arrive at the library, I realize I’d forgotten how overwhelming it is. The library is a large, open area, several stories tall, with dozens of bookshelves on each floor. The light is bright, but with a more bluish haze than a yellow one.
The last time I was here, I was with Ella, and she said the lighting is supposedly easier on people’s eyes if they have to do a lot of reading. She also took charge of the search, since she knows this world and this library better than I do. But even that hadn’t ended well for us. We’d ended up hiding in a closet for hours after looking into books we weren’t supposed to.
Now, as I stand in the middle of the room and stare at the endless shelves of knowledge on the countless floors above, I have no idea where to begin.
“Can I help you?”
I turn toward the voice and nearly scream, but I manage to slap my hand over my mouth. Before me is a woman who is both extraordinarily beautiful and terrifying at the same time.
Half-woman and half-cobra, she has dark skin and black hair, but her eyes are green with black slits down the middle. Two dainty fangs protrude from her full red lips. The silk tunic she’s wearing is tied to one side, and it’s embroidered with gold that matches her gold earrings, necklaces, and braces.
From the waist down, though, she’s all smooth green snake.
“Shh!” several voices from around the library hiss at me.
“I’m so sorry,” I stammer to the woman. “I’ve never seen a…a…”
“A naga before?” she asks with a smile.
I shake my head. “Really, I’m sorry,” I said. “It was terribly rude of me. I’m Imogen Flareburn.”
“Ah,” she says, holding out her hand to shake mine. “The famous Miss Flareburn. A pleasure to finally meet you.”
I hesitate, but then chastise myself. As I take her hand, I’m surprised by how warm it is—not snakelike at all.
I wonder how I can be known for the name “Flareburn” when it’s the essentially the bastard name placeholder for fire Fae, but then I remember that most people know to shed that name as soon as possible.
Apparently, though, my mom hadn’t known that.
“Famous?” I ask, only to break the ice.
“More like infamous,” she says with a wink. “So, what brings you here today? You look a little lost. I’m the head librarian, Ms. Hara. Maybe I can help.”
“I hope so,” I say. “I’m looking for information about something called ‘the dark blessed.’ Any idea where I would begin?”
She gives a slight chuckle, as if she’s taken a little aback by my request. “Why would you be looking for something like that?”
“Um…” Because I’m having strange visions and your reaction is making me super uncomfortable, I don’t say. I shift on my feet. “I just overheard some other students mention the phrase in one of my classes, but I couldn’t find it in my textbook.”
She sort of waves me off. “Ah, students have such wild imaginations,” she says. “I’ve never heard of anything like that. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“O…kay,” I say.
I want to believe her, to think my mom just made it up. But I have a feeling Ms. Hara is lying. It was in the way she said, ‘Why would you be looking for something like that?’ just a moment ago. I can’t really press my case, though, or she might get suspicious.
“What about…um…books about visions or foresight?” I ask. “I know Fae don’t have foresight, but there must be books about theories on the topic or about other creatures that might have visions and stuff.”
She shakes her head. “You are right Fae don’t have the gift of prophecy,” she says. “So it would be difficult to write about something that doesn’t exist. Even in the human realm, there are no creatures that have foresight, no matter what the late-night psychics on TV would like you to think.”
She gives a small laugh, so I laugh too, even though I find none of this funny.
I’ve never given much thought to whether the Miss Cleos of the world were real or not, but I do think there are things I don’t understand. Since I was introduced to the world of the Fae, I don’t take anything for granted. In a world where people can fly and shoot fire from their fingers, I find it hard to believe no one in history has ever had some sort of psychic ability. But I don’t want to draw unwanted attention to myself, so I make my excuses.
“Oops,” I say. “You figured me out.” I laugh. “Actually, my mom is a huge fan of this one particular psychic hotline. I guess I was hoping there might be real Fae on the other end who had some actual prophetic powers.”
“Unfortunately, no,” she says with a pitying frown. “I’m afraid your mom is just being duped, like millions of other poor humans.”
“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” I say. “Thanks for the help.”
“Come back anytime,” she says before she slithers away.
As I exit the library, I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. I was hoping a denial the dark blessed were a thing would set my mind to rest. Like, if I didn’t find anything, then it would mean my mom was wrong, or maybe even lying. But the way Ms. Hara acted, the way she was taken aback and then declared so firmly that prophecy didn’t exist, makes me think that maybe Mom was right. I mean, in the human realm, most reasoning people don’t believe in psychics either, but there are countless books written about the topic. Just because something doesn’t exist doesn’t mean it isn’t worth talking or writing about. The complete absence of any information regarding the topic of foresight is just…weird.
Maybe I can just add it to the list of other strange things about this place that don’t add up. But I know better. I’m going to get answers eventually, and from the looks of it, I’m going to get myself into trouble along the way.
Still unsettled, unrested, and uncertain, I decide to accompany my friends to Ember Lake. It’s a perpetual fire in the woods that never spreads, yet never burns out. The legendary source of fire Fae power is a popular hangout and meeting spot at Callador. It’s a beautiful and warm place, even on the coldest nights.
But tonight isn’t cold. Autumn hasn’t fully settled in yet, so everyone is dressed lightly and drinking cold ales and ciders.
Caleb is already at the lake when we arrive. As soon as I see him, I run over for a hug.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I just need to feel your arms around me,” I say. I need to feel comforted, safe.
“Aww, I’m here for you, baby.” He gives me a tight squeeze. He’s being a bit silly, but I appreciate the contact all the same.
After everyone sprawls out, we pass around drinks and soak in the warmth from the lake.
“Did you get any rest this afternoon?” Ella asks me.
I shake my head. “I just can’t get rid of this bad feeling I have,” I say. “I got it as soon as I left Aos Sí for the summer. I couldn’t wait to get back here, make sure everything was okay. Now that I’m here, I don’t feel any better. It’s like there’s something simmering just below the surface. I can’t see it, but I know it’s there.”
Caleb reaches over and taps my temple. “Overactive imagination. Don’t worry. You’re new to life here; everything is overwhelming. You’ll get more comfortable in time.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I’m sure i
t’s just that.”
But I’m not sure at all. I don’t even know why I am agreeing with him other than to end the conversation. Since I can’t tell any of them what’s really bothering me or what happened at the library, I find myself just stuffing my feelings deep inside.
As I go to sip my drink, my eyes catch Erick’s. He just shakes his head and looks away. I’ve seen that expression on him before—after running in the same circle last school year, I can read pretty much all of my friends’ emotions. If I had to guess what Erick was feeling right now, it’d be disappointment.
But why disappointment? With me? And if so, for what reason?
My heart sinks. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to prove myself to him, or why I care so damn much. He’s not my boyfriend, and we barely even get along on a good day. But for some reason, I need—no, I crave—his approval. I want to prove myself to him.
“What are the Moon Festival plans, Ella?” Dannika asks, thankfully changing the subject.
“Well, we had to make some changes because of the arrival of the Ministry of Justice folks,” she says. “But it should still happen. We just have to have it inside the school instead of in the woods like usual, which is ridiculous for a Moon Festival, but it is what it is.”
“What’s the Moon Festival?” I ask.
Ella takes a swig of her drink, then smiles at me. “It’s to commemorate a lunar event that only happens every four years,” she says. “It is when the moon is full and at the closest it will ever get to earth. So the moon is super big, almost bright as the sun.”
“That’s amazing,” I say.
Dannika nods, stretching her legs out in front of her. “It is. It’s a day when we commemorate our personal moon goddesses: Selene, Chang’e, Artemis, Ala, Isis, Lona, Mama Killa… Whoever speaks to you personally.”
“Then there is a release ceremony,” Ella says. “We write down all of our fears, any worries, anything that might be causing stress or bad energies around us, and we use our elements to get rid of them. Like fire Fae burn them while air Fae tear them into pieces and scatter them in the wind. Water Fae fold them into little boats and let them float away. And us earth Fae bury them.”
“Wow,” I say. “That’s awesome.” I look forward to that. I could do with releasing whatever bad juju is following me.
“You’ll love it,” Dannika says. “And afterward, there’s a big dance.”
“A dance?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she says a little sheepishly. “It used to be much more tribal in nature, focusing on the beat of the drums and moving to the rhythm as the sounds course through you. But now…”
“Now it is a much more modern affair,” Caleb says.
“In what way?” I ask.
“There is still dancing,” Ella says, “but it is more formal. Everyone wears gowns and tuxes, and there’s a big band with an orchestral accompaniment.”
“That sounds fancy,” I say. I didn’t get to go to my prom. Maybe this will be a way to make up for missed memories.
“So you want to go?” Caleb nudges my elbow.
“Yeah,” I say. “Especially since you can’t take me to the Winter’s End Ball at the Unseelie Court.”
“That’s what I was thinking,” he says. “Sort of a way to make it up to you.”
“Are you formally asking me to the Moon Festival dance?” I ask.
“Uh-uh,” he says, shaking his finger. “Remember, the women set the pace. You’ll have to ask me.”
I laugh with embarrassment, hiding my face in my hands.
“He’s right, Imogen,” Dannika says. “Here in Fae, the ladies make the rules.”
“What about you?” I ask. “I’ll only ask a guy to the dance if you will, too.”
She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “All right, if that’s what it’s gonna take to get you and Caleb to the next level, I’m game. How about you, Ella?”
“I’m sure I can find someone to ask,” she says coyly.
“Okay,” I say, my face burning red, and not from sitting near the lake of fire. “Caleb, will you be my date for the Moon Festival?”
“I don’t know,” he says, smugly leaning back on his elbows. “I might have to see if I have other plans that night.”
I let out a mock scream in frustration. “I can’t believe what you are putting me through!”
“Just kidding,” he says. He puts his arms around me. “Of course I’ll be your date, you goof.”
Everyone laughs both with me and at me and my human prudishness.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ve given you all enough laughs at my expense. I’m going to bed.”
“I’ll be along soon,” Dannika says. “I need to think about who I want to be my arm candy that night.”
“Yeah, I have to get up early for a court meeting before classes tomorrow,” Caleb says. “Have a good night, everyone.”
Caleb and I stand up to leave at the same time. He kisses me goodbye, just a simple peck, and then he heads off in the opposite direction. I wave to everyone as I walk away.
I’ve barely moved away from the firelight before I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around, expecting it to be Dannika, but stumble when I see Erick.
“Watch your step,” he says. “The branches can be dangerous in the dark.”
“I’m fine,” I say. “What are you doing?”
“I was just wondering if you really agreed with Caleb back there,” he says, motioning for me to continue toward Pyralis Hall.
“Agree with what?” I ask.
“About your concerns,” he says. “Your bad feeling. He said it was just in your head, and you agreed.”
I shrug. “I don’t know,” I say. “He’s probably right. Last year was so overwhelming.”
“But you were right,” he says. “You were right about…everything. About the poisonings being a bigger threat. And about needing to find out Myra’s motivations and if she was working with anyone else. There was a connection between the poisonings and the attacks on Ohdows, even though we never did find out who was behind those.”
“What’s your point?” I ask, cutting him off. I don’t want to relive every bad moment from last year.
“That you were right,” he says again. “Your feelings, or intuition, whatever you want to call it. So why are you doubting yourself now?”
“Because he’s probably right,” I lie. He’s not, but I can’t tell Erick the truth.
Erick scoffs. “I thought you had more backbone than that. You just drop your convictions and agree with whatever the guy you have the hots for tells you?”
I’m so mad I could both scream and cry. Heats fills my fingertips, and it takes all my energy and concentration not to blow him to smithereens. Not that it would have any lasting effect on him, anyway.
Gods, I don’t agree with Caleb, but what else am I supposed to do when I have to keep everything secreted away inside of me? Who does Erick think he is by calling me out about this? Does he think he’s helping?
I’m trying so hard not to blow him up I’m unable to respond.
“Maybe I misjudged you,” he says. He turns to walk away as if he won the argument through my silence.
Oh no, he didn’t!
I chase after him. Grabbing his arm, I spin him to face me. “You don’t know me! Not what I think, or what I feel. You don’t know I can admit when I’m wrong, unlike you. You never did apologize for being wrong last year, about literally everything. You still strut around like some cock of the walk when you’re just a big dumb boy. Just because I can admit when I’m wrong doesn’t mean I’ve dropped my convictions.”
He just stares at me, and the moment seems to stretch endlessly in every direction. I’m not sure if he’s surprised at what I said or that I stood up to him at all, but I cross my arms and wait for his response.
After a moment, he lets out a chuckle. “But you don’t think you are wrong, do you?” he asks. “You’re still worried, aren’t you?”
Dang, he does know me.
I’m not sure what I said that tipped him off, but he’s right. I’m just as scared as ever.
I wrap my arms around myself. Suddenly, I feel exposed, like he can see too much of me. I want to cry. Not from anger, but from the need to unburden myself. I want to tell him everything, all my fears, everything I’ve learned, even about my guilt over my mom.
I can’t speak. If I do, I won’t stop. And I can’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone.
“Hey,” he says, stepping closer and tugging at my arm. “What’s wrong?”
At the worry in his eyes, I feel myself losing control. Not of my fire, but of myself. I want to melt into him and just…let go.
But I can’t. I can’t.
I’m with Caleb.
Pulling my arm back, I step away. I clear my throat and force myself to speak.
“I gotta go,” I say, and take off running to the solace of my room.
Chapter 4
For a couple of days, I pretty much don’t leave my room. To Dannika and anyone else who asks, I say being back in Aos Sí after months in the human realm has just been really overwhelming and I need some downtime, which is partly true. I’m so mentally and physically exhausted, and the semester has only begun.
I try not to dwell on everything that’s going wrong, but trying not to just makes me think about it more. Thanks to the stupid circadian rhythms, I don’t get much sleep during the day, so I read some trashy magazines I brought with me.
Am I a New Tay or an Old Tay? I take the quiz about which Taylor Swift I am like three times. Definitely a New Tay. Wait. When did Brangelina break up? Oh my God. I have been out of the loop.
“Girl, you are ripe,” Dannika says when she gets back to our room after my third day of cocooning.
I pull my cover all the way up to my chin. “The bed is love,” I say.
She sits on the edge of the bed. “What about Caleb?” she asks. “I thought he seemed really into you at the lake the other night.
I bury my face in my hands. “I don’t know. I mean, yeah, he seems perfect. And we get along so well. But something is just…missing. I don’t know.”