“Bull,” Eisen cuts in. “They’re young, but I think they both know enough to be careful…and so what if they did let the chips fall where they may and go public? Maybe it’s time someone crossed the bridge about this.” I blink at him, subconsciously pulling my tail in front of me to hold it as a personal security measure.
“I agree with Eisen,” Duncan chips in helpfully, although his tone is also serious.
“You would,” Wade snorts, his fur bristling again as he shakes his furry head. Harold makes a quieting gesture towards him before addressing Duncan.
“Explain your reasoning, then,” he challenges, although far more calmly than Wade might have. Our kitchen has been divided into sides now: Duncan and I stand beside each other, leaning back against the sink with Eisen fidgeting nearby, and Harold and Wade sit
uncomfortably at the wooden table with the knowledge that they are outnumbered.
Duncan looks taken aback when he’s asked to explain, but he takes a moment to ponder his answer before he speaks. “I…I want to think I understand better how this whole thing works now. Initially, when I was just becoming half-breed, I wanted nothing more than to go back to being a normal human...but over time—and thanks to Sierra, since I’ve known her—I’ve come to terms with what I am, and I wouldn’t change anything. In my case, the danger of becoming a lab rat doesn’t seem likely as long as I keep quiet until I come out with the truth on my own terms,” he says, his eyebrows furrowed as he speaks.
“As far as…how far I’d be willing to go to stay with Sierra, I haven’t been able to say what I feel because I didn’t understand the bond. For a while, I thought it was just a half-breed thing, the attraction I felt, but that went away quickly once we started talking more. Now, I still can’t voice what I feel because to a human mind it doesn’t make sense to feel such a link so strongly. Feelings aren’t all what goes into it…like you said, Harold, my actual instincts want me to hang on and
not let go. I don’t know how anyone could resist that, and once regular emotions come into play…” He looks down at me, turning his head with a look of concentration still on his face; the anxiety and slight awkwardness he’s shown around my brothers is absent, replaced with a clear-eyed, determined emotion which brings up a responsive flutter in my chest.
“It’s been a short time, and I know feelings aren’t the only important thing in a relationship…and if she felt
endangered by me and asked me to keep my distance, I would…but I just know I’d go to hell and back for this girl. I don’t see this…this focus in my life ever diminishing.” His face has suddenly cleared as well as his eyes, so the expression gracing his features is strong but gentle as he meets my gaze. I’m so moved I can hardly speak, and three little words hover at the tip of my tongue…but I don’t say them.
“Duncan…” My voice is barely audible, but I lose the opportunity to say anything as Eisen slow claps for Duncan’s speech.
“Well, you won me over,” he grins, “I’m a romantic at heart, folks.”
“You weren’t the one who had to be won over,” I tell him as he skips around the kitchen pretending to toss flower petals everywhere. Way to ruin the moment, I grumble internally; but Harold doesn’t seem perturbed by Eisen’s antics.
“Well done,” he says quietly, meeting Duncan’s gaze as he stands. Then he’s silent for so long, I can’t predict what his response will be; the lines around his mouth are stern, although his eyes are kind. Finally…
“I can tell that Sierra feels the same way…and in
the face of that, rules don’t exactly apply...Wade?”
“Yeah?” Wade is still surly, and regards Duncan with angry suspicion as he responds to Harold’s thoughtful address, but his antagonistic frown has mellowed somewhat.
“Let’s see how this plays out,” Harold still looks thoughtful, but when he looks down at a slouching Wade, I know this is the kind of executive order Wade won’t be willing to combat.
“Fine,” he growls, releasing the tension from the snarl he’s had lodged in his throat. “Who am I to interfere with something so pure?”
“Only my brother…I’d rather you helped us figure out problems as they come instead of making trouble,” I say before I can remind myself that Wade is uncooperative when he doesn’t get his way. I’m sorry I snapped at you, I add in my head, regretting my initial outburst at the beginning of this discussion. This is hard to come to terms with.
Wade studies me, analyzing my sincerity with his bright eyes narrowed and his ears swiveling forward and back. “I never said I wouldn’t help, S…”
“Just that you thought that her soul-mate wasn’t worth a bit of risk,” Eisen snorts, shrugging as he heads for the pantry for snacks; none of us are surprised at that, since it doesn’t take my brothers long to recover after eating a heavy meal. Wade opens his mouth to argue, and I gear up for more drama, but Harold lifts his hand and passes it tiredly over his face.
“Enough, you three…we’ve had enough sibling issues tonight, don’t you think?” As usual when Harold reveals how tired he is by some small action, the three of us are instantly contrite.
“Sorry,” I say; my expression of regret is undoubtedly mirrored on the angular faces of Eisen and Wade. “Thanks for dealing with this…well…”
“…in the best way possible, considering the circumstances,” Eisen chips in, emerging from the pantry with a small snack in his hands. “Thanks to you, we can all sleep peacefully in our beds, content in the knowledge that our little sister brought her boyfriend
into the open instead of sneaking around.”
“Speaking of sleep…” There were any number of responses Harold could have made to Eisen’s words, but he ignores that and after a little more argument, my brothers leave so only Harold and me and Duncan remain in the kitchen.
“Thank you,” I tell Harold sincerely. “I—” Harold interrupts me before I can swear eternal servitude.
“It’s fine, S. Just be careful and don’t let me down,” he says, passing a hand over his face to disguise a yawn. “As for you…”
“I will do everything in my power to make this go our way,” Duncan swears seriously. “Thanks for backing us up.”
“Ah, you crazy kids,” Harold sighs, and for a second I imagine how cool it would be if Duncan developed good relationships with all of my brothers. “Don’t stay up late, S… and he stays in the kitchen until he leaves.”
Harold exits, leaving Duncan and me alone in the dim light of the kitchen chandelier. The soft glow seems gentler now that the strained atmosphere of my brothers’ company has gone. Duncan’s returned to his half-breed self, and he looks down at me with a serious expression still troubling his eyes.
“We did it,” I say to reassure him, taking his hand in mine.
“I’m shocked it went so well,” Duncan says, absentminded as he rubs his neck thoughtfully. “But that’s three more people on our side now…can’t complain.”
I wince as I remember Wade’s clear desire to attack as we were arguing. “They’ll come to like you
soon enough…you’ll have to stick around, though,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood so Duncan doesn’t have to leave on such a serious note. He smiles, but he’s still distracted, and a look in his eyes makes me pause.
“I intend to,” he says, glancing to the doorway my brothers disappeared through before stepping in front of me with both of his hands on the counter top on either side of me. We’re close again, close like we were in the stairwell not long ago, and a delicious tension sizzles between our bodies.
“Thanks,” I say. My voice is soft as I look into Duncan’s face. His bright eyes captivate me, and I study the planes of his face as well as the many freckles decorating his skin.
“For what?” he asks, studying me like he doesn’t want to stop.
“For enduring all of this. For being willing to deal with my family and friends and for—”
“Stop. I don’t mind any of that, and the hard
part of getting adequate permission to be with you from your brothers is over. It’s a worthy exchange.” He suddenly kisses my cheek, so lightly I would barely feel it except for the pleasant heat of his lips on my skin. “I honestly don’t care how much trouble you get me into.” He laughs, kissing my other cheek.
“I thought you were the one who was going to get me in trouble?” I ask; his easy humor is contagious, a good mix with the light kisses he’s bestowing on my face. One time he kisses so close to the corner of my mouth that I forget to breathe.
“Right, I’m the instigator…I forgot,” Duncan says, his
smile as beautiful as his eyes and as confident as the rest of him. His voice is so quiet that no one but the two of us could hear it, and the kitchen aura is cozy and velvety quiet.
“I…”What was I going to say? I can’t remember.
“Sierra…” Duncan begins again, once again serious even though a smile plays about his mouth. “Love you.” I know I’d asked him not to say it too soon, but this moment is... right. It’s time, and I don’t regret his confession; I feel the same way, so how can I deny him when he admits to something we both can’t deny we share?
“Love you too,” I reply, hardly able to breathe.
Duncan nods once, like we satisfied a very important ritual, and his lips press down on mine once, twice, three times. His kisses are feather-light, like he’s scared of hurting me, and my responses are tentative once I recover from the shock that I’m finally getting my first kiss.
Too soon, the moment is over, and I find my hands laced into Duncan’s hair while his hands gently hold my waist.
“Wow,” I say softly before I catch myself. Duncan
seems contemplative, like the confessions we made need to be preserved like fragile glass.
“Thanks for letting me say it,” he tells me, holding me to him like he’s reluctant to let go. “I didn’t want to freak you out by saying it too soon, but really…I love you.”
After all that’s gone on, it feels like years since I met Duncan, and I wouldn’t trade these minutes of him holding me for anything.
29
The following weeks before the vote pass with alternating speeds. There’s the too slow pace, with days and minutes stretching on for years…then everything races ahead with bits and pieces of moments preserved like insects in amber. I was never deluded that my worst problem would be persuading my brothers to accept Duncan as something like my soul-mate, but perhaps I didn’t realize how much upheaval the upcoming political change was going to cause.
The calm at school hasn’t lasted, although I’ve miraculously managed to keep out of the mayhem. Belinda Harper has been watching me, studying my movements during Hostetler’s once weekly assembly
meetings, during which she subtly infuriates every half-breed in the room with her slick-tongued talk about “changes to come.” She’s been awaiting my reaction in the form of a student-organized rebellion against the system, but no one I know would be that stupid…except perhaps Lyle.
I finally gained the distance from my old friends that I craved the week after the dinner at Hayley’s. To get through telling a very smug Morgan that I wouldn’t
be eating lunch with them anymore to give her a better chance at Lyle—who still pursues me, although he’s backed off to focus on trying to whip the half-breeds around him into some form of revolution—I imagined how Duncan looked right before he kissed me the first time. The serious, quietly joyful light in his fathoms-deep eyes lingers in my mind, a warming thought for when life brings me down.
Strangely enough, in spite of having to keep on the down low about our relationship, Duncan and I have grown very close the past weeks. I still have to follow half-breed rules—which means no dates on human territory, since I can’t pass as human—but the support I’ve been getting from Femi and Hasida as well as from Duncan’s friends has been invaluable. Bari or Mabel has helped me smuggle iced coffee in a thermos or decent lunches into Duncan’s locker on random days, and I see them and Duncan every lunch hour. Femi and Hasida showed great enthusiasm about continuing our little “lunches for equality,” and I think it’s by their influence that any harassment we might have experienced is kept to the bare minimum.
Harold is tolerant of us, Eisen is occasionally hostile whenever I get too close to Duncan, and Wade has been very busy making himself absent to spend time with Emilee when he’s not at work. I try to be fair: Duncan can’t be the only thing in my life, and I don’t want to push my close family away for a boy. Never mind how I feel closer to this boy than I have to anyone else; it’s hard enough to pay attention to other things when Duncan is in the same room with me, and the urge to reach out and take his hand when he passes
by in the hall is nearly unconquerable. It’s not easy to remember to take things slow, to give ourselves time, when it feels like life as we know it will end on a particular Wednesday coming soon.
September passes into early October, and my heart turns with the leaves. Society may be descending into a battlefield again, with rumors of revolution, open human hostility, and general fighting in the streets…but when I’m laughing with my human and half-breed friends at lunch, or walking on our trail with Duncan, the rest of the world seems far away.
Six days before the vote, Duncan and I spend our Thursday afternoon walking the same trail we’d traversed the day we decided to listen to the instincts prompting us to be together. The weather is getting cooler, but the sun shines golden through the orange-tinted leaves on
Duncan’s red hair and my ginger fur. Because it’s right after school, no one is around except for us, although various pedestrians might meander across our path on this breezy day.
“Has it been worth it?’ he asks me, my hand in his as we amble on the trail. “The secrecy, I mean.”
“Yes,” I reply, breathing in the air just starting to gain a flavor of autumn crispness; I snag a bright yellow leaf from a bush as I pass, studying its veins in the sunlight. “I mean, it would be ideal if I could see you without the necessity of ignoring your presence so no one notices me noticing you…but for now, I suppose I have to be content.”
“It doesn’t seem like it’s in your nature to like keeping something like this secret,” he points out.
Abandoning my scrutiny of the leaf, I let it fall as I smooth my hair over my shoulder so the waves sit properly.
“It’s not,” I admit. “But if it keeps you safe…if it keeps us safe…secrecy is not a high price to pay. Besides, enough people are in the know and help share the burden—not that my feelings for you are a burden—so I think I’m managing pretty well.”
“That’s very…stalwart of you, Sierra,” Duncan remarks, something like an edge to his voice. “It’s okay if you’re unhappy with the arrangement, and to say so.”
“What?” I lift my eyes, almost halting our walk so I can read him better. “I’m not…unhappy, Duncan. Are you?”
“No, of course not, not with you,” he says, impatiently lifting my hand to his lips to leave a kiss there. “I…I don’t think it’s right for this to be a secret.” When he looks at me, his eyes are brown again, prompting my next question.
“This meaning your canine DNA or this meaning us?”
“Us. I feel…I love you, Sierra, and it’s not fair to you or to me to pretend that the feelings we have aren’t there,” he says, pausing and turning me to face him. “Sure, everyone who matters knows…except my family, and except everyone who sees you as just a half-breed who spends too much time around humans.”
I’m distracted by the mention of his family. “Do you want to tell your family? Is that it?”
“Yes and no…that’s part of it…” Duncan huffs in frustration, sounding very much like a dog unable to
crack a bone. “I’m not explaining this correctly.”
“Deep breaths,” I say, trying to dispel the tension between us as I trace my fingertips across his jaw line.
“Try again.”
Dunca
n gives me that look that’s like he’s looking up at me even though he’s taller. “Contrary to popular belief, we’re not doing wrong by being together. According to your brother and most of your—our—race, it’s more natural that we should be attached. Our DNA literally increases our natural desire to be together.”
“I know that,” I say, my face immaturely heating at the word “desire.” “We know that. And yes, so far the people who’ve known have supported us after a little persuasion, but…is it worth it to you to risk being made a complete—possibly unemployable and uneducated, if the law goes through against us—social outcast? Really?”
Duncan looks up at the tree canopy above us, perhaps asking heaven for strength before he returns his gaze to me. “How many people do I have to tell this? I don’t care about all of that, and the future isn’t set against us yet. Really, Sierra…you’re worth it.”
Then he kisses me, and I forget for a while. He’s still gentle, cupping my face in his hands as our lips softly meet over and over, and I’m grateful that he’s not pushing me. The feeling that someone is content to just be with me and enjoy me without pressing for more too soon is intoxicating, enough to warm my skin and electrify my heart. When we part with the warm honey taste of his kiss lingering on my mouth, I simply study his
face as he studies mine.
“You’re worth it too,” I say, wishing I could articulate the bubbly-warm but very solid feeling I get around this boy. “What do you want to do?”
“For now?”He smiles, a strange, amused look in his hot chocolate colored eyes. “I want to do this.” His hands were caressing my face, but he slides them up into my hair towards my ears with careful slowness until he brushes them against the fur with a lightness that gives me goose bumps. He’s petting my ears, stroking them with his fingertips as he judges my reaction; I don’t think either one of us realized that fox half-breeds as well as regular foxes liked being petted.
Vixen (The Fox and Hound Book 1) Page 31