“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive,” she said. “Look, I overheard Jake and Daisy talking. I didn’t mean to, but they were being loud. They were…exchanging heated words. It wasn’t quite an argument, but it was the closest to it that I’ve ever heard. Daisy accused Jake of sending you out on a black op. Those are the exact words she said. A black op. I remember because it sounded so spooky and dangerous. Anyway, Daisy wanted to know where you were. It was back when all that trouble was happening in the Middle East, and she was worried about you. She wanted Jake to stop using you for those dangerous covert missions—again, that’s pretty much a direct quote—and he told her there was no one he trusted as much as you to get the job done. Besides, he said, you could take care of yourself.”
Crash was silent.
“They both love you an awful lot,” Nell told him.
He couldn’t help himself. He started to pace. “You had a security check run on you before you started working for Daisy,” he said, thinking aloud.
“No, I don’t think so.”
He shot her a look. “You probably didn’t know about it, but you definitely have a FInCOM file with a copy at the NAVINTEL office. Think about it—you’re working for Admiral Robinson’s significant other. Believe me, you were checked out before you even met her.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to talk to Jake, and what’s probably going to happen is we’ll run a deeper, more invasive check.” He stopped pacing and gazed down at her. “You’ll be asked to make a complete list of people that you know. A complete list. Family, friends, lovers. Even casual acquaintances, so that—”
Nell laughed in disbelief. “My God, have you caught a whiff of the irony here? It positively reeks. I’ve been complaining because you never talk about yourself, but now I’ve got to give you a list of my lovers.” She shook her head. “What’s wrong with this picture?”
“You won’t have to give those lists to me. You’ll be contacted directly by FInCOM.”
“But you’ll probably see it.” She stood up. “You’ve probably already seen my current file, haven’t you?”
Crash closed the stepladder, carefully hooking the two sides together. “Should I put this back?”
“Leave it out. We’ll probably be using it again before the party.”
He set it against the wall by the kitchen. “How about we get a pizza delivered for dinner?”
“You’re purposely not answering me.” Nell slipped on her jacket and fastened her scarf around her neck. “You do that all the time—don’t think I haven’t noticed. You change the subject to avoid answering my questions. I hate that, you know.”
Crash might have sighed.
Or maybe Nell only imagined it. God, he gave so little away. She crossed her arms.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked. “I’m hungry.”
“I’m waiting,” she said. “I believe the question was, you’ve already seen my current FInCOM file, haven’t you?”
He turned off the overhead lights. In the dimness, the six trees they’d decorated looked spectacular. The colorful lights glistened and the ornaments gleamed.
“I’m not looking at the trees. I’m refusing to be distracted.” She put her hands up around her eyes, like a horse’s blinders. “I’m going to stand here until you answer my question.”
Crash almost smiled, and for once she knew exactly what he was thinking. How could she even dream of winning this kind of contest of wills with him?
The answer to that was simple. She couldn’t win. There was absolutely nothing she could do to force him to answer her question.
So she answered for him.
“Yes,” she said. “You’ve seen it. I know you’ve seen my file. If you hadn’t, you would have said so already. So what’s the big deal, right? It’s probably full of all kinds of boring details. Grew up in Ohio, just outside of Cleveland, oldest of three kids, attended NYU, graduated with a liberal-arts degree and without a clue. Stumbled into a personal assistant job for a Broadway-musical director who owned a chain of convenience stores on the side, went to work for Daisy Owens several years later. Any of this sound familiar?”
He didn’t say a word. She hadn’t really expected him to. “My personal life’s been just as dull. In the past six years, I’ve dated three different men, all nice, respectable professionals with solid futures. Two proposed marriage. I think they thought they’d be getting some kind of bonus deal—a wife who worked as a personal assistant. I was like some kind of yuppie fantasy woman. Buy me some Victoria’s Secret underwear, and I’d be perfect. I turned them both down. The one who didn’t want me instantly became the one I wanted, and I pursued him—only to find out he was as boring as the rest of ’em. My mother is convinced I’m a victim of the fairy tales I read as a little girl. She thinks I suffer from ‘Someday My Prince Will Come’ syndrome, and I think she’s probably right, although I’m not sure that’s in my file.”
Crash finally spoke. “Probably not in so many words. But all FInCOM files include psychological evaluations. Your reasons for remaining unmarried would have been touched on.”
Nell snorted. “God, I can just see the fink-shrinks sitting around psychoanalyzing me. ‘Subject is a complete chicken. Sits around reading books on her days off. Never does anything even remotely interesting, like skiing. Subject is a total loser who is afraid of her own shadow.’” Without looking at him she turned and walked out the door.
And then stopped short. It was still snowing. The sky was already dark, and the falling snow swirled around her face, reflecting the light from the lamps that lit the walkway to the house.
Nell looked up at the millions of flakes falling dizzily down from the sky. She could hear the softest, slightest hiss as the snow hit the frozen ground.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, if there was one thing she’d learned from these past few hellish weeks, it was to stop and take note of the sheer beauty of the world around her.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen snow.”
She turned to see Crash standing behind her. He’d actually made a somewhat personal comment without her dragging it out of him. And he didn’t stop there.
“Being cautious doesn’t mean you’re a loser,” he said.
Nell looked out at the field that went halfway up the hill back behind the barn before ending at a stone wall on the edge of the woods. It was covered with snow, so pristine and inviting.
“I used to like to do all sorts of things that scare me now,” she admitted. “When I was little, the sight of that hillside would’ve sent me running for my sled.” She turned to face him. “But now even the thought of doing something like skiing makes me break out into a cold sweat. When did I learn to be so afraid?”
“Not everyone was born to like the sensation of wind in their face.”
“Yeah, but that’s where it gets really stupid. There’s a part of me that wants that. A part of me is really ticked that I didn’t go skiing with Daisy and Jake. There’s a part of me that has these incredible fantasies….”
One of his eyebrows went up an almost imperceptible fraction of an inch, and Nell hastened to explain.
“Fantasies like riding a motorcycle. I’ve always secretly yearned for an enormous Harley. I’ve always wanted to come roaring up to some important meeting on a huge bike, with those long, black leather fringes coming out of the ends of the hand grips, wearing one of those helmets with the kind of visor you can’t see through. I have this really vivid picture of myself taking off the helmet and shaking out my hair and unstrapping my briefcase from the back and…” She shook her head. “Instead, I drive a compact car and I can’t even get up enough nerve to go skiing—and you’re standing out here without a jacket on,” she interrupted herself. “We should go inside the house and order that pizza.”
“Large, extra cheese with sausage, peppers and onions,” Crash told her. “Unless you don’t like sausage, peppers or onions, and then you get to pick what’s on it. Go call from the barn while
I get my jacket, then meet me out by the garage.”
The garage? “You want to go pick it up?”
“No, have it delivered.”
“But—”
Crash was already gone, disappearing into the shadows as easily as he appeared.
“Why by the garage?” she called in the direction he’d vanished.
He didn’t answer. She hadn’t really expected him to.
NELL STOPPED SHORT when she saw Crash holding the Flexible Flyer sled that he’d dug out of the garage.
“Oh, no,” she said with a laugh. “No, no…”
The snow still fell with a whispering hiss around them. It was the perfect evening for sledding.
“The snow’s supposed to turn to rain before midnight,” Crash told her. “It’ll probably all melt off by tomorrow.”
“In other words, now or never, huh?”
Crash didn’t answer. He just looked at her. The bright red scarf she was wearing accentuated the paleness of her face, and flakes of snow clung to her thick, honey-colored hair. On anyone else the combination of pale skin and not quite blond, not quite brown hair might have been drab, but her eyes were so blue and warm, and her smile was so perfect….
Crash found her impossibly beautiful, and he knew that his attempt to take her sledding was nothing but an excuse to get close to her. He wanted to put his arms around this woman and he was resorting to subterfuge to do it.
“The pizza will be here in about thirty minutes,” she told him. “We don’t really have time to—”
“We have enough time to make at least a couple of runs down the hill.”
She gestured up behind the barn. “That hill?”
“Come on.” Crash held out his hand. He was wearing gloves and she had on mittens. It wasn’t as if he would really be touching her.
But when she took his hand, Crash knew he was dead wrong. It didn’t matter. Touching her was touching her. But he couldn’t stop now. He didn’t want to stop. He pulled her up the hill, dragging the sled behind them.
It was slippery, but they finally reached the top.
Away from the lights of the house, the snow was even more beautiful as it fell effortlessly from the sky. And the snow that covered the ground seemed to glow in the darkness, reflecting what little light there was.
It was just dark enough. In this kind of shadow, Crash didn’t have to worry about Nell seeing every little thought—every little desire—that flickered in his eyes.
“I’m not sure I can do this.” Nell sounded breathless, her voice huskier than usual. “I’m not sure I remember how to do this.”
“Sit on the sled and steer with your feet.”
She sat gingerly down on the Flexible Flyer, but then looked up at him. “Aren’t you coming, too?”
There was room for him—but just barely. They’d have to squeeze tightly together, with Nell positioned between his legs. Crash forced himself not to move toward her. “Do you want me to?”
“No way am I doing this without you.” She inched forward a little. “Get your butt on this thing, Hawken.”
“It helps if you start out by aiming the front of the sled down the hill.”
Nell didn’t move. “I thought we might take a more leisurely, zigzag path to the bottom.”
Crash had to smile.
“All right, all right,” she grumbled, swinging the front of the sled around. “If you’re smiling at me, I must look pretty damn ridiculous. Get on the sled, Mona Lisa, and hold on tight. We’re taking this sucker express, all the way to the barn.”
Nell closed her eyes as Crash lowered himself onto the sled behind her. He had to press himself tightly against her back—there was no way they could both sit on this thing without nearly gluing themselves together. His legs were much longer than hers, and with her boots on the outer part of the steering bar, he didn’t have anywhere to put his feet.
She turned slightly to find that his face was inches from hers and she froze, trapped by his eyes. It might have been her imagination, or it might only have been a trick of the darkness, but he seemed almost vulnerable, almost uncertain. He smelled impossibly good, like coffee and peppermint. Her gaze dropped to the tight line of his gracefully shaped mouth. What would he do if she kissed him?
She didn’t have the nerve. “Maybe you should steer.”
“No. This is your ride. You’re in control.”
In control. God, if he only knew. She was shaking, but she wasn’t sure if it was because she was afraid of falling off and breaking her leg or because he was sitting so close. She could feel his warmth against every inch of her back and she was nearly dying from the anticipation of feeling his arms around her. Because that was the only reason she was doing this. She wanted to feel his arms around her.
“Let me put my legs under yours,” he continued.
Nell lifted her legs obediently and he set his boots against the metal bumper. She lowered her legs, resting her thighs on top of his, stretching around the outside for the steering bar. But it was no longer within reach.
“Move forward,” he ordered.
She didn’t want to move forward. She liked the sensation of his body against hers too much to want to move away from him. But when she hesitated, he pushed them both up closer to the front of the sled. Her feet reached the bar, and he was still pressed tightly against her.
He looped his arms around her, holding her securely. It was heaven. Nell closed her eyes.
“Ready?”
“God, no! What am I supposed to hold on to?” Her voice was breathy, betraying her. She couldn’t reach the side rail—his legs were in the way.
“Hold on to me.”
Nell touched his legs, tentatively sliding her hands down underneath his thighs. He was all muscle, all solid, perfectly male. She wondered if he could feel her heart hammering through all her layers of clothing.
“Ready?” he asked again. She could feel his breath against her neck, just underneath her ear.
Nell held tighter and closed her eyes. “Yeah.”
“You’re in control.” His voice was just a whisper. “Get us started by rocking forward a little…”
She opened her eyes. “Can’t you just give us a push?”
“I could, but then you’d only have survived the ride. You wouldn’t have taken it if you know what I mean. Come on. All you have to do is rock us forward.”
Nell looked down the hill. The barn seemed to far away, and the hill suddenly seemed dreadfully steep. She was having trouble breathing. “I’m not sure I can.”
“Take your time. I can wait—at least until the pizza-delivery man comes.”
“If we sit here much longer, we’ll be covered with snow.”
“Are you cold?” he asked. His breath warmed her ear and his arms tightened slightly around her.
Cold? Nell couldn’t remember her name, let alone a complicated concept like cold. “Maybe we can take this in steps,” she said. “You know. Just sit here on the sled for a while. I mean, I made it all the way up the hill, and I actually got on the sled. That’s a solid start. I should be really proud of myself. And then maybe by the next time it snows, I’ll be ready to—”
“This is Virginia,” he reminded her. “This may be all the snow we get this year. Come on, Nell. Just rock us forward.”
Nell stared down the hill. She couldn’t do it. She started to get up, but he held her in place.
“Blue,” he said quietly. “My favorite color is blue. The color of the South China Sea. And I didn’t really like the latest Grisham book as much as I liked his other stuff.”
Nell turned her head and stared at him.
“And you’re right, I’ve seen your FInCOM file,” he continued. “I helped gather the information that’s in it.”
She knew what he was doing. She knew exactly what he was doing. He was showing her that he, too, could take little risks. Maybe he wasn’t afraid to sled down a hill, but talking about himself was an entirely different story. She knew he never, e
ver willingly volunteered any information about himself.
True, he wasn’t telling her anything terribly personal, but Nell knew that saying anything at all had to have been incredibly difficult for him.
At least as difficult as riding a Flexible Flyer down a relatively gentle hill. If she fell off, she wouldn’t break her leg. She’d only bruise her bottom and her pride. This was no big deal.
She rocked the sled forward.
“I knew you could do it,” Crash said softly into her ear as the sled teetered and then went over the edge of the hill.
It went slowly at first, nearly groaning under their weight, but then it began to pick up speed.
Nell screamed. The runners of the sled swished as the ground sped past, as the falling snow seemed to scatter and swirl around them.
Faster and faster they went, until it seemed as if they were almost flying. Nell clung to Crash’s legs as they hit a bump and for a moment they did leave the ground, and when they landed, the sled wasn’t quite underneath them.
She felt rather than heard the giddy laughter that left her throat as they skidded off the sled and slid for a moment on the slippery hillside without it, a tangle of arms and legs, Crash still holding her tightly.
She was still laughing as they slowed to a stop, and she realized that Crash was laughing, too. “You screamed all the way down the hill,” he said.
“No, I didn’t! God, did I really?” She was half on top of Crash, half sprawled in the snow, and she lay back, relaxing against him as she caught her breath, gazing up at the falling snowflakes.
“You sure did. Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” In fact, she couldn’t remember having been better. His arms were still around her and one of his legs was thrown casually across hers. Yes, she was very much okay. “That almost was…fun.”
“You want to go again?”
Incredulous, Nell turned her head to look at him.
He smiled at her expression.
He was an outrageously good-looking man in repose, but when he smiled, even just a little smile like that one, he was off the charts.
He got to his feet, holding out his hand for her.
Tall, Dark and Dangerous Vol 1: Tall, Dark and FearlessTall, Dark and Devastating Page 131