Kenny removed her hand from the paper. ‘Now you are fantasising. I’m not good enough. As for work as a bookkeeper, I can’t afford to advertise any more.’
She clamped her mouth shut on the angry words that sprang to her lips and counted to ten before saying, ‘What about Tilly? She loves that school and it’s not fair to take her away. You must realise how difficult it’ll be for her to move away from everyone she knows.’
‘We don’t have to take her,’ said Kenny, turning over the page and commencing to write on the other side. ‘Alice and Seb have that big house, there’s surely room for one little girl in it. In fact I’m surprised she hasn’t suggested it.’
Hannah gasped. ‘Tilly’s like a daughter to me. I can’t leave her behind.’
He gazed up at her and his expression was angry. ‘It’s the only solution to that problem. Besides, Alice always planned to have Tilly living with her once she had a proper home.’
Hannah clasped her hands together to stop them from shaking. ‘I know that’s true but she hasn’t mentioned it yet and they’ve been home a fortnight. Besides, there’s nothing stopping her and Seb having children of their own.’
Kenny froze. ‘There’s nothing stopping us except your stubbornness,’ he said harshly.
She could scarcely believe he had said those words. ‘Stubbornness?’ she cried. ‘What d’you mean stubborness?’
He sighed and for a moment he rested his forehead against his hand. ‘I’m sorry. Forget I said it.’
‘I can’t forget it. I heard it loud and clear,’ she said in a seething voice. ‘You know exactly why trying to make a baby is difficult for me.’
‘I know!’ He did not look at her. ‘But I sometimes wonder why you can’t blank Bert out of your mind even for just ten minutes. You could fill it instead with pictures of us enjoying ourselves. Even imagine music playing. Then we might get somewhere. It’s what I have to live on now… dreams of you and I dancing, walking the Wall… talking history.’
She was dumbstruck.
Kenny said sharply, ‘There’s no need to look like that. But I did think now Bert’s gone that perhaps we could… I’ve been reading this book…’
She interrupted him, ‘I’d like to make you happy but…’
He put down his pen and folded his arms. ‘I know all there is to know about being scared and I’d be the last person to deny that’s how you feel. I just think it’s a blinking shame for both of us if we don’t have a go of overcoming your fear now Bert’s left the country. If you don’t want to try, then you’re still letting his spirit rule you.’
Outraged, she made a swipe at him across the table and cried, ‘How dare you! It’s not true!’
He drew back and struggled to his feet, wincing as he did so. ‘Don’t raise your hand to me,’ he said fiercely. ‘I won’t tolerate physical violence in this house. I would have thought you felt the same.’
‘I do!’ Her face crumpled. Tears filled her eyes and she put a hand to her trembling mouth. ‘What’s happening to us? We should be happy now Bert’s gone.’
The anger ebbed from his face and, limping round the table, he placed an arm about her shoulders. ‘But he’s left us with a legacy, hasn’t he, love? Perhaps I should go to Scotland on my own… see how it goes before dragging you up there.’
Hannah was about to tell him not to be so stupid, that she was his wife and her place was by his side, when a little voice in her head said that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. Worrying and being together most of the time was the cause of them arguing now. A break might do them good and she would be able to keep Tilly with her. ‘How long would you give it?’ she whispered.
He did not answer her immediately and she knew instantly that he had expected her to reject his suggestion. She was torn by guilt, yet something kept her from retracting her words. Several moments passed and then he said, ‘I suppose it depends on how long my cousin and the family are prepared to put up with me.’
‘Don’t you mean put you up?’
‘No. I meant what I said.’ He limped back to his chair and sat down.
Ripping the page from the notepad, he started again.
Hannah watched him for several minutes and then, with a heavy heart stood up. Feeling like she was doing everything in slow motion, she took her almost empty purse from a drawer in the sideboard, shrugged on a jacket and pulled on her old felt hat because there was a cool breeze outside. Picking up her shopping basket, she left the house and went to her mother’s.
There she found Joy peeling potatoes. ‘Where’s Mother?’ asked Hannah.
‘Granny Popo called round saying she needed her help.’ Joy’s tone was so casual that Hannah shot a second glance at her sister.
‘You didn’t ask her to come round, did you?’
Joy smiled. ‘Of course I did, but don’t let that slip in front of Mother. She’s got to stop dwelling on Bert and what better way than her being needed by someone else. I’ve another idea, too. What do you think of Mother letting out a couple of rooms to lodgers again? I could help her and it would bring in some money.’
Hannah nodded, seated herself in her father’s armchair and gazed into the empty fireplace. Several minutes ticked by without a word being exchanged between them. Then Joy said, ‘Want to tell me about it?’ She dropped a potato into a pan of salted water.
Hannah sighed. ‘Kenny suggested going to Scotland on his own to see how things go and I didn’t say I thought it was a lousy idea.’
Joy said lightly, ‘What made him suggest it? You not wanting to go?’
‘Aye!’ Hannah fiddled with a button on her jacket. ‘We had a row.’ Joy dried her hands and seated herself on the chair opposite her sister.
‘You make that sound as if this is your first row since you got married.’
‘Kenny isn’t one for arguing. He’s loving and kind, patient and understanding… normally.’
‘Well, he’s gone through a tough time recently, and if he’s been all those things until now, I don’t see what you’ve got to complain about,’ stated Joy.
‘I’m not complaining,’ snapped Hannah, getting to her feet and going over to the table where there was a loaf and a pat of butter. She cut herself a slice of bread and buttered it. ‘I thought you’d understand because of Bert.’ She tore at the bread and butter with her teeth.
‘So you’re still letting that swine rule your life. You surprise me, Hanny,’ she said crossly.
‘I can’t help it,’ muttered Hannah.
‘Then get someone else to help you to put him out of your mind,’ said Joy firmly.
Mrs Black, thought Hannah wistfully, wondering when she would be back in Chester.
Joy continued, ‘Do that and then you go to Scotland with Kenny, if he still wants to go.’
‘That’s not really the problem. It’s Tilly. I thought it wasn’t right to take her away from school and up to Scotland, so Kenny suggested that we hand her over to Alice.’ She bit savagely into the slice of bread.
‘Sounds sensible to me. You and Kenny have done your share of looking after her. You’re hard up and in lodgings whilst Alice and Seb are in the money and have that lovely house.’
Hannah’s cheeks burned. ‘Do you have to rub it in? You don’t understand, do you? I love Tilly like my own.’
Joy said firmly, ‘But she isn’t your own, is she? We all love Tilly but she’s Alice’s sister, so she should take her turn at looking after her. You and Kenny have had little time on your own since you married and perhaps that’s half your trouble. Why don’t you visit Alice and see what she has to say? And, as there’s no time like the present, why don’t I go with you? The walk will do us both good.’
Hannah tried to come up with an excuse but she was all out of them. ’OK!’
Joy smiled. ‘We could take in the Cheese Fair on the way. I believe there’s a giant cheese, weighing three hundred pounds, on exhibition. Imagine eating that much cheese?’
‘I heard that it wasn�
�t even made in Cheshire but Yorkshire of all places,’ said Hannah, getting up. ‘Perhaps I’ll buy a quarter and make macaroni cheese for supper.’
* * *
Alice was curled up in an armchair in front of the fire in the room that had once been the dining room. She had decided to make a change because the old drawing room gave her creepy feelings. Every time she went in there, she could not help thinking of Bert and Victoria and had started to feel haunted. This was not as nice a room but it was better than being unable to relax. Now she was attempting to cope with the intricacies of a knitting pattern for a baby’s matinee coat, whilst at the same time reading the women’s serial in an old edition of the Chester Chronicle called ‘The Secrets of the Iron Box’. It was not easy and she was about to put down the knitting because the serial had reached an exciting part when she heard the knocker sound.
She forced herself to stay where she was, knowing it was up to Emma or Mary to answer the door. Being a lady of leisure was taking some getting used to but it definitely beat being a dogsbody. The room was cosy and warm and she was comfortable. A few minutes later, she heard the murmur of voices in the hall and then a knock on the door. ‘Come in!’ she called.
Emma popped her head round the door. ‘It’s Mrs Hannah Moran and Miss Joy Kirk to see you, Mrs Bennett,’ she said in the proper manner.
Alice’s eyes lit up. The serial could wait. She would enjoy some company and it really was time she told Hannah about the baby and that Seb was going into the motorcar business. ‘Tell them to come in… could we have a pot of tea… and are there any fresh scones, Emma?’
‘There’s shop bought muffins.’
Alice’s mouth watered. ‘They’ll do and bring the toasting fork and butter. We’ll toast them by the fire in here.’
Emma was no sooner out of the room than Hannah and Joy entered. ‘It’s lovely to see you both,’ said Alice. ‘Come and sit down. I’ve something to tell you. Although, I suppose I should tell Kenny before you two… but you can pass the message on, Hanny.’
‘I think I can guess,’ said Hannah, her gaze lighting on the white knitting as she sat down by the fire.
‘You’re having a baby,’ cried Joy, perching on the arm of her sister’s chair and smiling.
Alice stretched like a lazy cat and beamed at them. ‘Clever you two! It’s due next February and I can’t wait to be a mother. I’m going to have the best perambulator money can buy and wheel him out into town.’
‘You’re sure it’s a boy then,’ said Hannah, determined to show pleasure.
Alice nodded. ‘At the moment I feel everything is going my way and I want a boy, so one day Seb can paint over the door of the yard S. Bennett & Son.’
‘What yard?’ asked Joy, swinging her leg and frowning at the scuffed toe of her shoe.
‘Yes, what yard?’ asked Hannah.
Alice leaned forward. ‘He’s done what I suggested ages ago and is going into the motorcar business… buying, selling, hiring and repairing.’
Joy’s dark head shot up. ‘If he’s starting up another business then he’ll be taking men on. He’ll need a bookkeeper. Kenny!’
Alice’s eyes danced. ‘You are bright today. It’s early days yet but when the time’s right, I’m sure Seb’ll give Kenny a job.’
Joy turned to her sister. ‘There you are. Wasn’t it right to come here? No need for Kenny to go to Scotland on his own after all.’
Alice looked at Hannah in astonishment. ‘What’s this? You weren’t going to let Kenny go up there on his own, were you?’
‘It was his idea,’ said Hannah on the defensive.
‘Like it was his idea that you have Tilly living here with you, Alice,’ said Joy.
Hannah glared at her sister. ‘There was no need for you say that. It doesn’t matter now.’
Alice’s gaze went from one to the other. ‘I get it. Kenny wanted me to have Tilly but you didn’t. Is that why he was planning on going up to Scotland on his own so you could stay in Chester with her? Surely he should come first, Hanny?’
‘What’s the point in discussing it now?’ said Hannah, toying with her fingers. ‘If Seb offers Kenny a job he won’t be going anywhere, so we’ll be together and I can carry on taking care of Tilly. After all, with you having a baby it’ll be too much for you.’
‘But I’ve been thinking I should have her… or at least share the care of her,’ she added hastily when she saw the expression on Hanny’s face, ‘and if Kenny is thinking the same thing, then…’ Alice didn’t finish what she was saying because there was a tap on the door.
Joy slid off the arm of the chair and opened it for Emma.
She set the tray down on the low table and, straightening, stared at their set faces. ‘What’s up? Although, I suppose I shouldn’t be asking.’
‘No, you shouldn’t Emma. But thanks all the same,’ said Alice. ‘You can pour.’
‘I’ll toast the muffins,’ said Joy, picking up the toasting fork from the tray. ‘I love muffins.’
Hannah was silent, watching Emma pour out the tea and wondering how she felt working for Alice and Seb. She had seen hardly anything of her since Alice had come home. In a way she and Emma were in the same boat, with both the men in their lives suffering because of Bert. It would be good if Seb could do something for David, as well. Perhaps if she got the chance she would suggest it to him. Her mind wandered and she asked herself what the neighbours made of the change in Seb’s and Alice’s circumstances? Did they know that Seb was Mr Waters’ illegitimate son and did they consider him a touch below them because of that? But perhaps they accepted him because he had been left the business and was taking care of his grandmother. What would Mrs Black and Mal Moran make of Alice if they could have seen her hosting this little gathering in this house? Life suddenly seemed very unfair to Hannah, and she sighed as she accepted a cup of tea from Emma, hoping Alice would think no more about what Joy had said.
But Alice was not prepared to let the matter go. ‘Seb and I have already spoken about Tilly,’ she said, accepting a buttered muffin from Joy. ‘And he’ll want to see Kenny once I speak to him this evening about giving him a job.’ She frowned. ‘It’s a pity I don’t drive. I could have picked him up in the car and brought him here without any effort.’ Her brow cleared. ‘I know! This Sunday Seb could fetch the three of you in the car and you can have Sunday dinner with us and we’ll discuss Tilly’s future.’
Hannah knew she had to agree and felt certain Kenny would fall in with his sister’s plans for Tilly whatever they were. She dreaded going home because, for the first time in her life, she felt unable to take his love for granted after their quarrel.
When Hannah arrived home, it was a relief to discover Kenny not alone but sitting at the table with Mr Bushell, Tilly and Freddie. It had taken Hannah longer than she had allowed time for to walk from Alice’s to the school. She presumed rightly that Freddie had spotted Tilly waiting outside the school gates and had brought her home. She thanked her younger brother and told him he’d best nip home or Mother would be worrying about him.
‘She doesn’t worry about me,’ said Freddie without rancour. ‘And Joy knows I can look after myself. I’ll take Tilly back to school and bring her home at four, if you like,’ he said cheerfully.
Kenny accepted his offer and, at the same time handed the boy a stamped addressed envelope. Instantly Hannah said, ‘There’s no need to post that if it’s going to Scotland.’ Freddie looked at Kenny who told him firmly to post it. ‘But, Kenny…‘ she said.
‘Later!’ He smiled at Freddie and thanked him for looking after Tilly.
Hannah was hurt and dismayed that Kenny had not been prepared to listen to her and, after washing the plates and cups, she brushed and scrubbed the backyard before walking into town without saying where she was going. It began to rain, so she took shelter in the covered walkways of the Rows. She mooched along, gazing into the clothes shops and taking a fancy to a swirly skirt with buttons down the front in blue serge,
which cost five shillings and nine pence. She sighed, she couldn’t even afford the nine pence. If only Kenny hadn’t been so stubborn, she could have worked at Bannister’s and been bringing some money into the house.
When she arrived back home, Kenny was working on the receipts and bills that Mr Bushell had brought to him, entering them in a ledger. She made the macaroni cheese and they barely exchanged a word with each other. She went up to bed without having told him her news. What had one of the teachers said in Sunday School when she was a girl? Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.
As soon as he came to bed she said, ‘I went to see Alice. She’s having a baby. They’ve invited us to Sunday dinner and Seb’s coming for us and Tilly in the motorcar.’
He flinched, then without speaking, pushed back the bedcovers and eased his damaged foot onto the bed before lifting up the other one. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. As she gazed at him she felt a helplessness that was new to her. Never had she had to cope with such behaviour from him before. She whispered, ‘Did you hear me?’
A muscle in his jaw clenched and then he nodded. She waited for him to say something but he just lay there without moving or speaking. She wanted him to hold her, to weep against his shoulder. Instead she switched off the gas lamp and turned her back on him. Only as she was about to drift off to sleep did she remember that she had not mentioned that there was a hope that Seb would give him a job.
* * *
‘Hello, Ken! Hanny, Tilly!’ Seb squashed the impulse to jump out of the driving seat and rush to help his brother-in-law as he limped across the pavement, followed by his wife and half-sister. They were all smiling and he should have been pleased they seemed glad to see him, but he felt that the adults’ smiles were false. When Alice had broached the subject of his giving her half-brother a job to prevent his going to Scotland, he had immediately agreed. He considered himself lucky and wanted to pass on some of that good fortune. He felt sorry for Kenny and Hannah, whose clothes were shabby and well worn. He thought of all Alice’s new clothes and determined to do something for Hannah, as well. He knew it would sting their pride if he were to offer them money but really good Christmas presents… surely they couldn’t refuse those. As for Tilly, although, she was better dressed than Hannah, Alice would enjoy making her new clothes when she came to live with them. She was a pretty, outgoing little girl and he reckoned she would cheer the place up and take Alice’s mind off what had happened to Victoria in the old drawing room.
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