by Robyn M Ryan
52
Cassie stared at the hummingbird feeder near the bedroom window, taking deep, measured breaths. I wish I’d taken that meditation class in Vancouver. Maybe then I could clear my mind? Escape this nightmare for even five minutes.
Lauren knocked and opened the door a crack. “May I...?”
“Of course, come in. How’s Danny? Anything new?”
“Daniel’s showing no signs of any after-effects. I’m so proud you remembered your first aid training and took that lifeguard certification course.”
“Maybe I can get a job as a lifeguard.” Cassie’s attempt at humor felt flat.
Lauren sat beside her. “You didn’t eat much last night. I have blueberry pancakes ready to cook for you. Can I entice you to leave your room?”
“Daniel’s home?”
“Not yet. Tom said it’s just precautionary, but he’ll stay another day.” She paused a moment. “He’s here. He said he’s tried to reach you since yesterday.”
“I found my phone, but not the charger. It’s in the kitchen right now—I turned it off, so I don’t have to talk to Mom just yet.” Cassie pulled her hair back into a high ponytail. “Why does Tom want to see me?”
“Worried about you? Maybe to reassure you that Daniel’s okay? I definitely know he doesn’t want you to blame yourself.” Lauren tried to soothe her niece.
“Why not? I know I didn’t protect Danny. Tom has to feel as furious as Andrew.”
“You don’t know that. Don’t you think you should give him the time to talk with you?”
Cassie shrugged. “I guess I owe him the opportunity to vent his anger.”
“Give him a chance.” Lauren hugged her, then offered her hand for Cassie to stand. “Have you heard from Amelie? I hope she does the right thing and explains what happened.”
“Danny was my responsibility, no matter what Amie did or didn’t do.”
Lauren stopped walking and grasped her arm. She spoke softly. “Just think about it—you’re not the person who lost track of Daniel.”
“I’m not throwing her under the bus. I should never have asked her to watch both twins.” Cassie saw Lauren’s expression. “Please don’t mention it, Lauren.”
“Cassie, I won't promise either way on that. Trust me not to say anything—unless I need to intervene.”
Tom checked his emails while he hoped Lauren could persuade Cassie to leave her bedroom. Just want to hug her and tell her Daniel’s okay. Hope she’s not overwhelmed with guilt. Caryn doesn’t blame her—Andrew will come around in time. They both know how much Cassie loves Jenna and Daniel.
He looked up when he heard Lauren’s voice. Leaving his phone on the counter, he met Cassie halfway across the room. His rainbow girl appeared defeated, her eyes dull, and exhaustion reflected by her entire persona. Without speaking, he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her tremble and pressed his lips against her head. “I’ve worried about you since I got Amelie’s message yesterday.”
“Danny will be all right?”
“At this moment, he’s sleeping peacefully. Give him a couple of days and ‘Demo Danny’ will return full force.”
“Thank God. Danny shouldn’t suffer because of my stupidity.”
“Accidents happen. I see them every day in the ER.” Tom brushed his hand over her head. “You’re my hero for staying calm and remembering your training.”
She shook her head. “I’m no hero.”
“You don’t get to choose my heroes.”
“Have you eaten, Tom?” Lauren asked. “Blueberry pancakes on the menu.”
“Dave actually left some?” Cassie asked with a small smile.
“I made two batches of batter. I’ve learned not to underestimate his appetite before a practice.”
Tom guided Cassie to a seat in the breakfast nook. “Orange juice, coffee, water, Coke?”
She looked at him with a ghost of a smile. “Sit. You’re the guest. I’ll get the drinks.” Cassie took the pitcher of juice from Lauren. “What would you prefer, doctor?”
“OJ sounds good.”
Tom watched as Cassie quickly set the table. Maybe she needs to keep busy? He pulled a chair back for her and leaned over for a kiss when she sat beside him.
Cassie smiled when she looked at the pancakes on her plate. “You made these for my birthday all the time. The ultimate comfort food. Thanks, Lauren.”
“My stress relief food, too,” Lauren reminded her.
“I’ll need your recipe,” Tom told Lauren. “Unless it’s a family secret.”
“I’ll share—but you have to promise to cook these for Cassie.”
“Easy promise.”
“Not that easy, since I’m no longer living in the house.” Cassie sipped her juice after tasting the pancakes. “How’s Caryn? Exhausted?”
“Hope she can catch some sleep today.”
“When do you think Danny will come home?”
“Maybe today, at the latest tomorrow.” Tom brushed the hair away from her face.
“Thank God.” Cassie met his eyes. “What about Jenna? She can’t be happy confined to a hospital room.”
“I brought her home with me last night. I’m off for a couple days. Kelly’s watching her now.”
“I’m glad.” Cassie nodded. She ate silently, the negative thoughts returning to her mind. Just another screw-up. Had the perfect job, incredible employers, and most lovable children in the world…Then only in a matter of minutes, Danny nearly dies, I destroy Caryn and Andrew’s trust, and my presence in their lives is no longer tolerated. Press the DELETE key. I’ve fallen short of Mom’s lowest expectations—further proof that I’m unable to function without her oversight.
A voice nagged her. It didn’t have to end this way. Would they understand she only left the twins with Amelie for a few minutes? Would that change anything? Shift some blame to her friend? Could she even do that and live with herself? Probably not. But why did Amelie allow herself to get distracted with that phone?
Cassie’s heart ached at the thought of not seeing the twins every day, not feeling at home in Andrew and Caryn’s home. She hated accepting help from Lauren and Dave. She needed to decide where to move and how to take care of herself.
Cassie swallowed a sigh and drank some juice. She glanced at Tom beside her. Family means everything to him—Family comes first, as it should. Cassie promised herself that she wouldn’t become a wedge between Tom and his family.
53
Later that day, Tom asked Terri and Steve if they could stay with Jenna. He invited Cassie to go for a ride with him—walking on the beach might soothe her mind. He debated sharing his belief that Caryn would ask Cassie to continue as their nanny. Andrew will eventually come around. Once he relaxes and thinks rationally. But, if I say something to Cassie, she may get her hopes up, and then they decide to go without a nanny.
He reached for Cassie’s hand and squeezed it as she stared out the passenger window. “Outstanding scenery?”
Cassie shook her head and looked at him. “Just thinking. Couldn’t tell you where we’re headed.”
“Getting closer to the Gulf. Would you like to walk on the beach?” He lifted her hand and pressed his lips against it. “I go there when I get stressed.”
“Helps?”
“For me, just breathing the air at the beach de-stresses. Walking is a bonus.”
“I need that in megadoses today,” Cassie said.
Tom glanced at Cassie. “Promise, we’ll go wherever we need to find it.”
“Can we go back in time?”
He squeezed her hand. “Maybe not that, but we can find a way to ease your mind, put everything in perspective.”
Grateful that Tom didn’t engage in conversation, Cassie felt a semblance of peace descend as they wandered down the beach. The sun had just set and very few people remained. If she concentrated on the sensation of soft sand brushing against her feet and the gentle sea breeze caressing her skin, she could blank her
mind. The constant movement of the sea sweeping in, then clearing the sand as it retreated, lulled her into an almost-hypnotic state. Her mind quieted after a while, allowing her to process the preceding day’s nightmare.
She clutched Tom’s hand as she tried to examine every act that had led to Daniel falling into the pool. If only I’d paid more attention to the surroundings—how long had that door been open? Did Amelie forget to close it after she went out to the pool deck to study? I can’t imagine Caryn leaving it open, and I hadn’t stepped on the pool deck all day. Maybe Amelie thought she had closed it, but the lock didn’t engage completely? Even if she had turned the lock, it wouldn’t hold if the door hadn’t closed properly.
She felt the negative thoughts closing in and consciously pushed them to the back of her mind. She’d never had a problem defending herself or speaking out. Why now? Amelie hadn’t called her—maybe feeling guilty herself or trying to escape any blame? Possibly she had called? Cassie remembered that she hadn’t checked her phone.
Pulling it from her pocket, she unlocked the phone and scrolled through the missed calls—mostly from Tom, two from her mother…and a text from Amelie.
Amelie: U OK? How’s Danny?
Cassie: He may come home today.
She didn’t bother telling Amelie she wasn’t okay. Did it matter? She shoved her phone back into her pocket and turned to look at Tom.
“I’m sorry I didn’t check my phone sooner. Thank you for trying to contact me.”
He stopped and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner…things got hectic and by the time I could…” He shrugged. “Once Amelie called, I didn’t think to check my phone.”
“I didn’t expect you to…your priority was Daniel.”
Tom halted, causing Cassie to stumble against him. “Sorry, babe.” He paused a beat. “Was Amelie visiting yesterday?”
“She wanted to help since everyone had planned the spa day. I appreciated her stopping by.”
“Did she help you with Jenna when you discovered Danny?” Tom asked.
“Yes, and I asked her to contact Caryn. I think the spa has a no cell phone policy, so when she couldn’t reach her, I asked her to go to the spa and take her to the hospital.”
“Did she come back then or call you?”
“No, but I just read a text she sent. Why?” Cassie’s heart raced. What if Tom asks me to construct a timeline? Where everyone was and what we were doing before anyone noticed Danny missing. What would I tell him? That I left Amelie alone with the twins while I “freshened up?”
“No reason, Cass. I just now remembered that she’d called me about the ambulance on route…after that, everything’s a blur.”
“I can understand that…I keep thinking about all the what-ifs. What if I’d double-checked the door…what if…”
Tom silenced her by pressing his finger against her lips. “No what-ifs, Cassie. We can’t change what happened. Just make peace with yourself and move forward.”
They walked in silence as Cassie digested Tom’s words. How do I find peace about yesterday? Where do I find it? She knew Lauren and Dave would walk beside her, no questions asked. Tom? She couldn’t put him in that position.
“Tom, will you answer a question honestly?”
His brown eyes met hers. “I will never lie to you, Cassie. That’s not an option. What do you want to ask?”
“Do you think Caryn and Andrew will ever forgive me?”
“Of course, they will. How could they not? No matter what happened, you saved Daniel’s life. That’s the only thing that matters…to them and to me.”
“Can you?”
“Forgive you? There’s nothing to forgive, babe.”
“I don’t want to make things awkward for you.”
“You can’t.”
“What if I can never see the twins again? Or if I’m not welcome in their home?” Cassie averted her eyes.
Tom turned her toward him, grasping each shoulder. “Why would you think you’ll never see the twins?”
“Because of what happened…I wouldn’t expect Caryn and Andrew to want me anywhere near them.” She searched his eyes and read concern and something she could not decipher. He held her gaze for a long moment before he spoke.
“Cassie, Caryn told Andrew yesterday that she knows this was an accident. She knows you’d never knowingly put Daniel or Jenna in danger…Andrew? He may take time—remember when I sent him to the hospital for further evaluation? He will need space. He’s reacting to a danger to his family he could not control. I don’t know what he said to you, but I’m guessing he allowed his anger to speak…”
“He had every right,” Cassie interrupted. Tom held up his hand.
“I’m not judging his actions. But I know him—and at some point, he will realize that the most important takeaway is Danny’s health. He knows it was an accident—it may take a while for him to acknowledge that.” He brushed the hair away from her face. “I think Caryn will reach out to you. I don’t know when or how long it will take, but Andrew will forgive you. He’ll realize he’s thankful that you handled everything calmly and professionally.”
“What do I do until then?”
“Just take each day, sweetheart. There’s no reason to hide, go somewhere, or move away. I promise you that.” He lifted her chin and kissed her tenderly. “Please don’t make any decisions right away. Especially if you’re thinking about leaving Tampa.”
Cassie smiled slightly. “Have you been reading my mind? I’m not sure where I would go…or live.”
“I hope Tampa’s still on the list.”
“Until I sort things out. I can’t impose on Lauren and Dave indefinitely.”
“Did they hint you’ll be in the way?”
“No, but…”
“Like my mom always says, ‘Don’t buy trouble.’ Please stop assuming things, babe. Let each day unroll and see what happens.” She saw the hint of a smile at the sides of his mouth. “Why don’t we go somewhere for the week?”
“Eh…your job?”
Tom stopped to pick up a perfect shell and handed it to her. “I wanted to surprise you. I swapped days and called in a few favors. So, I’m off beginning when my shift ends on Friday.”
Cassie pretended to examine the shell, a beautiful shade of pink. Tom planned to surprise me…by going to the Virgin Islands? And the All-Star Game?
“What about the All-Star Game? Please don’t cancel that because of me.”
“You’re the only one who knows I have time off. No one’s expecting me in Miami. Caryn most likely has a back-up plan for the twins. If she doesn’t, I’ll go, and then we can head to Ft. Myers for the week.” He pointed to the shell in her hand. “You won’t believe the shells you’ll find on Sanibel and Captiva Islands—enough beautiful and unbroken shells to fill a bucket.”
“You’ve been there?”
“No, but someone at work came back raving about it…suggested a couple of places to stay.” Tom flashed the smile Cassie had a hard time resisting. “Say you’ll come with me on my vacation.”
Cassie surprised herself by laughing quietly. “When did you plan this?”
“Uh…just now?” He grinned.
Cassie batted at his chest. “You don’t need to do this, Tom. Go to the Virgin Islands like you planned.”
“The only reason I planned to go was to get some—shall we say quality time?—with you. Come with me for the week. I can promise you days and nights of quality time you’ll never forget.”
Cassie leaned her face against his chest. “Caryn and Andrew may need you in the Virgin Islands.”
“They don’t know I got the time off. They’ll manage without me.” He flashed his most persuasive smile. “Quality time for us, Cassie. Please don’t make me beg.”
“No need to beg. You know I’ll go anywhere with you.”
He cupped her chin in his hands and met her lips in a soft, exploring kiss. Cassie parted her lips slightly to accept the kiss,
slipping her arms around his chest and leaning against him when her legs felt like rubber. “Is this a sample of quality time, doctor?”
“Come home with me tonight?” Tom asked when they returned to the neighborhood.
“Eh, not such a good idea, doc. Andrew and Caryn could bring Danny home anytime.” Cassie pulled back to look at him. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable, even though your apartment is separate. If I heard the munchkins, I don’t know how I’ll react. Cry, probably.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Tom. I can dream about our ‘quality time’ in Sanibel.”
54
When he returned home from work the following afternoon, Tom walked through the front door rather than his private entry. He heard both twins babbling happily, and he followed the sound to an unused bedroom close to the master suite and the great room. The room resembled Toyland. He paused a moment in the doorway, observing Daniel, looking for any sign of the near-drowning.
The toddler’s bright eyes focused on what looked like a new toy. He turned it around in all directions until he’d seen every side. He looked up, saw Tom, and tossed the plastic truck to him.
“Thanks, buddy,” Tom greeted as he entered the room. “Decided to contain the damage?” He smiled when Caryn met his eyes.
“They really need a playroom. This should do, don’t you think?”
“What? No toys strewn all over the great room?” Tom picked up Daniel when he reached for him. “You like your truck, Danny?” He squatted to give it to him and then looked at Caryn. “He looks great. Would never know…”
“Yes, I agree with you,” Caryn interrupted.
“Have you gotten any sleep?”
“While they napped, but not a deep sleep. Everything’s still crashing together in my mind.” Caryn picked up Jenna when she objected to Tom holding Daniel. “Tonight should be better.”
“It will. I don’t think you need to worry about Daniel. He’s not showing any after-effects at all.”