by Marcus Sloss
“Is there a stopping point to this harem building?” Torrez asked, a bit concerned. “I see that Jevon has Becca and Sarah now. Bonnet has a reverse harem after she added those Crixxi boys. I just worry. Maria says I just need to mind my own damn business, which is her and her only.” He rubbed his chin. “I actually think Mary humanizes you the same way Jasmine does to me. But, still—"
“Where do I stop? I’ve asked myself the same question many times.” I shrugged, “I have no idea. According to Nancy, never, it’s part of my role as a Viking king—to feast on the flesh of my conquests. Perci doesn’t care one way or the other. She is captivated by the tender love that a large family brings. Willow was a big fan of a throuple, but it continues to expand. I am not sure. I guess I need to talk to Willow; she was pretty assertive the last time the subject came up, but doesn’t complain. I have not seen her frown much, if at all, lately, when it comes to her personal life. Everly has no shame, she is a minx in bed; she devours the others more than me.”
I didn’t really know what to do. “Jill is a pariah, really. I don’t think she would … Yeah,” I nodded to myself, “she would never have been interested in something like this before. My guess is, I am a rebound, almost the exact opposite of what she had—a shut-in, enclosed life with unlimited rules that she rebelled against. She loves kids and wants more. She keeps spitting out her stones like she has, and she will need to pick a dad, soon. Her daughter calls me Dad, so …” Again, I shrugged.
“As much fun as it is, discussing your love life, we are here,” my friend said with the showmanship of a reality-show host, his arms spread wide. I was not impressed. At the booth where we stopped, a seven-foot-tall slug creature slept, a long trail of drool connecting its lip with the floor. There were no displays of any kind. He, she, or it might as well have been selling air. “Excuse me, good… creature,” Torrez began.
“Hey!” I shouted.
I named the species sluggero and this individual Blob.
Species: Sluggero
Individual Name: Blob
Rating: 3
The creature jiggled slightly, slurped up the long line of drool, then grumbled as it awoke. “I am Blob. Were you wanting to tour my items?” Blob asked with a purple sucker for a mouth that stretched wide in a giant yawn. Yuck, no teeth. The two beady eyes peered down from short fleshy stalks. His eyes were tiny compared to the immensity of the rest of the creature, who was covered in a yellow-tinged, fleshy outer layer.
“We may have an outdated list of your items,” Torrez said politely.
“Ah, we are a manufacturing nation; we always have items for sale. Our protector alliance keeps us safe. In the last million years we have never missed a golden gate,” Blob said confidently. The slug motioned its head for us to join it in its booth.
“Yes, that was what our research showed. There are others with lower prices, but you’re beyond reliable,” Torrez said, “You were also recommended.”
That meant Lilith had all but ordered us to come here.
This confirmed my theory nicely. We walked over to Blob in the middle of the room. The huge slug flipped a sign at the back of the booth that indicated new customers needed to ring a bell at the counter to get his attention. I saw a little buzzer materialize on the counter right before the bottom of the floor vanished. We shifted through the void until we arrived in a storage room so vast, I thought we had shifted to another orbital.
“Woah!” I blurted out, checking out my surroundings.
There were mechs, tanks, crab suits, aircraft, jetpacks, hover boards—and that was just what I could see from where I stood. I started to hyperventilate in excitement. This would forever change how we conducted battle. Hell, there was a mecha bigger than a divine-ape in here. Not that it could defeat an army of them, but—
“Let me see your funds,” Blob requested. “I should have asked earlier. Generally, when we are referred, it means you’re prepared.” Torrez shot the creature a translator data link. “Interesting. There is enough here to cause a flux in the market. Hmm… We can definitely deal. How much of this did you plan on spending here?”
“All of it,” Torrez said. “We are not even a quarter of the way done adding our loot to the Xgate.”
It was Blob’s turn to be shocked. He, she, or it sputtered out a raspberry. I looked to see if it was a boy or girl.
“Blob,” I asked callously, “are you male or female?” I doubted this being would stop a huge sale over hurt feelings.
“Female. Smart of you to ask; you would never find out unless you flipped me over, which I would find gravely offensive,” Blob said in a challenging tone.
“Thank you, for the clarity. So … ahh … what can we afford?” I asked.
“We have fixed prices based on zinc here. Not everyone uses zinc, but our protectors do. They love the mineral and desire it over everything else,” Blob said, and I grinned. We happened to be sitting, literally, on a whole mountain of zinc. “You will need to get this,” she gestured to the digital balance sheet, “converted first.”
“I have someone at the bank right now. Before they convert things, please confirm, you want zinc and zinc only?” I asked.
“Confirmed.”
“Willow, I need zinc. Buy a hefty amount.” - Cap
“Okay, the bank has a mediocre rate on zinc. There was a different bank ten minutes away with a better rate. Heading there now.” - Queen Willow
“We will have a new balance sheet, in zinc, here soon,” I said, letting my eyes roam over the amazing items before me. “How is this possible?”
“I can say very little beyond the fact that we are quite safe where we live,” Blob mentioned. “We are safe, have many allies, and many defenses. I hope that helps.”
“Well, we are trying to get to that point ourselves. I hope our purchases today help us achieve that. Can we afford this mechanized monster over here?” I said, pointing to the hundred-foot-tall mecha of awesomeness. “That would be amazing on so many levels.”
“Easily. Those are not even that powerful. More of a builder unit, really. I guess I first need to know what your preferred power consumption element is?” Blob asked.
“Nitrogen is the biggest element in our atmosphere. We originally thought carbon generators would be smart, mainly to help our environment, but our pollution has dropped dramatically. That, and they underperform nitrogen generators, by a lot,” Torrez said in awe as he gazed around at all the weaponry. “Oxygen is a distant second. Cap, did you know Mars’s atmosphere is only 3% nitrogen whereas Earth’s is 72%?”
“I thought nitrogen was the primary universal element?” I said, knowing my own research was lacking.
Blob grunted in answer. “It is, hence nitrogen generators being the most commonly produced power source. We produce ten different power generators. Nitrogen power generators are not that expensive. Almost every planet has nitrogen, which means it is a popular option,” Blob said in a teacher’s dry tone. She leaned her body forward to propel herself to the giant machine of awesomeness. “The foot has a wide entry point. You then shoot up a tube to the operating chamber at the pinnacle. Brexka is the name of this unit. I will sell this to you on one condition: It can’t be used for battle.”
I craned my neck up at the massive device. The design was similar to what most bipedal creatures had: hips, a torso, two legs, and an egg shaped dome for a head. It was very much a robot, with the clear cranium it had. I had already come up with a new name for this mighty creation… Goliath. I wondered how it operated, and then realized that she had said not to use it in battle.
“Uh…” I scratched my head, “I gotta ask—why not?”
“What do you think happens when this thing falls over? What size power plant do you think it contains to move so much compressed material?” Blob said, sputtering her lips. “Your virum bodies would get smashed from the fall and then eviscerated from the explosion of the generator. We do build fail-safes to avoid such region disintegrating explosions, but noth
ing is guaranteed in war.”
“I almost regret buying those cranes,” Torrez muttered. “I do see what you mean, at least. Why provide such a huge lumbering target when you can pack the same punch in a smaller profile?” Torrez said. “What are your best sellers?”
“The gravity sled tanks do really well. Hard to go wrong with a small frame, single driver, heavy punch, and decent price tag. They even move at a decent pace, approximately …” a series of slurps and bowel noises burst from our translators. “Sorry,” Blob said, “the translator is struggling with the speed conversion to a scale you are more familiar with.” We waited patiently.
“One hundred and two point three miles per hour,” the translator squawked.
“That is impressive. I need those. Is there a hauling platform they can tow?” I asked, looking at a gravity sled tank in the distance.
Blob tapped on her translator, muttered some words, and then smiled. A hovering platform descended from the roof to land in front of us.
“We will proceed on this going forward. I refuse to slug my way across this floor for hours,” Blob said with a wink. I didn’t find her pun that humorous, but it was a valiant effort.
“Okay, a tour of the bestselling tanks, please. Do you have more that can be brought? How does that work for you?” Torrez asked, hopping directly onto the platform behind Blob. A few steps up a side loading staircase let me join them before we lifted into the air.
“We have four stalls on this Xgate. We tend to always store inventory inside the Xgate between trading markets. I have a full inventory list here,” Blob said, and zapped a catalogue to both our translators. “Basically, we produce more than we sell. We return unsold products into raw materials to keep the cycle going. When you have been at this for as long as we have, you rarely have a zero-inventory day. If you do zero out our tank inventory, then we simply shift some manufacturing from less productive models to these.”
The platform shot across the storage room at speeds that should have thrown us from our ride or at least have given us whiplash. When we came to a sudden halt, I felt that our momentum should have jerked us forward off our feet. Neither happened, causing me to smirk.
“This has dampeners? Do all your creations—”
“Of course!” Blob said in a great saleswoman tone of voice. “These are relatively expensive compared to other models. They have climate control, force dampeners, internal element control guaranteed to match the atmosphere of our client’s homeworld, contouring seating that fits most species, and even extra storage. There are also many attachments for these AGPT63 models, or as you called them, gravity sled tanks. You can also add a second or third optional turret for extra firepower—at the expense of other systems, of course.”
One of Blob’s eye stalks rotated to look right at me. “To answer your question, yes, one of the options does include a towing package. We make gravity sled trailer models for moving creatures within enclosures, there is a flatbed model for stackable loading, and even a model with fixed walls to pile loose items into.” She paused with what vaguely resembled a frown, “while the dampeners are good, there is no perfect means to stop overly violent maneuvers.”
“Goodbye, trucks,” I muttered, an idea popping into my head. I called up a breakdown of our electric trucks and zapped it to Blob. “We have these already. Should we turn them into scrap and buy yours, or convert them?”
“You realize I’m the wrong Sluggero to ask? I, of course, will tell to scrap them and buy ours. Even though I freely admit my opinion is biased, you should believe me. These use batteries that corrode over time, are ineffective, and, well, they’re don’t run on elemental generators. That alone is reason enough to scrap them. These vehicles have no offensive capabilities, another major fault. They will not handle the transition between Xgates that are not locked down without significant risk. They have many weak points vulnerable to numerous types of incoming fire. Should I continue?” Blob asked.
I sighed, “I have hundreds of these I would have to replace. And this tank only carries one being,” I said.
“Well, this is a machine of war. It carries the lowest risk to reward ratio, as many like to term it. You use one tank, you only need one pilot. If, on the other hand, you want an armored personnel carrier with some light armaments, I also have many of those. Let me finish showing this tank to you before we dive into other vehicle types,” Blob said. The tank lifted off from the floor, up to our eye level. “As you can see, this antigravity sled can extend its elevation. There are several factors that influence how high it can go. These include: gravity density, power generation, elemental density in the atmosphere, the weight of crew and supplies, etc. We try to simplify our creations, but universal rules prohibit some shortcuts. You will not find a better solo tank for this price.”
“Is there a height limit?” Torrez asked while scratching the back of his neck in thought.
“No, if you equip a gravity sled tank with fifty generators, technically, it becomes a flying tank. We have aircraft, though, so don’t buy this for that. For this unit, the cabin is nearly a ten-foot-cubed box. Your actual measurement scale is calibrated to your feet? Ha!” The slug jiggled with a chortle. “Who uses an appendage to measure distance? Anyway, it is nearly ten Sluggero dicks in height.” A long laugh caused her to stop talking for a while. She let out a long gurgling exhale before she resumed her sales pitch. When she was ready, she continued. “You get into that box and the science does the rest. So easy a cavern goop can use it.”
I rolled my eyes, still chuckling myself. “So, it goes fast, is a deluxe version, and is not overly expensive?”
“Oh, you are wrong on the last account. While quite fast, this is a premium model—it is expensive. A piece of armament only comes cheap when it is looted from a battlefield. I do not sell used armaments, however, for numerous reasons. Your loot numbers and the fact you're using ancient technology tell me you’re a new addition to our invisible master’s quarantine. So, you will struggle to afford—”
“We have nearly unlimited zinc below our fortifications,” I said, interrupting Blob.
“Then we will become trading partners, of sorts. Who sent you to me?” Blob asked.
“I am not at liberty to say, unfortunately,” I said, hoping that would be enough. “You were highly recommended, though, and I can see the reason why. How many of these can we buy?”
“So, you can get two of these for each of those trucks you showed me. Give or take,” Blob said.
I struggled to control my facial expression.
“I see your delight at replacing outdated trucks for tanks. That is the power of new technology—we make more from less.” Blob blew another raspberry, “Those old devices will convert down splendidly. If I was allowed, I would authorize direct trades. Alas, we are regulated to zinc.”
I checked her inventory sheet while she talked. There were fourteen thousand AGPT63s in inventory. My jaw dropped. Okay. Our community was never going to be the same. I was sick of the wooden homes, the slow transportation, and the thousands of inadequacies we faced every day. It was time we stepped up our game.
“Based on a human's weight, a high nitrogen count, and a 9.8 m/s gravity… can these gravity sled tanks fly at an above-ground altitude of twenty feet for an extended period? Or would that require a smaller sled with extra power?” I asked, sending Blob an image of Xgate 232 with its rocky terrain and sporadic pines.
“Yes, that would be well within their parameters, with no extra power required beyond a standard nitrogen generator. I take it you are interested?” Blob asked.
“I want bigger tanks too. These will become our light units. Please excuse me for just a moment, I need to contact a few people real quick,” I said to Blob.
I sent a message over the command net.
“Ranking officer in storage, please respond.” - Cap
“Go for DD.” - Deluxe Duke Jevon
“Keep piling in loot. Our vehicle purchases are going to be epic. I want
to convert a lot into zinc. Almost everything, in fact.” - Cap
“Roger, Cap. Will keep filling the shelves with converted goods.” - Deluxe Duke Jevon
“Well, I tapped this bank out. I’ll need more help converting.” - Queen Willow
“Mrs. Moore is holding down my storage section. OMW to the closest bank.” -Jacky
“Keep up the good work.” - Cap
With that taken care of, I pulled my attention from my gpad. Torrez was busy on a calculator. I peered over his shoulder and asked, “Torrez, have you been crunching the numbers?”
“For the AGPT63s, yeah, that one is easy. Willow liquidated a lot into zinc. Now that we have a balance sheet in zinc, I can compare things properly. We’re rich right now. Even with the current loot conversion incomplete, and lots of loot still to convert, we can buy five hundred of these and be fine,” Torrez said.
Blob’s face contorted into a horrific smile, of sorts. “We do offer bulk discounts, not much, but it adds up. How about we go take a look at the eight seaters? It is similar to the AGPT63, just eight times bigger with a communal cabin. There are many different armament packages with which this model can be outfitted. The unit uses three power plants to the AGPT63’s one. These will not hover, however, over obstacles like trees with ease unless you add additional nitrogen generators paired with a stock oxygen injector. You can increase the power plan from three up to five generators before you need to add a towed sled. Would I recommend a sled with stacked power plants? No. Will you ask for one anyway? Highly likely.”
The platform zipped across the warehouse to a large tank. It had a long central turret, with two side turrets with swivel seating. The hull was a series of hard angles meant to be beam reflective, if I had to guess. The front was narrow and slender, the rear boxy with armaments. There were loading ramps on either side. The design reminded me of a ship somehow.
“I want these as our core movers,” I said to Torrez. “The AGPT63s will be for our QRF and these as the backbone of our forces.” My grin split my face near in two. These were killing machines and I was excited to test them out. “Take us to the smaller mech suits, please.”