by Jet MacLeod
She ran her hand across the scar on Del’s back. It was just above her ass and it wrapped her hip. Del could feel the tenderness and tentativeness in her touch.
“Did you kill him?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Did he suffer?” Angie asked.
“Depends on your definition of suffering,” Del answered truthfully.
“Did you torture him?”
“No, I didn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that. I refused.”
“Good.”
“Angie, why do you want to know?” Del questioned.
“I want to know why you are the way you are.”
“I’ve already told you the answer to that.”
“Because you were trained, I know. But, there is more to it than that. These scars tell a story of a woman who has given of herself time and again for a country that will never know of her sacrifice. Your eyes tell me that you are scared to feel because you don’t want to be hurt again. I can understand that. But, you carry a double standard in your brain, Del and I think that it scares you more than your own emotions,” Angie explained.
“Meaning?”
“You felt something for Yulia and you believed that she felt something for you in return. But, she betrayed you. She tried to kill you and in the end, you would have left her because you had to do it. It was the mission. She was just a pawn in a political game and you were the willing knight put in harm’s way and asked to sacrifice part of yourself in the process. Somewhere in your thinking, you never thought that she would hurt you. It was a deadly game of chess, but unfortunately, your king didn’t realize that he was putting you against their queen.”
“That is an interesting analogy,” Del told her.
“And, when the king saw that you were about to fall, he sent a bishop in to save the knight.”
“Cole,” Del said.
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“But, yet, you don’t understand that you were playing with fire to begin with.”
“Meaning?” Del asked her.
“You were going to get burned no matter the outcome,” Angie explained and rolled away.
Chapter 18
Del woke up cold. She reached out across the bed to find Angie. She rolled over and Angie was nowhere to be seen. She immediately went into panic mode. It was…she stared at the clock, now eight o’clock. How long had Angie been gone? She didn’t have time to plan. She had to react. She tore across the room and snagged on her jeans. She ripped the tattered shirt she’d been sleeping off her torso and replaced it with a sports bra and a wife beater. She grabbed a thin jacket like blazer that was hanging over a chair and shrugged it on.
Her mind began to race. She reached over to the bed and picked up the Glock, hoping to whatever deity that she didn’t have to fight to get Angie back. She tried to calculate distances in her head when the door to the room opened. Del turned to the door with her pistol in hand, ready for whatever came through it, bracing for anything. She almost didn’t realize that it was Angie.
Angie came in with a smile on her face, until she saw the gun. She carried a plate of assorted bagels and some fruit on hand. In the other, she carried some smuggled up cream cheese. She gave Del a look as she walked over to the table.
Del dropped to the end of the bed, sitting on the edge, with the pistol still in her hand. She took in two deep breaths and tried to calm her heart. She stared over at Angie, who looked entirely too rested and beautiful in a pair of flared jeans and a white Gap, Inc. t-shirt. Del met her questioning sky blue eyes and let out a sigh. She dropped the pistol on the bed and stood up.
“I got breakfast.”
“I see that.”
“I think that the appropriate answer here is: Thank you, Angie.”
“You left the room and didn’t tell me and you want me to tell you thank you for that?”
“Okay, well, when you say it like that…”
“Angie…”
“I was just trying to be nice. I didn’t think that anything major would happen while I was getting a bagel. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
Del shook her head and sighed, again. Her heart finally back to a normal pace, she walked to the table. She wanted to take Angie in her arms. She wanted to make her understand that she didn’t have the same freedoms that she once did. Del rubbed her face with her hand and then started to rub her temples in order to fend off the headache she was afraid that she would develop.
“Del?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal,” Angie explained.
“I know.”
“Sit down,” Angie commanded.
Del’s head shot up and she burned her gaze into her azure eyes. So many thoughts ran through Del’s eyes and Angie could see them all. She saw the horrified scenarios that Del’s brain thought up in the few minutes that she was gone. She didn’t understand fully the aspect of the pain behind the thoughts, but she could appreciate the fact that Del had been devastated briefly by her absence. Angie stood up from the table and guided her into a seat.
“I am sorry. Eat something. Please,” Angie begged.
The words were not lost on Del. The placating gestures, the sadness in her eyes, and the tone of her voice almost made her break. She wanted to take Angie into her arms and make sure that she was okay, verify that she was just the same as she had been before she’d gone to bed the night before. She felt Del sigh against her arms as she allowed Angie to put her in a chair.
“Angie, you can’t do that again.”
“I know.”
“I am serious,” Del told her.
“I understand.”
“What if something had happened?”
“I was fine.”
“But, what if…”
“Del, calm down. I am okay. I am right here. I am fine. Nothing happened.”
Angie said the words over and over, but she could tell that Del just didn’t hear them. Her mind was too far behind her emotions. The pain of the possible loss of Angie crossed her face like someone had hit her in the gut. Del bent forward and braced herself against the table. She didn’t want Angie to see her this way, but she was afraid to move. Her body wouldn’t respond to her commands the way that she wanted them to. And, then she saw it…
Angie’s face transformed in front of her. The beautiful blonde’s face was replaced by a sinister grin and the image of that fateful AK flashed before her eyes. She was losing herself to the memories. Before she could stop herself she spoke out to Yulia.
“Nyet, nyet, pozhaluysta, nyet ... prosti menya ... Ya dolzhen byl ... prosti menya”
“Del…”
“Nyet, Yulia, nyet…”
“Del…” Angie called her name trying to bring her back to the present.
She knew what flashbacks were. She knew Del might have them. And, she understood that Del might not be able to control herself in those situations. She wasn’t going to lose Del to a memory. She was going to help her fight back. She owed her that much by Del taking her case.
“Chomu vy ne hovoryte meni , shchovy buly Pryvyd Kyyevi?”
“Nyet, Del, nyet. I am Angela March. I am not Yulia.”
“Lies!”
“Del…”
Del shot up from the table. She grabbed Angie by the throat and before she realized what she was doing, she had Angie against the wall. Her normally soft chestnut eyes were a dark roasted coffee and full of anger and pain.
Angie slowly reached up and grabbed Del’s hands. She wrapped her fingers around Del’s wrist and felt her fingers lose their tension around her throat. She didn’t say anything. She just kept her gaze locked onto Del’s. She could only hope that her eyes could tell Del what she needed to hear. There were no words to help her, and Angie knew that.
Angie kept her hands on Del’s arms. She saw Del searching her face and eyes for any sign of betrayal. Amazingly, Angie wasn’t flipp
ing out. If they had been in New York, Angie was sure that she would have kneed Del in the crotch and called it a day. But, that was then. Now weeks later, she had seen beneath the armor of the hardened and scarred woman.
“Del…” she stated breaking their silence.
“Nyet, you do not get to call me that. How do you know my name? Tell me that, Yulia. How do you know my name? When were you going to tell me? You could have trusted me. I could have helped you. I didn’t know that you were the ‘Ghost of Kiev.’ They thought it was your father. Why didn’t you tell me?” Del begged the apparition.
“Nyet, Del. I am not Yulia. I am Angie or Emily. Look at me. Look into my eyes, Del, and see me. I am the one standing before you.”
“Why are you lying to me? Nyet, nyet, I will not believe these lies. You tried to kill me.”
“No, I didn’t,” Angie replied.
“Thirty times…you shot me thirty times.”
“It wasn’t me, Delia.”
“You could have given me the same favor that I gave your father.”
“What was that?”
“One bullet to the head, but no, you had to prove a point. To who though? To me? I would have helped you. I would have erased the evidence. I loved you, damn it. Why?”
“Because you loved me…”
Del let her go. She stood there staring at Angie, but she only saw Yulia. Angie didn’t know what made her start answering for the dead woman, but it seemed to making Del stand down some.
Del sat down on the edge of the bed again. It sagged more from her internal and mental demons than from her weight. Angie stayed leaning against the wall, wondering what she should do, now. She could hear Del start cry. She could see how the sobs wracked her body, but still Angie didn’t move. She wanted to say something, touch her, comfort her, but she didn’t know how.
Suddenly, Del’s body language changed. Her slumped body became rigid. She sat back. She wiped the tears from her eyes. Angie could see that they had returned back to their softer chestnut, but there was something else behind it. A darkness flared behind them that gave Angie cause to wonder and pause.
She watched as Del’s eyes roamed her body. As they raked across her form, she watched her pupils dilate and retract over and over. She knew the exact moment that Del’s eyes saw the marks on her neck that were inevitably there from her own hands. She saw the question in Del’s eyes as Del paused to stare at the bruised flesh. Angie unconsciously reached up and rubbed her neck, which only drew further attention to it. When she realized what she had done, she let out a breath that she didn’t know that she had been holding, but she never wavered from Del’s gaze.
“Angie…Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa,” Del said, quietly, shattering the silence.
She stood up from the bed. She glanced around the room not really seeing anything. There she was falling back into her soldier mentality. It was a safe haven for her and Angie was sure that it was the only way that she felt like home. Angie could see the sadness and sorrow starting to break through her mental road blocks. Del was breaking a little more each day that they were together. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. She knew that Del would never mean to hurt her on purpose. Her entire being gave into her self-worth and drive which sole purpose was to keep Angie alive and get her back to New York as soon as they knew the court date.
“Angie…” Del started, but Angie could see her retreating, trying to find a way out and thinking of a suitable punishment for her actions.
Angie could read her face like a book, but her body told a different story. She took two strides towards Angie before the physical want to run tried to take over. Angie watched as her body and her mind collided two steps away from her and the wall. She leaned off the wall and took a tentative step towards Del. When Del didn’t back up, she took another.
The questioning look in Del’s eyes betrayed her strength in that moment. Angie knew that she could destroy her with words and fists, but her heart leapt towards the woman instead. She wanted to heal the pain that she had suffered during her “creation.”
“Angie…”
She could hear the emotions trembling through the wavering voice, but it didn’t deter her. Instead the shakiness of Del’s voice, the questioning in her eyes, and rigidity of her body only made Angie even more determined to soften Del. She took a small step forward and met her eye to eye, almost nose to nose. She knew that her closeness caused her some distraction. She knew that Del would never give into the temptation that was her own body. She had been burned too many times in the past to actually let go.
“Angie…”
“Hush, Del. I am fine. Touch me if you need to,” Angie said taking her trembling hands in her own and placing Del’s shaking right hand above her heart.
She felt Del’s body gasp more than she heard it. Del stared at her hand, dark tan against the alabaster of Angie’s skin. She felt the subtle thudding of her heart under her fingertips. Her eyes shot up to cobalt when Angie’s heart sped up at the extended contact. Angie could feel her fingers tighten, like she wanted to hold Angie’s heart to prove to herself that she was actually okay.
Before she realized what she was doing, Del lifted her left hand and cupped Angie’s cheek. She held her so gently. She showed her a reverence that Angie only dreamed of, conveying every ounce of compassion that Del could muster with the tips of her fingers and the fire in her eyes. Angie leaned into the caress, because it couldn’t be called anything else.
It seemed like time slowed and the world was forgotten for a few brief moments between them. The fire in their eyes wasn’t the only thing ready to combust. Angie knew the second that Del was about to pull away. The fire seemed to dissipate just a little and she could feel the tension building in Del’s fingertips just above her heart. Angie reached up with her hand and trapped Del’s where it was.
Angie waited for Del’s mocha eyes to meet her own. When they did, she knew that Del wanted to run as far and as fast as she could from her. Angie scared her as much as Del scared her. She knew that if she didn’t act quickly, she would lose the moment and courage to act on it.
Swiftly, Angie snaked her left hand from holding Del’s hand against her heart to the back of her head. Her right hand shot up and grabbed the blazer that Del was wearing, pulling her into her own body and holding her tightly. Her lips were soft and tasted sweet as she crashed her own against hers. Her mind exploded into a thousand pieces at the contact, but none of the red flags that were flying in her mind stopped the kiss. She sank into it further, demanding more, from Del and taking all that Del was willing to give her in that moment.
It wasn’t a strictly passionate kiss. It wasn’t angry or sad. It was raw and pure emotion between them both. There were no teasing words as their lips slid over each other.
But just as soon as it started, it stopped. Del pulled away, seemingly coming to her respectable senses. Her body was on fire and the predatory look that Angie was giving her in that moment was enough to break down more of the walls that Angie’s kindness had slowly been sledging at.
“Angie…”
“Shut up, Del,” she told her, pulling her back to her mouth.
This time she wasn’t going to let Del end the kiss until she was good and ready for it to end. Every time that she would try to pull away, Angie only held her firmer by the lapels of the blazer. She was tired of teasing and the innuendo. She needed Del to understand how much she actually appreciated her services. Even if they never went to bed, for sex, together, Angie would have this kiss. She would know that she took the chance and that she didn’t back down. Even though somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that once they got back to New York, they would lose each other to the City again and they would part. She would have this moment and she hoped that it would be enough for both of them in the end to realize that they meant something to each other more than a witness and a bodyguard.
Del wasn’t sure what was going on with her brain. It had been four years and sh
e had regained some of her control. There was just something about Angie that made her forget it. At that moment, she didn’t care. It was just amazing to feel Angie’s mouth against hers. Something took over in her and she didn’t care. She didn’t want the feeling to end. She was almost willing to give into the temptation and give up some of her control to Angie. It was a dangerous thought and as soon as she thought it, she regretted it. She knew she did care, but Angie’s kiss would let her forget and let her lose herself in the emotions that she was so careful to keep in check.
Angie wasn’t sure what possessed her to kiss Del but she was happy that it did. She was just as mesmerized as Del in that moment, but she wasn’t prepared for Del’s reaction. Nothing from her experience with the hardened assassin could have predicted her next move.
Del picked Angie up and pressed her against the wall, again. She never broke the kiss. Angie moaned at the movement and continued contact. She couldn’t believe that Del hadn’t let her go. From the position that she was in, Angie wrapped her legs around Del’s waist. She took Angie’s weight and was grateful for the wall, because she didn’t think that she would be able to hold both of them up for very long as her knees went weak.
Angie deepened the kiss, thrusting her tongue against Del’s mouth. She opened her mouth to allow her entrance. Angie was getting drunk on Del’s kiss when she felt her moan into it.
As soon as the sound left Del’s mouth, she reacted. She knew that kissing Angie was wrong. She knew that she couldn’t fall for Angie. It wasn’t going to make the mission any easier. She needed to stop this, but she didn’t want to stop kissing Angie. She leaned further into Angie’s waiting body. She could feel her respond.
Angie was enjoying it, completely. She didn’t care that she could feel Del starting to pull away. She raised her hand from around Del’s neck and caressed her cheek. She felt Del sigh. She was happy when she didn’t pull away. Instead, Del hiked her up, again, and pulled her away from the wall. She walked over to the table and set Angie on it.
Del was fighting her brain on both sides. Part of her wanted to continue kissing Angie and part of her wanted to run out the door. Angie could feel Del’s trouble and she was the one that finally broke the kiss. She pulled back just enough to look into her troubled eyes.